


The Boys of Summer

by Siancore



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky's an Asshole, Emotional Abuse, First Love, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied Violence, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Racism, Mutual Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels Like They Need to Clear the Air, Sam Wilson is Confused and That's OKay, Sam's Just Might Be an Asshole Too, Sambucky Angst, They're Not Really Assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 84,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22324993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siancore/pseuds/Siancore
Summary: Sam Wilson returns home to the small town he grew up in to complete his med school residency. He hasn’t been back for an extended amount of time since he left for college. While he only consistently kept in touch with childhood friend, Steve Rogers, he was keen to see the people he had grown up with. With the exception of Bucky Barnes. They had a falling out the summer before Sam left for college.What happened between them? Can they move past it now that they’re adults?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 583
Kudos: 358





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avintagekiss24](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avintagekiss24/gifts).



> I wrote this as a prompt fill, but I missed the mark, so I changed it to stand alone. It was pieces of a prompt about Bucky being a bit of an outcast who everyone thinks is trouble, and Sam who is the son of a preacher and a bit of a goody two shoes, but evolved into something else.

It really didn’t matter how long you stayed away from your hometown; some things never changed. Sam Wilson felt it as soon as he took a drive around before heading to his family’s home. The stoplight on Main Street was still five seconds too slow to change from red to green; bored kids still tossed pebbles in the water fountain in the Civic Park; and Saturday night was still the most fun part of the weekends.

“What time will you be home?” asked Sam’s mother, Darlene, as she leaned against the doorjamb of his old bedroom. They kept it the same way he had left it when he went off to college.

“Not sure,” said Sam, as he checked his reflection. “I’ll probably just stay at Steve’s, Mama. You don’t have to wait up or anything like that.”

“Alright,” she said. “Just be careful.”

“It’ll be fine,” said Sam, as he walked over and kissed Darlene’s cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she replied as she smoothed down Sam’s shirt. “Have fun.”

…..

As Steve and Sam rode in the taxi to the bar, Steve turned to Sam to make his admission.

“I gotta tell you something, but you gotta promise not to get pissed at me,” said Steve.

“Oh, lord, Rogers,” said Sam. “What is it?”

“The bar we’re goin’ to.”

“What about it?”

“Bucky works there.”

“Oh, great,” said Sam as he shook his head.

“Look, he’s my friend, too,” said Steve. “And he used to be yours.”

“Not anymore,” said Sam, as he scrolled through his phone.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you,” Sam lifted his head at Steve’s words. He was sure Barnes would have told Steve _everything_. Sam was a little surprised to learn that he hadn’t. “But it’s been years. Can you just be civil to one another for one night, for me?”

“Hey, I’m as civil as they come,” said Sam. “It’s Barnes you gotta worry about.”

“I already told him we were coming.”

“Cool, so I’m the last to know,” said Sam. “Thanks for springing it on me on the ride over, man.”

“I knew you wouldn’t come if I told you beforehand,” said Steve.

“Damn right,” Sam replied.

“Please, Sammy, just be nice for one night,” said Steve. “You’re only here for your summer res. And I miss having my two best friends around without feeling like I’m picking and choosing between you both, so can you put whatever it is that happened between you when you were kids aside? Please?”

“Fine,” said Sam. “But I’m doin’ this for you, not him.”

Steve smiled widely and then clapped a hand to Sam’s shoulder, before saying, “Thank you, buddy.”

…..

Standing on the stage with a band behind him, and a sheen of sweat on his brow, Bucky Barnes was eyeing the crowd as the song came to a coda. It was a good turnout, like most Saturdays, but filled with regulars. He often alternated between working the bar and singing a few songs with the house band. He was three songs in when he noticed them walk in.

Steve’s bright smile was unmissable, as he waved at his friend. Bucky held his beer bottle up in greeting, before sipping from it and placing it to the floor of the stage. He needed to calm his breathing down, from the song he had just performed, and from the sight of Sam Wilson looking a little awkward, but mostly fuckin’ sexy. Of course, he was wearing a nice dress shirt and slacks to a dive bar. Of course, he was, Bucky thought, with his stuck-up ass. His lips turned up into a little smile when Sam finally noticed him as they reached the bar and placed their order.

“Ho-ly _shit._ Look what the cat dragged in,” Bucky said into the mic as he squinted his eyes and glanced across the floor. “Sam fuckin’ Wilson. What the hell is the preacher’s son doin’ in this dump?”

Sam shook his head, already regretting letting Steve talk him into it, as he raised his hand to wave unenthusiastically at Barnes before the bar staff slid their drinks over.

“You’re lookin’ good, Wilson,” said Bucky with a crooked smile, knowing it would annoy Sam.

Someone let out a wolf whistle.

“Hey asshole,” said Bucky to the crowd, with a smile. “Keep your eyes and hands to yourself. I got dibs on him since I saw him first. Just kiddin’, he ain’t really like that, ya know.”

Someone shouted _boooo_ and Sam felt his face grow warm. Bucky lifted his gaze back to where Sam and Steve were standing. His eyes met Sam’s and for a moment he regretted giving him shit about things that happened between them years ago.

“Anyways,” said Bucky, as he adjusted the microphone stand. “Welcome back, Wilson. Drinks’re on me. And, uh, this one’s for you. The rest of you can sing along if you know it, you ugly bastards.”

He turned to the band to inform them of which song to play and then looked back at Sam. When the drums and guitar riff kicked in, the crowd cheered. People swayed side-to-side as others raised their hands and drinks. Bucky closed his eyes a minute, and then opened them when he began to sing. Sam took a swig from his beer and then slid down into a chair.

“You okay?” asked Steve.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “I’m great.”

“He’s just playin’ around,” said Steve.

“He plays too fuckin’ much,” said Sam as his eyes found Bucky’s. The glow of the stage lights made him look radiant as he sang. Sam chided himself for thinking so.

Bucky’s gaze burned into Sam and he felt annoyed with him, but warm all over. And when Bucky sang the next line, while looking directly at Sam, it was almost too much.

“I never will forget those nights,” Bucky crooned. “I wonder if it was a dream. Remember how you made me crazy? Remember how I made you scream? But I don’t understand what happened to our love, but baby when I get you back, I’m gonna show you what I’m made of.”

Sam felt his stomach do flips and his heartrate speed up.

“I can see you,” the crowd sang along loudly with Bucky, as he continued to direct his words at Sam. “Your brown skin shinin’ in the sun. I see walkin’ real slow and you’re smilin’ at everyone. I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone.”

When there was a lull in the singing, Bucky bobbed his along to the beat. He ran his fingers through his long hair, wiping the tresses away from his face as he offered smiles to his audience, who were just as mesmerized with him as Sam was pretending not to be. Sam swallowed more of his drink and kept his eyes on Bucky, who sang directly to him once again.

“…I thought I knew what love was, what did I know?” he sang, and Sam thought a moment that he looked genuinely pained. “But those days are gone forever. I should just let ‘em go but…I can see you. Your brown skin shinin’ in the sun. You got the top pulled down and the radio on, baby. I can tell you my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone.”

Sam didn’t wait for the next line of the song. He placed his bottle down, stood, and said to Steve, “Be back in a sec. Gotta piss.”

Bucky’s eyes followed Sam as he made his way to the bathroom. The sound of the band and the cheering revellers was muted when Sam stepped behind the bathroom door. He looked at himself in the mirror and then splashed his face with some water, before using a paper towel to wipe the water away. He could do this. He could get through this one night with Steve while being around Bucky. He could do it. He could.

It had been years, literal years, since he had seen Bucky Barnes, and he still had the ability to overwhelm Sam. To unsettle Sam; to make Sam feel things he didn’t want to feel. And maybe Sam liked it. Maybe he was just too chickenshit to admit it, even now.

By the time Sam had finished trying to pull himself together and exited the bathroom, a pretty redhead had taken over for Bucky and was belting out the rock anthems. Steve was gone from where Sam had left him, so Sam checked his phone. There was a text from Steve telling him to meet out the front. Sam let out a sigh and made his way through the crowd until he stepped out into the freshness of the cool night air.

He saw Steve sitting at one of the tables provided for smokers; Barnes sat atop said table, with a beer in one hand and a joint in the other. He turned his head to Sam when Steve waved him over. Bucky stood up and gave Sam a warm smile.

“Welcome back, Wilson,” he said, extending his hand to Sam.

Sam shook it and said, “Hey, man.”

Bucky took a pull of his joint and then held it out to Sam.

“No thanks, dude,” Sam proffered.

Bucky raised an eyebrow.

“Still uptight, eh?” Bucky questioned, before taking another pull as he sat back down.

“Nah, man,” said Sam. “I’m just not some dumbass kid giving in to peer pressure.”

“Right, got it,” said Bucky in a sarcastic manner as he drank more of his beer before turning to Steve. “Well, man, this has been _interesting._ But I gotta get back to it. Wanna head back in?”

“Okay,” said Steve. “You comin’ Sammy?”

“Yeah,” said Sam. Bucky was already walking toward the door. “I just need a minute.”

Steve nodded and made his way to the entry. Sam sat and watched as Bucky opened the door for Steve, letting him in first, before he turned to give Sam an unreadable look.

…..

_Thirteen Years Ago_

_The words were not really registering to Sam as he sat with his head down in the principal’s office. He knew his father was disappointed with him; he knew he was going to get a swift spanking when he got home and most likely be grounded. That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was he knew his father would say he would have to stay away from Steve and Bucky. Sam didn’t want to stay away from them. They were his best friends. But he was caught smoking under the bleachers with them, and Bucky, as everyone said, was a bad influence._

_“Where did the cigarettes come from?” asked the principal; the boys did not answer._

_“Samuel,” said his father Paul. “Speak up now and tell the truth.”_

_Sam sat quietly, not wanting to rat Bucky out. He was already in enough trouble at school. Sam and Steve could afford a detention or two, Bucky probably couldn’t. Sam went to say something, but Bucky interjected._

_“I got the cigarettes,” he admitted._

_“Where’d you get them from, James?” asked the principal._

_“Stole ‘em from my Ma’s purse,” Bucky proffered. “Sammy and Stevie had nothin’ to do with it. Was my fault.”_

_“I appreciate you telling the truth, James,” the principal said. “But Sam and Steve were caught smoking them as well. So, you’re all getting detention for the next three weeks. Sam and Steve, you really shouldn’t give in to peer pressure. Just because your friends want you to do something you know is wrong, it doesn’t mean you go and do it. And James, I’m disappointed in you. Once again, you’re in trouble and getting other students involved. You should know better.”_

_Bucky dipped his head as he bounced his leg up and down. He glanced down at Sam’s shoe next to his, before nudging it with his own; Sam nudged him back._

_“You’re all free to go,” said the principal. “Except you, James. You’ll stay back and help pick up trash out on the field.”_

_They all stood. Sam turned to Bucky, ready to say goodbye, when his father spoke._

_“Come on, Sam,” he said sternly. “You’re not to talk to this boy anymore.”_

_They shared a plaintive look as Sam was led out of the office and Bucky awaited his punishment._

_Present Day_

Sam wasn’t sure what time it was when he, Steve, Barnes, and the members of the house band ended up back at Steve’s place. Somehow, they made up their minds to get beers-to-go from the bar and decided to keep partying. Sam didn’t usually drink a lot, but the alcohol helped him to feel less awkward around Bucky. It helped to cool his skin from where Bucky’s searing gaze had been all night.

The redhead, named Nat, sat with Sam on the sofa and chatted. Steve was busy being a good host, bringing snacks and filling drinks. Bucky sat on the floor while the guitarist, whose name Sam forgot, sat in a chair behind him played with his hair, tying it into ponytails, braiding it, and letting it loose only to start over again.

Sam couldn’t help but glance over at them every so often. He wondered what was going on between them. He vaguely thought about what it would feel like to run his own fingers through Barnes’ hair. It was shorter now than Sam remembered, but still too long to have a decent job, as his father would think. When he did look at their display, his gaze always met Barnes’.

Bucky sipped from his drink and tapped his hand on his jeans-clad thigh in time with the beat of the music. He stared at Sam, who stared back at him as he mouthed the words to the song playing in the background.

_I wanna fuck you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside._

Sam shifted in his seat, unable to look away from Barnes.

_I wanna fuck you like an animal. My whole existence in flawed; you get me closer to God._

When Bucky licked his lips and smiled at Sam in that cocky fucking way that he did, Sam felt like all of the air in the room was suddenly gone. He needed to get out of there. He couldn’t spend another moment in there with Barnes looking at him like that. He excused himself and got up. Bucky watched him head in the direction of the bathroom.

…..

Sam swayed as he looked at himself in the mirror. He really did have too much to drink. He was going to feel it in church in the morning. Could he miss church? The first service since he was back home? No, he couldn’t, considering his father was the minister and people would be looking at him with judgement.

That was one of the things that Sam did not miss about home; the nosy-ass people of the town who had nothing better to do than gossip and judge others. It was one of the reasons Sam was so glad to leave for college. He just wanted to live his life on his terms. Not being seen as the preacher’s son; not having to live up to ridiculous standards. Moving was the best thing he had done, and now that he was back, for the time being, he was going to keep living his life on his terms. If he turned up to his father’s sermon with a fuckin’ hangover, then so be it. Maybe it was the booze making him feel brave and defiant, but he was done letting others, especially his father, dictate how he lived his life.

Just then, he was shaken from his reverie by the door of the bathroom opening.

“I’m in here,” he said too late, even though he was not using the toilet.

“I know,” said a familiar voice: It was Barnes.

“Don’t you know how to knock?” asked Sam, as he turned to face the other man while leaning against the vanity to steady himself.

“Don’t you know how to lock the door?” Bucky retorted causing Sam to roll his eyes.

Bucky leaned against the door, and Sam rested against the vanity, each staring at the other and not saying anything until Sam spoke up. He couldn’t handle another moment of the thick tension between them.

“What d’you want, Barnes?”

“Stevie said I had to come in here to smoke this,” he said, holding up a freshly rolled joint. “You mind?”

Sam shrugged and said, “Nah, do what you gotta do.”

Bucky placed the joint between his lips and Sam watched as he lit it. The flash of the lighter’s flame looked pretty against Bucky’s skin and Sam found himself staring. Bucky drew the smoke in, held his breath, and then exhaled, aiming it away from Sam. It was easy being with Bucky behind closed doors; away from prying eyes. The alcohol coursing through Sam certainly helped him to feel more relaxed. He really didn’t want to be at odds with him. After all, they did used to be friends.

“Ya know, the last time I smoked was with you,” said Sam, surprising Bucky.

Bucky squinted his eyes, took another pull, and then said, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, that was what? Seven or eight years ago?” asked Bucky.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“I thought drugs were rife on college campuses, man,” Bucky laughed.

“I don’t know,” said Sam. “I don’t hang out with the cool kids anymore. It’s med school, not Coachella.”

“Whatever, dude,” Bucky replied with a grin. “You want some or what?”

Sam looked at the joint, and then back at Bucky’s lips; were they always that pink and soft looking?

“You don’t have to touch it,” said Bucky, picking up on Sam’s hesitance, and interest, as he stepped toward him; his voice was low and caused a shiver to snake through Sam’s body. He was always good at reading him. He always knew how to coax Sam’s desires from him. He always knew just what to say. “We can do it like we used to.”

Sam felt his heart rate spike.

“We still talkin’ about the weed?” asked Sam, noting how Bucky’s voice sounded like it was dripping with sexual inuendo; it caused him to discreetly swallow hard.

“Sure,” said Bucky, with a playful glint in his eyes. “Unless you’re talkin’ about somethin’ else, because, shit Wilson, either way is fuckin’ fine by me.”

Sam regarded Bucky once more, before clearing his throat and saying, “Just shotgun me, asshole.”

Bucky smiled, and closed the distance between them. He brought the joint to his mouth and took a long pull before he leaned in close to Sam. He placed his hand to the vanity and caged Sam in, before bringing his lips nearer to Sam’s. Sam opened his mouth, just as Bucky blew the smoke between both of their lips. Sam inhaled the smoke and closed his eyes, before blowing it out.

He stayed that way for a while, as Bucky inched back a little to stare at him. He was fucking divine, Bucky mused as he took in Sam’s appearance; he used to be a cute boy when they were teens, but he was a beautiful man, now. He wanted to lean forward and kiss him, but he thought the better of it. Didn’t want to do anything that would make Sam turn and run away from him like they were kids again. Instead, he tried to focus on getting Sam to stay; he steadied himself and then spoke.

“You okay?” he asked, causing Sam to open his eyes.

“Yeah, dude,” said Sam with the hint of a smile on his lips. “I’m good.”

“Want s’more?” asked Bucky, with hope.

  
“Sure,” said Sam. “Fuck it. Might as well.”

Bucky grinned at him, and then took a drag at the joint. He leaned in close once more, close enough that if he shifted forward a fraction, his lips would be touching Sam Wilson’s. When Sam opened his mouth, Bucky blew smoke into it. As Sam inhaled, his bottom lip brushed against Bucky’s and Bucky felt like he was going to melt into a puddle on the floor. He felt a jolt course through his body from the tiny little touch. He didn’t know if Sam felt it, too. He hoped he did. He hoped Sam –

“Oh, shit. My bad. Didn’t mean to interrupt,” said Nat as she tried to close the door she had just barged in through. Sam placed his hand to the center of Bucky’s chest and pushed him back a little, putting distance between them.

“You’re not interrupting, and I gotta go,” said Sam, as he pushed past both of them and left.

“Fuck, Nat, can’t you knock?” said Bucky, annoyed that the moment was ruined.

“Oh, man, I’m sorry,” she replied. “I didn’t realize you were in here. I didn’t know you and Sam were—”

“We weren’t.”

“It looked like you were.”

“We weren’t. Wilson ain’t like that.”

“Oh, really? I could’ve sworn he was queer, too, man. That’s the vibe I was getting earlier.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, shook his head and said, “Well, he says he’s not.”

He passed the joint to Nat, and then turned to leave, before saying, “And that’s the whole fuckin’ problem.”

_Eight years ago_

_“Do you feel funny?” asked Bucky, as he and Sam laid next to one another in the smoke-filled tent._

_“I don’t think so,” Sam replied. “I don’t think the weed’s workin’ on me.”_

_“You gotta give it a second,” said Bucky._

_“Maybe I need some more,” Sam replied._

_Bucky fumbled around and found the joint. He leaned up on his elbow, lit it, and then took a drag, before butting it out again. He then leaned over the top of Sam and brought his lips down close. He placed his hand to the side of Sam’s face to hold him steady as he blew smoke into his mouth. Sam inhaled it, and then blew it out. Bucky was still hovering over him and cupping his jaw._

_“Feel anything now?” Bucky whispered; his breath warm on Sam’s lips._

_Sam stared up at him, noticing how close they really were. Noticing how his body was responding, and not to the drugs, but to Bucky’s proximity._

_“Kind of,” said Sam. “But I dunno, man. I don’t think it’s from the weed.”_

_Bucky stared into Sam’s eyes, thinking they still looked pretty in the harsh light of the camping lamp._

_“Well, fuckin’ tell me what it is,” said Bucky with that cocky grin Sam secretly liked. “Maybe I can help.”_

_Bucky ran his thumb over Sam’s bottom lip, causing the other boy quake. It felt nice. Everything felt nice there with Bucky pressed too close to him; staring at him like that; making him feel things he could not explain._

_Sam looked soft lying there so vulnerable; so sweet. Bucky wanted so badly to kiss him, but he didn’t want to scare him. He stroked his hand down Sam’s face and asked, “You want me to help?”_

_Sam nodded, giving Bucky a tentative smile._

_“What do you need?”_

_“I dunno.”_

_“Can I try somethin’?”_

_“Sure.”_

_A moment of silence passed between them as Bucky plucked up the courage to ask his next question._

_“Hey, Sammy?” asked Bucky, feeling the mood inside the tent shift._

_“Yeah, Buck?”_

_“Can I – can I kiss you?” he all but whispered._

_“Yeah,” said Sam, with a smile. He felt bursts of excitement course through him; felt his tummy do hundreds of little somersaults; felt as if he had waited all of his seventeen years on the planet just to hear Bucky Barnes ask him that. “But kill the light, first.”_

_Bucky smiled a little before switching it off. Then, he took a discreet breath before he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Sam’s lips. It was the nicest kiss he had ever had up to that point. Sam was so nervous and shy, so Bucky took the lead. He coaxed Sam’s mouth open with his tongue and explored cautiously. When Sam kissed him back with the same eagerness, Bucky took it as a sign to proceed. He stroked Sam’s face as their lips and tongues lapped against one another. His hand slid down to Sam’s neck, before trailing down his side. When he snaked his hand up under the fabric of Sam’s t-shirt, the other boy moaned a little and Bucky smiled against his lips._

_Feeling braver, Bucky shifted his hand down lower until he brushed his fingers against the front of Sam’s pants. Sam pulled away from the kiss, startled by the contact; Bucky withdrew his hand quickly._

_“You okay, Sammy?” he asked._

_“Yeah, I just – I’m okay.”_

_“I don’t have to do that again if you don’t want me to,” said Bucky, reassuringly._

_“I – umm, I want you to,” said Sam, as he bit his bottom lip and strained his eyes to see the other teen in the darkened space._

_“You want me to kiss you, or, y’know, touch you?” asked Bucky, a little coyly._

_Sam reached his hand up to Bucky’s face, before saying, “Both. I’d like you to do both.”_

…..

_When the morning came, and Sam woke up, he looked over to where his friend was still sleeping next to him. He looked so handsome in the early morning light, with his mess of hair strewn across his face, breathing softly without a care in the world. Sam was tempted to reach over and brush the hair away, but he did not. His face flushed warm as he recalled what they had done the night before. Sam placed both hands over his face, unsure of what he was feeling. Just then, their friend Rhodey undid the zip a little and popped his head in the tent._

_“If you don’t get your asses up, there’ll be no more breakfast left,” he said._

_Bucky groaned and rolled over, saying, “Go away.”_

_Sam said, “Make sure Steve doesn’t eat it all.”_

_He went to get up, but Bucky reached out his arm and draped it over his waist to hold Sam in place._

_“Buck, come on, man.”_

_He ignored Sam’s weak protest and shifted closer before pressing his lips to Sam’s neck._

_“Bucky, don’t,” said Sam. “Someone might see.”_

_“I don’t care,” said Bucky._

_“Well I do,” said Sam, pulling away from him._

_With the morning came regret and confusion on Sam’s part. Bucky was his friend. What they did the night before wasn’t something you did with your friends._

_“Sammy?”_

_“Don’t Buck. I don’t wanna do that with you again,” Sam whispered. “Last night –”_

_“Last night was amazing,” said Bucky, as he placed his hand on Sam’s thigh; Sam swatted it away._

_“I’m serious,” said Sam, not able to meet Bucky’s gaze. “It was a mistake. I wouldn’t have done that with you if I wasn’t high. I’m not like that. I’m not. I was high.”_

_“You shotgunned a little bit of smoke from me,” said Bucky, as he sat up, feeling rejected by Sam. The familiar feeling of hurt came back to him. The memories came back; memories of pretty boys who liked Bucky just fine when no one was looking. Pretty boys who liked to kiss Bucky in the dark yet recoiled from him in the light of day. Sammy, it seemed, was one of those boys, and the realization pained Bucky to his core._

_“So?” asked Sam, at a loss for words._

_“So, how the fuck were you high?”_

_“I was, okay,” Sam said in his own defense. “Why can’t you just believe me?”_

_“Why are you actin’ like you didn’t like it?”_

_“I – I just. I’m not like that, okay.”_

_“Bullshit!”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“You’re full of shit.”_

_“And you’re an asshole.”_

_“At least I’m not in denial.”_

_“I’m not in denial, you dick,” said Sam, feeling the frustration rise up inside of him. “It was a mistake. Get it through your dumbass skull. I’m not like that. I’m not like you. I’m not a –”_

_“A what?” asked Bucky, as tears stung his eyes and a lump formed in his throat. “You’re not a what?”_

_“Buck –”_

_“Say it, you coward. I fuckin’ dare you.”_

_“Fuck you, man.”_

_“Fuck you, too!”_

_“Keep your voice down,” Sam warned._

_“Or what?” said Bucky._

_Sam shook his head and crossed his arms before saying, “Just keep your mouth shut, Barnes.”_

_“You weren’t sayin’ that last night when I was suckin’ your dick,” said Bucky, loudly enough that any one of their friends at the campsite could have heard._

_“You’re a fuckin’ jerk,” Sam replied, as he crawled out of the tent._

_“Fuck!” Bucky yelled to himself out of frustration as he laid back down on the sleeping bag._

_“You good, Sammy?” asked Steve as Sam walked over to where the camping table was set up._

_“Yeah,” he lied. “Barnes is bein’ a dick. Can I stay in your tent tonight?”_

_“Yeah, of course,” said Steve. “I’ll go with Bucky, and you can have mine.”_

_The two teens looked up when Tony said to Bucky, “Who pissed in your cereal, Barnes?”_

_“Fuck off, Stark,” said Bucky, as he grabbed his sleeping bag and tried to shove it back into its bag. “I’m not in the mood.”_

_“Dude, you gotta – look, you gotta roll it up first,” said Rhodey, as he watched Bucky struggle. “Here, let me help.”_

_Rhodey stepped forward and took it from Bucky who stood there with his head lowered and his hands on his hips._

_“Buck, what’s up? You okay?” Steve asked; Bucky didn’t look at him._

_“I’m sick of shittin’ in the woods with you pricks,” said Bucky; his voice was shaky as he held back tears. “I’m goin’ home.”_

_“We came in one car and we don’t have enough gas for a round trip,” said Tony. “How you gonna get back to town?”_

_“I’ll fuckin’ walk,” said Bucky as he wiped his thumb over the corner of his eye, shifting the tear that was threatening to fall._

_“What’s goin’ on?” asked Steve, as he stood up and walked over to where Bucky and Rhodey were._

_“Nothin’,” said Bucky._

_“Sam? What happened?”_

_Sam just shrugged and kept eating his cereal; he did not look up. He did not say anything as Bucky grabbed his rucksack and sleeping bag and walked off. He felt bad about fighting with Bucky, but what happened between them was a mistake. It wasn’t something friends should be doing. It was a one-time thing that felt nice in the moment, but it wasn’t something they could do all the time. Even though Bucky was so sweet and gentle with him; so considerate. It was still a mistake._

_He knew Bucky was pissed with him, but he had to understand. He had to. He needed to know that Sam wasn’t like him. He wasn’t. He couldn’t be like that; he couldn’t be like Bucky. He just couldn’t, could he?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Dear Readers. Sorry for the hassle with this chapter. There were some reader concerns that I needed to address. I have made amendments, but please heed the tags and note that this story deals with tough issues, including dealing with how race and sexuality intersect, as well as internalised and implied homophobia. Please keep in mind that both Sam and Bucky are young in this. They don't always handle things with grace or tact. It does get uncomfortable at times, so this is your warning to either stop reading, or proceed with caution.
> 
> Now, thanks to everyone who was supportive of me and this story. I appreciate it. Enjoy.

_Eight Years Ago_

_The walk to town was long. The summer sun was hot. A stray dog had chased and almost bitten him. A rock got lodged in his shoe. He felt alone and forsaken. But Bucky didn’t cry as he made his way home. He didn’t cry until he got inside of his house, told his Ma everything was alright, and then went for a shower._

_That’s when he cried. That’s when he let the tears fall down his face. As he sat inside of the tub, hugging his knees to his chest, and letting the stream of cool water run all over him. It washed away the dirt from the road; the sweat from the heat. The rivulets ran over his form until he couldn’t tell what was from the torrent of the shower and what was from his teardrops. It washed away Sam’s touch; it washed away Sam’s scent. It did not, however, wash away the persistent aching in Bucky’s chest._

_When Bucky finally crawled out of the tub, with wrinkled skin and puffy eyes, and towelled himself off, he went straight to his room and fell onto his bed. He felt as if he couldn’t fucking breathe. Sammy didn’t want him. He didn’t fucking want him. Sam Wilson, the best guy he knew; the smartest, cutest, kindest guy he had ever met, didn’t want him back. And if Sam didn’t want him, then there must’ve been something so wrong with Bucky. If Sam didn’t want him, then Bucky just wasn’t good enough._

_Present Day_

“Is it cool if I crash here?” Bucky asked Steve as the last of the impromptu party guests left and they saw them out.

Sam was listening in from where he was seated on the couch. He wasn’t planning on getting shitfaced and having a fucking sleepover at Steve’s with him and Bucky. Maybe he could just get a ride home with the others? Nah, he didn’t know them well enough. Plus, going back to his parents’ house at two-thirty in the morning? No. That wouldn’t work. His father would chew his ass out for even going out drinking in the first place.

Goddamn it, they put so much pressure on him. Any other twenty-something would not be sitting in his best friend’s living room, buzzed, and worrying about what his daddy thought of him. They’d be getting their back blown out by the sexy fuckin’ bar tender slash singer who they had a thing with when they were kids.

_Damn it, Wilson!_ Sam rolled his eyes at himself; the weed and booze were not helping him to think straight.

_Think straight?_ He almost snorted at the notion.

He walked to the kitchen to get some water. He gulped the entire glass down in one shot. When he was done, he returned to find Steve and Bucky back in the living room.

“Sammy?” said Steve, as he ran his hand through his hair. “You still stayin’?”

“Yeah, why? You planning on kickin’ me out, Rogers?” asked Sam as his gaze drifted from Steve to Bucky and back again.

“No, course not,” Steve answered swiftly. “I’m just lettin’ you know that Bucky’s gonna crash here, too. So, you two can figure who gets the bed in the spare room, and who gets the couch.”

Bucky placed his hands in his pockets, dipped his head, and then eyed Sam. There was still tension between them that was becoming more pronounced as they sobered. Sam met Bucky’s eyes a minute, looked away and then shrugged before he started cleaning up the empty bottles.

“Leave it, Sammy,” said Steve. “I can do it in the morning.”

“If I’m sleepin’ here, I’d rather not get up to piss, trip over a bottle, and break my neck while I’m at it,” said Sam.

“Take the bed in the spare room,” said Bucky, suddenly. “I’ll crash on the couch.”

_Okay_ , thought Sam. _Still generous_. He recalled how Bucky would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

“Nah, man,” said Sam. “You take the bed. We made that pact, remember? After that time we went campin’ and you walked your ass all the way back into town, and almost got bit by that rabid-ass dog.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Steve. “I forgot about that trip. Bucky always gets dibs on the best sleeping arrangement. That’s right. ‘Cause we were shitty friends and let him walk off.”

“You were the _worst_ friends,” said Bucky, looking at Sam a moment too long.

“We were,” Sam admitted. “So, that’s why you get the bed, Barnes. Rules are rules.”

“Yeah, but the couch is shitty,” said Bucky. “Ain’t good enough for you.”

He didn’t mean it like that; he didn’t mean it as if to say Sam thought he was too good for them, for him; it just came out that way. Luckily, Steve was pretending to be offended, thus not letting either of his friends dwell on the remark.

“Hey!” said Steve. “Don’t speak ill of my couch, you jerk. You know how much I love that thing.”

“Well, why don’t _you_ sleep on it?” Bucky asked, playfully.

“Uh, no,” Steve replied. “Don’t love it that much. Besides, Wilson fought with you on that camping trip, so it’s all _his_ fault. _He_ should get the couch.”

Sam felt a pang of guilt churn inside of him when he remembered what had happened. He knew he really hurt Bucky that day, but he was confused. He was just a kid. He was scared. Still, it didn’t stop him from feeling like a bad person. He sighed loudly and placed the empty bottles down on the coffee table, before flopping down on the couch. He laid back and draped his arm over his eyes.

“Kill the lights when you’re done,” he said to neither of them in particular.

“Great,” said Steve. “It’s settled. Spare sheets are in the other room. Goodnight, boys.”

“Night,” said Sam, still lying there.

“Night, Stevie,” said Bucky, as Steve disappeared into his bedroom.

Sam and Bucky were left there in awkwardness as the silence crawled thickly between them.

“Still here, Barnes?” asked Sam, not uncovering his eyes as he shielded them from the offending overhead light.

“You know I don’t hold it against you, right? What happened on that camping trip,” said Barnes, softly.

“I know,” said Sam, surprised that he was broaching the subject right then. “And I didn’t _do_ anything wrong for you to hold against me.”

“You were a bit of a dick,” said Bucky.

“Yeah, well, so were you,” said Sam.

“Pretty sure I treated you _real_ nice,” Bucky proffered, trying to change the mood.

Sam lifted his arm from over his eyes, and then looked up at Bucky.

“You tryin’ to start somethin’, Barnes?” he asked, with just a hint of teasing to his tone.

Bucky wanted to. He fucking wanted to so bad. To start something between him and Sam. He wanted to remind Sam of how good they could be together. He wanted to step closer, take Sam by the hand, and lead him into the bedroom. He wanted to treat Sam real nice again; so, so nice. He wanted to make up for the years that had been wasted. But he remembered that camping trip, too. And he didn’t want to wake up in the morning, with a headache, and have Sam Wilson tell him he didn’t want him like that – _again_.

“Nah, man,” Bucky finally said. “I’m good.”

Sam couldn’t help the wave of disappointment that washed over him at Bucky’s response. The intensity between them was palpable; the attraction was strong. But there were still words that went unspoken, and Sam was not going to speak them while he was drunk.

“Alright, dude,” said Sam, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “Do me a favor, will you? And grab a sheet and pillow.”

“Sure,” said Bucky, regretting immediately that he didn’t push a little to see what might have happened.

He went into the bedroom and grabbed a pillow from the bed, then got a neatly folded sheet from the small closet. He took them out to Sam.

“Here,” he said, dropping them on top of the reclining man’s legs.

Sam looked up at him and said, “Thanks, dude.”

Bucky nodded and walked to the bedroom door where he switched off the lights, and then stopped. He wanted to tell Sam he was sorry for what happened between them. He wanted to tell him that he was happy Sam was back, even for a little while. He wanted to tell him how much he had missed him. How he thought about him nearly every day. How Sam still made his heart speed up the same way it did when he was a seventeen-year-old kid. How he wished things could be different between them.

Instead, Bucky cleared his throat and said, “G’night, Sammy.”

Sam felt a flutter in his stomach at the softness of Bucky’s tone, before replying, “Goodnight, Buck.”

They each laid down in the dark and wondered what might happen if they went to the other man. But after a quiet moment’s contemplation, they thought the better of it. An unease, from knowing that the other was mere feet away, settled around them in their respective separateness. Something akin to the feelings of ineptitude, that were prevalent in their youth, came creeping over them. The moment to do anything, to start something, had passed, and all that was left was awkwardness.

_Eight Years Ago_

_It was awkward, thought Sam. Too goddamn awkward. He could not believe he let Steve talk him into it. He could not believe Steve actually convinced him to follow him to Bucky’s house after they returned from their camping trip. He could not believe any of it, yet there he was, standing awkwardly in Bucky’s small bedroom as the owner of the room ignored him._

_“That’s all you got, Rogers?” asked Bucky. “Promises that I get first say on which sleeping spot I want?”_

_“You want it or not?” asked Steve. “Because it’s all we got.”_

_“Deal,” said Bucky, as he sat next to Rhodey on his bed and answered Steve’s question. “Y’know, it wasn’t too bad. Dog did try to bite me, but couldn’t catch me. Plus, it didn’t take too long to get home. It ain’t even that far of a walk, to be honest.”_

_Steve gave him a disbelieving look as he sat on the floor. Sam was the only one still standing._

_“Well, we’re sorry we let you walk off on your own,” said Steve. “Right, Sammy?”_

_Sam lifted his gaze and looked at Steve before turning his attention to Bucky._

_“Yeah,” Sam proffered quietly. “We’re sorry.”_

_Bucky could barely bring himself to look as Sam as he shrugged and said, “It’s okay. Was days ago, now. I’m over it. Like it never even happened.”_

_A silence pervaded the space between them, and Sam knew the remark was meant for him and referenced what they had done in the smoky tent. He offered no witty retort, but just stood there staring at the wall._

_“Damn, Wilson; you gonna stand up the whole time or what?” said Rhodey. “You’re makin’ it weird in here.”_

_Bucky and Steve both looked at Sam, causing him to feel quite self-conscious. Sam dipped his head and made no reply; instead, he slid down to the floor and rested his back against the bedroom door. The room was way too small, and he just wanted to get the hell out of there. But if he left, Steve and Rhodey would know that something was going on between him and Barnes; something more than a little spat that had happened while they were camping. He would just have stay there, with Rhodey giving him strange looks, and Bucky ignoring him._

_The other three teens spoke about how hard Tony, the newcomer to their group, was trying to fit in with them. Sam listened and only lifted his head when Steve addressed him, or when Bucky laughed at something one of the other guys said. He really did not want to be there. Then, a part of their conversation caught his attention._

_“He’s definitely gay,” said Bucky, causing Sam to lift his gaze._

_He noticed that Rhodey and Bucky were sitting way too close to one another. Bucky nudged Rhodey with his shoulder, and Rhodey shot him a coy sort of smile. Sam watched them and couldn’t decipher the feeling of annoyance that suddenly crept up inside of him._

_“Who’s gay?” asked Sam before he could stop himself._

_Bucky gave him an unimpressed look, rolled his eyes, and then said, “Don’t worry, Wilson, it ain’t you.”_

_Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky and went to make a sarcastic reply when Steve said, “Tony? Gay? You sure, Buck?”_

_“Last time I checked, I was the only certified gay around here,” said Bucky as he continued to stare at Sam. “So, yeah, I’m sure. Well, I’m ninety percent sure.”_

_“What would make you one hundred percent sure?” Steve asked, uncommonly curious._

_“Well, I wanna say blow job, but_ anyone _will let ya suck ‘em off these days,” said Bucky as he held Sam’s gaze._

_Sam dropped his head again. He wondered why Bucky was being such an ass if he was over it, like he suggested. The room was beginning to feel small once more. Sam didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he folded his arms and tucked them away; he didn’t know where to look, so he kept his head low._

_“You’re so crass,” said Steve._

_“Rogers doesn’t like that language, Barnes,” Rhodey pointed out, as he and Bucky laughed._

_“Whatever,” said Steve as he rolled his eyes at his friends. “Would ya get with him, though, Buck? Y’know, if he was gay, too? Not a lotta choice around these parts.”_

_“Oh, you’d be surprised if I told ya,” said Bucky._

_“Go on, then,” Steve urged, fishing for gossip._

_“I don’t kiss and tell, Stevie,” said Bucky, with that cocky fucking grin that Sam found too goddamn appealing. Then, the smile fell away from his face as he added, “Besides, it’s not for me to out them. It’s their business to tell when they’re ready to tell it, if they’re ready to.”_

_Sam chanced a look at Bucky who gave him a soft, almost considerate look which was soon interrupted by Steve’s questioning._

_“Okay, okay, but tell me this: If Tony is gay, and he asked you out, would you go out with him?”_

_Sam and Rhodey were both looking at Bucky now, each curious about his answer._

_Bucky just shrugged and said, “Nah, he ain’t my type.”_

_“Well, what’s your type then, Barnes?” Rhodey asked._

_“I dunno,” said Bucky, as he looked at Sam quickly, and then looked away._

_“Pretty boys,” said Steve, as he pointed to the air like he had discovered something no one else knew about; as if he had a eureka moment. “He definitely likes pretty boys.”_

_“Yeah, I can see that,” said Rhodey before turning his attention to Bucky. “But, is it Rogers-pretty or Wilson-pretty?”_

_“Uh?” said Bucky._

_“You like pretty boys who look like Rogers or Wilson?”_

_“What’s the difference?” asked Bucky as he raised an eyebrow. “They’re both clean-cut, jock-type mama’s boys who tuck their fuckin’ shirts in.”_

_Rhodey laughed and so did Bucky. Sam and Steve didn’t find the joking quite as funny._

_“You really gonna sit there and act like you’re not a fuckin’ pretty boy yourself, Rhodes?” asked Sam annoyed enough to join their stupid conversation._

_“No, Sammy,” said Rhodey. “You got it all wrong. I’m on another level, okay? You fuckin’ pretty boys are lucky I even associate with you. And Barnes, if you cut that damn hair, you’d be like these pair of assholes, too. Now answer the question, what’s your type?”_

_Bucky laughed heartily and then looked at Steve and then Sam before he tackled Rhodey onto his bed and held him in place. He planted a noisy, playful kiss to his cheek, and said, “You’re my type, you sexy motherfucker.”_

_Rhodey squirmed and laughed as he and Bucky wrestled about for a moment all in good fun. Steve laughed, too, but Sam was overcome with a feeling of irritation. Without warning, or explanation, Sam got to his feet and opened the door. He rushed out of Bucky’s room, ignored Steve’s calls, and kept walking swiftly down the corridor. He trotted down the stairs and out the front door. He broke into a power walk, which soon turned into a jog. Sam did not stop until he was standing in front of his own house two blocks away, fighting to catch his breath._

_“Shit,” he said to himself, as he placed both hands behind his head and scrunched up his face as if he was in physical pain. “Shit.”_

_Present Day_

The sounds of the morning radio wafted through Steve’s home as quickly as the smell of toast did. Steve was in the kitchen making breakfast when Sam finally woke up. He groaned, squinted in the light, and then checked his phone with one eye opened; it was almost eight o’clock. Sam rolled off of the couch, and then made his way into the bathroom. He did his business, and then found a towel, before undressing and hopping in the shower.

After he was cleaned up, Sam sauntered out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

“Morning,” said Steve, way too chipper for someone who had been partying the night before.

“Hey,” said Sam.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah,” he replied as Steve slid a plate of bacon and eggs over to his friend.

“Coffee’s coming,” said Steve. “Bucky went to get some while you were in the shower.”

Sam nodded his head and then picked up a piece of bacon and popped it into his mouth.

“You got a shirt I can borrow?” asked Sam. “My Mom will have a fit if I show up to church in the same clothes I went out in.”

Steve let out a little chuckle before saying, “Sure, buddy. I got you.”

He finished buttering the toast and then left Sam at the kitchen table while he went to find something suitable for him to wear to his father’s service. Sam was still eating when Steve returned with a neatly pressed dress shirt draped over his arm.

“Here ya go,” said Steve, handing it over.

“Thanks, man,” said Sam, as he stood up and began to strip off the shirt he had worn out to the bar, and had slept in.

Steve finished dishing up a plate for Bucky just as Bucky came through the door that led out to the garden with their coffees in his hand. He stopped in his tracks when he was met with the sight of a shirtless Sam Wilson standing in Steve’s kitchen.

“Shit,” said Bucky, as he almost dropped the beverages, before placing them on the table.

Sam lifted his eyes as he put his arms into the sleeves of the shirt. Bucky was gawking at him, mouth slightly agape, and eyes roaming up and down his body. Sam felt a flush creep up his neck and averted his gaze from Bucky’s intense stare. He’d be lying if he did not admit to himself that he was enjoying the moment.

Sam was definitely thicker than Bucky remembered, but still perfect all over. How could one guy be so fucking gorgeous? Bucky knew he was staring, but he didn’t care. If nothing was ever going to happen between the two of them again, Bucky was going to get an eyeful while given the chance.

“Hope you’re hungry, Buck,” said Steve as he slid the plate of food over to him.

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes of Sam as he finished buttoning the shirt.

“Yeah, man,” said Bucky, still ogling Sam. “I’m fuckin’ famished.”

…..

The ride over to the church was quiet. The car radio was soft, and Steve was the only one really talking. Sam rode up front with him, and Bucky sat in the back. He had sunglasses on, and his hair pulled up in a bun on top of his head. Sam wondered how he could look so good when he was clearly dishevelled.

“Ugh,” said Bucky as he checked the message that came through on his phone.

“Okay back there?” asked Steve, ever the concerned friend.

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Fuckin’ Clint is blowin’ my phone up.”

Sam sat up straighter in his seat, suddenly interested.

“I thought you liked him, Buck?” asked Steve as he made a left turn. “He sure does like you.”

“I dunno,” Bucky replied as he looked at Sam, who was pretending to be interested in the passing scenery that hadn’t changed in the whole time he was gone. “He’s not my type.”

Steve snorted.

“He’s the guitarist in a band,” Steve said, and Sam realized _who_ they were talking about; it was the guy from the party who was playing with Bucky’s hair. “How could he _not_ be your type?”

Bucky went to speak, but then Sam interjected, surprising everyone inside of the car.

“He’s not a pretty boy,” said Sam.

“What?” Bucky asked.

“The Clint guy?” said Sam. “He’s the dude from the party?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky.

“The one who was all hands with you.”

“Yeah, so?”

“He’s not a pretty boy,” said Sam. “That’s your type, pretty boys.”

“How would you know, Wilson?” asked Bucky, almost daring him to admit to something in front of Steve.

A moment of silence passed between them before Sam said, “I _don’t_ know. Just seems like you’d go for looks.”

“Oh, so you think I’m shallow?” Bucky challenged.

“Whatever,” Sam replied.

“Yeah, what fucking ever,” Bucky replied, suddenly annoyed, as they pulled up in front of the church.

_Eight Years Ago_

_After standing out the front of the Wilson’s residence for a solid five minutes, Bucky plucked up the courage to finally ring the doorbell. Sam’s younger sister, Sarah, answered._

_“Is Sam home?” he asked._

_“Yeah,” she replied._

_“Can I come in?”_

_“I don’t know, Bucky,” said Sarah._

_Bucky sighed loudly. He knew Pastor Wilson didn’t like him coming around, but he needed to see Sam. He knew Sam was upset from the way he had bolted from his house an hour ago. Bucky needed to see if he was okay._

_“Can you see if Sam’ll come down and see me?” he asked with hope._

_“Okay,” she replied. “Wait here.”_

_Bucky felt nervous as he waited for Sarah to return. He wouldn’t be surprised if she came back to the door and told him he had to leave. He felt his stomach turn when she opened the door._

_“Sammy said to come in,” she said, stepping aside for Bucky to enter._

_“For real?” he asked, with doubt._

_“Yep, but he said hurry up.”_

_….._

_Bucky hadn’t been inside of Sam’s bedroom for a while, ever since Sam was told to stay away from him when they were younger. It was neat and orderly, like Sam. There were no posters on the walls, only family photos, and a few drawings that Steve had done. Bucky found Sam sitting on his bed with his head down._

_“Sam?”_

_“Yeah?” he said as he lifted his head to look at Bucky. Bucky’s heart sank when he saw that Sam looked like he had been crying._

_“Sammy, are you okay?” he asked, taking a seat next to him._

_“I’m fine,” he lied._

_“You sure?”_

_Sam shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”_

_“Well, why’d you run off earlier?”_

_Sam let out a wry laugh and rolled his eyes, before he stood up and moved toward his door; he folded his arms across his chest and leaned against his tallboy._

_“Like you don’t know why,” Sam scoffed._

_“I don’t,” said Bucky._

_“Well, why were you all over Rhodey in front of me?” Sam asked, unable to hold back._

_“It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t all over him.”_

_“Whatever,” said Sam, as he looked down to the floor. “You were. Flirting and shit. You were all over his ass. Right in front of me. You’re such a dick.”_

_Bucky narrowed his eyes, and then stood up, before asking, “Why do you care who I flirt with? You don’t want me, Wilson. You made that very clear when you rejected me while we were camping. So why the fuck do you care now who I flirt with, eh?”_

_“Because I’m stupid,” said Sam. “I let you do things to me, and I did things to you and you didn’t really care about me. You don’t care about me. I’m just another name on your list.”_

_“Jesus Christ, Wilson. What’re you talkin’ about?”_

_“You,” said Sam, as he pointed at Bucky. “You used me. Is that what you do, eh? Go around lookin’ for Black boys to screw? I said no, so you jump on to the next?”_

_Bucky’s face dropped and his heart sank._

_“You’re an asshole, Sam,” he said as he shook his head, completely gobsmacked. “How could you even think that? I’m not some gross racist prick, and I’m not some kind of creep just because I’m gay. Rhodey’s my friend, and you. You’re a dick. How could you think I’d ever treat you, or anyone like that? Get out of my way.”_

_Sam realized that his words had hurt Bucky. His own pain and confusion was clouding his judgement. He knew Bucky wasn’t like that. He had known him all of his life. He was jealous, and in his jealousy, he said things he did not mean._

_“Buck, I’m sorry,” said Sam, as he unwittingly stood in front of the door and impeded Bucky’s exit._

_“You’re wrong for that, Sam,” said Bucky, as he folded his arms. He was more hurt than angry. He didn’t like being at odds with his friend. He just wished that Sam could see he was genuine._

_“I know, and maybe I am an asshole,” said Sam. “And I know you’re not like that. But you’re not seeing it from my point of view. You don’t get it. There are people out there who are gross racist pricks, and I’m the one who has to deal with them, not you. There are people who look at me and Rhodey and they get this idea in their heads about us. And it’s gross. They wanna hurt us and use us and it is because we’re Black. And I gotta question what people want from me. I think about it a lot. I have to worry about if people really like me for me, or if there’s somethin’ else to it. I should’ve known that’s not you. I shouldn’t have been a complete dick about it. I’m just confused and I don’t really know what I’m doin’. This, whatever it is, it’s confusing and I’m trying to figure shit out, too. All of this is easier for you than it is for me.”_

_Bucky stopped and listened._

_“Shit, I just didn’t think that people were like that. It didn’t even occur to me how hard this is for you. Of course this is harder for you. What the fuck was I thinkin’? I got so caught up in my own feelings that I didn’t think of you. I’m sorry, Sam.”_

_Sam nodded his head but stayed quiet, so Bucky kept talking._

_“But you gotta know that ain’t me.”_

_“I know,” said Sam. “I was just pissed at you.”_

_“Why?” asked Bucky, gently. “I mean, you’re the one who said what happened between us was a mistake, and even though I didn’t like it, I didn’t push you. So why are you pissed off at me now?”_

_Sam took a deep breath._

_“I – I just didn’t like seein’ you flirt with someone else,” Sam finally admitted._

_“Why?” Bucky questioned, as he stepped closer. “Why not?”_

_“Because I fuckin’ like you, okay? I like you, and I didn’t like seein’ you play around with someone else.”_

_“Rhodey’s just a friend.”_

_“I know, I know,” said Sam as he stared into Bucky’s eyes. “I just really like you. I –”_

_Before Sam could finish his admission, Bucky had pushed him against the door and planted an urgent, needy kiss to Sam’s lips. Sam kissed him back, just as eagerly as Bucky pressed his body close. They kissed until they were breathless and Bucky pulled back, before resting his forehead to Sam’s. Sam had his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, while Bucky held his hips. Their enmity from earlier dissipated as the pair relished in the immediacy of their embrace._

_“I like you, too, Sammy,” he whispered. “I like you so fuckin’ much.”_

_Bucky drew back and ran his palm over the side of Sam’s face while staring into his eyes._

_“God, Wilson, you’re so pretty,” he said as he cupped Sam’s chin and then gave him a quick, chaste kiss._

_Sam smiled coyly at Bucky and dipped his head a little. Bucky tilted his chin up with his thumb so that Sam was looking at him once again before saying, “You’re so, so pretty.”_

_“So, Steve was right?”_

_“About what?”_

_“Your type,” said Sam playfully. “You like pretty boys.”_

_Bucky let out a little chuckle and then said, “Nah, he’s wrong because I only like one boy, and you’re it; you’re the prettiest.”_

_Present Day_

“I’ll walk you over,” said Steve as he and Sam went to get out of the vehicle; Bucky opened his door, too.

Sam and Steve looked at him questioningly.

“I’m havin’ a smoke,” said Bucky to answer their silent queries.

Bucky leaned against the car and lit his cigarette, while Sam stood awkwardly.

“I’ll see you around, Wilson,” Bucky proffered, blowing the smoke away from Sam as he extended his hand.

Sam took it and gave it a firm shake before saying, “Yeah, I’ll see ya.”

Bucky watched as Sam and Steve walked toward Sam’s mother and sister. She hugged her son, and then Steve, before waving at Bucky. He lifted his hand and gave her a smile. He always liked Darlene Wilson; she was always kind to him. When Paul Wilson stepped over to where Sam and the others were, Bucky let his head drop.

Sam watched as his father smiled amicably at Steve, but then looked across the yard to give Bucky an unimpressed look.

“It was good seeing you,” said Steve. “I’ve gotta get going. Have a nice day.”

The Wilsons returned Steve’s friendliness as he ambled back to his vehicle.

“Glad you made it,” said Paul to his son. “Steven’s a good boy for giving you a lift. I didn’t know you’d be going out and spending the time with that Barnes boy, though.”

“Dad, come on,” said Sam. “I’m not a kid anymore. I can hang out with whoever I like.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” said the Pastor. “I see he still has no manners. At least Steven came to say hello.”

“Dad, you don’t even like Bucky,” Sam protested, feeling like a seventeen-year-old-kid again. He’s respecting that you don’t want him around.”

“He doesn’t respect anything,” Paul chided. “Showing up here like _that.”_

“Like what?” asked Sam, defensively. “He didn’t do anything wrong, Dad.”

Paul scoffed.

“You don’t even know him,” Sam added, feeling his headache set in.

Paul Wilson gave his son the most disapproving, judgemental look he could muster, and said, “I _know_ enough.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to say except DID YOU SEE THE SAMBUCKY GOODNESS INTHAT TEASER TRAILER????????????????? I'M STILL A MESS/

Sam’s first day of residency was slow. He knew it would be, back in his small hometown, but being delegated a shit ton of paperwork was not how he imagined it would be. He knew it was necessary, but still. As the week progressed, he was a lot busier. He saw more patients and was getting on well with the staff. By the end of the week, Sam felt like he had fit in nicely.

The hospital really hadn’t changed too much from when he was a kid; some of the same staff still worked there. That was the charm of small-town life for some people. They could work the same job for their whole adult life and be content. Sam envied that. He was still looking; still searching for contentment. That search was one of the reasons he decided to come home to complete his residency; he deserved to be happy, and maybe he could find happiness there, if only for a short while. 

Sam was happy with what he was doing. He was happy with his work. His first week was over, and he realized he was quite tired. After gathering up his stuff, he said goodnight to the nurse who was working night shift and left. As he reached his car, he decided to check his phone. There was a text message from Steve. Sam decided to call him back. No one ever called anyone anymore, but Sam still liked to talk on the phone. Steve answered after a few rings.

“Hey, Sam.”

“Hey, man. What’s up?”

“What’re you doing for dinner?”

“Going home to eat whatever my Mom cooked,” said Sam. “Why? You askin’ me out, Rogers?”

Steve laughed at his friend’s playfulness, and then said, “I think Bucky’d kick my ass if I did.”

Sam ignored the comment and then said, “Right, so, what’re your plans for this fine evening?”

“Well, I thought we could hang out,” said Steve. “Go get something to eat. Are you finished at the hospital?”

“Yeah, dude,” said Sam. “My next shift isn’t until tomorrow night. I got a little time to spare.”

“Cool, well, did you wanna go out? Or I can cook something. Or _you_ could. The possibilities are – limited here,” said Steve as they both chuckled. “But it’d be nice to catch up. Feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”

“Yeah, it’s been like that. Alright, so what’d you wanna do, man?” asked Sam.

“Dinner, my place?”

“You’re cookin’, though?”

“Yeah, okay,” said Steve. “Come around in thirty?”

“I’ll be there,” said Sam with a smile.

…..

“That,” said Sam, as he stretched out on the couch. “Was too good. When did you learn to cook?”

“I was always a good cook,” Steve replied. “Want dessert?”

Sam smacked his hand over his stomach and said, “I’m gonna need a minute.”

The pair laughed just as a rapping sounded at Steve’s front door. He checked the time on his phone and wondered who it could be. He went to answer the door while Sam scrolled through the films to find something for them to watch. He heard Steve’s greeting from where he was sprawled out in the living room.

“Hey, Buck. What’re you doin’ here?”

“Just droppin’ by seein’ what you were up to.”

Sam immediately sat up and smoothed his clothing down. He tried to look as casual as he could, crossing his leg, and then uncrossing it; leaning on the armrest, then sitting up straight again. He opted to just sink into the sofa and continue looking at the screen just as Bucky and Steve walked in.

“Oh, hey Sam,” said Bucky, as he tucked a stray hair behind his ear.

“Hey, man,” Sam replied, giving him a little grin.

“You two partyin’ without me, eh?” Bucky asked jovially.

“Nah, just had a little dinner,” said Steve. “Gonna watch a movie. Why aren’t you at work?”

Bucky flopped down beside Sam on the couch, and Sam immediately tensed up a little. It’s not that he didn’t want to be near Bucky, it’s just that there was so much unresolved sexual tension between them, and Sam didn’t know what to do about it.

“Took the night off,” said Bucky as he ran his fingers through his long tresses. “Did you cook or somethin’, Stevie? Smells good. Anything left?”

“Sure,” Steve replied. “You want some?”

“Yeah, man,” said Bucky with a grin. “Thanks.”

Steve nodded and said, “I’ll warm it up for you.”

He then headed into the kitchen, leaving his two best friends alone a moment. Bucky leaned back into the couch, placed his feet up on the coffee table, and then turned his head to look at Sam. Sam felt his eyes on him.

“What?” he asked, before looking at Bucky.

“How was your first week?”

Sam relaxed a little and smiled. They were going to do small talk; Sam could handle small talk.

“It was pretty good,” he answered. “Slow, at first, but picked up as the week went on.”

Bucky smiled and said, “That’s good.”

“Hey, do you remember nurse Feldshuh?” asked Sam.

“Dawn’s mom?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “She’s _still_ there.”

“No shit? I thought she would’ve retired by now.”

“Nah, man. They reckon she might at the end of this year,” said Sam. “I was honestly surprised to see her.”

“That’s crazy, dude,” said Bucky. “She was gettin’ on in the years when we were kids. I’m surprised she’s still there, too.”

“You haven’t been to the hospital lately, uh?” asked Sam; maybe he was prying a little, but he couldn’t help it. He was interested in what Bucky had been up to, even if he had been acting as if he wasn’t.

“Nope,” said Bucky with a crooked grin. “I don’t get in fights anymore like I used to, Sammy.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_The waiting room at the hospital smelled like disinfectant. It was cool and sterile. The overhead lights were harsh and made it so that no wound or abrasion was hidden by shadows. Sam and Steve sat side-by-side as they waited for Bucky while he was being seen to. Steve was bouncing his leg nervously as Sam chewed on his fingernails._

_“James’ mom will be here any minute,” said Nurse Feldshuh, as she stood in front of the two boys._

_They looked up at her and nodded._

_“Thanks,” Steve proffered with a smile._

_“Is someone coming to collect you boys?” she queried._

_“We’re okay, thank you, ma’am,” Sam replied._

_“If you need anything, let me know,” she said, before giving them a gentle smile and walking away._

_After a moment, Sam turned to Steve._

_“You think Mrs Barnes will give us a ride home?” asked Sam. “I can’t call my dad. I can’t have him come here to pick me up.”_

_“I know,” said Steve, giving his friend a sympathetic look. Paul Wilson was a stern, no-nonsense man. He expected Sam to be a certain way. He did not expect Sam to be at the hospital with Bucky Barnes because the Barnes boy had gotten into another fight. “I think she will if we ask.”_

_Sam nodded his head, just then, Bucky came out of the examination room. Steve and Sam both stood up; Sam had to stop himself from rushing to Bucky and checking him over himself. Bucky ran his fingers through his long hair and then gave his friends a little smile._

_“You okay?” asked Steve._

_“Yeah,” said Bucky as he pressed a tentative finger to where his eyebrow had been split. “Only needed a few stiches. The scar’s gonna be pretty cool, though.”_

_Steve let out a little nervous laugh, but Sam knit his brow and stared at Bucky._

_“Wilson, why you lookin’ like someone shit in your gym shorts?”_

_“Bucky, you should press charges,” said Sam, as he stepped closer to examine the wound; Bucky’s lip was also split, but not as bad as his brow. “Brock Rumlow and his fuckin’ cronies shouldn’t get away with this.”_

_Bucky sighed._

_“It’s okay, Sammy,” he said, wanting desperately to hold Sam and comfort him because he hated to see him worried. “They’re cowards. I’ll see him again and we’ll square it.”_

_“Don’t be stupid, Barnes,” said Sam in frustration. “There’s no shame in going to the cops.”_

_“You don’t get it, Sam. You wouldn’t understand. You think the cops are gonna give two shits that some queer kid got his ass beat? I can handle this myself. I don’t need anyone to stand up for me.”_

_“You’re a dumbass,” said Sam. “Look what they did to your fuckin’ face, Bucky.”_

_“It ain’t the first time, and it won’t be the last,” said Bucky. “I’ll see Rumlow again, one-on-one, and then he’ll be the cocksucker gettin’ stitched up at the hospital.”_

_“Hey, guys, come on,” said Steve, trying to calm the mood._

_“I can’t deal with him, Stevie,” said Sam as he threw his hands up and began to walk away. “Talk some sense into your friend.”_

_Present Day_

“We should get snacks for the movie,” said Steve, as he stood with his hands on his hips and looked at his two friends, side-by-side on the couch.

“Dude, I’m bursting at the seams,” said Sam. “You really think we’re gonna be able to fit snacks in after that meal?”

“What snacks do you have?” asked Bucky, earning a raised eyebrow from Sam.

“I’d need to run to the store to get some,” said Steve

“You want me to go with you?” asked Sam.

“Nah, man,” said Steve, shooting Bucky a knowing glance that Sam definitely did not miss. “I got it. Just let me know what you want.”

“Get Doritos,” said Bucky, before turning to Sam and saying, “Snickers still your favorite?”

“Yeah,” said Sam with a small grin. Bucky, it seemed, remembered that little fact about him. Sam didn’t know if it was from being full of Steve’s cooking, but his tummy did little flips.

Bucky returned his smile and then looked at Steve before saying, “Get him a whole bag of Snickers. And some popcorn for all of us. Ooh, and Gummy Bears.”

“How can you even fit anything else after that meal?” asked Sam.

“With great skill,” said Bucky with a wink.

_Eight Years Ago_

_Sam was distressed. He wasn’t even the one who had been beaten up and needed to go to the hospital. He was worried about Bucky. There were horrible people in the world; in their town. Cruel people who did not have the decency to let other people live their lives and exist on their own terms. Sam had experienced his fair share of racism; he knew what it felt like to be treated badly because of who you were. And this – what he had with Bucky – was yet another thing that people could and would be cruel about. He sat at a table outside the hospital and tried to fight back the tears of frustration._

_Sam really did admire Bucky for existing as he should in a place where he could be hurt. Rumlow was a bully. It wasn’t the first time he had called Bucky awful names and pushed him around. But Bucky was brave. Stupid, sometimes, but brave. Sam wished that he, too, could be brave like Bucky. He wished he wasn’t so scared all the time. He wished he could walk around with his head held high and proclaim, to all the world, and their small town, that he was – well, Sam didn’t know what he was._

_All he knew was that he really, truly cared for Bucky. He hated seeing him hurt. He just wanted everything to be okay. He just wanted to exist in this little, safe bubble where he and Bucky could show how much they liked one another. Without people saying awful things. Without being judged. Without getting hurt. Even if Sam knew that there were always going to be cruel, judgemental people; even if he wasn’t ready to admit to himself, or anyone, that he was more like Bucky than anyone realized, he wished the world would be a little kinder. If not to him, at least to Bucky. His brave Bucky._

_“Sammy?”_

_Bucky’s voice was soft. He sat next to Sam as the afternoon sun dipped behind the trees; their shoulders brushed. Sam glanced sideways at him._

_“You alright?”_

_Sam shook his head, and then he let the tears that he had been holding back fall._

_“No,” he said, “I’m not alright, Buck. They hurt you.”_

_“Hey,” said Bucky, as he wrapped his arm about Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t cry, Sammy. Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry. I’m okay. Really, I’m fine.”_

_Sam wiped his eyes. They sat in silence, until Sam spoke._

_“You sure you’re okay?”_

_“Yeah,” Bucky replied. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, alright? I’m tougher than I look. I gotta be.”_

_They shared a smile, and Bucky wanted so desperately to wipe his hand across Sam’s face, but he didn’t._

_“Buck, please don’t go after Brock,” said Sam with a pleading look in his eyes. “Stay away from him and his asshole friends, please.”_

_“I’m not gonna run away from a fight, Sammy,” he replied._

_“I’m not askin’ you to,” said Sam. “Just, try to stay away from them. I don’t wanna see you get hurt again.”_

_Bucky let his arm slide from Sam’s shoulder down to his waist. Sam didn’t pull away, even though they were out in public, so Bucky smiled and pulled him a little closer._

_“You really care about me, uh?”_

_“You make it hard not to care about you,” said Sam with such sincerity that it made Bucky’s heart skip a beat. He thought about leaning in to kiss Sam, but Steve came along and interrupted them. Sam stood up so he wouldn’t have to hurt Bucky by shifting to the side and pulling out of his embrace. Bucky knew what he was doing, so he stood, too._

_“Everything alright?” asked Steve._

_Sam and Bucky looked at one another and said, “Yeah.”_

_“There’s my mom, now,” said Bucky as he pointed to her approaching car. “Come on. We’ll drop you both home.”_

_As they walked to where the vehicle had pulled over, Bucky reached into his pocket and retrieved something. He nudged Sam and then said, “Here.”_

_Sam looked down at the Snickers bar in Bucky’s hand._

_“What’s this for?” asked Sam as he took it._

_“Got it from the candy machine because I know they’re your favorites,” said Bucky. “And you were upset.”_

_Sam gifted him with the sweetest smile and said, “Thanks, Buck.”_

_They continued walking, side-by-side, as Sam unwrapped the candy bar and broke it in half. He nudged Bucky’s shoulder and then handed him half of the Snickers. Their fingers brushed as Bucky took it from him, before smiling and placing it in his mouth._

_Present Day_

Being alone with Bucky, without being inebriated, was a little odd. But not in a bad way. They continued to make small talk about which movie to watch; about what snacks they hoped Steve would get; about work.

“Why aren’t you at work tonight?” asked Sam, as he stopped scrolling through movies a moment.

“Didn’t feel like goin’ in,” said Bucky, as he pointed to the screen and said, “That one. We should watch that one.”

“No,” said Sam, shaking his head. “We’re not watchin’ that. And what do you mean you didn’t feel like it? They just let you come and go as you please?”

Bucky gave Sam a questioning look as he narrowed his eyes.

“Wilson, I know we haven’t spoken in years, or kept in touch or anything like that,” Bucky started. “And I sent you that friend request on Facebook a while back, and you didn’t respond, which is cool. But have you even asked Steve about me in all this time? Ever wondered how or what I doin’? Were you ever curious about my life?”

“I’ve been a little busy,” said Sam. “But sure. I mean, Steve’s spoken about you, obviously. But what does that have to do with why you aren’t at work?”

Bucky let out a little huff of breath, and then said, “I don’t work there, Sam. I own the place.”

“For real?” asked Sam with wide eyes.

“Yeah, man,” said Bucky with a proud grin. “Grandma left me some money when she passed, and I was already workin’ there, so I bought a share, and then bought the whole damn thing. It’s a shithole, but it’s mine.”

Sam smiled back at him and shoved his shoulder playfully before saying, “Look at you, Barnes. Business owner and impresario before the age of thirty. Good for you.”

“Thanks,” he said, unable to wipe the smile from his face. “It means a lot comin’ from you.”

They stared at one another for a beat longer than was necessary before Bucky spoke again.

“Listen, I wanted to apologize to you for bein’ such a dick last weekend,” said Bucky. “All the shit that happened between us was a long time ago. I was wrong for the little remarks, and I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, man,” said Sam. “Appreciate it.”

“We’re not kids anymore,” said Bucky. “And I gotta let it go.”

Sam nodded his head.

“I’m a fuckin’ – what’d you call me?”

“Impresario,” Sam said with a smile.

“Right, I’m a fuckin’ impresario and grown ass adult,” said Bucky as he ran his hand over his hair. “Gotta start actin’ like it.”

“You don’t need to act any way, Bucky. That’s what I like about you: You’re always yourself, no matter what. I’m glad you’re still the same.”

Bucky gave Sam a crooked grin and let out a little laugh.

“What?”

“You like me,” said Bucky.

“I said I like _something_ about you,” said Sam, though he was holding back a smile. “It’s different.”

“Nah, fuck that,” said Bucky with a wider grin. “You said you liked me. No take-backs.”

“I thought you were a grown ass adult?”

“Yeah, I am, and you like me,” Bucky teased, causing Sam to feign annoyance and turn his eyes back to the screen.

“Sure, okay,” Sam mumbled jokingly, feeling Bucky’s gaze burning into him. He continued to scroll movies.

“Since you like me, are we gonna watch the movie I chose or nah?”

“Barnes, you weren’t even invited,” said Sam teasingly.

“Well, I’m here now, so hand over the remote,” he said good-humoredly, scooting closer to Sam.

“Uh, no, I don’t think I will,” Sam replied, just as playfully.

Quick as a flash, Bucky took hold of the remote and grabbed it from Sam’s grasp.

“You asshole!” said Sam, even though he was wearing as wide a smile as Bucky was.

Sam tried to reach for it, but Bucky pulled it away from him.

“You want it, you gotta come get it,” Bucky challenged with a mirth dancing behind his eyes.

To his utter delight, his little plan worked, and Sam was now reaching across the front of his body in an effort to retrieve the remote; Sam leaned into him, placed his hand against him, and was practically in his lap. They were both fighting back laughter as Sam tried his hardest to get Bucky to let go of the device. Every time he almost had it, Bucky would snatch it away.

Sam had an idea of his own that he was sure would cement his fate as the victor of their little battle. He straddled Bucky’s lap and stared down into his eyes. Bucky almost came undone as he gazed up at Sam while holding the remote behind his own head in his outstretched arm. Sam noticed his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and waited for Sam’s next move.

“Can I have it?” asked Sam in his sweetest voice; Bucky’s eyes twinkled, and his lips turned up into a little smile.

“It’s _so_ _hard_ ,” said Bucky, shifting slightly under Sam’s weight and thrusting upwards a little, just enough so that Sam could _feel_ him. “It’s so, so hard to say no to you when you’re sittin’ in my lap, Wilson. But you’re gonna have to ask me a little nicer than that. C’mon, I _know_ you know how to ask me nicely.”

Bucky licked his lip and kept his eyes locked onto Sam’s.

_Shit_ , Sam’s own plan had backfired because he suddenly didn’t give a good goddamn about the fuckin’ remote. He placed his hand on Bucky’s chest, leaned in close to his ear, and whispered, “Keep it.”

Just then, they both heard the front door open as Steve entered. Sam scrambled quickly to get off of Bucky’s lap, and Bucky dropped the remote behind the couch. They each tried to get back to their spots on the sofa and act naturally.

“I couldn’t find a _whole_ bag of Snickers,” Steve called out as he walked into the living room placed the snacks down on the coffee table. “So, I got a king sized one.”

“That’ll do,” said Sam, trying not to let Steve know how flustered he was, as he leaned against the armrest and chewed his nail. Steve tossed the candy to him, and he caught it easily.

Bucky, with a cushion placed over his lap, stared straight ahead at the screen, before saying, “Did you get Doritos?”

“Yes, Buck, I got your Doritos,” said Steve with a smile and a shake of his head. “Do I need to turn the AC up? You look a little flushed, pal.”

Bucky shrugged and pretended his cheeks weren’t red.

“Nah, man,” he replied. “I’m fine. You okay, Wilson?”

“Yeah, dude. I’m good,” said Sam, not looking at either of them.

Steve clapped his hands together and said, “Alright. Let’s get this movie started. What’d you choose, Sammy?”

“I, uh, I didn’t choose anything,” Sam admitted. “Barnes took the remote and wouldn’t give it back to me, and then he tossed it behind the couch.”

“Jesus, Wilson, you’re such a goody two shoes snitch,” said Bucky, with no real malice behind his words.

“Really, guys?” said Steve, as he went to pick it up. “I leave you alone for twenty minutes and you act like teenagers again?”

Both Sam and Bucky shrugged as they kept their eyes forward. Steve just sighed and took up a seat in the recliner before asking, “Well, what’re we watching?”

“Don’t care,” said Bucky, as he stole a quick look at Sam.

“Whatever you like,” said Sam, glancing sideways at Barnes.

“Great, I got the perfect one,” said Steve as he selected the movie from the watch list. “I’m just gonna get the popcorn ready, don’t press play until I get back.”

Steve walked toward the kitchen and dimmed the lights as he went. The screen was the only illumination in the room. Bucky finally turned to look at Sam, who felt his gaze and turned to face him. Bucky shifted so that he was a little closer to Sam and offered him a teasing grin.

“You’re the worst,” said Sam with a hint of a smile.

“Maybe,” said Bucky. “But you fuckin’ like me.”

Steve came back into the room with a bowl of popcorn and took a seat on a cushion on the floor. He played the movie as Sam and Bucky kept looking over at one another. Steve offered his friends popcorn and was too engrossed in the movie to see Sam unwrap the Snickers, break it in half, and hand a piece of it to Bucky.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the love on this story. I appreciate you all, Dear Readers x

_Eight Years Ago_

_“You want some?” asked Bucky, as he held the joint out to Sam._

_Both boys were lying on their backs on Bucky’s small bed. Sam should have gone home; he should have, but he was too worried about Bucky. He didn’t want to leave him alone._

_“Nah,” said Sam, before growing contemplative a moment. “Y’know what? You smoke too much.”_

_“I don’t,” Bucky replied, taking another hit._

_“You kinda do,” said Sam as he rolled over and leaned up on his elbow. He looked down at Bucky, who was now gazing up at him with red, glazed-over eyes and half a smile on his lips._

_“I got stitches, ‘member?” said Bucky before he took one last pull of his joint, put it out in the ashtray beside his bed, and then pointed to his brow. “It helps with the pain.”_

_Sam hummed and said, “Yeah, okay.”_

_Bucky reached his hand up and tugged at the collar of Sam’s shirt._

_“You judgin’ me?” Bucky asked playfully._

_“Nope,” said Sam. “Just worried.”_

_“Aww, ‘cause you like me, eh Wilson?”_

_“Geez,” said Sam with a roll of his eyes. “I take it back.”_

_“You can’t take it back, now,” Bucky smiled in that annoyingly cocky way that he did._

_Sam rolled his eyes again, but there was no real irritation behind it. He and Bucky stared at one another a beat._

_“Does it really help with the pain?” asked Sam as he squinted and examined the wound closer._

_“Yeah, a bit,” Bucky replied in earnest. “You know what else helps?”_

_“Uh, takin’ the prescription drugs you were given?”_

_“You’re so cute when you’re bein’ a smartass,” said Bucky with a dopey grin. “Did you know that, Doctor Wilson?”_

_Sam just shrugged and smiled back at him before saying, “Yeah, yeah; I know. Now what else helps, so I can get it for you?”_

_“ You help with the pain,” said Bucky, and even though it was a sappy thing to say, Sam smiled coyly at him._

_“You’re so corny, Barnes,” he said._

_“Yeah, I know,” Bucky replied. “Now c’mere and gimme a kiss.”_

_Sam smiled down at him, licked his lips and then dipped his head. They kissed and Bucky winced a little; Sam noticed and pulled back._

_“Did I hurt you?” asked Sam with concern etched over his face._

_“Nah, not really,” Bucky replied. “Just stung a little bit, tha’s all.”_

_“Right, well, we’re not doin’ anymore of that for the rest of the night,” said Sam, as he reclined on the bed again. “Doctor’s orders.”_

_“Hey, come on,” said Bucky, as he leaned up on his elbow and looked down at Sam. “A little sting never hurt anybody.”_

_He draped his arm over Sam’s waist and smiled at him. Sam scrunched up his face and shook his head, though the hint of a smile crept over his lips._

_“I swear, you’re not gonna hurt me,” said Bucky. “It’s already healing.”_

_Sam reached his hand up pressed a tentative finger to where Bucky’s lip had been split. He then ghosted his touch close to where Bucky’s stitches were. His smile faded and Bucky noticed a sadness cloud his pretty brown eyes._

_“Were you scared when they jumped you?” asked Sam, as he sat up on the bed and folded his legs; Bucky mirrored him._

_“A little, but not really,” said Bucky as he ran his fingers through his hair and pulled it back into a bun. “I was more angry than anything. Those dicks have been givin’ me shit on-and-off since freshman year, y’know, when the rumors started.”_

_“When everyone said you were off kissin’ Riley at Scott’s birthday party that one time,” said Sam, as he dipped his head and wrung his hands together._

_“Yeah,” said Bucky. “I mean, I know Riley didn’t say who the boy was that he made out with, and he left town straight after, but I knew it was you.”_

_Sam lifted his head and looked at Bucky._

_“But I went ahead and said it was me,” Bucky added. “I mean, he was kinda cute, so I could do a lot worse in the rumor department. Thought I might as well say it was me.”_

_“Why?” asked Sam, still feeling guilty about it. “Why’d you even say anything? Riley left town; he went away.”_

_“Yeah, but the rumors didn’t go away,” said Bucky. “And I was gonna come out anyways, I thought I might as well take some of the heat off you.”_

_“You didn’t have to do that,” said Sam._

_“I know,” said Bucky. “I guess I was tryin’ to protect you.”_

_“You didn’t need to.”_

_“Of course I did,” said Bucky like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You weren’t ready for people to know, and you were my best friend.”_

_“What am I now?” asked Sam, before he could stop himself; Bucky took hold of his hand._

_“Still my best friend,” said Bucky. “Except now I get to kiss you like I always wanted to.”_

_Sam smiled timidly at Bucky and wondered if he was always that smooth._

_“You always wanted to kiss me?”_

_“Yeah, always,” Bucky admitted._

_“And you knew I made out with Riley at that party?”_

_“Yep.”_

_“How?”_

_“Because I was keepin’ an eye on you,” said Bucky. “Honestly, I didn’t like him hangin’ around for you. Thought about beatin’ his ass.”_

_“You did not!” said Sam as he playfully nudged Bucky; they both laughed._

_“Nah, I didn’t,” Bucky replied, as he entwined their fingers. “But I was so fuckin’ jealous.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah, dude. You spent most of the time with him and left me with Steve’s whiny ass.”_

_“Wait, what was Rogers whining about?”_

_“Peggy,” said Bucky as he rolled his eyes._

_“Even back then?”_

_“Yup.”_

_“Dumbass,” said Sam. “Why didn’t you come over and sit with us?”_

_“Nah, I couldn’t,” said Bucky. “I knew Riley was tryin’ to get with ya, and you seemed to like him back, so I gave you space.”_

_Sam gave Bucky an apologetic look and said, “Why’re you so good to me?”_

_“Because you deserve it,” said Bucky as he lifted Sam’s hand and kissed his knuckles._

_They shared a smile and then Sam said, “You didn’t deserve all o’ this. I’m sorry they hurt you.”_

_“It ain’t your fault; you don’t need to be sorry.”_

_“If I had’ve admitted it was me back then –”_

_“It wouldn’t have changed anything for me,” said Bucky. “I’m still gay; they still would’ve given me shit for it. What was important was that you stayed safe, okay? Your safety is the most important thing here, Sammy. You weren’t ready. You’re not ready, now. And you don’t have to come out if it’s not safe for you.”_

_“And what about you?”_

_Bucky smiled wryly and said, “I’m okay. My family accepts me. Stevie and Rhodey accept me. You let me kiss you. So, I’m doin’ okay. These dickheads who say shit and wanna fight me, they’re nothing. They’re never gonna be anything. They don’t matter to me. What matters is that the people I love care about me. That’s all that matters. I won’t be in this shithole forever, and I won’t have to deal with Rumlow and his minions forever. As long as I got my family, friends, and you, I’ll be okay.”_

_“I’m gonna kiss you right now, okay?” said Sam with a soft expression on his face. “And I’ll try not to hurt your mouth. You stop me if you feel any pain.”_

_Bucky gave him an equally soft look and then said, “The pain’s worth it, Sammy, so long as I get to kiss you.”_

_Present Day_

“I feel like a beached whale,” said Steve as he sprawled out on the floor.

“Well, why’d you stuff all the popcorn into your face hole?” asked Bucky, tossing a cushion in his direction; Steve caught it with one hand.

“Because that movie was intense and stressful, and you know I stress-eat,” Steve replied, placing the cushion under his head. “And you hogged all of the Gummy Bears.”

“You don’t even like ‘em, asshole,” Bucky replied.

“Yeah, but they would’ve kept me chewing for longer than the popcorn did,” Steve replied as Sam watched both of them.

Some things really never changed, their easy-going friendship being a prime example. Sam had to admit that being there with the two of them felt like old times, with the exception being that he and Bucky weren’t having a secret relationship. Sam glanced over at Bucky and wondered what it would be like to be out in the open and have a relationship with him now. Now that they were adults; now that they were mature.

“And don’t think I didn’t see you share half of the Snickers with Bucky,” said Steve to Sam in a joking manner, drawing him from his thoughts. “I thought you were _my_ best friend? Where’s the loyalty when it comes to sharing snacks?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Mister Don’t-Look-At-Me-While-I-Stress-Eat-All-The-Damn-Popcorn,” was Sam’s jovial retort.

Bucky turned his head to Sam and gave him a crooked smile, before saying, “You know he’s always liked me better, right Stevie?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve replied, giving Bucky a knowing look. “Get a room, why don’t ya.”

“Hold that thought,” said Bucky as his phone began to ring and he answered it. “Yeah, Nat?”

Steve and Sam left their friend to his phone call as Sam clambered from his comfortable spot on the sofa and began to tidy up. He scooped up the empty candy wrappers and dumped them in the empty popcorn bowl.

“You don’t have to do that,” said Steve, still unable to move from his spot.

“It’s cool, man,” Sam replied. “I’m about to take off, anyways. The least I can do is clean up a little before I go.”

“You headin’ past Walnut?” asked Bucky, holding the phone away from his mouth.

“Yeah,” said Sam. “You need a ride?”

“If it ain’t too much trouble,” said Bucky.

“All good,” said Sam.

Bucky winked at him and then said into the phone, “I’m gonna catch a ride with Sam – yeah, _Sam_ Sam – ha! Fingers crossed. Okay – okay, bye.”

“ _Sam_ Sam?” asked Steve.

“What?” Bucky replied.

“Nothin’,” said Steve, though he gave both of his friend knowing looks.

Bucky looked at Sam and gave him a lopsided grin before saying, “I’m ready when you are.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_The sun had disappeared and given way to the waxing moon. Thousands of bright stars littered the dark backdrop of the night sky as Bucky walked Sam home. While they did not live far from one another, and though Sam protested, Bucky insisted that he needed to make sure Sam got home safely._

_A soft, cool breeze whipped up around the pair as they ambled slowly beside one another. The evening was void of enough moonlight that they could stride hand-in-hand. Bucky avoided streetlights so that he would not have to relinquish his hold on Sam’s hand, as he was enjoying the intimacy too much. He led him along the road as they laughed and joked. It was a nice coda to an otherwise wearisome day. Bucky wished that it could always be like that; so did Sam._

_“Sammy?” Bucky asked, as he swung their arms back and forth ever so slightly._

_“Yeah?” Sam replied, as he turned his head to look at Bucky._

_“Remember when you asked me what you were to me now?”_

_“Sure,” said Sam. “I’m your best friend, right?”_

_“Yeah, course. And it’s true, you’re still my best friend, but, y’know, on account of the make-out sessions, and you holdin’ my hand, I wanted to know – I mean, I wanted to ask if you’d, I dunno, if you kinda sorta wanted to be my boyfriend?”_

_Sam was so overwhelmed by happiness that he did not give a second thought to what this meant. He stopped in his tracks and let go of Bucky’s hand. A swift panic rose in Bucky’s chest until he saw the bright smile on Sam’s face._

_Sam threw his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. Bucky wrapped his about Sam’s waist and nuzzled against his neck before whispering in his ear, “Is that a yes?”_

_Sam giggled and pulled back, “Yes. That’s a yes.”_

_“Oh, thank God,” Bucky said with a relieved laugh._

_Bucky’s face actually hurt, and not from the injuries, but from his wide smile. His heart felt so full. Sam had said yes; Samuel Thomas Wilson was his fucking boyfriend. They shared a quick kiss and continued along their way, each wearing a content grin. A sense of serenity hovered around them, and Bucky held Sam’s hand tighter because he felt like he just might float away if he didn’t grasp onto something._

_“What’re you gonna tell your old man?” Bucky suddenly asked._

_Sam felt his heart sink upon hearing the question._

_“I can’t tell him about us, Buck,” said Sam, as he knit his brow. “He doesn’t understand. He’d make sure I never saw you again. I can’t tell him.”_

_Sam’s hand started shaking as he pulled it away from Bucky’s._

_“Hey, Sammy,” said Bucky softly, as he reached out to him and rubbed his arm. “It’s okay. That’s not what I was talkin’ about. I meant what were you gonna tell him about comin’ home late and missin’ dinner.”_

_“Oh,” said Sam, somewhat relieved. “I, uh. I dunno. I’ll say I was with Steve doin’ homework or something.”_

_“Okay,” said Bucky. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”_

_Sam nodded his head and an unease settled around them. They walked in silence until Bucky spoke again._

_“He doesn’t like me, does he?”_

_“I dunno,” said Sam. “It’s not that –”_

_“It’s okay,” said Bucky, though he felt a little disheartened. “I don’t care if he likes me or not, as long as you do.”_

_Sam nudged Bucky’s shoulder with his and said, “I do like you.”_

_Bucky smiled at Sam and took his hand once more._

_“Good,” said Bucky. “That’s all that matters.”_

_Present Day_

Sam wondered why his car suddenly felt so small with him and Bucky sitting in Steve’s driveway. The other man fixed his seatbelt in place as Sam started the engine. They looked at one another and shared a shy smile and Sam felt like a seventeen-year-old kid again.

“Where abouts do you stay?” asked Sam as he began to reverse the vehicle.

“Over on Walnut,” said Bucky.

“Is it cool if I stop for gas first?” asked Sam, wondering if he sounded as nonchalant as he was trying to. The car had a quarter of a tank, Bucky noted, as he glanced at the dash.

“You’re not even on empty,” said Bucky.

“So?”

“So, if you wanna hang out with me a little longer, Wilson, just fuckin’ say so,” said Bucky with that self-assured grin that made Sam feel weak.

“Were you always like this?” asked Sam, trying not to smile. “Were you always a cocky asshole?”

Bucky laughed and tucked his stray hair behind his ear.

“Probably,” said Bucky, before running his tongue over his bottom lip. “But don’t change the subject. You wanna hang out with me for a little while longer or not?”

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah, alright. Let’s hang out. Let me get some gas though, and we can take a drive if you like.”

Bucky beamed brightly at Sam and said, “Okay. Let’s do that.”

…..

There weren’t many places to drive to in their town. They did a few laps downtown, before Bucky suggested that they find somewhere to stop and talk. They settled for a park near their old high school and sat side-by-side on top of a concrete table. A nearby streetlight illuminated the area and Bucky was grateful for it because it afforded him the chance to take in Sam’s appearance.

He was still the most gorgeous guy Bucky had ever laid eyes on. His hair was shorter than Bucky remembered, but still lined up neatly; his tidy goatee framed his lovely lips nicely. His eyes were still the prettiest that Bucky had ever seen.

Sam was talking about how the town felt oddly the same as it did years ago, but Bucky was distracted by Sam’s beauty.

“Barnes?” said Sam, drawing Bucky’s attention. “You listening?”

“Sorry,” said Bucky. “Lost my train of thought there for a second. Forgot how stunning you are. Could sit here and watch you talk all night.”

Sam’s face grew warm at Bucky’s words, but he recovered quickly.

“You’re happy to _watch_ me talk, but you ain’t listening?” Sam teased, trying to ignore the way his tummy was doing little flips.

“Sorry, doll face,” said Bucky with a sweet smile. “What were you sayin’?”

“I don’t even know, now,” said Sam with a little nervous laugh; he was feeling flustered by the way Bucky was staring at him.

Bucky let out an amused chortle, and then stood up.

“C’mon,” he said. “Let’s go for a walk to the school.”

….

The pair walked shoulder-to-shoulder over to the football field. The moonlight lit their way, though each time Sam would step on uneven ground, Bucky would reach over to touch his arm to ensure he remained steady on his feet; Sam didn’t mind. They made their way to the bleachers and took up a seat.

“You sure we won’t get in trouble for bein’ here?” asked Sam.

Bucky smiled and said, “You’re such a goody two shoes.”

Sam feigned offense and placed his hand to his chest.

“Hey, I don’t want to get arrested for trespassing,” he supplied.

“No one’s getting’ arrested,” said Bucky. “The security guard is still Old Stanley. If he comes by, I’m pretty sure we can outrun him.”

“Hey, I’m a slow bitch, remember?” said Sam, causing Bucky to laugh.

“Yeah, but surely you gotta be faster than Old Stanley?”

“I dunno,” Sam replied with a smile. “Hope we don’t have to find out.”

Bucky offered a nod of his head.

“So, the school feels weird at night when there’s no one around.”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied. “It’s fuckin’ eerie, dude.”

“Why’d you like comin’ here at nighttime when we were kids?”

“To smoke weed on school grounds,” said Bucky, like it was the obvious answer.

“Why?”

“Because fuck ‘em, that’s why.”

Sam laughed and said, “Textbook bad boy.”

“Hey, I never said I was a bad boy,” said Bucky as he nudged Sam’s shoulder with his.

“I never thought you were,” said Sam nostalgically. “I always thought you were sweet and kind.”

“I’m still sweet, Sammy,” said Bucky as he shifted a little closer. “If you wanna be reminded, you just let me know.”

Sam stared at Bucky and let his lips turn up into a smile before saying, “I just might.”

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and someone called out, “Hey! You can’t be here right now! You’re trespassing!”

They began to approach quickly, and Bucky got to his feet and said, “Shit! That ain’t Old Stanley. Come on!”

He took hold of Sam’s hand, dragged him to his feet, and then started running.

“Hey! Get your asses back here!” the security guard said as they pursued the two men who were laughing as they made their getaway, hand-in-hand.

The guard’s flashlight and footfalls were urging them forward. Bucky was leading Sam, who was finding it hard to keep up.

“Buck! Slow down,” said Sam, to no avail.

“No way,” Bucky called back. “I’m not lettin’ you get in trouble.”

Sam glanced behind when they neared the fence; the flashlight was no longer being waved about wildly. The security obviously gave up on the fruitless chase.

“They’re not following us anymore,” said a breathless Sam as they reached the fence and then began to scale it.

When Sam reached the other side, Bucky took his hand again and started to sprint back to the park. Sam let himself be led by the other man until they were standing near a tree and laughing.

“What the fuck was that?” asked Sam amusedly. “Why’d we run?”

Bucky chuckled loudly and said, “I don’t fuckin’ know. But that wasn’t Old Stanley, so I wasn’t gonna take my chances.”

The pair fought to catch their breaths as their laughter slowly subsided. It was then that Sam realized he was still holding Bucky’s hand. Instinctively, he ran his thumb over Bucky’s and then held his gaze. Still breathless, with adrenaline coursing through him, Sam stepped closer to Bucky and then pinned his body against the tree. He reached up and tucked his stray hair behind Bucky’s ear before leaning in and kissing Bucky’s lips.

Barnes responded immediately by deepening the kiss; his tongue coaxed Sam’s lips apart as he reacquainted himself with the other man’s mouth. He wrapped his arms around Sam’s back and pulled him closer as their kiss grew more desperate.

Sam’s head was swimming. _Fuck_. He missed this. He missed kissing Bucky. Tasting him. Having his body pressed against him. It was as if no time had passed between them at all. It felt so right, to be kissing his childhood sweetheart under the moonlight. They reluctantly broke apart, resting their brows together, both breathless.

Bucky brought his hand up to cup Sam’s face.

“Jesus, Sammy,” he whispered as he ran his thumb over Sam’s bottom lip. “I missed that so much.”

Sam smiled and replied, “Yeah, me too.”

They shared another kiss; it was languid and sensuous. Bucky kissed Sam like they had all the time in the world; like they were the only two people in the world. And everything around them melted into a haze of pleasured little moans, swollen lips, and racing hearts as they embraced one another under the forgiving night sky.

_Eight Years Ago_

_“Someone will see us,” said Sam, as he and Bucky stood whispering to one another in his front yard._

_“I just wanna kiss my boyfriend goodnight,” said Bucky._

_“I know,” said Sam. “I wanna kiss you, too.”_

_“Well, c’mere then,” said Bucky as he took Sam’s hand and led him to the large tree that stood off to the right of the yard. “The neighbors won’t see us here.”_

_Sam smiled at him and let Bucky walk him backwards until his back was pressed against the bark. He leaned in and gave Sam a soft kiss; Sam was careful not to hurt Bucky’s lip. They drew apart and then hugged one another. Sam draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders as Bucky pulled him close and wrapped his arms about his waist._

_They stayed like that, swaying back and forth a little, not wanting to let go, until the front porch light came on and Paul Wilson called out, “Sam! Get your behind in this house right now!”_


	5. Chapter 5

_Eight Years Ago_

_The only sound in the dimly lit living room was the humming of the overhead fan. Sam sat on the sofa with his gaze averted, letting the uncomfortable silence settle around him. His father had given him the first part of his lecture and had taken a moment to collect the rest of his own thoughts._

_“This coming and going as you please is unacceptable,” said Paul._

_“But I’m seventeen-years-old, Dad,” said Sam as he shifted in his seat.  
  
“Oh, so you think that means you’re grown?”   
  
“No, sir,” said Sam.  
  
“That’s right,” said Paul. “You’re not grown. And while you’re in this house, you abide by our rules. That means you get home before dinner, no excuses.”  
  
“I know, Dad. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Where were you? Were you at James’ house?”_

_Sam thought about lying to his father, but it was no use; Paul had seen him with Bucky. He had seen them embracing, and probably more. He had made sure he told Bucky to run along home. There was no use in lying.  
  
“Yes, sir,” Sam admitted, under his father’s scrutinising gaze.   
  
Paul let out a disappointed sigh.  
  
“We talked about this, Sam,” said Paul. “I don’t want you hanging around with him. He’s trouble.”  
  
“He’s my friend,” said Sam, as he lifted his head.  
  
“Your friend, uh?”   
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Is that why you were out in the front yard lettin’ him put his hands all over you for the whole neighborhood to see?”  
  
“It wasn’t even like that,” said Sam. “We were huggin’ goodnight. That’s all.”  
  
“You know I’m in no position to judge anyone, but I don’t want any son of mine lettin’ another boy touch him like that.”  
  
“Geez, Dad, it was just a hug!” said Sam out of frustration.   
  
“Watch your tone when you talk to me,” said Paul sternly. “James is not the type of boy I want you to be friends with. He is not welcome at this house, and you’re not to go to his house. Do you understand?”   
  
“This is so unfair, Dad!”  
  
“Sam, keep your voice down,” he chastised. “I don’t want you hangin’ around that boy anymore. Do you understand?”  
  
Sam felt tears welling in his eyes.  
  
“Yes,” he replied. “I understand.”_

_“Good, now go to your room.”  
  
Feeling defeated, Sam dragged himself up off of the couch and made his way to his bedroom. That night, as Sam lay curled up on his bed, he cried himself to sleep while wishing Bucky was there._  
  
 _Present Day_  
  
“I had a really great time, Sammy,” said Bucky with a soft expression on his handsome face; he undid his seatbelt.  
  
“Yeah, so did I,” Sam replied with a gentle smile.   
  
Bucky took hold of his hand and stared into his eyes. The question was on his lips, but he wasn’t sure he should ask it. He didn’t want to push things with Sam. They had spent the better part of the evening making out in the park like a couple of lovestruck teens. Bucky didn’t want the night to end. He was a little scared that Sam wouldn’t want to kiss him anymore when the sun came up. He swallowed and found his courage.  
  
“Did you wanna come inside?” asked Bucky, giving Sam a hopeful look as he ran his thumb over Sam’s.   
  
“I dunno, Buck,” said Sam. “I—“  
  
“We don’t have to do anything,” said Bucky quickly. “Or we can do whatever you want. I just don’t want the night to end. But no pressure, okay?”  
  
Sam’s heart was beating so fast. He wanted to go inside with Bucky. He, too, didn’t want the night to be over.   
  
“Okay,” said Sam as he bit his bottom lip. “I wanna go inside.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied with a smile. “I’m not ready for it to be over, either.”  
  
 _Eight Years Ago_  
  
 _Sam Wilson may not have been grown, but he was determined to make his own decisions, even if they might get him in trouble with his father.  
  
“You sure about this, Sam?” asked Steve as they walked to their respective lockers.  
  
“Yeah, man,” said Sam. “My dad doesn’t want me to hang out with Bucky, but I’m worried about Bucky, after he got into that fight. And I — I’m gonna be a good friend to him and I don’t care what my old man says.”  
  
“Okay,” Steve said with a nod. “So, run it by me again.”  
  
“If my dad calls your house, you make sure to answer the phone,” said Sam. “Then tell him I’m in the bathroom and can I call him back. Then you call me at Bucky’s, and I’ll call my dad back.”  
  
“Alright,” said Steve. “I hope this works.”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
“Sammy?”  
  
“Yeah, Stevie?”  
  
“Can I ask you somethin’?”  
  
“Course.”  
  
“You and Buck,” Steve said in hushed tones. “What’s goin’ on there?”  
  
“What d’ya mean?” asked Sam, feeling as if his friend had caught on.  
  
“I mean, are you two, y’know?”  
  
“Nah, man,” Sam lied. “I’m not like that. We’re just friends.”  
  
“It’s okay if you are.”  
  
“I know,” said Sam, feeling terrible. “But I’m not. Bucky’s just a good friend. That’s all.”  
  
_

_  
....._

_  
  
The kiss that Bucky planted on Sam’s lips made the lie he told to his father worth it.  
  
“I wanted to do that all day,” said Bucky as he led Sam to his bed.   
  
They sat down and smiled at one another. Bucky held Sam’s hand.   
  
Just then, Bucky’s bedroom door swung open and his little sister, Becca, came barging in. Sam pulled his hand away from Bucky. And while it hurt his heart, he understood: They were keeping their relationship secret.  
  
“Bec, you can’t just burst in here like that,” said Bucky as he got to his feet and got ready to toss her out.  
  
“Is Cheeto in here?” she asked as she fell to the floor and looked under Bucky’s bed.  
  
“No, I haven’t seen your stupid cat,” said Bucky. “Now get out.”  
  
“He’s not stupid, you are.”  
  
Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose.  
  
“Becca, get out!”  
  
She poked her tongue out at her brother and then left as abruptly as she had come.   
  
“Sorry,” said Bucky as he locked the door. “She’s a brat.”  
  
“She’s a cutie pie,” said Sam.  
  
“She’s a demon spawn,” Bucky as he fell down on the bed next to Sam.   
  
“You love her,” said Sam as he nestled down near Bucky, who shifted so that Sam’s head was resting on his arm.   
  
“Yeah, but she needs to learn how to knock,” said Bucky. “We could’ve been foolin’ around.”  
  
“You should’ve locked the door,” said Sam.  
  
“It’s locked now,” said Bucky. “So, you wanna fool around or what?”   
  
Sam could hear the smile in his voice. He draped his arm over Bucky’s waist and said, “Maybe later. It’s nice layin’ here like this.”  
  
“Yeah,” said Bucky happily.  
  
Silence pervaded before Sam broke it.  
  
“Buck?”  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“Y’know the stuff we did on the camping trip?”   
  
“Yeah,” he replied with a smile. “What about it?”  
  
“Was I good at it?”   
  
“The hand-job?” said Bucky, causing Sam’s face to go warm.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“No complaints from me,” said Bucky with a wide grin.  
  
“I never did that before, y’know?” said Sam as he traced his fingers over Bucky’s abdomen.   
  
“Well, I loved it,” said Bucky. “And thank you.”  
  
“God, Barnes, you don’t have to thank me for it,” said Sam with a shy laugh.   
  
“Nah, I meant thank you for trusting me to be the first guy you did that with,” he replied as he rubbed Sam’s arm.   
  
They went quiet again and Bucky closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of having his boyfriend pressed against him.  
  
“Buck?”  
  
“Yeah, Sammy?”  
  
“Have you fooled around with a lot of other guys before?”  
  
“Not a lot,” said Bucky. “Only a couple of guys, I’m not a slut or anything.”  
  
Sam slapped his tummy playfully and said, “I know. I was just curious because — ugh, never mind. It’s embarrassing.”  
  
“Hey, it’s okay. Say what you were gonna say.”  
  
“Alright, so, remember in the tent when you — y’know.”  
  
“God, you’re so fuckin’ cute and innocent,” said Bucky as he pressed a kiss to Sam’s head. “You mean when I sucked you off?”  
  
Sam’s face got warmer.   
  
“Yeah, when you did that,” said Sam coyly. “Did you do that to other guys before?”  
  
“Sammy, why’re you askin’ about other guys?” said Bucky.   
  
“I dunno,” Sam replied. “It’s just that I don’t have a lot of experience, and you were really good at it, and what if I wanted to do other things with you or to you, but I end up sucking at them?”  
  
“Hey, If you’re gonna give me head, Wilson, then suckin’ is real important,” Bucky joked, earning another playful slap from Sam.  
  
“I’m serious, Buck,” he said, though there was a hint of a smile playing in his lips.   
  
“Sorry, baby,” said Bucky. “Keep talkin’.”  
  
“So, what if I wanna try other things and I’m not good at them?”  
  
“Then we’ll fuckin’ practice until you get good. But don’t feel like you gotta do anything more than jerk me off,” said Bucky earnestly. “Hell, you don’t even gotta do that ever again if you don’t wanna.”  
  
Sam smiled.  
  
“I feel safe with you,” Sam proffered. “I feel like I can try things with you.”  
  
“You can,” said Bucky. “You’re so safe with me, Sammy. I promise. And whatever you wanna do, we can try it together.”  
  
Sam lifted his head and shifted so that he could kiss Bucky’s lips. He then returned to their former position.  
  
“Thank you,” said Sam with a smile. “But I think - no I know - I’ll wanna do that again. I liked it. Did you really like it?”  
  
“I did,” said Bucky. “Felt real nice, Sammy.”   
  
“Would you like it if I, y’know, put my mouth down there?” Sam asked bashfully.   
  
“Shit, Sammy, I’d love that,” Bucky supplied. “But no pressure, okay?”  
  
Sam smiled and said, “Okay.”_

_  
  
Present Day_

_  
_  
By the time Sam and Bucky had made it to his front door, they were all over one another. Bucky had Sam’s back pressed against the door as he tried to unlock it while keeping his mouth lapping at the sensitive skin of Sam’s neck. After finally getting it open, he walked Sam backwards inside, lips locked together, as he fumbled around and turned on the light.

They continued their heated kisses as Bucky’s hands found Sam’s backside. Bucky lifted Sam up easily; his body was pliant to Bucky’s touch. Sam draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and wrapped his legs about his waist. Bucky carried him a few paces and sat him down on entryway table, before positioning himself between his legs and kissing him some more.   
  
Sam’s hand found its way up under Bucky’s shirt. His chest and abs felt firm; his skin was searing. Sam wanted to feel more of him, so he tugged at the shirt before the owner of the garment removed it by swiftly pulling it over his head. Sam took in Bucky’s appearance a moment before running his hand over his muscular form.   
  
“Shit, Barnes,” said Sam; his voice an octave lower than normal and laced with desire. “You filled out real nice.”  
  
Bucky gave him a smile and said, “And I bet you’re still perfect all over, Sammy.”  
  
He closed the distance between them and caught Sam’s lips with his again. The kiss was frantic and messy. Sam all but hummed into Bucky’s mouth when Bucky pushed his hips forward and brushed his growing arousal against Sam’s.

Bucky cupped Sam’s ass and then kissed his neck. As Sam tilted his head back so that Bucky had better access, he bumped the framed print that was fixed to the wall, and it crashed to the floor.

“Shit, sorry ‘bout that,” said a breathless Sam.

“I don’t even care, baby,” said Bucky as he pulled Sam closer to him by the hips and pressing his mouth back to Sam’s skin.   
  
“Buck? Is that you?” called a voice from the living room. “Bucky?”  
  
“Shit,” said Bucky as he ceased his sucking of Sam’s collarbone.

  
“Oh, God! Can’t you go into the bedroom?”  
  
“Becca, what the fuck?” said Bucky as he turned to see his sister standing in the entrance to the living room with her hands over her eyes.   
  
Sam slid from off of the table and tried to straighten his clothing and readjust himself in his pants.   
  
“Becca? Bec. Hey, move your hands. We’re not naked.”  
  
She did as she was told as Bucky found his discarded shirt and pulled it on. Sam was standing behind him, absolutely mortified at being caught by the younger Barnes.   
  
“What’re you doing here?”  
  
“I was at a party and didn’t like the vibe, so I thought I would crash here,” she explained, a little wobbly in her feet; Bucky could tell she was drunk.   
  
“How much have you had to drink?” he asked.  
  
“Not a lot,” she replied. “But Mom would lose her shit if I went home like this. But I didn’t know you were hookin’ up, Buck. I can leave if you want.”  
  
“No, Bec, it’s okay,” said Bucky. “Have you eaten?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Alright, well, go back to the living room, and I’ll make you something, okay?”  
  
“Okay,” she said with a smile. “Hey, Dude-Who’s-Hookin’-Up-With-My-Brother. I’m sorry I ruined your night.”  
  
Sam stepped forward and said, “It’s okay, Becca.”  
  
“Shit,” she said as she narrowed her eyes and pointed. “Is that Sam Wilson? Is it you, Sam Wilson? That’s Sam Wilson. Hey, Sam Wilson!”  
  
Sam laughed and said, “Hey, Becca.”  
  
She gave him a wide smile and then looked at her brother, before giving him two thumbs up, and saying, “Nice goin’, Buckaroo.”  
  


  
....  
  


  
“Make sure to leave her some Aspirin and a huge ass pitcher of water to wake up to,” said Sam as he and Bucky stood out near his car.  
  
“Doctor’s orders?”  
  
“Yeah, dude,” said Sam with a smile. “Doctor’s orders.”  
  
“Hey, so I had the best time tonight,” said Bucky, as he stepped closer to Sam. “Y’know, before we were interrupted.”  
  
“So did I,” said Sam in earnest, as he gripped the hem of Bucky’s shirt.   
  
“Can I see you again?” Bucky asked softly. “Tomorrow night?”  
  
“I got a night shift,” said Sam. “But I’ll definitely let you know when I’m free.”  
  
Bucky smiled at him, before placing his hands to Sam’s hips and pulling him closer.  
  
“Can’t wait,” said Bucky before he leaned in and kissed Sam’s lips.

  
After they broke apart, and Sam left, Bucky made his way back inside. He checked on his sister, who was sleeping soundly on the couch. He then went and did the dishes. About ten minutes later, he felt a notification come through on his phone. He took it out of his pocket and then checked: Sam Wilson had accepted his friend request.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is longer than usual. I hope you all like it. I will be replying to comments soon! Thank you all for the love.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee was a godsend for Sam as he made his way into the kitchen of his family home. He loved how it always felt familiar. Even after he had been away for so long, the good parts, and not-so-good-parts of being at home always felt the same.

“You let me sleep in, Mama,” said Sam as he kissed Darlene good morning and then sat at the kitchen table with her and Paul.

“I knew you got in late last night,” she said. “Thought you needed the rest.”

“Aww, thank you,” Sam said with a sweet smile.

“How was the movie?” asked Paul, glancing over the top of his newspaper.

“Oh, we didn’t go out to the theater,” said Sam. “Just watched something at Stevie’s.”

“That’s nice, baby,” said Darlene. “You want me to make you somethin’ to eat?”

“No, thank you. Finish your food,” said Sam. “I’ll fix somethin’ for myself. Dad, you want some more coffee?”

“Yes, thanks, son,” Paul replied, handing his cup over to Sam and then glancing up at him. “For goodness sake, Samuel.”

“Dad?”

“Watching movies with Steve? Really?” he asked as he pointed to Sam’s neck.

“What?”

“I may not be a young man anymore, but I know a hickey when I see one,” said Paul.

“Oh, Sammy,” said Darlene. “Why didn’t you tell us you had a date? Who are they? Anyone we know?”

Sam groaned and finished pouring the coffee and said, “It’s not what you’re both thinkin’.”

“Baby, it’s okay,” said Darlene. “You haven’t brought anyone home to meet us since high school. It’s great you’re dating someone. We’d love to meet them.”

“Ma, please,” said Sam. “I’m not seein’ anyone. Especially not anyone from here.”

“There are some really lovely young ladies here, Samuel,” said Paul. “You’re almost finished with your studies for good. It’s time to start thinkin’ about settling down and having a family of your own. While I don’t approve of you bein’ out all hours and comin’ home with hickeys, it’s nice that you’re seeing someone here. And if she’s any kind of young lady, she’d agree to come and meet us.”

“Christ.”

“Sam, watch how you speak in this house,” said Paul sternly.

“Sorry, Dad, it’s just I wish y’all weren’t in my business all the time,” said Sam as began to walk away. “You’re suffocating me.”

…..

After his shower, Sam checked himself over in the bathroom mirror.

“Fuckin’ Barnes,” he murmured as he saw the very visible dark bruising on his neck where Bucky had left suck marks.

He grabbed his shirt and then made his way back into his bedroom. After closing his door, he flopped down onto his bed and checked his messages on his phone. There was a message from Steve and two from Bucky.

He checked Steve’s first; it was just a quick thank you for movie night saying they should all do it again soon. His heart rate quickened, in spite of himself promising not to be as affected as he was, while he checked Bucky’s messages. The first told him thanks for giving him his number; the second said that Becca was hungover and was asking about him. The third, that just came through, was Bucky saying how much of a great time he had the night before. Sam called him; he answered right away.

“Hey, Sammy.”

“You’re an asshole,” said Sam.

“What? What’d I do?” asked Bucky, suddenly worried.

Sam put his phone on speaker while he took out his bottle of lotion and started to smooth it over his skin.

“You gave me a fuckin’ hickey, Barnes,” said Sam; Bucky noted there was no real anger behind his voice. “And my parents saw it at breakfast.”

“So what? You’re a grown ass man,” said Bucky.

“I felt like a kid again,” said Sam. “You know how they’re always in my shit. It’s annoying. They won’t let me breathe.”

“They love you,” said Bucky. “Just worried about you.”

“I know, but still, it’s like they’re suffocating me.”

“Come over,” Bucky offered. “Let me take your mind off it.”

“I blame you and your thirsty ass,” said Sam causing Bucky to laugh.

“Sorry,” said Bucky. “Let me make it up to you. When’s your shift start?”

“From six,” said Sam.

“Well, let’s have lunch together.”

“Don’t you gotta go to work?”

“Not until later,” said Bucky. “Come on. Come over. Please?”

“Okay,” said Sam. “But don’t get any ideas, Barnes. I’m comin’ over to get outta this house, not to make out with you.”

Bucky laughed at how unconvincing Sam sounded, and said, “If you say so.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_For weeks, Sam and Bucky had been able to keep their relationship a secret. Sam was still able to sneak off to Bucky’s house without his father knowing. He had become quite adept at it and was becoming a regular guest at the Barnes residence, where he currently found himself once more._

_“Hello, Mrs Barnes,” said Sam as he was greeted at her front door. “Is Bucky in?”_

_He knew he was. It was Bucky’s birthday._

_“Hi, Sam,” Winnie Barnes smiled warmly. “He’s in his room, sweetie. You can head on up.”_

_She stepped aside and let Sam in. He thanked her and almost jogged up the stairs to Bucky’s bedroom. He could hear the sound of music coming from behind the door that was slightly ajar. Sam was just about to knock, when he realized that it was Bucky who was singing. A smile spread across Sam’s face as he pressed an ear to the gap so that he could hear better._

_“Hey, Sam Wilson,” said Becca Barnes, startling him. “Whatcha doin’ out here, besides bein’ weird?”_

_“Hey, Becca,” he said, feeling sheepish. “Not bein’ weird, just listenin’ to Bucky singing.”_

_“Oh, yeah. He ain’t even shut up at all today. Been singin’ all morning. He thinks he’s so good ‘cause he got a new guitar for his birthday,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Jerkface won’t even let me play it –”_

_“Yeah, ‘cause it ain’t a toy,” said Bucky, startling both of them._

_Sam gave him a bright smile, which he returned, before he grabbed Sam by the hand, pulled him into the room and locked the door. Bucky had Sam pinned to the door before Sam could even wish him a happy birthday. His lips found Sam’s as they shared a slow, languid kiss and held one another closely._

_“Hey, pretty boy,” said Bucky after he broke their kiss._

_“Hey, birthday boy,” Sam replied with a smile. “Happy birthday.”_

_“It is now that you’re here,” said Bucky, causing Sam’s face to flush with warmth. It did not matter how many times his boyfriend flirted with him, it always made Sam feel giddy._

_“I got you somethin’,” said Sam._

_“Yeah? You didn’t have to,” said Bucky with his arms around Sam’s waist._

_“Course I did,” said Sam. “You’re my boyfriend; I’m supposed to.”_

_“I love when you call me your boyfriend,” said Bucky before kissing Sam gently. They drew apart slowly before Bucky cupped his face and said, “God, Sammy. I love you.”_

_Sam felt as if there were a thousand little butterflies inside of his tummy. Bucky was staring at him with such adoration and sincerity that it made his heart skip a beat. Sam was speechless. He wanted to say it back. He did. He was just so struck by how overwhelmed he felt by those three simple words._

_“Hey,” said Bucky gently, though there was just the tiniest hint of hurt behind his clear blue eyes. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back.”_

_He pecked Sam’s lips again quickly, took hold of his hand, and then led him to the bed where they sat down._

_“Now, what’d ya get me?” he asked, and the moment for Sam to say it back passed._

_“Yeah, so, I went down to that second-hand record store that you like,” Sam explained as Bucky smiled at him. “And there was so much cool stuff that you’d like. And then I couldn’t decide what to get you. Then I started to overthink it, and I couldn’t really remember if you already had some of the records that I saw there. So, I got you these.”_

_Sam leaned to the side and pulled a brown paper bag from his pocket._

_“Sorry I didn’t wrap them,” he said as he held it out to Bucky. “Just pour them out on the bed.”_

_Bucky did so, and then his face lit up with a bright smile as the many multi-colored band buttons and stickers fell on his covers. He saw logos for Nirvana, The Clash, Black Flag and other bands Sam knew he was a fan of._

_“Sammy, I love them,” said Bucky as he picked them up and examined them. “These are so fuckin’ cool. Thank you.”_

_Sam smiled at his boyfriend._

_“These’ll go perfect on my new guitar,” said Bucky. “And I’m gonna wear all o’ these buttons tonight at dinner. Thank you, Sam. You’re the best.”_

_They shared a quick kiss before they were interrupted by a knocking on the door._

_“Piss off, Becca!” Bucky yelled out._

_“Hey, don’t be mean to Becca,” said Steve from the other side of the door. Sam instinctively pulled away from Bucky. “Door’s locked, Buck.”_

_The owner of the bedroom gave his boyfriend one more quick kiss before he went to let Steve in. The pair hugged as Steve wished him a happy birthday, then Rhodey followed behind Steve, and greeted Bucky in the same manner. They were a little surprised to see Sam there; he was becoming increasingly more difficult to get a hold of because he was not spending his spare time with them._

_“Wilson, it’s been a while,” said Rhodey as he went over to hug Sam._

_“Yeah,” said Sam as he embraced his friend. “What’s up, man?”_

_“Not a lot. We came over to wish this guy a happy birthday and find out if he’s partying later,” said Rhodey before turning to Bucky. “So, are we partying?”_

_Bucky looked at Sam; he had hoped the two of them would get some alone time after dinner with his family. But he realized that they were isolating themselves from their friends. Since their relationship was still nobody’s business but theirs, Bucky decided that he probably should do his best to maintain that – for Sam’s sake._

_“I dunno, dude,” said Bucky as he took a seat and threaded his fingers through his hair. “I got somethin’ to smoke, but that’s about it. No booze. I can try to get some, though.”_

_“Yeah, do that,” said Rhodey, as he pushed the buttons and stickers aside and sat down next to Bucky. “It’s your birthday; we should get at least a little shitfaced.”_

_“Rhodey’s right,” said Buck. “It’s my birthday, and I feel like I haven’t seen you guys much outta school, since you’re all busy with extra-curricula shit. We should party.”_

_“We shouldn’t be drinkin’,” Steve cut in._

_“He’s a man, now, Stevie,” said Rhodey. “Let the man celebrate.”_

_“Yeah,” said Bucky with a teasing grin._

_“You’re eighteen, Buck. Not twenty-one. How’re you gonna get booze?”_

_“You know that liquor store on Main?”_

_“Yeah, what about it?”_

_“That girl who works there thinks I’m hot,” said Bucky with a wink._

_“Who’s this girl?” asked Sam before he could stop himself._

_“Ray Williams’ big sister,” said Bucky, glancing at his boyfriend._

_“So, you reckon because she thinks you’re hot, she’ll sell you liquor?” asked Rhodey._

_“I know she will,” said Bucky. “She’s served me before; those beers we had out on the football field two weeks ago, I got ‘em from there. I just had to flirt with her a little and she didn’t even card me. Pretty sure I can get something harder than beer.”_

_“So, you just walked your narrow ass in there and she served you?” asked Rhodey with an impressed smile. “Does she know you’re gay?”_

_“I don’t know. Probably not,” said Bucky. “All I know is if you guys give me the cash, I’ll be able to get the drinks.”_

_“We’re not pimpin’ you out for liquor,” said Sam with an unimpressed look on his face. “No way. Not on your birthday. If you do, I’m tellin’ your mom, dude.”_

_Steve nodded his head and Rhodey threw up his hands._

_“Wilson, you buzz kill,” said Rhodey. “We had it in the bag, man.”_

_“Hold up. So, it’s cool that I smoke some weed?” said Bucky, a little surprised at Sam’s insistence on not getting the alcohol. “But the liquor’s a no-no?”_

_“You got the weed from Steve’s cousin, Reggie,” said Sam. “And you didn’t have to go and shake your ass for him to get it like you’re doin’ with this random chick.”_

_“I wasn’t shakin’ my ass for her,” said Bucky. “I just smiled at her and ran my fingers through my hair. It ain’t my fault she thinks I’m cute or whatever.”_

_“Whatever,” said Sam as he folded his arms._

_Bucky gave him a questioning look. He couldn’t tell if Sam was upset by the fact he was going to flirt with some girl, or that their plan to spend his birthday together had been highjacked by their friends._

_“Sammy,” said Rhodey. “It’s not a huge deal.”_

_“It’s illegal,” said Steve._

_“So is the weed,” said Bucky. “Remember to tell that to your cousin.”_

_“He’s my second cousin,” said Steve with a roll of his eyes._

_“Yeah, and I appreciate the fuckin’ family discount, Stevie,” said Bucky. “But can we please just agree to do something for my birthday? Please? I’m havin’ dinner with my family, and then we can do whatever the fuck we want after. I feel like doin’ something now.”_

_He looked over at Sam who seemed to be annoyed._

_“I’m in,” said Rhodey as he and Bucky slapped their hands together._

_“Rogers? Don’t be a pussy,” said Bucky._

_“Don’t say the p-word,” said Steve._

_“Sorry,” said Bucky. “Don’t be a huge, hairy dick. What d’ya say?”_

_“Okay,” said Steve. “I’ll be there because it’s your birthday and one of us has to be responsible.”_

_“Great,” said Bucky. “Sammy? What about you, pretty boy? You in?”_

_“I don’t know,” said Sam. “My Dad won’t let me stay out drinking since I’m not grown, and neither are any of you assholes, maybe if he thinks I’m stayin’ at Steve’s—”_

_“I’m not drinking,” said Steve. “And you can stay over at my place.”_

_“Thanks, Stevie,” said Sam with a smile._

_“Can we all stay over at your place?” asked Bucky, realizing he just wanted to be wherever his boyfriend was. “Or do us drunk fucks have to go somewhere else?”_

_“You can all stay,” said Steve. “Where it’s safe. And here’s the deal: We get back there at a decent hour, definitely before two o’clock. No weed or cigarettes inside; no cooking. Lights out at two-thirty.”_

_“Okay, Dad,” said Bucky. “And I still get dibs on where I sleep?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Sweet, I’m takin’ your bed, Stevie,” said Bucky with a grin, before shooting Sam a playful look and raising his eyebrows slightly._

_“Okay,” said Steve. “We’ll be fine in the family room, right boys?”_

_“Yeah,” said Rhodey. “As long as I get the sofa bed. You and Wilson can have the air mattress on the floor.”_

_“Fine by us, right Sammy?” asked Steve as he gave Sam a smile._

_Sam nodded his head and replied, “Fine by me.”_

_“Cool, well I’ll go home and let mom know we’re havin’ a boy’s night,” said Steve._

_“I’ll come with you,” said Rhodey. “We’ll meet back here when?”_

_“Eight-thirty?” said Bucky._

_“Yep, sounds good,” said Rhodey as he and Steve said goodbye and left._

_Bucky locked the door again and then looked at Sam._

_“You okay?”_

_“Yeah,” said Sam as he took up a seat on the bed and started gathering up the buttons and stickers. The silence between them was thick._

_“You sure?”_

_“Yeah, I mean, I just thought we’d be alone,” said Sam as he placed Bucky’s gifts back into the bag._

_“I want to,” said Bucky. “You know I want to, but the boys, they don’t know about us, and we’ve always done things together on our birthdays. They’d think something was up if me and you didn’t wanna hang out with ‘em.”_

_“I guess so,” said Sam, keeping his gaze lowered._

_“Hey,” said Bucky. “Don’t be sad. We’re still gonna hang out, just with Stevie and Rhodey.”_

_“Yeah, but I won’t get to kiss you when I want to,” said Sam as he looked up at Bucky through his ridiculously long eyelashes. Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. Sam was so pretty._

_“You can kiss me whenever you want to, Sammy,” said Bucky, as he took hold of his hand._

_“Just not in front of our friends,” Sam reminded himself a little plaintively; Bucky gave his hand a squeeze._

_“I’m ready when you are,” Bucky reassured. “And I’ll wait for you to be ready. And imagine how good it’ll be when you can?”_

_Sam nodded his head._

_“It won’t always be like this, Buck, I promise,” said Sam. “One day, I’ll be able to kiss you on your birthday in front of everyone.”_

_That caused Bucky to smile._

_“But you gotta be one-hundred percent comfortable and ready,” Bucky added. “So, for tonight, let’s just have fun with those two assholes, and laugh at Stevie trying to make sure we don’t make too much noise when we stagger into his house later. Okay?”_

_“Okay,” Sam replied with a grin._

_“And we got all day,” said Bucky as he pulled Sam on top of him so that Sam was straddling his lap. “So, you can kiss me all you want.”_

_Present Day_

By the time Sam had left his family home to meet Bucky at his place, he had changed his outfit three times. _Three. Fucking. Times._ He silently chided himself for being so fastidious. He knew he’d get there, with his neat and tidy clothing, tucked in all the right places, and freshly pressed, and Bucky would just be lounging around in a band t-shirt, jeans, and no shoes. Sam smiled to himself at the thought of Bucky being Bucky.

He really wanted to see Bucky again and the anticipation was buzzing through him. Sam had to park out on the street when he arrived, because there was another car in the driveway. He checked himself in the visor mirror, grabbed his phone, and then proceeded up to Bucky’s front door. After ringing the bell, Sam smoothed down his clothing, a light blue Oxford button down and beige chinos, and waited. After a moment, Bucky was opening the door and smiling at him widely.

He dragged his eyes over Sam’s form and then said, “You look real nice, Wilson.”

Sam smiled and then took in Bucky’s appearance: He had his hair pulled back in a low bun; black jeans; and a tank top that had what looked like a Black Flag band logo on it, which instead read _Queer Flag_ and had rainbow colors where the white rectangles would normally be.

“Thanks,” said Sam, somewhat shyly. “So do you. Your top’s pretty cool. It’s like that band you like, Black Flag, right?”

Bucky had to smile at Sam’s observation. Even though they weren’t into the same music, Sam always paid attention to what Bucky liked.

“Exactly,” said Bucky. “It’s like Black Flag, but gay.”

“It suits you,” said Sam with a grin. “It’s cute.”

“Aww, you think I’m cute,” Bucky teased. “I think you are, too. Now get your ass inside.”

Bucky took hold of Sam’s hand and turned around. He hooked his thumb into the back of his own jeans, while still grasping onto Sam, and began to walk him into the house. Sam took Bucky’s lead and gripped onto the waist of his jeans and let himself be led into the kitchen.

Sam stopped in his tracks when he noticed that they weren’t alone. He withdrew his hands from Bucky and ran one over his hair. Bucky looked back at him and gave an encouraging smile, before taking a seat at the island counter.

“Sam Wilson,” said Winnie Barnes, as she got up from her seat and went to hug Sam. “Look at you.”

“Hello, Mrs Barnes,” said Sam amicably, as he hugged her back. “It’s so nice to see you.”

“Have a seat, sweetheart,” she offered, gesturing to the chair at the kitchen table.

“Thanks,” said Sam, as he took the seat.

“Bucky said you were back in town,” she said, wearing a bright beam. “You’re working here now? He said you’re a doctor?”

“Almost,” said Sam. “I’m a Resident. I have to finish my placement and then I’ll be certified.”

“That’s great to hear,” she said, smiling at Sam, and then at Bucky. “Will you be staying after you’re certified?”

Sam glanced at Bucky, then back at his mother, then said, “I – ah, I’m not sure. I have a place in DC that I’m subletting at the moment, so I’ve got a few decisions to make when my time’s done.”

“But you’re glad to be home?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s been really nice,” said Sam honestly.

“And you’re at your parent’s place?”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Sam. “It saves finding somewhere else to rent while I’m here.”

“How are your folks?”

“They’re good.”

“That’s good to know. I’m here to collect Becca,” said Winnie. “How’s your sister?”

“Sarah’s doin’ really well,” said Sam. “She started college not too long ago.”

“Is she a smarty pants like you?”

“Smarter,” said Sam with a smile.

“So, are you single, Sam?”

“Ma, come on,” Bucky interjected. “It’s like you’re interviewin’ him for a job.”

“I’m just catchin’ up, James,” she replied. “I’m not on the socialist media or anything like that –”

“ _Social_ media, Ma; you’re not on _social_ media,” said Bucky with an amused expression; Sam bit back a smile.

“That’s what I said,” Winnie replied. “I don’t keep up with everything, so it’s nice to see one of your friends back in town.”

“It’s good to be back,” Sam offered, genuinely pleased to see the woman who had always been so kind to him.

“So, have the two of you been, y’know, spending time together _reconnecting_?” asked Winnie as she gave Bucky a knowing look.

Sam felt his face grow warm. Was she asking if they’d been _seeing_ one another? Surely, she wasn’t.

“They were _reconnecting_ last night,” said Becca as she entered the room. “Makin’ a noise out in the hallway. I thought Buck was hookin’ up with some random dude, so I was relieved to see it was Sam Wilson.”

“Bec, shut the fuck up.”

“James, don’t speak to your sister like that.”

“She’s here tellin’ my business,” said Bucky. “Tellin’ Sam’s business.”

“Oh, please,” said Winnie. “You think I didn’t know the two of you were sneakin’ around when you were kids?”

Sam felt his face begin to burn as he sat there not saying anything.

“God, Ma,” said Bucky. “Just, stop, please. Sam, I’m sorry.”

“Should I go?” asked Sam, more to himself than anyone else, as he was suddenly feeling overwhelmed and exposed. “Yeah, I think I might go.”

“No, please,” said Bucky. “Thanks a lot, Big Mouth Becca.”

“Whatever, Jerkface James.”

“Knock it off, you two,” said Winnie. “Sam, I’m sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s none of my business. I’ll take this big mouth daughter of mine, and we’ll leave you two boys to enjoy your lunch, okay?”

Sam looked at Bucky’s pleading eyes, then at his mother’s kind ones, and said, “Okay. Thanks, Mrs Barnes.”

…..

After Bucky had seen his mother and sister out, he rushed back to where Sam was waiting for him and found him in the fridge looking for food.

“Thought we were doin’ lunch, Barnes?” Sam asked, before closing the fridge door and turning to face the owner of the house. “That was _not_ what I was expecting.”

Bucky sat at the island counter and said, “I’m sorry about them. My Ma was only here to pick Bec up, then she heard you were in town, and she wanted to say hey.”

Sam shrugged and said, “It’s fine. I’ve always liked your mom.”

“Yeah, but it’s not really fine,” said Bucky. “I know you don’t like people to know your business. I don’t want you to think I was flappin’ my gums.”

“Flapping your gums?” Sam snorted. “What, are you from the forties or something?”

“Shut up!” said Bucky with a grin as both men began to laugh. “You know what I meant.”

“Yeah,” said Sam. “And thank you.”

“Don’t even mention it,” said Bucky. “Now c’mere.”

Sam bit his bottom lip and then went to where Bucky was seated. Bucky gripped Sam’s waist and pulled him close so that he was positioned between his legs. He held Sam in place; Sam draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders.

“What I was sayin’ was, I don’t want you to think I went and told anyone about us.”

“Us?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “What happened with us last night, and what happened when we were kids. I never told anyone. Not even Stevie.”

Sam searched Bucky’s impossibly blue eyes and saw the sincerity therein.

“Why not?” asked Sam, as he absently played with Bucky’s hair.

“Because if you weren’t ready to tell your part, then I shouldn’t do it for you.”

“Why were you always so good to me?” asked Sam.

“You deserved to be treated good, Sammy,” Bucky replied. “You _deserve_ it now.”

“Even after everything I did?” asked Sam. “After everything I put you through?”

“We were kids,” said Bucky, as he drew Sam closer and breathed in his scent. “And you were allowed to have a secret, even if the secret was me.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_“I dunno, Buck,” said a concerned Steve as they stood under the streetlight at the corner of the block. “You should just come back to my place and sleep it off.”_

_“Nah, man, it’s cool,” said a tipsy Bucky. “Kinda wanna wake up in my own bed if I’m gonna have a hangover.”_

_“Sam, you sure you don’t wanna come, too?” asked Steve._

_“I’d better get home while it’s still kind of early,” said Sam, knowing full well he was going with his boyfriend._

_“I’ll take care of him,” said Bucky, as he flung his arm over Sam’s shoulder and started to lead him away. “Make sure he gets home okay. See you when we’re lookin’ at you.”_

_“Okay, goodnight,” said Steve._

_“Happy birthday,” said Rhodey._

_“Same to you,” said Bucky, causing them all to laugh._

_When Sam and Bucky rounded the corner, Bucky removed his arm from Sam’s shoulder and caught his waist. He then pressed him against a hedge before planting a messy kiss to his lips. The pair swayed a little as they shared a passionate embrace._

_“I wanted to do that all fuckin’ night,” said Bucky before kissing Sam’s jaw and then neck._

_“Me, too,” said Sam. “I kept thinkin’ about how I was gonna sneak off from the boys and go to you in Steve’s room.”_

_“I was thinkin’ about how I was gonna get you to come in there so we could screw around and make a mess on Stevie’s bed.”_

_“He’d kill us,” said Sam with a laugh._

_“I’d take the blame. I wouldn’t let you get in trouble,” said Bucky before kissing Sam once more. “Come on, let’s get you home.”_

_“I was kinda hopin’ to go back to your place,” said Sam, shyly._

_“Yeah?” asked Bucky, as his tone changed._

_“Yeah, I thought we could, y’know, get some practice in,” Sam proffered._

_“Hmm,” said Bucky as he let his hand fall down to Sam’s backside, where he gave it a squeeze. “My Ma’s gotta work early, so we can’t make a lotta noise.”_

_….._

_After moving through the Barnes residence as quietly and quickly as they could manage, Sam and Bucky stood giggling in the latter’s bedroom as he tried to take his clothes off._

_“You need help, Barnes?” Sam whispered._

_Bucky nodded._

_“Well get you ass over here then,” said Sam, as he sat down on the bed and waved Bucky over._

_Bucky stood in front of Sam and glanced down at him. Sam placed his hands to the hem of Bucky’s shirt and lifted it._

_“I got it, baby,” said Bucky as he drew it up over his head; he tossed the shirt to the floor; it landed with a heavier-than-normal-sound because of the buttons his boyfriend had gifted him with._

_“Well, what do you need help with, then?” asked Sam in a teasing tone that drove Bucky crazy._

_“This,” said Bucky, as he took Sam’s hands and placed them to the waist of his jeans. “But only if you want to.”_

_Sam smiled up at him and then began to undo his button and zipper, before saying, “I want to.”_

_Present Day_

Sam and Bucky had both forgotten about lunch as they fell into bed. The afternoon daylight streamed through the lacy, white curtains in Bucky’s bedroom. Easy rays danced over Sam’s naked skin and the soft sheen of sweat that covered him caused him to glisten. Bucky had to stop kissing him a moment and stare down at him. He was even more lovely now, bathed in sunlight, than he had been the night before under the glowing moon. Bucky ran his hand down the side of Sam’s face before kissing his lips gently once more. Then, he went back to staring as he caressed Sam’s body.

“What?” asked Sam, noticing that Bucky’s gaze was lingering.

“I’ve never seen anyone lovelier than you,” Bucky whispered as he brought his hand back to Sam’s face; he cupped his chin and then brushed his thumb over Sam’s lips. “Not ever.”

Sam smiled prettily at Bucky and then said, in a teasing manner, “Bet you say that to all the guys.”

“Ain’t no other guys, baby,” Bucky whispered. “I only wanna be with you.”

“Then what are you waitin’ for?” Sam replied in the same hushed, breathless tone as he reached up and placed his hand at the back of Bucky’s head and pulled him in for a kiss.

It did not matter how many times he kissed Sam Wilson, it always felt the same for Bucky. He felt so lightheaded, almost dizzy, as their lips and tongues met. Soft, pleasured moans escaped their busy, eager mouths as they each sought more. More warmth; more pressure. More. _God,_ he needed more.

Bucky broke their kiss and pressed his keen lips to Sam’s smooth skin. He lapped at Sam’s neck while his hands traversed the firmness of Sam’s strong yet pliant body. Bucky shifted closer, covering Sam’s form with his. Their heat and sweat mingling together in the most delicious way. Bucky took hold of Sam’s leg and lifted it, as he hooked it up and wrapped it about his waist. He needed to be closer to Sam. He needed more.

“Hmmm,” Sam moaned, as he thrust his hips upward, causing his sex to brush against Bucky’s.

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered against Sam’s neck as he relished in the sweetness of the contact. “You wanna touch me, baby?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied.

“Go on then,” Bucky urged as he took Sam’s hand and guided it between their bodies.

Sam found Bucky’s erection and wrapped it in his grasp. He stroked the shaft up and down a few times before thumbing the wetness at his slit. Sam then pressed his own dick against Bucky’s as he rubbed them together.

“Shit, Sammy, that feels so good,” said Bucky before he bit into Sam’s shoulder ever so slightly.

Sam continued to stroke both of their cocks as they shared a passionate kiss. Bucky broke it, before whispering into Sam’s mouth.

“I wanna taste you, baby,” he said before licking his tongue across Sam’s bottom lip. “Can I taste you?”

“Yeah,” said Sam, his voice deep and low and filled with lust.

Bucky smiled, pecked his lips quickly, and then slowly kissed his way down Sam’s body. He pressed kisses to his chest, before licking and sucking at his dark, stiff nipple. He then kissed a trail down Sam’s abs. He nestled close to the bushy curls below Sam’s navel before he took hold of Sam’s impressive length and peppered kisses to the side of his shaft. Bucky kissed all the way to the top of Sam’s cock before he worked his tongue over the dripping tip, and then slipped it between his lips.

“Shit,” said Sam, as he gripped the duvet with one hand, and brought the other to the back of Bucky’s head.

Bucky placed his hand at the base of Sam’s dick as he began to suck him off slowly, teasingly. He used his free hand to caress, rub, and scratch at Sam’s chest.

“Fuck, Barnes,” Sam managed as Bucky worked his mouth and hand over Sam with more fervor. “You’re so good at that. But I need – _oh God, Bucky –”_

Sam’s eyes rolled shut as Bucky took his entire length down his throat.

“Shit, baby, you gotta stop,” said Sam. “I need you to stop, Bucky, please.”

Bucky released Sam’s dick from his gullet and ceased his attentions.

“You okay, Sammy?” he asked hoarsely, a ribbon of saliva clung from Sam’s swollen cock to Bucky’s plump lips.

“Yeah,” said Sam as he undid Bucky’s bun and caused his hair to cascade down his neck. “I just want you inside of me, Buck. Please. I need you inside of me.”

Bucky felt his cock quiver at Sam’s words. He covered Sam’s body with his again and brought their lips together once more. He drew away a little and then said, “Whatever you want, pretty boy, I’ll give it to you.”

They kissed again before Sam rolled Bucky onto his back. He brushed Bucky’s hair away from his face before smiling at him.

“Jesus, Barnes, you’re so goddamn fine, you know that right?” said Sam as he stroked Bucky’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“Nah, baby,” said Bucky as he trailed his hand down Sam’s back and then cupped his perfect backside. “You’re the one. I ain’t got nothin’ on you.”

They kissed again and Bucky gave Sam’s ass squeeze.

“You sure you wanna do this?” asked Bucky as Sam nipped at his neck. “We’ve never done it before.”

“I know and that’s why I want to, because I want you,” Sam replied, as he kissed the other man’s neck and then sucked his earlobe.

“God, I want you so fuckin’ bad,” said Bucky as he ran his fingers between Sam’s cheeks. “Tell me what you want, baby.”

Sam shivered from the feeling of Bucky’s fingers near his opening. He ceased his sucking and then whispered into Bucky’s ear, “I want you inside of me, Bucky. I want you to fuck me.”

…..

Bucky could not help but grin up at Sam. He felt like he was in heaven. Literal angel, Sam Wilson, was straddling his lap, naked as the day he was born, and backlit by the afternoon sun beaming through his window.

Sam smiled down at the grinning man, as he rolled the condom down Bucky’s thick shaft.

“Need a hand, Sammy?” asked Bucky as he rubbed both hands over Sam’s strong thighs.

“I got this,” Sam replied with a devilish grin. “I got you. You just lay back and let me ride you, okay?”

“Shit,” said Bucky as his dick twitched. “I can definitely do that.”

Sam picked up the bottle of lube and squirted a hefty amount into his hand. He then coated Bucky’s latex-covered dick with it as Bucky watched. Then, he leaned forward slightly and rubbed the leftover gel to his hole. Bucky took the opportunity to capture Sam’s lips with his again. Sam shifted and positioned himself so that he could take hold of Bucky’s erection and guide it to his opening. Sam rubbed his large crown over his hole before easing it in.

Bucky broke their kiss and then moaned into Sam’s mouth, “Hmmm, Sammy.”

Sam smiled and then shifted again so he could take more of Bucky’s length. Bucky grabbed onto Sam’s hips as Sam took more of his dick, inch by inch.

“ _Oh, fuck,_ ” said Sam as his eyes closed while Bucky’s thickness stretched him out and was rooted deep inside of him.

“You okay, baby?” Bucky managed, the feeling of Sam’s tight little hole enveloping him was almost too much.

Sam hummed in reply, before offering a low, “Yeah. _Oh, yeah.”_

Leaning forward, Sam placed both hands to Bucky’s firm chest and then began to roll his hips. He slid up and down Bucky’s rigid cock, slowly at first, but then with more fevor once he grew accustomed to the feeling. Sam’s dripping tip rubbed against Bucky’s hard abs and left a trail of precum.

“God, Sammy,” Bucky moaned as he watched the other man bounce up and down on his cock. “You’re so pretty, baby.”

Bucky’s eyes wanted to roll shut because it felt so fucking good to have Sam Wilson riding his dick, but _Sam Wilson was riding his_ _dick_ and he couldn’t look away. He wanted to take pleasure in seeing Sam take charge. He was so perfect. So pretty, as his mouth fell open and little _ah, ahhh, ahhhhs_ escaped from between his beautiful lips.

Bucky’s hand found Sam hardness as he began to strum. He worked his palm over Sam’s shaft as Sam continued to ride him. When Sam leaned down to steal another kiss, Bucky held him in place and thrust his hips upward, fucking up into Sam’s hole.

“Oh, _God, Buck. Shit,”_ said Sam as he buried his face into Bucky’s neck. “Fuck me. _Oh, God. Fuck me, baby.”_

Bucky continued to fuck up into Sam, before he flipped him onto his back and kept driving his hardness into him. Sam wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist as Bucky fucked him relentlessly. His cock slid in and out of Sam’s gaping hole as sweat dripped from Bucky onto Sam. They kissed again and it was messy and hot; Bucky bit Sam’s lip as Sam let out a whimper and dug his fingernails into the other man’s flesh.

“ _Ahh, ahh, ahhh, fuck_ ,” said Bucky with each thrust. “Sammy, I’m close, baby. You’re gonna make me come.”

“I wanna come with you, Buck,” said Sam, almost pleadingly, as he took his dick in his hand and began to jerk it.

Bucky kissed Sam’s lips again, before leaning back on his knees, placing his hands to Sam’s hips, and pumping his straining cock in and out, hard and fast. Each whimper from Sam urged him to fuck him harder and harder, faster and faster. His own release was coming quickly, but he needed to get Sam there first. He slammed himself with more urgency, hitting Sam’s spot.

“Oh, _fuck,”_ Sam cried.

He struck at Sam’s spot again.

 _“Shit, Buck. I’m gonna –”_

Then he held himself in place as Sam’s orgasm rippled through him. Sam’s body quivered as hot spurts of white stickiness shot from the smooth crown of his cock and dripped on his chest and abdomen, while the rest ran down his hand. Sam’s ass clenched around Bucky’s dick, and then he found his release moments after.

“ _Fuck_ , Sammy,” said Bucky as his load filled the condom and he collapsed on top of the other man.

Both men were panting, drenched in sweat, and clinging to one another. Bucky withdrew himself from Sam and then rolled over to his back. He discreetly removed the used condom, and tossed it to the floor, before reaching for Sam and drawing him into an embrace. Sam rested his head on Bucky’s chest as Bucky stroked a soothing hand up and down Sam’s back.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, before kissing Sam’s head.

Sam smiled against his skin and said, “I’m doin’ great, Barnes. How about you?”

“I’m good, Wilson,” he said, as he took Sam’s hand, lifted his knuckles to his lips, and kissed them. “I’m real good.”

…..

“Your water pressure is _amazing_ ,” said Sam as he traipsed out of Bucky’s bathroom and back into his bedroom.

Bucky was laid out on the bed wearing only his boxer shorts; Sam was standing there wearing only his briefs.

“How long before you gotta go to work?” asked Barnes as he eyed Wilson.

“I got a couple of hours,” said Sam.

“Wanna cuddle before you leave?” asked Bucky so gently that Sam thought his heart was going to explode.

He gave him a sweet smile, and said, “Yeah.”

Sam climbed onto the bed and settled in close to Bucky, resting his head on the other man’s arm. Bucky wrapped his other arm around Sam’s waist and held him tightly. They laid there in the quiet afternoon just holding one another.

“I missed you, Sammy,” said Bucky, suddenly. “When you were gone. It wasn’t the same here without you.”

Sam hummed and then said, “Not gonna lie, but I missed you, too.”

Bucky shifted so that he could gaze at Sam again. He stroked Sam’s face and then kissed him. Soon thereafter, the pair was caught up in the moment and the feeling of being with one another. Bucky deepened their kiss and Sam breathed him in as they relished in the slow, sensuousness of it all. It wasn’t like the frantic, desperate kisses from just before. This time, Bucky was taking his time. His lips danced over Sam’s. He sucked and licked and nipped at Sam’s sensitive skin. His hands caressed Sam’s body.

Bucky kissed the spot that was already marked on Sam’s neck. He drew back and ran his fingers over it.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “I didn’t mean to mark you. I got carried away. You were moaning so pretty that I couldn’t stop.”

Sam smiled up at him and tucked a stray hair behind his ear.

“It’s okay. But my parents were bein’ weird about it.”

“What, like my Ma?”

“No, she’s sweet,” said Sam. “My folks, well, my Dad more, is obsessed with me finding a nice girl and settling down.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and let out a puff of air.

“He said that, eh?”

“Yeah, got all excited like I was seein’ someone here.”

“Oh.”

“Dad gave me the big talk about how I’m gettin’ older and my Res will be done soon, so I should find a nice girl to settle down with. Have babies and shit,” said Sam with a roll of his eyes.

Bucky pulled away from where he was hovering near Sam and sat up on the bed.

“Wow,” he said, “They really _are_ in your shit. What’d you say to that?”

Sam sat up, too, and kissed Bucky’s shoulder.

“I said to stay out of my business,” said Sam.

“Did you tell them you don’t want to settle down with a nice _girl_?”

“No,” said Sam. “I didn’t, because that’s not their business, either.”

“So, you’re not out to them?” asked Bucky.

Sam sighed.

“It’s not that simple, Buck.”

“I know,” said Bucky earnestly. “I really do, and I’m not judgin’ you. I understand. I just thought.”

“What did you think?”

“I thought this time might be different between us,” Bucky proffered sincerely. “Thought we wouldn’t have to hide and sneak around.”

“I’m out, Buck, I promise,” said Sam. “Just not to them. It’s complicated.”

“I know,” said Bucky.

Sam nodded his head and took a deep breath, before saying, “You were always so great with me, Bucky. You were patient and sweet and it wasn’t fair on you to have to keep my secret.”

Tears welled in both of their eyes as Bucky said, “I’d do it all again.”

“I know,” Sam replied as he rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder.

A beat of silence passed between them as Bucky glanced down at the floor.

“I know I hurt you when we were kids.”

“You didn’t just hurt me, Sammy,” Bucky whispered. “You broke my fuckin’ heart.”

“I’m sorry,” said Sam in a shaky voice. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Bucky took hold of his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“You don’t have to be sorry, but I accept your apology,” he said earnestly.

“I was just a scared kid,” Sam added. “A scared kid who wasn’t brave enough—”

“You’re the bravest person I know, Sammy,” said Bucky.

“I wasn’t brave enough to stand up to my father,” said Sam, as the tears fell from his eyes. “I wasn’t brave enough to stay with you.”

“Hey,” said Bucky, causing Sam to lift his head to stare into his eyes. “You didn’t have to be.”

Bucky wiped away Sam’s tears with his thumb before adding, “You didn’t need to be, ‘cause I was gonna be brave enough for the both of us.”

That’s when the floodgates opened, and the tears streamed from Sam’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for fuckin’ it all up.”

“Shhh, it’s okay, Sammy. You did what you had to do to get by,” said Bucky as he drew Sam into a hug.

“Look at me, I’m a gay fuckin’ disaster,” said Sam, trying to lighten the mood; it worked, as Bucky let out a little laugh before rubbing his back.

They stayed that way in silence, not speaking, but breathing gently and holding one another close. The guilt of what he had said and done when they were younger weighed on Sam as he sniffled and wiped his eyes.

“Do you want me to go?” asked Sam, as his voice cracked a little. 

“No, Sammy, I want you to stay,” said Bucky as he pressed a gentle kiss to Sam’s temple. “I want you to stay, pretty boy. Stay with me, please.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sam and Bucky continue to reconnect in the present, we are given more insight into why they broke up all those years ago. The question also lingers: Will their past come back to hurt them now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was difficult to write, namely because it deals with some heavy issues with controlling parents, emotional abuse, and homophobia. Tag warnings apply to this chapter. Come talk to me about it on Tumblr if you need to debrief. Take care x

_Present Day_

The small exam room that Sam and his patient were in was standard: An exam bed, desk, and some chairs; the walls had a few medical posters hanging from them and there was some equipment off to the side. His patient, sixteen-year-old Rosie, sat atop the bed and swung her legs as she waited for Sam to remove the cast on her wrist.

“Don’t look so nervous, sweetheart,” said Sam in a comforting tone. “I’ve done this a hundred times. I’m gonna use this cast saw to cut along here, and then we’ll take it off, clean you up, and put a splint on to make sure you don’t damage it, okay? Total cake walk.”

The teen nodded her head and gave Sam a little smile, before saying, “Okay.”

Sam drew his chair nearer and had a closer look at the light blue cast.

“Wow,” he said, noticing the drawings covering it. “This artwork is pretty good. Makes me not wanna cut into it at all. Did you draw these, or do you have a creative friend?”

“A creative girlfriend, actually,” said Rosie with a smile as she lifted her arm for Sam to get a better look. “She’s amazing. Did ‘em all with a Sharpie.”

“That’s so awesome,” said Sam, smiling at the teenager. “Tell your girlfriend I’m a fan.”

Rosie smiled, “Yeah, I will. Thanks, Doctor Wilson.”

“No problem,” said Sam.

“Can I keep the cast?”

“It’s gonna be a little gross and very smelly when we remove it,” Sam explained. “So we’ll have to get rid of it. But, hey, your girlfriend can always do more art for you.”

Rosie sighed, but then said, “Yeah, you’re right.”

“You wanna take one last selfie with it on?” asked Sam.

“Okay,” she said with a smile before taking her phone out and snapping the picture.

“Alright, you ready, Rosie?” asked Sam.

“Sure am, Doctor Wilson,” she replied. “Let’s do this.”

…..

The break room at the hospital wasn’t usually busy on account of staff always being rostered on and not getting downtime together. Sam was taking his fifteen minute meal break and scrolling his phone while doing so. He opened the new message from Bucky that read: _Off to work now. I’m missing you pretty boy. Come by the bar if you’re not too tired after your shift. I’ll sing for you xx_

Sam smiled to himself and then replied: _See how I feel. Hey this baby gay was my patient today. She came in telling me all about her girlfriend who drew this dope ass art on her wrist cast. Cutest shit ever. Got me thinking about all the time we missed together as kids. I wanna make it up to you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to meet you after work but I wanna see you again soon. Can I see you again?_

Sam sent the message. He meant what he had said, he wanted to make it up to Bucky. Whatever was happening between them right now was something he wanted. He needed Bucky to know that. He was drawn from his thoughts by his vibrating phone.

Bucky had replied with: _You don’t even need to ask Sammy. You’re the only person I wanna see. And awwwwww that’s so fuckin cute. If I jump off the stage tonight and break my wrist will you a) put it in a cast for me? b) draw dope ass art for me?_

Sam shook his head and typed: _Don’t jump off the fucking stage Barnes. I kinda need you in one piece._

Bucky responded almost immediately: _I kinda need you._

Unable to stop from smiling, Sam sent his reply: _You’re so corny._

Bucky: _Yeah but you love me_

It was as if Sam’s heart jumped in his chest. He stared down at the screen. He went to type his reply when someone popped their head around the door and said, “Wilson, Doctor Slobodan needs you right away.”

…..

The music from the house band drowned out the cheerful chatter of the revellers inside of Bucky’s establishment. Bucky leaned against the bar staring at his phone. Sam had read the message, but had not responded.

“Fuck,” said Bucky, thinking he was stupid for saying what he said.

He and Sam had only just reconnected, and he was, albeit jokingly, throwing the L word around already? _Fucking stupid,_ he thought to himself in a silent reprimand. He was honestly fearful of driving Sam away. Their afternoon together was more than he could have ever hoped for. Their lovemaking was the best sex he had ever had, but he figured, sex was always phenomenal when you were in love with the other person, right?

 _Shit._ He _was_ in love with Sam. He knew that; Sam probably knew that. He sincerely felt like he had never stopped loving Sam, even after they broke up. Even after Sam broke his heart. There was always this space in his heart that only beat for Sam Wilson.

Bucky typed another message out to Sam, which read: _Gotta get some work done now. Text me when your shift is done x_

He then took a deep breath, placed his phone away, and ran his fingers through his hair. He hoped that Sam wouldn’t think he was trying to rush things between them, yet he secretly wished Sam would catch up to him in the way of feelings. He did not know how he would be able to recover if, after being given a second chance, Sam Wilson woke up to realize he didn’t love Bucky to the same degree that Bucky loved him.

_Eight Years Ago_

_The soft light from the lamp in the corner of Bucky’s bedroom cast shadows all around, not that he noticed: His eyes were clenched tightly as Sam’s deft hand brought him to his climax while Sam nipped at his neck. Bucky’s chest rose and fell rapidly as his orgasm washed over him and he fought to catch his breath._

_“Oh, God, Sammy,” he whimpered as he reached for Sam in the dimly lit room. “God, I love you. I fuckin’ love you.”_

_Sam continued to kiss Bucky’s neck a moment, before he brought his mouth to Bucky’s ear and whispered, “I love you, too.”_

_Bucky turned his head to capture Sam’s lips in a kiss before rolling him to his back and hovering over him._

_“You mean that, pretty boy?” asked Bucky while staring into Sam’s deep brown eyes._

_Sam bit his lip and nodded his head before replying with a sincere, “Yes.”_

_Bucky smiled and caressed his face and said, “Good. Because I love you more than anything. I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t love me back.”_

_“I do, though. I love you, back, Bucky,” said Sam with a gentle smile. “I love you.”_

_….._

_The sun was high in the sky as a knocking came on Bucky’s bedroom door. He groaned, opened one eye, and then closed it again. The knocking got louder and louder._

_“Fuck off, Becca!” he called out, causing Sam to stir next to him._

_Bucky draped an arm over Sam’s naked back and snuggled in closer to him. The knocking now turned to banging and felt like it was happening inside of Bucky’s throbbing head._

_“Fuck!” he cursed as he rolled out of bed and pulled his boxer shorts on, staggering from lethargy and the remnants of the alcohol he had consumed the night before._

_He brushed his hair from his face and then unlocked and opened the door. He was about to curse Becca out once more, but froze when he saw Paul Wilson standing there with an angry expression on his face. Bucky stepped back a little, intimidated by the older man’s imposing stature. Paul gave Bucky a disapproving look before he spoke._

_“Where’s my son?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest._

_Bucky instinctively turned his head to see Sam sit up in his bed._

_“Samuel Thomas Wilson,” said Paul. “You’d better get your behind up outta that bed right now or so help me, Lord, I will drag you out.”_

_Sam rubbed his eyes and then glanced at the door._

_“Dad?”_

_“Don’t ‘Dad’ me,” said Paul. “You were supposed to stay at Steven’s house last night. And I come to find you here? In bed with this – this boy?”_

_Sam quickly went to search for his discarded clothing and began to dress himself. Bucky was still trying to process what was happening, before Paul pointed to his neck._

_“Those,” he said, referring to the suck marks Sam had given Bucky. “Did my son give you those?”_

_Bucky didn’t know what to say except, “You shouldn’t be here, Mr Wilson. You can’t be here when my parents aren’t home.”_

_“My son shouldn’t be here,” said Paul, raising his voice again. “He shouldn’t be here doin’ nasty things with the likes of you.”_

_“Dad, stop it,” said Sam, as he drew on his shirt._

_“You keep quiet, Samuel. You’re not too old for me to take this belt off for you,” he said, stepping forward._

_Bucky instinctively shifted so that he was in between Sam and his father._

_“Sammy, you okay?”_

_“Don’t you speak to my son.”_

_“Get the fuck outta my house!” said Bucky, not caring that he was cursing at one of the town’s prominent and well-respected preachers. “Sam? You okay?”_

_“You’re a disrespectful little boy,” said Paul as he tried to step around Bucky._

_Bucky turned and shielded Sam._

_“Don’t you touch him,” said Bucky. “Don’t you fuckin’ touch him!”_

_“Move!” said Paul._

_“Buck,” said Sam, tears streaming down his face. “It’s okay. I gotta go.”_

_“You don’t have to.”_

_“I do,” he replied, while putting his shoe on. “I gotta go. I’m sorry.”_

_“Sammy, if he hits you, you come back here, okay?”_

_“Move, Sam,” said Paul. “Now!”_

_Sam walked past Bucky with his head down as Bucky tried to reach for him._

_“I’m sorry,” said Sam as he walked out of Bucky’s room._

_“You stay the hell away from my son.”_

_“You get the fuck out of my house,” said Bucky as he followed them. “Sammy, it’s okay, alright? It’s gonna be okay.”_

_Sam did not answer him as he and his father left the Barnes residence. Bucky walked outside behind them, not caring about his state of undress, and stood on the sidewalk as Sam got into the car with his father. He only lifted his head to glance mournfully at Bucky as they drove away._

_….._

_The drive home was slow. Sam hid his tears from his father until they reached their home and went inside. Sam went straight to his bedroom, and Paul followed._

_“You were meant to be at Steven’s house,” said Paul. “You lied to us, again. You were at that boy’s house again. In bed with him, no less. I don’t even want to know what you were doin’ with him, but he obviously forced you –”_

_“He didn’t force me to do anything, Dad!” Sam shot back as he laid on his bed. “He would never. He cares about me. He loves me.”_

_“Love?” Paul snorted. “You boys think you know somethin’ about love?”_

_Sam tried to stifle a sob._

_“He used you,” said Paul. “I know you think he’s your friend, but boys like that.”_

_“Like what?” asked Sam through his tears. “Like me?”_

_“No, not you,” said Paul. “No son of mine is –”_

_“You don’t even know me!”_

_“Keep your voice down,” said Paul._

_“I hate you!” said Sam. “Go away!”_

_“Sam.”_

_“You think just because you don’t smack me around, that you’re not hurting me, Dad. You’re hurting me. You won’t let me be who I am.”_

_“You don’t know who you are,” said Paul. “You’re confused.”_

_“You don’t know me,” said Sam through his sobs. His throat was sore, and his eyes stung. “You don’t love me. You don’t care about me.”_

_“Sam, calm down.”_

_“Go away,” said Sam. “I want Mom. Where’s Mom?”_

_“Sam? Paul? What’s goin’ on?” asked Darlene as she made her way to the corridor._

_“Talk to your son,” said Paul. “You know where I found him? In bed with that Barnes boy. I will not allow it. If he’s gonna be like that, he can’t live under this roof. He can pack his stuff and leave.”_

_Darlene narrowed her eyes at her husband, and then said, “You’re not putting my baby out on the streets.”_

_“If he’s gonna be messin’ around with that boy, then yes the hell I am,” Paul replied._

_“You do that, Paul Wilson, and I’ll be gone with him,” she said as she shoved her husband out of the way and stepped into her son’s room, closing and locking the door behind her._

_She went to Sam and sat on his bed as she began to rub his back. Tears soaked Sam’s pillow as he let his sobs take over._

_“It’s okay, baby,” said Darlene. “It’s okay.”_

_Present Day_

Even though Sam was tired from his night shift, he returned home to grab an overnight bag, and decided that he would go to Bucky’s place of work to wait for him to finish up. He would then spend the night at Bucky’s house; they had so much catching up to do. It wasn’t that late, and he was sure Bucky could leave work early if someone could cover for him. 

  
As Sam was quietly slipping out of his bedroom, he was met by his mother. She stifled a yawn and smiled at her son.

  
“Did you just get in?”

“Yeah, Mama,” Sam replied. “Headin’ out again, though.”

“Where’re you goin’, baby?”

  
“I’m gonna meet the boys,” said Sam. “Some after-shift drinks.”

  
“Have you eaten?”

  
“Yes, ma’am,” said Sam with a smile. “Took a quick break at dinner time.”

  
“You staying over at Steven’s place again?”

  
“Probably at Bucky’s,” said Sam cautiously. 

  
“James? How’s he doin’?” she asked, genuinely interested.

  
“He’s doin’ good.”

  
Darlene smiled and nodded her head, before saying, “You sure you’re doin’ alright? Is there anything you wanna talk to me about, Sammy?”

  
Sam saw the encouraging look in his mother’s eyes and felt his heart swell.

  
“Maybe we can talk tomorrow?” 

  
“Okay,” said Darlene. “We can talk tomorrow.”

  
“I love you, Mama.”

  
“Love you, too, baby.”

  
Sam kissed his mother’s cheek and then exited their family home. He felt good; he felt optimistic. And he could not wait to see Bucky.

  
  
.....

  
  
When Sam arrived at Bucky’s place of business, Barnes was already waiting for him outside; he had told Sam to park in the spaces around the back that were reserved for the staff. The pair couldn’t stop smiling at each other as Sam exited the vehicle.

  
Bucky all but jogged up to him as he wrapped his arms around Sam’s waist and lifted him off the ground. They shared a sweet kiss before Bucky placed him back down and then buried his face in Sam’s neck.

  
He kissed his cheek and then said, “God, I missed you.”

  
“It’s only been a few hours, Buck,” said Sam with a grin.

  
“I know, but I really fuckin’ missed you,” he replied, before taking hold of Sam’s hand and leading him toward the backdoor. “How was your shift?”

  
“Was good,” said Sam. “But my feet are killin’ me.”

  
“You want a foot rub?”

  
“Maybe later.”

  
“You spendin’ the night?” asked Bucky hopefully.

  
“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Packed a bag and everything.”

  
“Are you runnin’ away with me, Sam Wilson?” asked Bucky playfully.

  
Sam laughed a little and then replied, “Play your cards right and I just might.”

  
  
_Eight Years Ago_  
  
_There was a gentle tapping on Sam’s door that drew him from the task of packing his bag. If his father didn’t want him there, then he was going to leave. He knew he would be welcome at Bucky’s place. George and Winnie Barnes were kind and generous; they would let him stay for a while. He could get an after-school job and contribute to their household until he was ready to go to college._

_  
He didn’t know how he was going to pay for college without his father’s help, but he could apply for scholarships. He was a good student; he was bright and made good grades. He would find a way. But he was not going to stay there if his father didn’t want him to. He would leave and be with Bucky and everything would work out. It had to.  
_  
_He heard the door open and prayed that it wasn’t his father coming to berate him once more. He blinked his puffy eyes quickly and saw that it was his little sister, Sarah._

_  
“You feelin’ better, Sam-Sam?” she asked softly._

_  
Sam sniffled a bit and wiped at his eyes._

_  
“I’m okay, Sar-Bear,” he replied, though his voice sounded odd to his own ears._

_  
“I brought you a sandwich,” she said, holding up the plate. “Thought you might be hungry since you haven’t come out of ya room at all.”_

_  
Sam stopped packing and gestured for her to come closer._

_  
“Thanks, Sissy,” he offered as he took the food from her._

  
_Sarah sat on the bed next to him and looked down at her hands while Sam ate._

_  
“I don’t like when they fight,” she said, referring to their parents._

_  
“They still fighting?” asked Sam as he furrowed his brow._

_  
“Yeah,” said Sarah plaintively. “Why’s Daddy angry at you? Why is Mama angry at Daddy?”_

_  
Sam shrugged and looked at his sister. Her big brown eyes looked so sad and full of worry. It hurt Sam deep in his chest._

_  
“It’s all my fault,” he explained as he swallowed the remnants of a sob. “I — I broke one of Daddy’s rules, and he wants to punish me, and Mama won’t let him.”_

_  
“What’d you do?”_

_  
“That ain’t important,” said Sam. “What’s important is they’re gonna stop fighting when they agree on what my punishment should be.”_

_  
“Sam-Sam, I know I’m not s’posed to listen when grown folks are talkin’ in private, but I heard Daddy say that you have to leave our house. You must be in big trouble.”_

_  
“I am,” Sam admitted._

_  
“But I don’t want you to leave, Sammy,” Sarah said as tears welled in her eyes. “Can’t you make it all better? I don’t want Mama and Daddy to fight and I don’t want you to go. Make it better, Sam.”_

_  
The little girl started to cry and it broke her brother’s heart. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug._

_  
“Shhh, Sar, it’s gonna be okay.”_

_  
She hugged her brother back and then looked at his bag on the floor._

_  
“You’re packin’ your stuff. Sammy, are you leaving us?”_

_  
Sam didn’t know what to say._

_  
“Please don’t leave us,” she cried. “Please.”_

_  
A lump formed in Sam’s throat as he hugged Sarah tightly and smoothed down her braids._

_  
“Shhh,” he soothed. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. Everything’s gonna be okay, Sissy. I promise.”_

_  
  
_.....

  
  
_It was a little after dinner time when Sam heard the doorbell ring. He wondered if it was Steve or Rhodey coming to check on him. They’d have to know he was grounded; after all, his father had gone to Steve’s house looking for him. The whole day had been a disaster.  
  
He decided to step out of his bedroom and sit atop the stairs. He strained to hear who had come calling. At first, they were speaking in hushed tones, then his father must have stepped aside to let them in. As Sam listened, he recognized the visitor’s voice: It was George Barnes, Bucky’s father. Sam felt his stomach drop._

_George drove a truck and was often on the road. He had not made it home for Bucky’s birthday, but was there now. They rarely saw him. Sam liked him, though. He was a kind-faced African-American man, a little younger than Sam’s own father. He had adopted Bucky when he married Winnie, and Bucky chose to take his last name. He obviously would have heard about the drama that unfolded while he was not at home._

_  
When he was sure they were in the living room, Sam crept down the stairs a little way and listened in._

_  
“I got nothin’ but respect for you and your family, Pastor Wilson,” said George. “That’s why we’re here. And my son here has something to say.”_

_  
Shit. Bucky was there, too, Sam realized. Shit._

_“Go ahead, Buck,” said George._

_  
“I’m sorry for cursing at you, Mr Wilson,” said Bucky, albeit reluctantly. “Sorry for tellin’ you to get the eff outta my house.”_

_George closed his eyes and shook his head slightly as Paul stared at Bucky._

_  
“That was very rude of you,” said Paul. “I’ve never had anyone speak to me like that, especially not a young person.”_

_“I’m sorry, sir,” said Bucky. “It won’t happen again. Please, just let me see Sam –”_

_“I accept your apology, young man,” Paul interjected. “But my son is grounded, and I think it’s best if you two don’t associate with one another anymore.”_

_“Uh?”_

_“You’re not to see my son anymore, James,” said Paul. “Sam’s been told this, too. He’s not allowed to spend any more time with you. He’s too disrespectful to my house and my rules when he’s with you.”_

_  
Sam felt the anger rise up inside again. He stood up and rushed down the stairs._

_“Bucky,” said Sam, ignoring his father’s reprimands._

_  
“Sammy? You okay?” asked Bucky, stepping toward him._

_  
“Yeah, Buck, I’m good.”_

_  
“Sam, go back to your room,” said Paul._

_“No, Dad!” said Sam, verging on furious._

_“See what I mean about the disrespect?” said Paul._

_  
“Son,” said George. “Say goodbye to Sam and go wait in the car.”_

_  
“But Dad.”_

_  
“Please, Buck,” said George. “I won’t be long. Just go wait in the car.”_

_  
Bucky gave Sam a mournful look and then did as he was asked. Both boys felt like their chests had caved in. They held one another’s gaze until Bucky closed the Wilson’s front door._

_  
“Off you go, Samuel,” said Paul. “Now!”_

_  
Sam shot daggers in his father’s direction before saying to George, “Mr Barnes, please tell Bucky I’m sorry.”_

_  
George nodded his head and gave Sam a gentle smile as the boy jogged upstairs and left the two men standing there amidst the obvious tension._

_George then turned to Paul and said, “I respect you. You’re a leader in our community, but you were wrong for comin’ into my house when me and my wife weren’t home.”_

_“My son was there.”_

_  
“I know this, and I understand you were upset, but my kids were there. And you came in and raised your voice at my son. That’s not right, Paul, and I’m tellin’ you man-to-man, as someone who loves their family, that ain’t right. And that can’t happen again, or I’ll forget I’m a Christian.”_

_  
Paul narrowed his eyes and said, “Are you threatening me, George?”_

_George shook his head, “No, sir. I’m just a man who’s lookin’ out for his family; for his son.”_

_“So am I,” Paul retorted._

_“Alright. We good?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Okay,” George replied. “Thanks for your time.”_

_Before he went to leave, as he reached the door, he turned and said, “Sam is always welcome in my home. He’s a good kid. You should be proud of him.”_

_  
With that he turned and left, making his way out to his car where Bucky was waiting.  
  
“What’d he say?” asked Bucky once his father got into the vehicle. “What’d you say?”  
  
“I told him he was wrong for barging in our house like that,” George explained. “And that he should be proud of Sam.”_

_Bucky nodded his head before lowering it and sighing loudly._

_  
“Why does he hate me?”_

_  
“He doesn’t hate you, it’s just difficult in our community for men like Pastor Wilson to be accepting of anyone who isn’t straight because of ass-backwards, prejudiced views. I’m younger than he is, but I grew up with Paul. And our community isn’t so open and accepting for a lot of reasons. I’m not makin’ excuses for him, just tryin’ to help you understand that not everyone is going to accept you for who you are.”_

_  
“I know, Dad,” said Bucky sadly. “I’ve known that forever. But you accept me.”_

_  
“Of course I do, you’re my kid and I love you, and your happiness means more than anything to me and your mother,” George proffered sincerely. “It’s gonna be hard for Sam to find acceptance with his family and with our community, and you gotta keep that in mind if he can’t be your friend anymore.”_

_  
“Don’t say that, Dad,” said Bucky with a sad expression on his face. “He can’t stop bein’ my friend.”_

_  
“Bucky,” said George as he placed his hand on his son’s shoulder. “I’m sure he wants to be your friend, it’s just that sometimes you gotta make choices that hurt. I just want you to be prepared if it comes to that. And you should stay away from him until his daddy cools down a bit, okay?”_

_  
Bucky felt the tears welling once more as he croaked out a quiet, “Okay.”_

_  
  
_…..

_It was quiet in the Wilson household on Monday morning. The air was thick with tension. Sam was not speaking to his father; Darlene had few words for her husband before she had left for work; and Sarah looked scared and worried. Paul had not changed his mind on the issue at hand: He was still adamant that Sam was not to see Bucky and was to end their friendship._

_Sam was guilt-ridden. He felt like he was the cause for the fracture in their family. As if it was his fault that his parents were still fighting and his sister was terrified they were going to be torn apart. And, to be honest, Sam was afraid of that as well. He did not want his parents to split up. He did not want to be kicked out of his home. He did not want to hurt his sister. He just wanted everything to be okay._

_Of course, he didn’t want to hurt Bucky, either. He loved him. He wanted to be with him. But he didn’t want to hurt his family anymore. He didn’t want to be selfish. But why shouldn’t he be selfish? He wondered. All he ever did was work hard at being a good son; a good person. Someone who put other people first. Why couldn’t people put him first for a change? He mused. Bucky did. Bucky always put Sam first. He always protected Sam. He was the kindest person Sam knew. How could he give that up? How could he ruin that? Yet, how could he give up his family for someone he was too scared to love out in the open?_

_His head hurt from thinking. His heart hurt. He just wanted to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the year away. His weighty thoughts were interrupted by his father’s words._

_“I’ll take you to school today,” said Paul._

_“I can walk,” said Sam, earning himself a disapproving glare from his father._

_“No, you’re not walking. I’m taking you and that’s that.”_

_Sam dropped his spoon into his bowl of cereal and asked, “May I please be excused?”_

_“Finish your breakfast,” said Paul._

_“I’m not hungry.”_

_Paul sighed loudly._

_“Why do you always have to go against me?”_

_Sam kept his gaze low and said nothing in reply._

_“I’m good to you, Sam. I provide for you. I take care of you. I’ve made sacrifices for you.”_

_“I never asked you to,” said Sam._

_Paul placed his own spoon down and leaned back in his chair before crossing his arms._

_“You’ve changed,” he said. “You used to be a respectful boy, now look at you. It’s that Barnes boy’s influence. He’s bad for you.”_

_“He’s the only one who cares about me,” Sam replied, feeling the lump forming in his throat again._

_“Sarah, go get your school bag from your room,” said Paul, not wanting her to hear their conversation._

_The small girl got up from her chair and gave Sam a sympathetic look. Once she was out of earshot, and it was only the two of them at the table, Paul spoke once more._

_“You’re not to see him anymore, Sam.”_

_“You can’t stop me, Dad.”_

_“I can,” Paul replied. “He’s eighteen years old, son. You’re only seventeen. You’re a minor.”_

_“What?” asked Sam, confused by what his father was saying._

_“You’re a minor, and you were –”_

_He swallowed hard like it made him physically ill to say it._

_“—in bed with him. I could go to the police right now.”_

_“Nothing happened,” Sam lied as he felt his stomach drop and the worry churn around inside of him. “Nothing happened between us.”_

_“Stop lying,” said Paul. “I know what I saw. I know. He’s eighteen and you’re not. He could get in a lot of trouble for this.”_

_“Dad, please,” said Sam as he was filled with dread._

_“Is that what you want? For him to get in trouble?”_

_“No. Please, Dad. We didn’t do anything.”_

_“Everyone knows how he is,” said Paul coldly. “You stay away from him, or I’ll go downtown right now and make a police report.”_

_Sam dropped his head again and let the tears fall from his eyes as he whispered “Please, Dad. Don’t do that. Please.”_

_“Say you’ll keep away from him and I won’t have to,” Paul urged. “Say it.”_

_Sam bit back a sob and said shakily, “Okay. I’ll – I’ll stay away.”_

_Present Day_

“You just can’t keep away from me, can you?” asked Bucky with a cocky grin as he pressed Sam up against the backdoor of his bar. He kissed Sam’s neck, running his tongue over the other man’s sensitive skin.

“Jesus, Buck, can you blame me when you got a mouth like _that_?”

Bucky smiled against his neck before pulling away and taking hold of Sam’s hand.

“Can you blame me when you look like _that_?” he said, quite seriously.

The pair shared a smile and then a kiss before Bucky gave him a contemplative look.

“What’re you thinkin’?” asked Sam.

“I’m thinkin’ we should just go back to my place right now,” said Bucky.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Sam replied.

…..

The younger of the pair did not know what he was enjoying the most, in his haze of swirling pleasure: The little moans that were escaping Bucky’s mouth; Bucky’s warm breath on his lips; or the sweet cadence of Bucky’s voice as he called Sam’s name softly. He also could not pinpoint what felt the best: The sporadically placed kisses against his warm skin; the weight of Bucky’s nakedness pressed against him; or the full feeling of having Bucky’s sex deeply rooted inside of him as his ardent, deft thrusts persisted.

Sam gripped Bucky’s shoulders firmly as the older man rocked on top of him. His pace was steady as he made love to Sam. He wanted to draw out his pleasure, even though he knew Sam was tired. He wanted to help him find his release so that his slumber would be deep.

Bucky let out another delighted whimper close to Sam’s lips as he hastened his movements, driving his rigid length deeper inside of Sam. He kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth before a low _ahhh_ fell from his.

“ _Hmm, Buck,_ ” Sam whispered as the other man’s keen attentions helped his hardness find Sam’s spot.

Bucky lifted his head so that he could stare down at Sam’s perfect face as his perfect lips fell open into an _o_ shape. He kept driving his cock into Sam in the same way, aiming to elicit the same response from him. He was gifted with a loud _ohhhh_ from Sam as he struck his spot once more.

“God, Sammy, you sound so pretty, baby,” Bucky murmured as he continued to thrust into him with more fervor.

“ _Ohh, shit,”_ said Sam as he closed his eyes a moment and dug his nails into Bucky’s freckled shoulders.

“You like that, pretty boy?” asked Bucky while driving himself harder and faster into Sam.

They were both so close to their release. So very close and their bodies were reacting accordingly. The soft glow of the lamplight caused their sweat-covered skin to glisten. Bucky’s face, neck, and chest were flushed red. Sam’s deep, brown eyes were darker as his desire danced behind them. He stared into Bucky’s and Bucky swore he had never seen anyone as beautiful as Sam. He thrust faster and held Sam’s gaze before he spoke once more.

“You close, baby? Do you like it like that?”

“Hmm, yes. _God, yes. I love it_ ,” Sam mewled. “I love it, Buck.”

_I love you._

Bucky mused, as he thrust with more purpose and urgency.

_  
I love you._

He thought, as Sam cupped the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss.

_  
I love you._

He admitted to himself as the beautiful man underneath his whispered his name.

_  
I love you._

He called out inside of his mind as Sam came with a shudder and a gloriously loud moan.

_  
I love you, Sammy._

Bucky thought, while he pumped into Sam quickly as he followed him and reached the apex of his pleasure. Bucky came hard as he collapsed on top of Sam and almost proclaimed, in between messy kisses, an earnest, _I love you._

…..

It wasn’t the morning light that drew Sam from his slumber, but the smell of coffee floating about in Bucky’s bedroom. Sam opened his eyes to see Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed with his cup placed on the nightstand. He had his back facing Sam and wore only his briefs. Sam watched him a moment, his gaze falling on the faint scratch marks on his back and shoulders from their lovemaking the night before. Sam smiled to himself as he remembered; being with Bucky felt so perfect and so right.

Sam stretched and leaned up on his elbow; Bucky noticed that he had shifted behind him. He turned around to face Sam, offering him a happy smile.

“Good morning,” said Sam, as he reached over and ran his fingers down Bucky’s back.

Bucky leaned down to give him a chaste kiss before replying, “Mornin’, beautiful.”

Sam beamed at him and said, “How’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby. You?”

“Was out like a light,” said Sam. “What’re you doin’ up? Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You looked so peaceful, didn’t wanna disturb you.”

“You’re so sweet,” said Sam.

“Want coffee?”

Sam shook his head, “No, thank you. I’m good.”

“You want food?”

“Nope,” said Sam with a small smile.

“What _can_ I get you, then?” asked Bucky as he grinned down at Sam.

“Well, I seem to remember you mentioning somethin’ about singing to me.”

Bucky scrunched up his face like he was thinking really hard.

“I said that, uh?”

“You may have written it in a text.”

“Right, right,” said Bucky as he ran his fingers through his long tresses and grinned at Sam. “I remember now. And we didn’t go inside the bar, so I didn’t get to sing for you.”

Yeah,” Sam replied. “So, I was thinkin’, if you have a guitar layin’ around here somewhere, maybe you could give me a little one-on-one show?”

“Well, I do have a guitar here somewhere,” said Bucky. “But I’m a little rusty in the mornin’.”

“Bullshit,” said Sam playfully. “You’re amazing in the morning. So talented and gorgeous.”

Bucky smiled and then bit his bottom lip, “You should talk _._ ”

The pair shared another sweet kiss. After they parted, Sam sat up and brushed Bucky’s hair back with his fingers.

“So, you gonna sing for me or what?”

“Yeah, but what’re you gonna do for me?”

“Mmm, give you more kisses?”

Bucky gave Sam a crooked smile as his eyes lit up, and said, “Deal.” 

“Thank you,” said Sam as he bit his bottom lip.

“Alright,” said Bucky as he got up and walked toward his closet.

He opened it and took out a guitar case. From it, he retrieved an acoustic guitar. After tuning it a moment, he strummed a few chords and smiled down at Sam before sitting down on the edge of the bed where he was moments ago. Sam shifted closer and sat so that Bucky was seated between his legs, and Sam had his chest pressed to Bucky’s back.

“Any requests?” asked Bucky as he played a few more chords.

“Play anything. Somethin’ pretty,” said Sam as he leaned into Bucky and rested his head against his shoulder. “Whatever you like.”

“Okay,” said Bucky as he strummed some more and thought of what he could sing for him.

He cleared his throat and began to play. The chords wafted through the room, and Sam did not recognize the tune, but it sounded nice. When Bucky’s voice accompanied the music, it sent a shiver through Sam’s body and he had to wrap an arm around Bucky’s waist to ground himself.

“I guess you don’t need it,” Bucky began. “I guess you don’t want me to repeat it. But everything I have to give I’ll give to you.”

Sam smiled and squeezed him.

“It’s not like we planned it. You tried to stay but you could not stand it. To see me shut down slow as though it was an easy thing to do. Listen, when all of this around us will fall over. I tell you what we’re gonna do. _Yeah_. You will shelter me, my love. And I will shelter you. _Oh_. I will shelter you.”

Sam closed his eyes and placed a gentle kiss to Bucky’s warm skin as he listened to the music.

“I left you heartbroken. But not until those very words were spoken: ‘Has anybody ever made such a fool outta you?’ It’s hard to believe it. Even as my eyes do see it. The very things that make you live are killin’ you. Listen, when all of this around us will fall over. I tell you what we’re gonna do. _Yeah._ You will shelter me, my love. And I will shelter you. _Oh_. I will shelter you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone you love is being controlling and manipulative to you, please know that abuse of any form is never okay. And remember: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 
> 
> The song Bucky sang to Sam is 'Shelter' by Ray Lamontagne but the acoustic cover version sung by Steven Yeun (search for the clip of SY singing it - you will love it, promise).


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a small time jump where Sam makes an admission in the present, and we finally see everything come to a head in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed the tags. There's violence and homophobic language used in this chapter.

_Present Day_

“You’re doin’ amazing,” said Sam in a comforting manner as he finished the last of the sutures on his patient. “Just a couple more to go, and you’ll be fine.”  
  
His steady hand completed the stitching as he snipped and tied it off.  
  
“Okay, we’re done,” he said with a smile.  
  
“Thanks, Doctor Wilson,” said the young woman.  
  
“Please, Jen, call me Sam,” he proffered. “We went to school together; it’s weird being called Doctor by someone I grew up with.”  
  
“Aww, okay then,” she replied with a nod of her head. “Thanks, Sam.”  
  
He smiled and said, “No worries.”

“So, Sam, are you back here for good?” she asked.

“I’m not too sure,” he replied in earnest. “See how things go I guess.”

Sam had officially been back home for three months. Everything was going well: His residency; home life; and, of course, his relationship with Bucky.

Jen nodded her head in an understanding way, before asking, “Have you caught up with anyone from high school?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve kept in touch with Steve,” Sam explained. “So, that counts?”

“Cool,” she replied. “I was thinkin’, if you wanted to, you might like to come by a party at my place on the weekend. Nothing major. Just drinks and catching up with some people from our senior year. Bring Steve, too, if you like.”

“Oh, thanks,” Sam replied. “Sounds good, I’ll ah, I’ll let you know.”

“Great, I’ll give you my number,” she said as she gestured for something to write it on; Sam gave her a notepad and pen and she scrawled her details on the page. “My address is there, too, if you wanted to drop by for a bit – _anytime_.”

She gave Sam a sweet smile and handed the notepad back to him. He smiled tightly at her and said, “Thanks. Appreciate the invite.”

After they said their goodbyes, Sam took a break and went to call Steve.

“Hey, Sammy, what’s up?”

“Not much,” said Sam. “Hey, you remember Jen Mihan, right?”

“Yeah, she was Peggy’s best friend. Why?”

“I ran into her today, and she gave me her number,” Sam explained.

“O- _kay?”_

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “And invited me and you to a party on the weekend.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, dude.”

“You gonna go?”

“I don’t know.”

“Y’know she thought you were hot in school?”

“She did not.”

“Yeah, she did.”

“Well,” said Sam, with a shake of his head. “If that’s the case, I’m definitely _not_ gonna go.”

  
_Eight Years Ago_  
  
_Jen Mihan sat at the table next to her best friend Peggy, and Peggy’s boyfriend Steve. She glanced around the outdoor seating area, and then gestured for the pair to lean in close like she had a secret to tell.  
  
“Oh my god guess what?”  
  
“Seriously, Jen,” said Peggy. “Gossip? Already?”  
  
“Yes, and it’s good,” she replied.  
  
“I’m gonna go find Rhodey,” said Steve, uninterested in the high school rumour mill.  
  
“No, Steve, you’re gonna wanna hear this,” said Jen. “It involves your friends.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes.”  
  
Suddenly Steve was interested.  
  
“What happened? What did they do?”  
  
“They’re gay.”  
  
“No, you got it wrong,” Steve said right away. “Bucky’s gay, Sam’s not.”  
  
“Uh, Sam is,” said Jen. “My cousin lives on the same street as Bucky, and apparently over the weekend Pastor Wilson dragged Sam out of Bucky’s house. And Bucky was out in the street naked.”  
  
Steve narrowed his eyes.  
  
“Your cousin needs to get their facts straight.”  
  
“Whatever, dude. Have you seen Bucky today?”  
  
“No, why?”  
  
“His neck is covered with hickeys.”  
  
“So?”  
  
“Uh, so Sam was getting dragged out of his house while he was naked, and he has hickeys? They’re hooking up.”  
  
“No way, I’d know.”  
  
“You’re clueless, Steve. They could be doing it in front of you and you wouldn’t know.”  
  
“Whatever. They wouldn’t keep it from me.”  
  
“Maybe they have to because this town isn’t exactly known for being welcoming,” said Peggy.  
  
“I dunno,” said Steve. “I feel like they’d tell me.”  
  
“So you admit Sam’s gay?” asked Jen.  
  
“I don’t know what Sam is,” said Steve. “And I’ll wait until he tells me, not listen to gossip.”  
  
“I think he is,” said Jen. _

_“Why?”_

_“Because he’s too good looking.”_

_Steve scrunched up his nose and said, “That’s not – like, what? What does that even have to do with anything?”_

_“It has everything to do with it,” said Jen. “He’s like stupid hot, right?”_

_Peggy nodded her head, and Steve shrugged._

_“So, let’s look at the evidence here: When have you ever seen Sam Wilson with a girl? Has he ever even dated a girl?”  
  
“Evie, back in fifth grade,” said Peggy.  
  
“Nah, that was just them sitting together at recess because she was new and had no friends,” said Steve. “And Sam’s cool like that.”  
  
“See,” said Jen. “Sam is like the hottest guy in this entire shithole town. I know about five chicks right now who have a crush on him, me included, and I’ve never heard about him dating any girls. Even though we’d all sell our grandma’s dentures to get date with him.”  
  
“Yeah, but his family’s strict,” said Steve. “His dad barely lets him hang out with us.”  
  
“Come on Steve, they’re not Mormons or whatever. Face facts, Sam Wilson is gay.”  
  
“And so what if he is?” asked Steve, getting defensive. “Is that a problem?”  
  
“No, not with me,” said Jen. “But, I know it is with a lot of people—“  
  
“Well, stop spreading rumors, then.”  
  
“I’m not spreading rumors, I’m just telling you what I heard,” she proffered. “And I’m surprised you’re only hearing it now; it’s honestly all the whole school has been talking about.”_

_“Really?” asked Steve._

_“Yeah,” said Jen. “Really.”_

  
_Present Day_  
  


The afternoon was lazy and quiet for Sam and Bucky. They were reclined on Bucky’s sofa, enjoying the serenity. Bucky had his head on Sam’s chest and their limbs entwined. Sam mused that he could lay like that forever; he felt such contentment in his heart. He thought about his patient’s question from earlier regarding whether or not he would be staying. If it was going to always feel like that, the way he felt when he was with Bucky, then he sure would consider it. But there were things he needed to do and conversations he needed to have before he could make any decisions.

“Hey, Buck?”

“Mmm?”

“You know Jen Mihan?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “What about her?”

“I think she made a pass at me today,” said Sam, causing Bucky to lift his head.

“What? When?”

“I saw her at work, and she gave me her number,” said Sam. “Invited me to her place on the weekend for a party.”

“Yeah, well, you’re busy on the weekend,” said Bucky as he rested his head back on Sam’s chest, before taking hold of his hand.

“Am I?” asked Sam with a smirk.

“Yep,” said Bucky. “No time to be goin’ to Jen Mihan’s bullshit party when you’ll be here with me gettin’ your back blown out.”

Sam laughed and kissed the top of Bucky’s head.

“Fair point,” Sam supplied.

“Besides, all she does is gossip,” said Bucky. “She’s the one who told Stevie me and you were seein’ each other when we were kids.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, dude,” said Bucky. “I denied it, o’ course, after all the shit that happened with us.”

Sam felt the weight of his guilt sink into his chest as Bucky kept talking.

“But she was the one who told people.”

Silence pervaded. Bucky lifted his head again and stared down at Sam.

“You okay, Sammy?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s just, that was the worst time. I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

“Stop apologizing, pretty boy,” Bucky said with a small smile as he caressed Sam’s face. “We were kids. You were tryin’ to survive. I get it. And look at us, now. I’m fuckin’ laid up with you on my couch, happy as fuck, and nothin’ anyone says is gonna change that.”

Sam felt like his heart was going to burst as he stared into Bucky’s sincere, kind eyes.

“Teenage us happened, and we fell apart,” said Bucky. “Can’t change that, and it happens. What matters is you’re back in my life; what matters is us _now_.”

A smile played on Sam’s lips as he let Bucky’s words sink in. Bucky was right: They were together in the present time and that was what was important.  
  
“We should tell Steve,” Sam blurted out.  
  
“For real?” said Bucky as his lips turned up into a smile. “You ready for that?”  
  
“Yeah, man,” said Sam, as he tucked Bucky’s hair behind his ear. “He’s our friend and we should tell him. It’s been months and I’m sure he’s wondering where we are when we’re not with him. Plus, I hate that you had to lie to him for me. And that you’re still kinda lying for me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” Bucky whispered with such sincerity that Sam thought his heart had ceased beating.

“Wow,” said Sam, almost breathlessly. “You really mean that, uh?”

“You know I do,” said Bucky as he cupped Sam’s face and trailed his thumb over the other man’s bottom lip. “I love you, Sammy. I always have.”

Sam’s mouth fell open as he let out a little gasp, followed by a slight smile. His heart was pounding in his chest and his tummy did somersaults. He said nothing, as he stared at Bucky.

Suddenly, Bucky closed his eyes and said, “Shit. Sam, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t’ve said that –”

“Hey,” said Sam, causing Bucky to open his eyes again. “Hey, it’s okay. You mean it?”

Bucky, with a soft expression on his face and adoration behind his eyes, said gently, “Yes. I mean it. I love you.”

Sam reached up and ran his hand over Bucky’s face before saying, “God, Buck; I love you, too.”

  
_Eight Years Ago_

  
_Sam had effectively avoided every single one of his friends after his father had dropped him off at school. His father’s words rang in his ears; his father’s threat against Bucky weighed on his soul. He had to end their friendship for Bucky’s sake, even if his heart was breaking, even if he might break Bucky’s. He had to do it._

_Sam was walking by himself in his own world; the heaviness of what he was about to do encompassed him and made him oblivious to the stares and whispers of the other teens. He was standing alone when his boyfriend finally found him._

_The weekend had been tumultuous, and Bucky wanted to know that Sam was alright, even though he knew Sam was not allowed to see him. There was hope that still lived inside of Bucky. The hopeful feeling that, despite everything that was against the two of them, their love would somehow endure._

_Bucky smiled widely as he approached the other boy. But Sam didn’t return the smile, instead, he lowered his gaze and spoke quietly when Bucky stopped in front of him.  
  
“We need to talk,” said Sam, as he crossed his arms over his chest and kept his gaze averted; his boyfriend didn’t even get the chance to ask him if he was alright.  
  
“About what happened?” asked Bucky, feeling his stomach drop as worry set in.  
  
“Yeah,” said Sam in a deflated manner. _

_Before Bucky could reply, the remains of a sandwich came flying between them, barely missing Sam, before it fell unceremoniously to the ground.  
  
Bucky lifted his gaze and turned in the direction from which the food had come, only to see Brock Rumlow giving him an odious stare.  
  
“Fuck off, Rumlow,” said Bucky, not in the mood for his antics.  
  
Brock ignored Bucky and walked over to Sam. He looked Sam up and down before letting out a laugh. Bucky moved forward, placing himself between Sam and Brock.  
  
“Step back,” said Bucky, as he nudged Sam backwards away from the other teen.  
  
“Aww, you’re out here protecting your little boyfriend.”  
  
“Why don’t you go play in traffic, you dumb fuck,” said Bucky.  
  
“Why don’t you drop dead, you cocksucker,” said Brock.  
  
“Buck, come on,” said Sam quietly as he placed his hand to Bucky’s arm, not wanting the situation to become worse.  
  
“Listen to your bitch, Barnes,” Brock spat. “Skip along outta my face, you pair of fuckin’ homos.”  
  
“What’d you say?” said Bucky, as he narrowed his eyes and shoved Brock’s chest. The other boy stumbled backwards, and then laughed.  
  
“You heard,” said Brock. “Everyone knows he’s your little fuck buddy.”_

_Brock then turned his attention to Sam and said, “Hey, Wilson, I always knew you were a pussy, but a cocksucker, too?”  
  
Before Sam could send a reply in Brock’s direction, Bucky had already landed his first, second, and third punches, causing the other boy to fall to the ground. As Bucky kicked Brock in his stomach and then ribs, Sam grabbed hold of Bucky around the waist, lifted him, and began to drag him away. _

_Bucky broke free from Sam’s grasp briefly so that he could land three more kicks to Brock before Sam dragged him once more. The ruckus was left behind as they both ran toward the football field. It felt like they had run a mile; their feet were heavy as the uproar from the fight grew more faint and distant.  
  
When they finally stopped, both were panting furiously. Bucky began pacing back and forth with both hands placed to the back of his head. Sam was freaking out; his hands were shaking.  
  
“What the hell, Buck?” said Sam. “What was that?”  
  
“Fuck him,” said Bucky, still pacing and cursing under his breath.  
  
“Bucky, stop it,” said Sam. “You’re scarin’ me.”  
  
Bucky looked at Sam and then stopped.  
  
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I fuckin’ hate that motherfucker.”  
  
“What the hell was he talkin’ about?”_

_“Nothin’,” said Bucky. “He’s a prick. It was nothin’. Don’t worry. I’m gonna fuck him up.”_

_“Bucky, knock it off,” said Sam. “Tell me the truth: Does he know about us?”_

_Bucky pressed his hands to his temple and let out a sigh.  
  
“Some dipshit’s been talkin’ about us.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Yeah, I heard it this morning. Then Stevie asked me about it.”  
  
“People know?” asked Sam, with raised brows and wide eyes.  
  
“People don’t know shit,” said Bucky. “Just rumors.”  
  
Sam placed his hands behind his head and then took a deep breath.  
  
“Shit.”  
  
“Sammy, it’s okay.”  
  
“No!” said Sam, as his voice started to shake and his breathing became labored. “It’s not. It’s not okay. Shit. Shit!”  
  
“Hey,” said Bucky softly as he tried to step closer to his boyfriend.  
  
Sam backed away from him.  
  
“Sammy?” said Bucky, as he reached out to touch Sam.  
  
“Don’t,” said Sam. “Don’t touch me.”  
  
Bucky gave him a questioning stare, but understood. He had practically been outed, but maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad, in spite of the trouble with Rumlow. Maybe they could face everything together. Maybe it would be for the best.  
  
“I — I can’t see you anymore,” said Sam, as Bucky’s heart sank.  
  
“What?”  
  
It hurt Sam to say it, but he needed to. If anyone thought for a second that he and Bucky were together, his father would make that report and ruin Bucky’s life. Sam didn’t want that for Bucky. He wanted to protect him, even if it meant hurting him.  
  
“I don’t wanna see you anymore,” said Sam, keeping his eyes low as the tears threatened to fall.  
  
“You’re breakin’ up with me?”  
  
Sam lifted his gaze and then nodded his head; the pain in Bucky’s eyes tore at Sam’s chest.  
  
“Because of the rumors?”  
  
Sam shrugged.  
  
Bucky stepped closer and said, “Answer me, Wilson. If you’re gonna dump my ass, at least tell me why.”  
  
“Because I don’t wanna do this anymore,” Sam lied, as his heart clenched in his chest. “It’s not worth all the drama. Having people talk about me and throw food at me; call me fucking names. It’s not worth it.”  
  
“I’m not worth it?” asked Bucky, as tears filled his eyes.  
  
“That’s not what I meant.”  
  
“Then tell me what you mean, goddamn it. Your father put you up to this?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Then what’s changed?”  
  
“I just — I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be with you anymore. What happened between us was a mistake. I see that now. I’ve been confused and I did things. I thought I felt things. And I didn’t. It was one big stupid mistake.”  
  
“What? Are you serious right now?” asked Bucky, still angry from the fight. “You sayin’ everything that happened between us was a mistake?”  
  
Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. It would be easier to end it if Bucky hated him, so Sam was intent on saying things that would ensure Bucky would hate him.  
  
“Yeah,” Sam lied. “It was. It was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened. I let it go too far, and I’m sorry.”  
  
“You said you loved me, Sammy,” Bucky said as his voice broke, choking on a sob. “Was that a mistake, too?”  
  
“I — I loved you as a friend.”  
  
“Bullshit!” said Bucky. “You laid there and told me you fuckin’ loved me, Sam. You said it to my face!”  
  
“I didn’t fuckin’ mean it! How could I? You’re a guy! I’m not like that! I’m not like you!” Sam yelled, and he could see the exact moment that all of the air was forced from Bucky’s lungs and his heart broke.  
  
Bucky bit back another sob, and then wiped his busted knuckles under his teary eye.  
  
“You’re a fucking liar, Sam Wilson,” said Bucky in a low, quiet voice. _

_“I gotta go,” said Sam, as he wiped his eyes and started to walk away._

_“You’re a liar and coward!” said Bucky out of despair._

_Sam spun on his heel and asked, “Then why the fuck do you want me so bad if I’m such a fuckin’ pussy?”_

_“I’m askin’ myself the same fuckin’ thing,” Bucky spat back, letting his anger envelop him. “Don’t know why I even bothered wasting my time on you.”_

_“Fuck you,” said Sam._

_“Fuck you, too!” said Bucky. “Have fun pretending to be somethin’ you’re not to please your daddy and every other asshole in this town.”_

_“I’m not like you!” Sam yelled, letting his pain consume him. “I’m not. I never was!”_

_“Fuck off,” said Bucky. “Run home to daddy.”_

_“Jerk.”_

_“Asshole.”_

_“We’re done!” said Sam as he walked away. “We’re so done.”_

_He didn’t stop as the tears rolled down his face; he didn’t stop when he heard Bucky calling out apologies and begging him to come back. He didn’t stop until he got home, locked himself in his room, and cried himself to sleep._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt. Come yell at me on Tumblr: @siancore
> 
> P.S. Please don't be mad at them (or me).


	9. Chapter 9

_Eight Years Ago_

_“He was looking out for me,” said Sam, while sitting with his head hanging low in the principal’s office. “Brock was the one who was bullying us. He threw his lunch at me and got in my face. Bucky stepped in. He helped me. Is he alright?”_

_“Brock or James?” asked the principal. “Because Brock has a broken nose and Bucky is on suspension for two weeks. He’s lucky we didn’t kick him out of school altogether.”_

_Sam felt a sense of relief. He still cared about Bucky, of course he did, but he was committed to their break-up. He did not want Bucky to be in anymore trouble than he already was._

_“What about the other boy?” asked Darlene. “He was picking on my son and James earlier today. What is the school doing about him?”_

_“We’re working with his parents as well, Mrs Wilson.”_

_“I should hope so,” said Darlene. “I want assurances my child will be protected from any retaliation.”_

_“You have my word,” the principal replied._

_“Good,” said Darlene. “Was that all?”_

_“Yes, thank you for coming down here.”_

_“Thank you,” she said, as she stood. “Sam, c’mon. Let’s go.”_

_Sam was quiet as he walked beside his mother back to the parking lot of the high school. When they climbed into the car, Darlene turned to face her son._

_“Are you okay, baby?”_

_Sam nodded and said, “Yes, ma’am.”_

_“That other boy, has he been bullying you before this?”_

_“No, ma’am,” he said quietly. “Just Bucky. For a while now.”_

_“Because Bucky likes boys?”_

_“Yeah,” said Sam._

_“And why did he start to bully you?”_

_“Because Bucky’s my friend.”_

_“Is that all he is?”_

_Sam felt his heart sink and said, “Not anymore.”_

_Darlene placed a hand to her son’s shoulder and said, “Honey, if you’ve got somethin’ you want to tell me, I’m all ears.”_

_Sam glanced at his mother, gave her a weak smile and said, “Thanks, Mama. I know.”_

_Present Day_

The soft, pleasured moans that escaped from Sam’s lips filled the bedroom as Bucky slid in and out of him from behind. They were on their sides, Sam resting on Bucky’s arm while his leg was hooked up over Bucky’s thigh. The other man’s free arm was wrapped possessively about Sam’s waist, while he held him in place with a sure hand pressed to his warm skin.

Bucky sucked and kissed at Sam’s neck and shoulder; he would dig his teeth in ever so slightly, from time to time, before licking and kissing the marked skin. Sam tasted sweet and briny at once, and Bucky mused, in a moment of clarity amidst the overwhelming pleasure, that he would happily love to kiss Sam Wilson for the rest of their lives.

Bucky’s lips ghosted close to Sam’s ear as he whispered, “Hmmm, baby. You feel so good.”

Sam hummed in response, as Bucky continued to thrust into him before adding, “I need to see your face, Sammy.”

“Okay, hold up,” Sam managed as they shifted positions with Sam now on his back and Bucky between his legs.

Bucky kissed the side of Sam’s face as he inched himself back inside. He let out a moan as Sam’s tight warmth enveloped him once more. Sam wrapped his legs around Bucky’s hips as he began to rock on top of him. Sam threaded one hand through Bucky’s hair and used the other to cling tightly to his muscular back. Their lips came together in a heady kiss as Bucky’s hand found Sam’s rigid, dripping sex. He strummed him, slowly at first, before matching his own thrusts.

“Oh, god,” Sam mewled as Bucky hasted his movement.

He watched Sam keenly as his deep brown eyes closed and his mouth fell open. Bucky could scarcely fathom how someone could look so beautiful; he could hardly believe that Sam was still with him.

“Hmm, _Buck,”_ Sam whimpered as he clenched around Bucky’s length, drawing a moan from him, too.

Bucky kissed the side of Sam’s mouth and said, “ _God_ , Sammy. You’re perfect, baby. I love you.”

Sam turned his head and caught Bucky’s lips in a full kiss, before pulling back, staring into his eyes and saying, “I love you, too, Buck.”

…..

The warm water of the shower cascaded over their naked forms as Sam stood behind Bucky and massaged shampoo into his scalp.

“Rinse,” said Sam as he smacked the other man’s ass playfully, and Bucky shifted forward ane dipped his head under the stream. The suds washed down his back as he ran both hands over his tresses.

Sam took the time to lather the washcloth with soap and finished cleaning himself.

“Let me do it. I got you, babe,” said Bucky, as he twisted his wet hair into a bun at the back of his neck. He gestured for the washcloth, and Sam handed it to him before turning so that Bucky could get his back.

Bucky brought the cloth to Sam’s shoulder and rubbed in a circular motion. The small bubbles trailed over Sam’s smooth skin while Bucky massaged him a little with his free hand.

“Hmm,” said Sam, as his head rolled to the side. “Anyone ever tell you that you got magic hands, Barnes?”

Bucky smiled, let out a small chortle, and then pressed a kiss to the back of Sam’s neck. He then spoke close to Sam’s ear.

“We got time to test that theory?” he asked as he snaked his hand around to Sam’s chest and inched lower.

Sam groaned, “You know I don’t have time, gotta meet my Mom.”

“Not even for a quick one?” asked Bucky.

“You’re incorrigible,” said Sam.

“If that means I’m whipped for you, then yeah, I’m incorrigible.”

Sam turned around so that he and Bucky were facing. He gifted him with a smile, and then draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky smiled back at him and wrapped his arms about Sam’s waist. They stared into one another’s eyes and swayed gently.

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now,” said Sam.

“Do whatever you want to me,” said Bucky with a devilish glint behind his eyes.

“You’re such an asshole,” said Sam playfully as he moved so that he could turn the shower off. “C’mon.”

He took Bucky’s hand and led him out of the small space. He handed him a towel, and then found a one for himself. They dried themselves off and both wrapped their respective towels around their lower halves, and then Sam led Bucky back to the bedroom. Sam sat on the bed and used some of Bucky’s lotion.

“Need some help with that?” asked Bucky; he was craving to touch Sam again. “I can get to all your hard to reach spots.”

“No way,” said Sam with a raised eyebrow. “You’re not makin’ me late with those magic hands.”

Bucky laughed, and then began to gather up Sam’s discarded clothing. He folded each item and sat them beside the other man.

“So, where’re you and your ma goin’? That new fancy tea house out on Grove Road?”

Sam gave him a funny look and asked, “Do I look like I do fancy tea?”

Bucky regarded him for a beat and said, “I dunno. You look kinda fancy to me.”

Sam rolled his eyes playfully and then said, "Nowhere, really."

Sam started to dress while he continued speaking.

"I was thinking I'd get her some lemon cake from that spot she likes, and some coffee, and then I was gonna, y'know, tell her about us."

Bucky pulled on his underwear and then took up a seat next to Sam. 

"For real?" he asked, as Sam glanced sideways at him. 

"Yeah, dude," said Sam, with an excited kind of smile. "I figured, if we're gonna tell Steve, I'd better tell my Mama first."

"You want me to come with you, or—"

"No, thank you," said Sam with a gentle, grateful grin. "I have to do this on my own. It's been a long time coming."

"I'm happy for you, baby," said Bucky with a genuine, warm smile, before he kissed Sam’s shoulder. 

"Shit, I'm a little nervous," said Sam a tiny laugh. 

"It'll be fine," Bucky reassured. "Your ma's one of the sweetest, kindest people I know."

Sam nodded his head, then said, “I know, I just wanna push that feeling deep down so I can get the words out.”

“Which feeling?”

"You know, where you're scared of your family finding out you're queer—"

"Where you think: _Wow, at some point this person who I love might decide to disown me_ _because of somethin’ that’s completely outta my control?"_

"Yeah," said Sam, a little plaintively. _"That feeling._ I've always known what my dad's response was. I couldn't be gay and stay under his roof. No two ways about it. And I'm stupid, right, because I still love him?"

"You're not stupid," said Bucky, giving Sam's hand a squeeze. "It's complicated."

"Yeah, course," Sam said with a nod, suddenly wearing a faraway expression.

"Sorry,” said Bucky, drawing him back. “I keep interrupting."

"It's cool. You get it."

They shared a smile. 

"Go on," said Bucky.

"Right. So, I know where I stand with my father. Not ready to have that talk with him; don’t know if I’ll ever be. But my Mom? It's different with her. She's not like Dad. She always stood up for me. _Always_. When my Dad was at his most fuckin’ unbearable, she was there for me like a decent parent should be," Sam explained. "But there's still that feeling inside of me. That scared voice that's tellin' me maybe she won't accept me, either."

Bucky lifted Sam's hand and placed a soft kiss to his knuckles.

“She loves you, Sammy,” Bucky proffered. “And, from what you’ve told me, if you had’ve come out when you were a kid, she’d support you; she’d have your back. And I think you know that, too. You’re just scared, and that’s okay. But you got this.”

Sam gave Bucky a sweet beam and rested his head on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Buck,” said Sam. “You’re the best. Y’know, I still remember the day you came out to me and the boys.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Sam. “It was not long after Riley left, and we were all down at the park, me, you, Rhodey, and Steve. I think Peggy was there, too. Remember?”

“Yeah, and someone was talkin’ about how so-and-so heard that Riley and another boy made out at Scott’s party.”

“Right, and you just said, ‘Yeah, was me. I’m gay. Got a problem with that?’ And we were like, ‘Nope.’”

Bucky laughed a little and squeezed Sam’s hand.

“And then we had a fuckin’ group hug,” Bucky said with a smile.

“Yeah, and then I started to have the biggest crush on you,” said Sam.

“Fuck off,” said Bucky playfully. “You did not.”

“I did!” said Sam. “Just found out your fine ass was into dudes, and there I was, totally, but secretly into dudes, so I let myself crush on you. I mean, everyone had a crush on you.”

“God, I had the _biggest_ crush on you, Sammy,” said Bucky with a wide smile. “It’s embarrassing how fuckin’ sappy I was for you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” asked Sam. “I mean, before we started seein’ each other that summer?”

“I don’t know,” said Bucky. “Was tryin’ to be cool and shit.”

“I gotta admit, you were pretty cool,” said Sam with a nostalgic grin.

“Yeah, I don’t know about all that. And I would never have said anything back then, even when we were datin’, but I used to be such a sap.”

“You were sweet.”

“I was a total fuckin’ sap,” Bucky laughed. “I used to write your initials on page after page of all o’ my schoolbooks and draw hearts around the letters.”

Sam let out the sweetest laugh before saying, “You did not, Barnes!”

Bucky smiled so widely that it hurt, before replying, “I fuckin’ did! _SW_ inside a big ass heart! I even did _BB hearts SW_.”

“Oh my god, dude, this is amazing,” said Sam, as he placed a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. “You’re so sweet, Buck. I don’t even have words. After we tell Steve that we’re together, we have to tell him that.”

Bucky smiled, but got quiet.

“So, we’re officially together?”  
  


“Well, yeah, I mean, we’ve been seein’ each other for a few months now,” said Sam.

“Yeah, I know, but we haven’t really put a name to it,” Bucky supplied.

“Oh, well, do you wanna put a name to it?”

“Fuck yes,” said Bucky, looking relieved. “I want that more than anything right now.”

“Me, too,” said Sam as smiled widely at him.

They shared a soft, chaste kiss before breaking apart and pressing their foreheads together.

“All I’ve ever wanted to do was tell our best friend that we’re boyfriends,” said Bucky before pulling away to gift Sam with a dreamy smile.

“What d’ya think he’s gonna say?” asked Sam.

Bucky did his best to imitate Steve’s voice and said, “Somethin’ like: _Yeah, right guys. Ha ha very funny_.”

Sam laughed and said, “I will not stand for this Steve Rogers slander, Buck. He does not sound like that.”

“You sure ‘bout that?”

“I’m sure,” said a smiling Sam.

“I reckon he might not be so surprised when we tell him.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “For real? Why’s that?”

“He’s not stupid,” said Bucky. “Plus he’s got two eyes that work so I’m pretty sure he knows I’m so gone for you, Wilson.”

He brushed the back of his hand over Sam’s cheek and then leaned in to kiss him softly. They drew apart and beamed at one another again. So content and happy and in love.

“So, do you wanna tell him, or should I? Or do we do it together?” asked Sam.

“It’d be cool if we told him together,” Bucky said, with a hopeful glint in his eyes. “But, whatever you want is good with me.”

Sam tucked one of Bucky’s stray tresses behind his ear and said, “We’re together, so let’s do it together.”

…..

The late afternoon sun was warm as it washed over Darlene Wilson and her only son. The park was empty, save for Sam, his mother, and a few people walking their dogs. They bit into their lemon cake, and both let out a delighted little sound. Sam closed his eyes, and Darlene covered her smile.

“This is so good, baby,” she commented. “Thank you for stealin’ me away.”

“You’re welcome, Mama,” said Sam. “You think the church ladies will be wonderin’ where you got to? Should we save them some cake?”

“They won’t even miss me,” she replied with a grin. “So, where were you today? I realize you were rostered on.”

“I was with Bucky at his place,” said Sam.

“How’s he doin’?” asked Darlene as she picked at her cake.

“Yeah, he’s good, Ma,” said Sam. “That’s, uh, well, it’s – I mean _he’s_ one of the reasons I wanted to steal you away from the church ladies – kind of. But not really.”

“Sammy, you’re stammering, baby,” Darlene, as she turned to face her son. “Talk to me. What’s goin’ on.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Sam as he took a deep breath and then cleared his throat. “Okay. So, I have something to tell you. And I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, now, but I was scared.”

“Baby, is everything okay?” asked Darlene, suddenly concerned for her son’s wellbeing.

“Yeah, Ma, everything’s great,” said Sam. “Everything in my life is great and I’m happy. And I need to tell you somethin’ I’ve been keeping to myself for a long time.”

Darlene waited while Sam rubbed his hands on his jeans and took another breath.

“Mama, I’m – gay,” said Sam quietly as his heart beat quickly in his chest.

He looked at his mother who now had tears in her eyes.

“Ma? Are you – you’re crying –”

“Oh, honey,” she said, pointing to her eyes. “These are happy tears. I’m cryin’ because I’m so happy right now.”

Sam let out a little laugh as tears filled his eyes, too.

“For real?” he asked. “You’re happy?”

“Of course,” said Darlene, taking hold of Sam’s hand. “This is important. This is part of who you are, and you’re telling me? I’m _so_ happy, baby. So, so happy.”

Sam felt the weight lift from his shoulders as he let the tears of joy and relief come. He and his mother embraced one another as the afternoon sun caressed them. After a moment, they drew apart. Darlene reached her hand up and stroked her son’s face as he smiled at her.

“I love you, my baby boy.”

“I love you, too,” Sam replied, feeling his heart swell.

“You ready to tell your daddy?”

Sam shook his head and said, “Not yet, but I will.”

Darlene nodded her head and said, “No matter what happens, you’re always my son and I will always love you.”

Sam smiled at her and let the tears fall once more before offering his mother a whispered, “Thank you.”

She reached for the napkins that came with their lemon cake, and offered one to Sam, before using one to dab at her own eyes.

“So,” she said after a moment. “Bucky, eh? Wanna tell me about him?”

Sam’s face lit up as he beamed brightly at his mother and said, “Bucky’s – oh my goodness, Mama, he’s _everything._ He’s so amazing and sweet and kind. I just – I have no words.”

“I believe you,” she said with an amused smile. “But is he your boyfriend, Samuel?”

Sam let out a small chuckle and said, “Yes, ma’am. Bucky’s my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this made up for hurting everyone with the last chappie! 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Let me know how you liked it.


	10. Chapter 10

_Present Day_

The excited squeal that came through the headset caused Sam to momentarily remove the earbud and smile widely. His sister was almost flailing on his laptop screen as she reacted to her brother’s news over Skype.

“Sar, you okay there?” asked Sam with a chuckle.

“Yeah, I’m great,” she replied happily. “I’m so proud of you, Sam-Sam. I can’t believe you came out to Mama. I wish I was there!”

“I know,” he replied, with joy laced through his voice. “I wish you were, too. Mama was amazing, just like always. We had lemon cake and cried together. It was the best. And tonight, she made pecan pie for dessert.”

“Aww, your favorite.”

“Yeah, said it was to celebrate,” said Sam, causing Sarah to smile more widely.

“That’s so nice, Sammy,” said Sarah. “I really do wish I was there. We could’ve got some drinks or something, to celebrate.”

“You’re not old enough to drink, Sarah Wilson.”

“God, you sound like Daddy.”

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “Please don’t say that. You’ll ruin this conversation.”

Sarah nodded and said, “Yeah, sorry. You’re nothin’ like him.”

“Thank God for that,” said Sam.

“ _So,_ I guess you haven’t spoken to him yet?”

Sam sighed and said, “Not yet. The past couple of months have been really good, Sar-Bear. I don’t wanna fuck everything up.”

“You’re not the one fuckin’ it up, Sam,” she said sternly. “It’s Daddy. He needs to get over himself. Get off that damn high horse of his.”

“I know,” said Sam. “I do want to talk to him, to tell him, but now is _not_ the right time.”

“Well, when you’re ready, regardless of what happens, you’re still my big brother,” said Sarah. “And if Daddy’s gonna insist on continuing to be smallminded, then he’s gonna hear from me.”

“Sar, I don’t want your relationship to be ruined with Dad because of me.”

“Sorry, Sam, but you’re his kid, too,” said Sarah. “Why do I get to have a good relationship with him when you can’t? He can’t keep putting conditions on his love for us; for _you._ That’s bullshit.”

Sam felt the tears well in his eyes as his chest swelled with complete adoration for his little sister.

He smiled at her and said, “I love you Sarah Wilson.”

“I love you too, Sam Wilson,” she replied. “Always.”

They smiled at one another through their respective screens as a brief silence passed between them.

“Sis, I gotta get to work soon so I’ll end the call in a minute,” said Sam. “Oh, and me Bucky are gonna tell Steve we’re together.”

“For real? When?”

“Yeah,” said Sam with a smile. “Tomorrow night, when we both have time off.”

“Aww and I’m missin’ all of the excitement,” said Sarah with a faux pout.

Sam laughed and said, “Not really. We’re just tellin’ our best friend that we’re boyfriends.”

“So, you _are_ boyfriends?”

“Well, yeah,” said Sam.

“Does that mean you’re gonna be walking around town as boyfriends? Going on dates as boyfriends? Changing your relationship status on Facebook?”

“I hope that’s what it means,” Sam replied with a little chuckle.

“That’s cool,” said Sarah. “I’m so happy for you, Sammy. Question: What if Dad finds out because some nosy-ass heifer from church sees the two of you, or because one of the Aunties sees your status has been changed?”

Sam took a deep breath and shrugged before saying, “At this point, I kinda hope that he does. What’s he gonna do? Threaten to kick me outta his house again? I’m not a scared kid anymore. He can’t manipulate me. Maybe it’s a good thing that he finds out. I’m not hiding anymore. I’m living my life. If Dad finds out and doesn’t want me in his life after that, then so be it. I just – I’m gonna be upset, for sure, but I’ll be relieved, too.”

“Because you don’t have to stand in front of him and say the words?”

“Yeah,” Sam admitted, his voice coming out melancholic. “It was easier with Mom because I know she loves me unconditionally. But Dad’s different, and a small part of me wants to hang on to him for a little longer.”

He gave his sister a sad smile before adding, “It’s gonna be bad, Sar-Bear, when I do tell him. But this achin’ in my chest to be _who_ I am without apology, that aching hurts more than the possibility of losin’ Dad. It’s fucked up, right? That I know I’m gonna lose him, but I’m gonna tell him either way.”

Sarah wiped a tear from her eye as she gave her brother a mournful look.

“You’re not losin’ him, Sammy,” she said, her voice shaky. “He’s the one losing you.”

Sam mirrored his sister as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“But you gotta be who you are,” she added with a weak smile. “Unapologetically.”

Sam smiled back at Sarah, nodded his head, and said, “I am, and I will.”

…..

The unmistakeable smell of marijuana smoke wafted around the small balcony as Sam stepped outside to join Bucky.

“You sure you want some?” Bucky said as he turned his head to look at his boyfriend.

Sam shrugged as Bucky took a pull at his freshly lit joint.

“It’ll calm my nerves, right?” asked Sam.

“I don’t know,” said Bucky, with a lazy grin. “You’re the doctor. I’m just a smoker.”

Sam looked at the joint, then back at Bucky. He narrowed his gaze, held his hand out, and said, “Give it.”

Bucky passed it to him, and then Sam put it out in the ashtray.

“Hey,” Bucky protested weakly.

“You smoke too much,” said Sam.

“It keeps me calm.”

“Excessive use of marijuana is linked to erectile dysfunction.”

“What? Really? Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m the doctor, remember? And I’d rather be a little nervous than experience erectile dysfunction.”

Bucky moved toward Sam and said, “Baby, I love your ‘doctor voice’, but stop sayin’ erectile dysfunction.”

Both men laughed as Bucky wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed Sam’s neck before adding, “And I don’t know why you’re so fuckin’ nervous. It’s just Stevie.”

“I know,” said Sam as he stroked Bucky’s hair. “I’m just – I just feel like he could get upset at us for not tellin’ him sooner. You know how dramatic he is.”

Bucky let out a little laugh but was too focussed on how good Sam’s fingers felt in his hair.

“What time is he bringing his dramatic ass over?” asked Bucky.

“Within the hour,” said Sam.

“We got time for a quickie?”

“I told you before Barnes, it’s pronounced _quiche,_ ” Sam teased, causing Bucky to roll his eyes.

“Fuck off, Wilson,” he replied, feigning offense. “I said it wrong that _one_ time, when you gonna let it go?”

Sam laughed and tossed his head back; Bucky was sure he would never get tired of seeing that. His happiness meant everything to Bucky.

“Never,” said Sam while wearing a bright beam. “Never, ever. It was too funny.”

“You love laughin’ at me, uh?” Bucky accused, with no real ire behind it.

“Not at you,” said Sam, as he brushed his boyfriend’s hair away from his face. “ _With_ you.”

They shared a soft, chaste kiss before Bucky pulled Sam nearer so that they were chest-to-chest.

“So, do we have time for some _quiche_?”

Sam laughed again and said, “I don’t think so, babe. You know Steve will show up early.”

…..

The door swung open and Steve was met by an unimpressed looking Bucky.

“Hey, man,” said Steve, as Bucky stood in front of him.

“You’re late,” said Bucky. “We could’ve had quiche. Missed out on the quiche because your ass is late.”

“What?” asked a confused Steve.

“Nothin’,” said Bucky, stepping aside to let his friend in. “Never mind. Come on in.”

They found Sam in the living room seated on the sofa and he greeted Steve warmly.

“Hey, Steve.”

“Hey, Sammy,” Steve replied. “What’s this about quiche?”

Sam looked at Bucky and rolled his eyes, before saying, “Don’t listen to him. He was smokin’ earlier.”

“You smoke too much, Buck,” said Steve.

“Yes, _Dad_. I know,” Bucky replied. “Erectile dysfunction.”

“Erectile dysfunction?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “Limp dick shit.”

“Okay, guys,” said Steve with his eyebrows raised. “I am beyond confused right now. You invited me over to talk about this and quiche, or no quiche? Buck, why’re you talkin’ about quiche and limp dicks?”

Sam shook his head and said, “He’s talking about a ‘quickie’. Remember when he thought _quiche_ was pronounced _quickie_?”

Steve burst into laughter and then said, “Oh, yeah. That’s _still_ funny.”

Sam joined in laughing with him.

“Fuck both of you,” said Bucky, as he flopped down on the sofa beside Sam.

“Did you mispronounce it again, Buck?” asked Steve, as he slid down into the armchair, still chuckling.

“No, he was asking for a quickie earlier, and I reminded him about quiche,” said Sam.

“He was asking you for a quickie?” Steve queried, as he glanced at Sam and then Bucky. “Why was he askin’ _you_ , Sammy? What’s goin’ on?”

Sam smiled and then looked at Bucky, before taking hold of his hand and saying, “He asked because, first of all, his ass is thirsty, and secondly, because he’s my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” asked Steve, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, dumbass,” said Bucky. “Sammy’s my boyfriend. We’re together.”

…..

The night sky was speckled with twinkling stars as a cool breeze swept up around the three men who were celebrating life together. Bucky took a pull from the joint and then passed it to Steve, who was seated between his two best friends out on the small balcony. Steve took a puff, coughed, and then passed it to Sam, before saying, “You guys. I’m so happy for you guys.”

Bucky clapped his hand to Steve’s shoulder and smiled as he said, “We know, buddy. You ain’t gonna cry again, are ya?”

“Leave him alone, Buck,” Sam chastised, as he passed the joint back to Steve, and took a sip from his beer. “He’s happy for us.”

“Yeah,” said Steve, as he coughed again and handed the joint back to Bucky. “I’m so happy for you both. This is the best news I’ve heard all year.”

“You’re not mad we kept it from you?” asked Sam.

“It’s not about me,” Steve offered in earnest. “It’s about my two best friends bein’ happy. It all makes sense now.”

“What’s that?” asked Bucky.

“Why you two assholes stopped talkin’ to one another years ago,” said Steve. “You were together then, too, weren’t you? That summer before Sam left?”

Bucky remained silent until Sam spoke up, confirming their friend’s suspicions.

“Yeah,” Sam admitted. “We were dating.”

Steve turned his head to Sam and said, “And you broke up senior year when we went back to school? That’s why you stopped talking?”

“Yes,” said Sam, feeling the mood shift slightly. “Sorry we didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay,” said Steve, as he placed a hand to Sam’s shoulder. “We were kids. I’m just glad you put it all behind you. You both deserve to be happy, now. You deserve the whole world and everything that’s good in it.”

“Thank you,” said Sam.

“Yeah,” Bucky added. “Thanks, man.”

“No,” said Steve, letting out a sniffling sound as he was overcome by emotion that was exacerbated by the beer and weed. “Thank you both.”

“Stevie? Come on, dude,” said Bucky. “Don’t start cryin’ again.”

“I can’t help it,” said Steve. “And these are –”

“Happy tears?” Bucky interjected.

“Yes,” said Steve. “Happy tears. I’m so happy for you.”

“Aww, Stevie,” said Sam as he rubbed his friend’s shoulder. “We’re happy, too.”

…..

Sam’s orgasm was still rippling through his body as Bucky finally came and collapsed on top of him. He remained rooted inside of Sam as he peppered messy kisses to the back of his neck. After a moment, he withdrew himself and fell down on the bed next to his boyfriend, discretely removing his condom and dropping it to floor. Sam shifted so that his head was resting on Bucky’s chest and his arm was draped over his abdomen. Bucky ran his thumb languidly over Sam’s back as their breathing slowly returned to normal.

“I’ll never get tired of that,” said Sam with a lazy smile.

“I know, right?” said Bucky, before placing a gentle kiss to the top of Sam’s head. “And to think you were tryin’ to tell me about weed and erectile dysfunction. I had no problems just now. Was hard as calculus.”

Sam laughed and slapped at him playfully, before saying, “Shush, you.”

“Sorry, baby,” said Bucky. “Hey, you think we were too loud? Think Stevie heard?”

“Weed’s makin’ you paranoid,” Sam teased. “Rogers is down for the count, dude. You shouldn’t have given him anything to smoke.”

“We were celebratin’,” said Bucky as he hugged Sam.

“Yeah, true,” Sam offered. “He’s so goofy.”

“He is,” said Bucky. “Love his goofy ass.”

“Did you see the comment he posted on our ‘relationship status’ post?” asked Sam, referring to their social media update.

“Oh, God,” said Bucky, as he reached for his phone. “Shouldn’t let him have his phone when he’s drinkin’.”

“He’s just sappy and cute,” said Sam with a smile as Bucky scrolled the comments to find Steve’s.

It read: _I’M SO EFFING HAPPY FOR THE TWO OF YOU. MY BFFS ARE BFS AND I AM GONNA CRY AGAIN I LOVE YOU GUYS. LOVE YOU. LOVE FROM STEVE ROGERS._

Bucky began to laugh, before saying, “Does he know he literally doesn’t need to sign his comment. Does he realize his name is right there?”

Sam let out a chuckle, too, and said, “It’s cute.”

“Yeah, it is,” Bucky agreed, before looking at all of the other comments. “Shit, there’s a bunch of comments here, baby.”

“What’re they sayin’?” asked Sam.

“Mostly congratulations,” said Bucky. “You’ve got a _lot_ of people from high school on here. Aww, look: Rhodey said congrats and that he always thought we looked cute together.”

“Aww,” said Sam with a wide smile. “He’s gonna have so many questions when I see him back in DC.”

Bucky didn’t like the way his stomach dropped at Sam’s comment of returning to DC. They hadn’t spoken about what they were going to do after Sam’s residence was finished. Bucky didn’t want to put any added pressure on Sam. He was enjoying their time together. Announcing to their friends and family on social media that they were a couple was a huge step, especially for Sam considering the situation with his father. Bucky just wanted to be there for Sam and continue to be a loving, supportive boyfriend.

“I fuckin’ miss him,” Bucky said in response. “He hasn’t been back here in so long. Last Christmas, we got wasted on his grandma’s special secret-recipe eggnog and went carolling.”

“You did not!” said Sam, as he lifted his head and glanced down at a smiling Bucky.

“Hell, yes we did,” he replied proudly.

“But Rhodey can’t carry a tune,” said Sam. 

“I know,” said Bucky as he laughed. “Mrs Nguyen opened her door with the biggest smile, then by the second verse, she kindly told us to get the fuck off her property.”

Sam broke out into laughter as he rested his head back down on Bucky’s chest.

“Oh my God,” said Sam. “I wish I was there to see it.”

“Yeah,” said Bucky a little mournfully. “Me, too.”

A beat of silence passed between them as Bucky kept looking at the comments on his phone.

“So, Becca said my Ma wants to make us a homecooked meal tomorrow night,” said Bucky as he read the message from his sister. “I can get Nat to watch the bar for me. Will you be able to come?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” said Sam. “Wow. I haven’t been to your family’s house in forever. Last time was –”

“Night of my eighteenth birthday,” Bucky said with a grin. “You gave me a hand-job and said you loved me back. Best night of my life.”

“Aww,” said Sam as he lifted his head and placed a kiss to Bucky’s chest, right over his heart.

“My old room’s exactly the same,” said Bucky. “If you want, we can sneak up there and fool around for a little while.”

Sam smiled and let out a little giggle before Bucky added, “Y’know, for old time’s sake.”

“Alright,” said Sam. “Let’s do it. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve gotten a _lot_ better at hand-jobs.”

Bucky laughed and held Sam tighter before saying, “Oh, sweetheart, I’ve noticed.”

Another moment of silence pervaded before Sam spoke once more.

“Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“I meant it.”

“Meant what, baby?”

“That night when I said I loved you,” Sam proffered, his voice soft and plaintive. “I meant it. I did love you. I loved you so much. I still do.”

Bucky felt tears well in his eyes.

“I know, Sammy,” said Bucky as he wiped at the corner of his eye. “And I love you, too, pretty boy.”

Sam hugged Bucky tighter, before Bucky added, “Shit, got me all emotional like Stevie.”

They both laughed at the same time and Bucky kept scrolling. One name, in particular, stood out to him: Misty Knight.

“You still talk to Misty?”

“Yeah, why?”

“She commented.”

“Oh, what’d she say?”

“Just congratulations and she’s happy for us,” said Bucky, as he logged off and placed his phone away.

“That’s nice of her,” said Sam.

“Have you seen her yet, since you’ve been back?” asked Bucky, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah, she came into the hospital a couple of times,” said Sam. “Some patients needed to make police statements. Said hello and chatted for a bit.”

“Oh,” was all Bucky said.

“You okay?” asked Sam as he lifted his head to stare down at Bucky.

“Yeah, gorgeous guy,” said Bucky with a smile. “I’m great.”

…..

_Eight Years Ago_

_The weather had begun to cool down as the last days of summer faded away. The two-week suspension was the longest two weeks of Bucky’s young life. He wasn’t allowed to go anywhere, except to the store; he wasn’t allowed to see anyone, and he missed his friends. He missed Sam._

_Their fight kept playing over and over in his head. Made him feel sick. He had said things he did not mean. He had hurt Sam. He felt terrible. Terrible and heartbroken. He looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing down his clothing, before picking up his bag and leaving his room. He would go to Sam and apologize. He would make things right._

_The first person Bucky saw when he returned to school was the principal. He sat through the lecture on changing his behavior and keeping his nose clean. He was given a schedule to talk to the Student Wellbeing Officer for the next few weeks. He then signed a Behavior Plan and was sent on his way._

_Having arrived at English class late, all eyes were on Bucky when he walked into the classroom. He handed his Behavior Plan to the teacher and then scanned the room for somewhere to sit. His gaze found Sam and he offered him a sad look and a little smile. Sam’s head dropped and so did Bucky’s tummy. He walked to the back of the room and took a seat. He had a good view of the back of Sam’s head and spent the entire lesson staring at him. At him and Misty Knight, who was sitting next to Sam and obviously flirting with him. The thing was, it looked like Sam was flirting back._

_When Misty asked for Sam to extend his arm so she could draw something on it, he did; when she reached over to take one of his pens without asking, he let her. Misty smiled brightly as Sam teasingly, but gently, tugged on one of her springy curls. She giggled when he leaned in to whisper something amusing in her ear. It was annoying Bucky to no end._

_He was relieved when the bell finally rang to signal that the class had finished. Bucky stood, gathered up his stuff, and walked quickly toward Sam._

_“Hey, Sam, can we talk?” he asked, causing Sam to turn and give him a morose look._

_Sam shook his head and then said, “Sorry. I gotta go.”_

_With that, he and Misty walked off together, leaving Bucky standing there on the brink of tears._

_….._

_By lunchtime, Bucky had no appetite at all. He, Rhodey, Tony, and Steve sat under a tree with their food. Bucky hadn’t really touched his, and Rhodey noticed._

_“You okay, Barnes?” he asked._

_“Yeah, man,” said Bucky. “Just not that hungry. Hey, where’s Wilson?”_

_“Sammy’s been hangin’ out with Misty for the last couple of weeks,” said Steve._

_“Is he still talkin’ to you guys?” asked Bucky. “Because he sure as shit ain’t talkin’ to me.”_

_“Why? Because of the fight?” said Rhodey. “What even happened, dude? Sam hasn’t said a thing.”_

_“Brock that asshole,” said Bucky, as he ran his fingers through his long hair. “I’m tired of his shit. Tired of everyone’s shit. You heard the rumor, right?”_

_The other boys looked at one another, and then Steve said, “Yeah. We heard. About you and Sammy?”_

_“Yeah, well, Brock came up to us and called us homos,” said Bucky._

_“I hate that prick,” said Rhodey as Steve gave Bucky a sympathetic look._

_“He almost hit Sam with his food,” Bucky added. “Called him a cocksucker. I just lost my shit. I don’t give a fuck what he calls me or does to me, because I’ll square it; but Sam doesn’t deserve his bullshit.”_

_The others nodded their heads as Bucky continued._

_“Anyways, we argued afterwards,” said Bucky. “Me and Sammy. Said his old man didn’t want him hangin’ around me anymore. For real this time. Must’ve heard the rumors, too.”_

_“That’s BS,” said Steve._

_“Yeah,” said Bucky. “I just don’t wanna get Sam in trouble with his father, so if he ain’t talkin’ to me, then I’m not gonna push him to.”_

_“Really, man?” asked Rhodey. “This is fucked up. Can’t believe his dad’s doin’ this. We’ll be outta school soon and off to college. I don’t want us to end our high school careers on a sour note. This is bullshit. Rogers, can’t you talk some sense into Sammy?”_

_“I’ll try,” said Steve. “But you know how he is with his old man.”_

_“I just wanna say I’m sorry to him,” said Bucky, looking absolutely distraught and heartbroken; Rhodey and Steve noticed, but said nothing._

_“I’ll talk to him, Buck,” said Steve, as Bucky nodded, and then kept his head lowered._

_“If you can get him away from Misty,” said Tony, finally joining their conversation. “They’ve been joined at the hip, plus I heard they’re dating.”_

_“What?” said Bucky, lifting his gaze._

_“Sam and Misty are dating,” said Tony. “Apparently he asked her out today.”_

_All of the air felt like it was forced out of Bucky’s lungs as a pained, confused expression played on his face. Rhodey and Steve looked at one another a moment, then back at their friend. Bucky said nothing as a lump formed in his throat._

_“You alright, Buck?” asked Steve._

_“Yeah, dude,” said Bucky sourly as he clambered to his feet. “Good for Wilson. That’s one way to stop the rumors and get his dad off his back: Go get a pretty girlfriend.”_

_“Yeah, but he probably likes her, too,” said Tony._

_“Of course,” Bucky replied._

_“Where’re you goin’?” asked Rhodey._

_“Appointment with the Wellbeing Officer,” said Bucky, with a forced smile. “See you assholes later.”_

_They bid their friend farewell as Bucky walked across the schoolyard. He held back the tears of anger and heartbreak as he trudged toward the school building. As he stepped into the courtyard, he saw Sam and Misty sitting together at one of the tables. When Sam noticed Bucky, he saw the pain in his eyes as they held one another’s gaze. Bucky, still walking, only looked away when Misty leaned in and pressed a tentative kiss to Sam’s cheek._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Sammy...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The true nature of Sam and Misty's past relationship is revealed, but has Sam's past choices left a lasting negative impact on Bucky and his subsequent relationships? In the present time, Sam is reminded that he has decisions to make and Bucky has concerns that he is afraid to voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy this chappie.

There was a pile of clothes scattered across Sam’s bed. He stood with his hands on his hips staring down at the garments. He still hadn’t decided on what he would wear to dinner with Bucky’s family. He wanted to make a good impression. Even though it wasn’t the first time he was meeting them, it was his first time spending time with them as Bucky’s boyfriend, and that was a big deal for him. He let out a huff and then ran his thumb over his forehead. He was beginning to feel nervous. Just then, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He retrieved the device and saw that it was Rhodey calling.

“Hey, Rhodey,” said Sam with a smile.

“Hey, Sammy,” Rhodey replied. “This a good time? You not at work or anything like that?”

“Nah, man. I’m not busy. What’s up?” asked Sam as he took a seat on his bed.

“Not a lot on my end, but you and Barnes, eh?”

Sam smiled and let out a little chuckle, before saying, “Yeah, dude. Me and Barnes.”

“Fuckin’ finally,” said Rhodey with an amused yet happy laugh.

“I know, right. It’s been kinda crazy.”

“I still can’t believe the two of you _finally_ got together. I mean, we all knew you had him sprung for the longest time.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, he thought he was slick at hiding it, but it was all over his face,” said Rhodey with a wistful smile. “He must have rainbows shootin’ out his ass right now, man.”

Sam laughed loudly and then reclined on the bed.

“He’s happy, for sure. I’m happy, too.”

“I’m happy for the both of you. How’re things goin’?”

“We’re doin’ good, man. I’m going to have dinner with his family tonight.”

“First time as a couple, eh?”

“Yeah, first time. I’m kinda shittin’ myself, Rhodey.”

“What? Don’t even worry ‘bout it, Wilson. Everyone loves you, man. Bucky’s parents are cool. You’ll be fine.”

“Thanks, that helps.”

“You’re a total catch, alright? Mr and Mrs Barnes will be happy it’s you he’s bringin’ home and not one of his groupies from the bar.”

“He’s got groupies?”

“I’m just playin’,” said Rhodey with an amused laugh. “Though, I’m not one hundred percent sure about _no_ groupies. I mean, his dating history wasn’t exactly stellar.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but not my story to tell. All I know is none of them could hold a flame to you and Barnes knew it. We all knew it. But don’t you worry about who he dated before. You got other things to be concerned with like meeting your former-best-friend-slash-new-boyfriend’s parents.”

“Ugh. I’m already nervous. What if it gets awkward?”

“You’re a doctor, Sam. You’ve seen people at their worst. At their most vulnerable. You can handle dinner with Bucky Barnes’ family. Be yourself. Go over there and enjoy yourself. Mrs Barnes always liked you best out of all of us. I bet that she’s beyond happy that you and Bucky are together. Just show up and do the boyfriend thing. They already like you.”

“Do they, though? I mean, I basically told him to go fuck himself and didn’t speak to him for years. What if they held that against me?”

“I think they’re more concerned with how happy you make their dumbass son _now_.”

Both Sam and Rhodey laughed.

“And I got it on good authority that you make that dumbass happy.”

Sam let out a sigh and smiled before saying, “God, Rhodey, he makes me happy, too.”

“Aww,” said Rhodey with genuine mirth. “I’m glad y’all both put all that high school shit behind you and reconnected. Barnes was carrying a torch for you, y’know?”

“Really?”

“Hell yes. Whenever I was back in town, we’d catch up and end up shitfaced and talkin’ about the good ol’ days. He always brought you up. He had it bad for you, Wilson. Crushed him when you left for college.”

“I feel bad about that. Y’know, for leaving.”

“Don’t feel bad. It was eventually gonna happen. You left. I left. Steve left and came back. And Bucky stayed. That’s one reason I get back when I can. Seein’ family is always nice, and stressful, but I felt like I had to get back to see Barnes, too. After we all went off to college, he was there on his own. I guess I always felt bad for him bein’ stuck there, know what I mean?”

Sam suddenly felt a wave of sadness wash over him. He was so wrapped up in his own life that he hadn’t given much thought to what it must have been like for Bucky in the wake of their break-up.

“Yeah,” said Sam, low and plaintive. “I know what you mean.”

A silence passed between the two friends before Rhodey spoke once more.

“But, hey. Don’t let that get you down. Was a long time ago. You’re together now and you’ve got an important dinner to get ready for.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. God, I need to figure out what to wear. It’s like date-night with his parents. Talk about pressure.”

Rhodey laughed and said, “You know Buck’s probably gonna wear a t-shirt and jeans, right?”

“He wouldn’t, would he? This is kinda a big deal, right? Special occasion type thing, yeah?”

“You’d better check on him, Sammy,” said Rhodey amusedly. “He once wore a shirt that had ‘Too Drunk to Fuck’ on it to a job interview.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile before asking, “Did he get the job?”

“Yeah,” said Rhodey with a small chuckle. “And now he owns the place.”

They shared a laugh before Sam said, “I better let you go. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Alright, and Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really, _really_ happy for the two of you.”

Sam smiled as he felt a warmth spread through his chest.

“Thanks, dude. That means everything to me.”

“Good,” said Rhodey jovially, before adding, “I hope that means I get to be the best man at your wedding and not Steve’s weepy ass.”

…..

“Should I wear a tie?” asked Sam, as he spoke into the phone and looked through the closet in his childhood bedroom once again.

“To dinner at my folks’ place?” asked Bucky on the other end of the line.

“Yeah.”

“It’s just dinner, Wilson,” said Bucky with a small laugh. “You’ve eaten there before.”

“Yeah, when I was a kid,” said Sam. “Not a grown ass man who was invited over to his boyfriend’s parents’ house for a meal.”

“Don’t stress about it,” said Bucky.

“What’re you wearing?”

“A shirt and jeans,” said Bucky.

“Rhodey called it. Said that’s what you’d be wearing.”

Bucky laughed and said, “It’s no big deal.”

“But it _is_ a big deal,” said Sam, as he flopped down on the bed. “It’s the first family thing that we’re going to as a couple.”

“I get what you’re sayin’, Sammy,” said Bucky as he reclined on his bed. “And it is a big deal to do this and there’s no one else I’d rather do it with, but it’s just my family. They’re not gonna make a fuss about what you’re wearin’ or shit like that. They’re not like your family; they’re laid back.”

“Not like my family?” Sam repeated, and Bucky regretted his remark immediately. “What’s my family like?”

“Never mind, babe,” said Bucky.

“Uh, no. Go on, what’re they like?”

“Sam, I didn’t mean anything by it,” said Bucky as he wiped his hand across his face. “I know your family probably makes it a thing when having guests over for dinner and stuff like that. Your dad’s a pastor. Course he’s gonna wear a tie and shit; make you wear a tie or whatever. But you don’t –”

“Hey, my dad doesn’t _make_ me do _anything anymore,_ okay?”

“Okay,” said Bucky, feeling slight panic creep up inside of him. “I just meant, my family’s –”

“What? Your family’s _better_ than mine?”

“Damn it, Sam, that’s not what I meant, and you know it,” said Bucky, growing frustrated. “I’m just sayin’, you don’t have to wear a fuckin’ tie if you don’t want to. There’s no dress code, babe. It’s just dinner; just my Mom’s casserole, my Dad’s stupid jokes, and my little sister’s annoying ass.”

Silence pervaded before Bucky spoke again.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” said Bucky earnestly. “I wasn’t implying anything about your family, just tryin’ to explain mine. I probably gotta call ahead and tell my Ma to make sure my Dad’s wearin’ trousers and not planning on eatin’ in his underwear in the livin’ room.”

That made Sam laugh a little, and Bucky felt less anxious right away.

“Okay,” said Sam, his tone softer. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just a little nervous about tonight.”

“You don’t have to be nervous, Sammy,” said Bucky sweetly. “It’s just dinner with my family. I’ll be right there with you. If you’re not feelin’ it, I’ll make some excuse and we’ll leave. You’re safe with me. You know that. Okay?”

“Okay,” said Sam with a smile. “And I know. Thanks, Buck.”

“Don’t mention it,” he replied. “Now finish gettin’ ready. You’ll look great in whatever you wear. I’ll see you soon. I love you.”

Sam smiled brighter and said, “Alright. I love you, too.”

…..

Sam checked himself over in the visor mirror as he waited for his boyfriend. When he saw Bucky coming down the driveway at his house, he could not help the wide beam that spread across his face. Bucky was wearing black jeans, a black button-down shirt with short sleeves, and a black tie. The dark clothing was broken up by a studded belt and red Chuck Taylor high tops. He had his hair out and it fell about his face in a way that was kind of messy, but very attractive. 

He climbed into Sam’s car and smiled. Sam stared at him and said, “Wow. You look great, Buck. You look like a fuckin’ rock star.”

Bucky blushed at Sam’s compliments, as he tucked his hair behind his ear and grinned.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he replied. “I mean, I had to put in some effort for you.”

“Aww, Buck, you didn’t have to –”

“No, you were right,” said Bucky. “This is the first family thing we’re goin’ to as a couple, so I wanted to make an effort and do it right. But, holy shit, Wilson: Look at you.”

He dragged his eyes over Sam and took in his appearance. Sam wore dark blue jeans, a navy-blue v neck sweater over a white shirt with a black tie.

“I mean, you always look good, but damn,” said Bucky, licking his lips. “You look incredible. You think my Ma would mind if we were a little late? I like how you look in that outfit, baby, but I sure do wanna get you out of it right now.”

Sam’s face grew warm as he smiled at his boyfriend.

“Your thirsty ass is _not_ makin’ me late, Barnes,” said Sam with a grin. “Besides, you can get me naked after we’re done.”

…..

Everything felt oddly familiar, Sam thought, as he and Bucky made their way up to the front door of the Barnes residence. Bucky held Sam’s hand while letting them in with a spare key.

“We’re here,” Bucky called out as he led Sam into the living room.

Becca was sprawled out on the sofa typing furiously into her phone. She lifted her gaze and gave Sam a warm smile.

“Hey, Sam Wilson,” she said.

“Hey, Becca,” he replied.

She narrowed her gaze as she looked at Bucky and then said, “Why’re you all dressed up?”

Bucky scrunched up his face and replied, “I’m not.”

“You’re wearing a tie, Buckaroo. That’s dressed up.”

Bucky rolled his eyes before saying, “Whatever. Sammy, you wanna sit down?”

Sam nodded and took up a seat on the armchair as Bucky flopped down next to his little sister.

“Where’s Mom and Dad?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, before turning her attention to Sam. “Hey, Sam Wilson, you’re like the most interesting person in this shithole town right now.”

“Really? Why?”

“Your social media post about being boo’d up with my dumbass brother.”

Bucky went to playfully pinch Becca’s arm, but she pulled away from him and kept talking.

“For some reason, everyone thought _he_ was the most interesting person here.”

“It’s because I’m hot,” said Bucky, causing Sam to nod and Becca to roll her eyes.

“Anyway, since you’re dating him, you’re officially the most interesting.”

“Well, that’s certainly _interesting_?” said Sam, not knowing what he should do with the information.

“It’s not really,” said Becca, as she went back to typing on her phone. “This place is just so fuckin’ boring. Why’d you even come back?”

The question, though harmless, kind of caught Sam off guard.

“I, ah—” Sam’s answer was interrupted when George Barnes stepped into the living room.

“Hello, son,” said George, moving to where Sam was and extending his hand.

“Hi, Mr Barnes,” said Sam as he got to his feet; they shook hands and the younger man suddenly felt nervous again. Bucky noticed, and got to his feet. He stood beside his boyfriend and placed his hand to the small of Sam’s back.

“It’s really good to see you,” said George with a smile.

“You too, Sir. Thank you for inviting me over,” said Sam, remembering all of the manners his own family had taught him.

“You’re welcome,” said George before gesturing toward the dining room. “Okay, kids. Dinner’s ready.”

“Thank you,” said Sam with a smile. “It smells lovely.”

…..

_Eight Years Ago_

_“Dinner was lovely, Mrs Wilson,” said Misty Knight as she sat across the table from Sam._

_“Aww, thank you, honey,” Darlene replied. “Got Sam’s favorite for dessert, so I hope you left some room.”_

_“Yes, ma’am, I did,” said Misty with a sweet smile. “What’s your favorite?”_

_“Pecan pie,” Sam replied._

_Misty smiled and said, “That’s my favorite, too.”_

_“Look at that,” said Paul with a content grin. “You two have so much in common.”_

_Sam gave his father a discreet yet disapproving look before saying, “Yes, Sir, we do.”_

_….._

_Present Day_

In all honesty, Sam couldn’t remember the last time he had been to a family dinner like this. The conversation was easy; the food was great; and the company was nice. Bucky sat to Sam’s right and kept a reassuring hand to his knee for most of the evening. Winnie and George asked the types of questions that parents asked their adult children’s significant others. It only became slightly awkward when the question of how long Sam would be staying in their town came up.

“How long before you’re certified, sweetheart?” asked Winnie as she began to clear some of the dishes; Bucky got up to help her.

“In a month or so,” Sam replied, as he handed his empty plate to Bucky. “My fellowship will be done, and then I can find work as a physician.”

“That’s really great, Sam,” said George. “Your parents must be really proud of you.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Yes, Sir. They’re happy for me and proud that I worked really hard. I haven’t taken a break from study since I left, actually.”

“Oh, honey, that shows your dedication,” said Winnie as she walked back into the dining room. “I’m sure you’ve made them very happy. But what about you? What’s next? Will you take a break?”

“I don’t know,” said Sam as he watched Winnie take up a seat again; Bucky was listening to their conversation from the kitchen as he loaded the dishwasher. “I kind of feel like I need to take a sabbatical.”

“You deserve it,” said George, as Sam nodded.

“Yeah, but then I feel like I’d just like to apply for jobs and see what happens.”

“So, you have to apply for your job when you’re done? The hospital doesn’t sign you on after your placement is done?” asked Winnie, as Bucky returned and leaned against the entryway with his arms folded over his chest.

Sam looked at Winnie, and then at her son, before saying, “No, Ma’am. It doesn’t work that way. I have to put in job applications just like any other job. And realistically, my residency was part of a fellowship to work with Dr Slobodan, which means after I’m done, there may not be a position at the hospital for me.”

“So, when your time is up, there’s no guarantee that you’ll get a job at the hospital here?” asked George, as he glanced at his son who was now wearing a somewhat plaintive look.

“Exactly,” Sam replied, as he looked to Bucky. Their eyes met briefly, but Bucky dipped his head.

“That sucks,” Becca finally chimed in.

“Yeah, it does,” Sam replied. “The truth of it is there are less job opportunities out here than there are in the city. I could apply for a job in DC right now and would probably get it. Here, my only options are the hospital, and a couple of clinics. Maybe an academic gig at the community college.”

“But you wanna work as a doctor, right? As a physician?” asked Bucky; his voice sounding a little strained.

“Yeah,” said Sam, as he turned to look at his boyfriend. “More than anything I wanna work as a doctor.”

Bucky averted his gaze again and Sam felt as if he was upset with him; he did not have time to dwell on it because Winnie asked him another question.

“So, you’re not gonna stay after you’re certified?” she queried.

“I mean, I have to leave for everything to be finalized.”

“And if you can’t get work as a doctor here?”

“I’ll have to stay in DC,” said Sam as he glanced between Bucky and his parents; George and Winnie gave Sam a sympathetic look while Bucky walked away.

…..

_Eight Years Ago_

_“Thanks again for comin’ over,” said Sam, as he and Misty sat on the front porch of her house after having walked her home._

_“Thanks again for askin’ me over,” she replied with a warm smile._

_“And thanks for everything else,” Sam added as he stared down at the ground._

_“It’s cool.”_

_“Don’t know how I would’ve gotten through these past couple of weeks if it wasn’t for you,” Sam said earnestly, as he glanced at Misty and offered her a small smile; Misty took hold of his hand and gave it a squeeze._

_“I got you, Sammy,” she said with sincerity as Sam squeezed her hand back. “Everything’s gonna work out, okay?”_

_Sam gave her another smile, half sad and half grateful, before resting his head on her shoulder and saying, “Okay.”_

_….._

_Present Day_

The light from the front porch washed against Bucky’s back as smoke wafted around him. Sam found him sitting on the step smoking a cigarette.

“You okay, Buck?” asked Sam as he inched close and sat next to him.

Bucky snuffed out the cigarette and replied, “Yeah, baby. I just needed a smoke.”

Bucky stared out into the darkened street and Sam stared at his profile. They sat in silence and Sam shifted closer. Bucky reached over and took hold of Sam’s hand. Sam noticed he was trembling a little.

“Babe? You sure you’re okay?”

Bucky nodded his head and said, “I’m okay, Sammy.”

“You’re upset.”

Bucky sighed and then said, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t hold back from me. I want you to talk to me and be up front about what’s’ bothering you. Your folks were askin’ a lot of questions, and I know my answers probably weren’t what you wanted to hear. Is it the fact that I may not be staying?”

“I don’t wanna fight,” said Bucky, almost in a tired whisper.

“Not everything ends in a fight.”

Bucky sighed loudly and then turned to face Sam, before saying, “Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?”

“Can we talk about it back at your place?”

“I ah – I kinda wanna be by myself tonight.”

“Bucky? Please don’t be upset with me,” Sam said, almost pleadingly as he felt tears well in his eyes.

“I’m not upset with you,” he supplied as he gave Sam’s hand a squeeze. “I just want to be on my own, just for tonight, to get my head clear.”

“Okay,” said Sam as a lump formed in his throat. “But promise me we’ll talk about it, please.”

“I promise,” said Bucky with a sad smile. “We will.”

Sam leaned his head on Bucky’s shoulder and said, “Are we okay, Buck?”

Bucky rested his head against Sam’s and said, “We’re okay, pretty boy.”

…..

The sound of the music from house band was like a throbbing in Bucky’s head. He stood behind the bar and sipped from his beer that was now warm from having nursed it so long. He hadn’t gone home after Sam left from his parents’ place. Instead, he got Nat to pick him up and went to work. He figured if he went home to his empty bed, he would work himself into a state of worry.

Everything had been going so well for him and Sam that he pushed aside the real possibility of Sam leaving after his residency. They were having such a great time with one another that he didn’t want it to end. He didn’t want to focus on what would happen after Sam’s time was done. Would Sam stay? Would he find work? What would they do if he had to return to DC? The questions were swimming about in Bucky’s mind, weaving between the headache that was setting in.

It was a bad idea to go to the bar. Bucky sighed and placed the drink down. He found his phone and then walked into the back of the establishment into his office and closed the door. After flopping into the chair, he went through the recent calls. He selected the name he was looking for and waited for an answer.

“Hey, Barnes. It’s late. Everything okay?”

“Hey, Rhodey. Sorry for callin’ at this hour. I just really needed someone to talk to.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I mean. Kind of. But not really.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m worried, dude. About me and Wilson.”

“Buck, I thought everything was goin’ great.”

“It is, man. And that’s what I’m worried about. I’m worried that, even though everything’s all good between us, it ain’t gonna end well.”

“Dude, I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” said Bucky as his voice cracked. “It’s just that everything between us has moved so fast. He came back and we fell back in like nothing happened between us. And we haven’t really spoken about anything besides apologizing for that high school shit. There’s still a lot I didn’t know about his life. Like, he came out when he went away, but not to his parents. He came out, but didn’t reach out to me? Even though we could’ve at least tried to be friends again? And yet, I come to find out that he still speaks to Misty Knight? Dude, what am I supposed to say about that?”

“I’m sure it was hard for him, too, Buck.”

“I know that,” said a frustrated Bucky. “And I get it, but why do I feel like I’m the one who’s always being understanding and pushing my feelings aside because I don’t want to push him away again? I don’t want a repeat of our senior year.”

“I hear you. And you shouldn’t have to push your concerns aside, Buck. Sammy wouldn’t want you to.”

“I don’t know what he wants because we haven’t spoken about what comes next after he’s done with his residency.”

“You won’t know if you don’t talk to him about it. Lay it all out there. Tell him what worries you. I mean, what is it that’s worrying you, honestly? That he still talks to his ex? That his res is coming to an end? What’s really bothering you, man?”

Bucky took on what his friend was saying. He inhaled deeply and began to explain his concerns.

“I’m worried that Sammy’s gonna leave like he did before. He came back and I’m fuckin’ gone for him like I’m a seventeen-year-old kid again. I’m so gone for him, and I’m scared. I’m scared he’s gonna leave me; I’m scared he’s gonna break my fuckin’ heart like he did before. What do I do?”

“You talk to him, goddamn it, Barnes,” said Rhodey adamantly. “You tell him that you’re scared. You tell him what it was like for you when he stopped talkin’ to you; when he left for college without making amends or sayin’ goodbye.”

“I’m scared I’ll push him away –”

“Fuck that,” said Rhodey. “What you’re feeling matters, too. You gotta talk to him about it. About _everything._ ”

“And what if it ends in a fight? What if still leaves me? What am I supposed to do then? I don’t think I could handle it a second time, man. I don’t think I could stand it. I can’t. I can’t have my heart broken by Sam Wilson again. I just can’t.”

…..

_Eight Years Ago_

_“I saw Bucky yesterday,” said Sam, as he and Misty sat beside one another on the low wall of the churchyard. They watched as a bunch of youngsters ran by laughing happily._

_“Did you talk to him?”_

_“No,” Sam replied as he wrung his hands together. “And I feel bad about it. I feel like what me and you are doin’ is hurting him even more. I never wanted to hurt him, I just couldn’t let my Dad get him in trouble.”_

_“Don’t feel bad, Sam. You did what you did to protect him. To protect yourself; to protect me. One day you’ll get to explain it to him and he’ll get it.”_

_“You really think he’s gonna understand all o’ my choices when all I’ve done is hurt him and make him feel like shit?”_

_“He loves you,” Misty replied as she took hold of Sam’s hand. “So if you talk to him about it, he’ll get where you’re comin’ from.”_

_“You think?”_

_“Yeah, dude. Me and you can keep this fake relationship goin’ until we graduate. I can keep seein’ Colleen, and you can get back with Bucky and our parents won’t have to know we’re not straight and give us shit about it. We can make our own choices when we’re out from under their roofs, but you gotta stand by the choices you already made. You gotta talk to him and make things right when the time is right.”_

_“And what if he never wants to speak to me again?”_

_“If he loves you like I know he does, he’ll talk to you. If he loves you, nothing will stop him from bein’ with you whether it’s now, or after graduation, or after you’re done with college. If Bucky loves you like you love him, you’ll find your way back together. I know you will. And you’ll be stronger than before. But you gotta talk to him when the time’s right.”_


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a few revelations as Sam and Bucky have a frank conversation.

After the short drive to Bucky’s house, Sam checked his reflection, and then his phone. The message from his boyfriend said the door was open and to come inside. Sam exited his vehicle and then walked up to the front door. He turned the knob and then walked inside. He could smell the scent of Bucky’s shampoo before he even saw him.

“Buck?”

“In here, baby,” he called from the living room; Sam followed his voice and found him tidying up a little.

“Hey,” said Bucky with a smile as he walked over to Sam.

“Hey. I missed you last night,” said Sam, as he draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders.

Bucky wrapped Sam in a hug and kissed his lips before replying, “Yeah, pretty boy. I missed you, too.”

They drew apart and Bucky asked if Sam wanted anything to drink. He said he was okay, so both men took a seat on the sofa.

“So, we need to talk, right?” asked Sam, as he turned to face Bucky.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied as he shifted and crossed his legs. “I’m sorry about last night. I was in my own head too much. Needed to shut it down.”

“What’s goin’ on, Buck?” asked Sam, with a concerned look etched across his face. “Was it something I did or said?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s me.”

A beat of silence passed between them. Sam waited for Bucky to speak once more, so when he didn’t, Sam turned and mirrored how he was sitting.

“Why do you do that?” Sam asked gently.

“Do what?”

“Blame yourself and then bottle it up?”

Bucky sighed and then pulled his hair back into a messy bun before replying, “I dunno.”

“Okay,” said Sam with a sigh of his own. “I’m not looking to psychoanalyze you, but we need to talk, Buck. There’s something obviously upsetting you and first and foremost, I don’t like seeing you upset. Secondly, it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up inside. Let’s talk.”

Bucky nodded his head, gave Sam a weak, plaintive little smile and then said, “You’re right. So, uh, do I go first, or do you?”

“I’m happy either way,” said Sam as he gave Bucky an encouraging little nod of his head.

Bucky ran his hand over his hair and then let out a deep breath.

“I’ll start: Why do you still talk to Misty?” asked Bucky. That wasn’t what he wanted to lead with, and he hated that it made him feel so insecure, but it was honestly in the back of his mind since he found out she and Sam were still on amicable terms.

“Because she’s my friend,” said Sam, not really surprised that his boyfriend would ask. “Does it bother you that I still talk to her?”

“Yes,” Bucky admitted. “But not in a way that I don’t trust you or that I don’t want you havin’ friends outside of me and the guys. I just – it brings up a lot of bad feelings for me, thinkin’ about you and her.”

“Okay, I understand.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to stop bein’ her friend or anything like that. I just wanted you to know how I was feelin’. I mean, it happened forever ago, but I still feel shitty about it.”

“We haven’t spoken about what happened there,” Sam said, as he dropped his gaze a moment.

“ _What_ happened there?” asked Bucky, as he felt his heart clench a little. “Did you – did you love her, Sammy?”

“Yeah,” said Sam, as he lifted his gaze to look at Bucky’s glassy eyes.

“Okay.”

“But not how everyone thinks I did,” Sam added quickly. “I loved her as a friend. We helped each other. Her story is hers to tell, so I can’t say too much about her part, but I never went out with her to hurt you. I was with her so everyone else would think I was straight.”

“You went with her and never spoke to me again,” said Bucky, and there was an accusatory tone to his voice.

“I went with her to protect myself. To protect you.”

“I didn’t need protecting, Sam,” said Bucky, and it came out harsher than he had intended. “I needed you, and you bailed on me. You didn’t even give me a chance to try to make it right between us. Why didn’t you ever talk to me after we had that stupid fight?”

“Because I really was trying to protect you,” Sam proffered, raising his voice a little out of frustration.

“From what?”

“From my father.”

“I’m not scared of your father,” Bucky said evenly and resolutely. “Not then, not now.”

Sam’s lips turned up at the corners and tears welled in his eyes as he said, “That’s one thing I always loved about you, Bucky. You were always so brave. I wish I could’ve been like you.”

“Hey. You are brave. You were brave,” said Bucky as he reached over and placed his hand to Sam’s knee. “You made it, Sammy. You did what you had to do, and you got out of here.”

“I never meant to leave before talking to you,” Sam admitted as he wiped his eyes. “Before explaining myself and making things right. Life just got busy. I started receiving college offers and you were never around anymore. Steve said you were actin’ out. I heard the rumors about you. I figured I’d done enough damage and it was just best to leave you alone.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_Summer had officially ended, Christmas had come and gone, a new year had begun, and commencement was drawing closer. It was a strange feeling for Sam. On the one hand, he was excited about going off to college, on the other hand, he was sad about what he was leaving behind. Somewhere in the midst of the excitement and sadness was a hint of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear about the consequences of his choices._

_Sam’s eyes scanned the acceptance letter from George Washington University again. He had done it. He had been accepted into a pre-med program at his dream school. All that was left to do was finish his academic year and graduate. When the letter had arrived in the post, the first thing he wanted to do was to tell Bucky. But then he remembered they weren’t speaking anymore. They hadn’t spoken for a long time. Bucky was rarely at school, and when he was, he spent most of his time smoking over near the football field. Sam was worried about him. It was getting closer to the right time that he and Misty had spoken about. The right time to clear the air. But Bucky wasn’t around and Sam still missed him terribly despite everything that had transpired between them._

_Sam was drawn from his thoughts by Rhodey and Steve taking a seat at the cafeteria table with him._

_“Whatcha got there?” Steve asked. “Another acceptance letter? You could wallpaper your wall with them you have so many.”_

_Sam let out a little chuckle and said, “Yeah, but this is the one that counts.”_

_“It’s from GW?” asked Rhodey with wide eyes. “Please tell me it’s from GW.”_

_“Yeah,” said Sam with a bright beam. “Looks like I’m going to DC in the Fall, boys.”_

_“Well, alright Sammy!” said Rhodey as he stood up and went to hug his friend._

_“Congratulations, buddy,” said Steve as he embraced Sam as well._

_“This is awesome,” Rhodey added. “I’ll be at MIT, Rogers’ll be at NYU, and you’ll be at GW. We can meet in NYC on semester break. It’s gonna be great.”_

_Sam smiled widely and Steve nodded his head._

_“It’s gonna be so good,” Sam agreed._

_“I’m so nervous,” said Steve._

_“I can’t wait to get outta here,” said Rhodey._

_“Me, too,” said Sam._

_“Nervous or you can’t wait to leave?” Steve asked._

_“Both,” he proffered. “But it’s gonna be good. We’re gonna be good.”_

_The other two boys nodded their heads before Rhodey asked, “Hey, has anyone seen Bucky today?”_

_Sam shrugged and Steve said, “He was at my aunt’s place all weekend.”_

_“Doin’ what?” Rhodey pressed._

_“Doin’ Reggie, probably,” Steve replied._

_“Reggie? Your cousin Reggie?” asked Rhodey._

_“Apparently weed isn’t the only thing he’s hookin’ Bucky up with.”_

_Sam felt his stomach churn at the news._

_“How old is your cousin?” asked Rhodey._

_“Old. He’s like twenty-three or something,” said Steve._

_“Is Bucky okay?” Sam asked with genuine concern._

_“Um, he’s messin’ around with Steve’s old-ass, drug dealing cousin,” said Rhodey. “I don’t think he’s okay, Sammy.”_

_“Well, shouldn’t we do something?” asked Sam._

_“I’ve tried to tell him, but he told me to mind my business. It’s his life,” said Steve. “Besides, he doesn’t listen to us anyway. You’re the only one who can get through to him. Why won’t you talk to him, Sammy? What happened?”_

_“I can’t,” said Sam mournfully. “It’s not the right time.”_

_“Well, when is the right time?” asked Rhodey._

_“I don’t know,” Sam admitted. “I don’t know.”_

_Present Day_

“No. None of what I did was your fault,” said Bucky in earnest. “I was a mess and it was my mess. I chose to act out. I chose to screw around and get shitfaced. It was my choice. You were goin’ places, Sam. You had things to do. And I get it. Back then wasn’t the right time for us to be together. We were kids. We had so much growing to do. And I admit, there’re still issues I have, but it’s not your fault. It’s how life turned out.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “What issues?”

“I dunno, it’s like I’m scared or somethin’,” said Bucky.

Sam took hold of Bucky’s hand and asked, “What are you afraid of?”

“I’m scared of sayin’ or doing the wrong things to you,” said Bucky in earnest. “I’m scared that I’ll push you away. I’m scared that I’ll make the same mistakes I did as a kid and you’ll quit my ass again.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sam explained. “The things we said to each other when we had that fight were shitty. We both said things we didn’t mean outta pain and anger. But you didn’t _do_ anything wrong, Buck.

“I called you a coward when I know you’re not,” said Bucky, with tears in his eyes.

“Don’t dwell on it. You didn’t know why I broke up with you. That’s what I should have told you back then. I let you believe I broke up with you because of some bullshit with rumors and me not wanting to be outed. It wasn’t that at all. You were right about one thing, though: I was trying to hide who I was from my father. I was hiding what you meant to me. Lied to him. Told him I’d stay away from you.”

“I get it. I know it was tough for you. I know he didn’t like me, I just wanted you to still like me.”

“I did. I still cared. I just had to pretend I didn’t. I had to keep my distance because of my Dad. He threatened to go to cops.”

“What? Why?”

“You were eighteen, Buck.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I was seventeen. He said I was a minor and you were technically an adult. He was full of shit, because age of consent laws don’t fucking work like that, but my father told me they did, and I believed him. Said he’d go to the cops and make a report. Said _you’d_ get in trouble. That’s why I broke up with you.”

“What the fuck? Why would he do that?”

“Because he knew how much I cared about you,” said Sam as he gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze. “He knew I loved you and I wasn’t going to stay away from you and that’s how he got me to break up with you.”

Bucky pulled back from Sam and placed both hands to the back of his head as he let it all sink in.

“I’m sorry,” said Sam as he wiped at his eyes again. “I should have told you. I let you believe I didn’t love you anymore. I let you believe that what we had meant nothing, when it meant _everything_ to me. You meant _everything_ to me, and I lost you.”

Tears streamed down Sam’s face as Bucky gestured for him and said, “C’mere.”

Sam shifted closer as Bucky held him. He placed a kiss to Sam’s head and rocked him in a soothing manner.

“It’s okay,” said Bucky softly. “Shhh it’s okay.”

…..

It was almost lunchtime and Sam and Bucky were still talking. They sat next to one another on the sofa and spoke about everything that had happened in their lives from the moment they had separated, to the moment they were reunited.

“Was he good to you?” asked Bucky as he absently played with Sam’s fingers.

“Yeah, he was sweet and kind,” said Sam, as he spoke about his only serious relationship after Bucky.

“Good.”

“T’Challa was a nice guy,” Sam added. “We were together for about five or six months.”

“What happened?”

“We agreed to split. He was going back to Wakanda after he graduated, and we didn’t want to do the long-distance thing.”

“You still friends with him?”

“Not really. I mean, we follow each other online because that’s a thing people do nowadays, but don’t have much to talk about. He’s winning at life. I’m winning at life. We’re winning without one another, so it’s all good.”

Bucky hummed and then said, “I’m glad he was good to you, Sammy.”

“Me, too,” said Sam before asking, “What about you? Any sweet guys in your past?”

“Just you,” said Bucky with a smile.

“Smooth,” said Sam, returning the smile. “But seriously, Buck. Did you see anyone else?”

“I dunno, a couple o’ guys, I guess. Nothin’ serious.”

“What happened with Steve’s cousin?”

“Reggie?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know you knew about him,” said Bucky, as he entwined his fingers with Sam’s.

“The boys might’ve mentioned it. Was he good to you?”

“He was using me,” Bucky said in a matter-of-fact way. “I knew it. He knew it. I was fucked up most of the time. It wasn’t good.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Didn’t go on for long.”

“Good,” said Sam as he lifted their entwined hands and kissed Bucky’s knuckles. “Was there anyone else?”

“Not really. You know how it is with men around here. Most are married and on the DL. There was one guy who was in the house band at work. Saw him for a couple of months.”

“Was _he_ good to you?”

“Yeah, he was nice. Was only in town for a little while and he wasn’t stickin’ around. Asked me to go with him on the road and everything.”

“For real? Why didn’t you?”

“I dunno,” said Bucky with a shrug. “I didn’t wanna leave this place.”

“You love this place that much?”

“Maybe. I mean, it’s not the best or most exciting place in the world, but it’s home. My family’s here. Steve’s here. Rhodey comes back for the holidays.”

“Yeah, I get it, but after we all left, why didn’t you leave? When the guitarist dude asked you to go, why didn’t you? This place would’ve still been here waiting for you.”

“I suppose, but I’m not like you and Steve and Rhodey. I didn’t _want_ to leave. I was happy to stay.”

“Were you happy though, Buck?”

“Sure. Were you, when you were gone? Y’know, before you had to come back here?”

“I didn’t _have_ to come back here, I chose to,” said Sam pointedly.

“Why?”

“Like you said, it’s home,” said Sam with a contemplative look on his face. “Plus, I feel like it was the right time.”

Bucky nodded and then reached his free hand up to cup Sam’s chin. He turned Sam’s head so that they were face-to-face and then pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

After they parted, Bucky said, “I’m glad you came back, Sammy.”

Sam smiled at him and said, “I am, too.”

They kissed once again with more passion. They broke the kiss and rested their foreheads together.

“Clean slate,” Sam whispered. 

“Uh?”

“A clean slate,” Sam repeated, as he inched back so he could stare into Bucky’s eyes as he spoke. “That’s what I want for us. A clean slate. No more carrying guilt for me; no more holding on to fear and pain for you. And no more waiting for the so-called right time to talk about the shit that’s bothering us. We communicate with one another. We talk to each other. We share and face everything head on. I’m not letting anything come between us again. I’m not gonna lose you a second time, Bucky. I’m not.”

Bucky smiled at Sam and stroked the side of his face.

“You know how I said I was scared?”

“Yeah.”

“I was scared you were gonna leave again,” Bucky admitted. “I was so scared you were gonna break my heart again. I told Rhodey, and he said my feelings were important in all of this.”

“Baby, they are important.”

“Right, and I’ve been thinkin’ about that a lot, so I need to know: What happens with us after your placement is done? What happens if you can’t get a job here?”

“It means I have to leave,” said Sam honestly. “I don’t want to, but I’ll have to. I’ll go back to DC, find work there.”

“And what about us?”

“I still want to be with you. I still want us to be together. I mean, if you’ll still wanna be with me.”

“Of course I will, Sammy. I love you. I want this to work.”

“I want that too, Buck,” said Sam with a somewhat plaintive smile which Bucky mirrored.

“So, if you have to go back to DC for a while, how do we move forward?”

“You could come with me,” said Sam with so much hope in his voice that it tugged at Bucky’s chest.

“Really? You’d want me to move with you?”

“Yes, I mean, if that’s something you’d want to do. It’s a huge decision, so don’t feel like you have to give me an answer now. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll _have_ to go back just yet. And I know you’ve got your family and your bar, and I don’t wanna make you feel like you have to come with me, because you don’t have to. I just wanna make sure you know I _want_ you with me. But if you can’t, then I’m willing to do the distance thing with you. If you wanted to.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Not yet. Think about it – and we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it _together.”_

Bucky offered Sam another smile and said, “Okay. Thanks, Sammy. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Sam replied happily. “Now, let’s go get something to eat.”

“Like a lunch date?” asked a hopeful Bucky.

“Yeah,” said a relieved Sam. “A lunch date.”

…..

There weren’t too many people inside of the eatery as Sam and Bucky walked in and went to look at the menu board that was fixed to the back wall behind the counter.

“I bet the burgers here are still the same. Why haven’t we come here in the whole time I’ve been back?” asked Sam as he read the list of meals.

“We haven’t really been goin’ anywhere,” Bucky reminded him.

“You’re right,” said Sam as he turned to look at his boyfriend. “Is this our first official date, Barnes?”

Bucky blessed Sam with a bright beam and said, “Y’know what? I think it is.”

“Nice,” said Sam as returned his smile and then slid his hand into Bucky’s.

Bucky gave his hand a squeeze, pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, and then whispered, “Just so you know, I put out on the first date.”

Sam laughed just as the bell fixed to the doorframe rang out, signaling someone had stepped into the diner behind them.

“Sam?” asked a familiar voice.

Sam turned his head to see his father standing there with two members of the church committee on either side of him.

“What’s goin’ on here?” asked Paul Wilson as his gaze fell to where Sam and Bucky’s fingers were entwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is still enjoying this story. Please let me know how you liked this offering. I hope you're all safe and well x


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just quietly, this might be my favourite chapter yet! Picking up where we left off.

“What’s going on here, Sam?”

Sam stared his father in the eye and said, “I’m not doing this here.”

He then pulled Bucky along out of the diner and did not look back.

“Sam?” said Bucky, allowing himself to be led by the hand to where Sam’s car was parked. “Sammy?”

“Fuck,” said Sam as he let go of Bucky’s hand and placed his fingers to his temples. “Fuck. I was _not_ ready for him to run into us like that. I wasn’t ready. Shit. Is he following us?”

Sam turned to look back toward the eatery, but his father was not there. Most likely abating the concerned looks of his church committee members, Sam vaguely mused.

“Fuck,” said Sam once more, as he felt his chest tightening.

“Sammy? Are you okay?”

“No.”

“You wanna get out of here?”

Sam nodded his head in the affirmative.

“Can you drive? You want me to drive?”

“You don’t – you don’t drive, Buck.”

“I can if you need me to.”

“Okay. Okay. Let’s go.”

Sam fished the keys from his pocket and handed them over to his boyfriend. They got in the car and drove away just as Paul Wilson stepped out of the diner and scanned the street for his son.

…..

Sam sighed as he checked his phone to see another missed call from his father. He reclined on Bucky’s sofa and ran a hand over his face. Bucky walked back into the room holding a glass of cold water in one hand, and a plated sandwich in the other. He set them down on the coffee table, and then turned to his boyfriend.

“You wanna eat somethin’?” he asked of Sam.

“Nah.”

“You gonna talk to him?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied as he let out another sigh. “Just not right now. Not after he’s sat down with those judgmental ass people from his church. I can’t deal with the holier than thou bullshit right now. We’re gonna talk, but it’ll be on my terms. Not because he wants to chew me out or chastise me. I’m a grown ass man. I’m not gonna let him treat me like a child and make me feel like shit. We’ll talk when _I’m_ ready. And I will be. I just need to calm down fully.”

Bucky took hold of Sam’s hand and gave it a little comforting squeeze.

“I’m proud of you, pretty boy,” said Bucky before leaning over and placing a kiss to Sam’s temple. “And I’m here for you. Whatever you need, I got you.”

Sam turned to face Bucky and gave him a grateful smile before saying, “Thank you, Buck. Lord, how do I find the words?”

“You were always good with words, Sammy. What’s gonna be tricky with your dad is gettin’ him to listen.”

“You’re right, but how do I do that?”

“I dunno, just talk to him. Talk like you’re sure of yourself, even if you’re shittin’ yourself. Talk until you’ve said what you need to say.”

_Eight Years Ago_

_Sam was shitting himself as he waited to be called to the center of the stage. His graduating class were seated at the front of the audience out in the sunlight. It was the perfect day for a graduation ceremony, and Sam had his speech already prepared, but he was shitting himself, nevertheless._

_He heard his name being called as applause from the crowd erupted. Sam looked out over the audience and found his parents’ gaze, before making his way to the lectern. He took a deep breath and then flashed his bright, wide smile as he began to speak._

_“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. My name is Samuel Thomas Wilson, named after my father’s grandfather, and I’m going to George Washington University in the Fall!” A chorus of applause broke out as Sam smiled to the crowd before continuing to speak. “That’s pretty cool, I know. It’s been a dream of mine for as long as I could remember, and the fact that I get to stand up here in front of everyone and say it out loud still blows my mind._

_“In all honesty, there was a point in my life, not too long ago, when I didn’t know how I was gonna do it. Where I wasn’t even certain anymore that I’d get to fulfil my dream. I always knew what I wanted, but all of my decisions that led me there never came easy. Not once. But I did what I needed to do, and now I’m here, with my classmates, feeling excited and totally scared about what’s next. I just want to remind everyone that we got this. No matter what comes next, we got this.”_

_Sam’s classmates let out happy cheers, whistles, and clapped their hands._

_“They said I should talk about myself today, and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to say. So, I’ll let y’all in on a little secret about me: I’m Sam Wilson, and even though I know where I’ll be in the Fall, there’s still a lot I don’t know about myself and about who I am. All I can really be sure of is that I’m smart and I’m a hard worker. I try to be a good friend, a good student, and a good son. My family and friends are important to me. This school is important to me. This town is important to me. So, instead of really speaking about myself, I want to speak about this place, this school, and the people who I admire, respect, and love.”_

_Sam’s eyes darted to Bucky who was staring right back at him. Sam quickly gathered his thoughts and continued speaking._

_“Growing up here taught me that the people you surround yourself with now, the ones who support you, will most likely be the ones who are there for you in the future. Growing up here taught me about being resilient and tolerant. It taught me about being patient and showing kindness, always, ‘cause you can never truly know what someone else is goin’ through. And I’m sure that I can say with some certainty that we’ve all been through some stuff these past few years._

_“Four years ago, when I first walked up to the steps of this school as a freshman, I had my friends by my side. I’m so happy to be standing here today knowing that they’re still here and that they’re going off to do amazing things with their lives._

_“I know that no matter where we end up in the world, or what we end up doing, there will always be a part of us that remembers where we came from. And I think that’s the trick to getting to where you need to go. You have to remember everyone who’s helped you to grow; you have to remember the lessons you’ve learned. You carry the lessons with you. You carry the memory of the ones who helped you along your journey.”_

_Sam’s gaze went to Bucky who gave him a mournful but knowing look._

_“And what a journey it’s been. Raise your hand if you didn’t think you’d make it.”_

_Sam smiled across the audience as students, teachers, and families raised their hands._

_“Now clap your hands together and commend yourself because you did make. We made it. And I want to congratulate each and every one of you for making it.”_

_His eyes fell on Bucky once more as he added, “And I want you to know I’ll carry your lessons and memories with me as I set out on the next part of my journey._

_“I’m Samuel Thomas Wilson, valedictorian, future doctor, friend, and son. And I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t know what the future is gonna bring, and I can bet that I’m not the only one here today who’s afraid. But I swear to y’all right now, everything is going to be alright. To my loved ones, I promise I’m gonna make you proud. Thank you.”_

…..

_Present Day_

It was late in the afternoon when Sam returned to his family’s home; he was ready to speak to Paul. He saw his father’s car in the driveway and immediately felt unease bubble up inside once more. He was ready to speak to him, but it didn’t make it easy when memories came flooding back. Memories that he had carried with him. The angry hurtful words; the countless number of times Sam had cried; how he felt rejected and afraid; how he had to hide who truly was.

Even though the sinking feeling enveloped him as he recalled all of the pain from his past, it urged forward. It drove him to keep walking, one foot in front of the other, toward the large wooden door. He reached for the handle, took a deep breath, and then stepped inside.

Sam made his way through the living room and entered the kitchen. His father was not there. Sam chose not to call out. He was saving his voice in case his conversation with his father turned out to be a shouting match.

It was the start of the weekend, so Sam was sure Paul would be in his study preparing his sermon for Sunday. As Sam stood in the doorway, he saw his father lift his head and give him an unreadable look.

“I was callin’ your phone all afternoon,” said Paul as he leaned back in his chair. “I had questions that needed answering. You wanna tell me what –”

“Dad, don’t,” Sam interjected, as he placed both hands in his pockets. “There’s no need for questions because you already know the answer: I’m gay, alright?”

“Sam –”

“You know I am. You know I’m with Bucky. And asking questions right now isn’t gonna do either of us any good.”

“Well what do you want me to say right now, Samuel?”

“I don’t want you to _say_ anything, Dad,” said Sam as tears welled in his eyes. “I’m not here to be scolded like I’m a seventeen-year-old kid again. A scared kid who needed unconditional love from his father but got guilt tripped and manipulated instead.”

The pair of Wilson men stared one another in the eyes before Sam continued.

“I’m not even here to ask for acceptance. But what I will have is one minute of your time so that you can hear what I have to say. Can you at least give me that, Dad?”

Paul took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and then nodded his head before saying, “I can.”

Sam blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek as he took a deep steadying breath.

“You, Mama, and Sarah are my family and you mean everything to me. All I ever wanted to do was please you, Dad. To make you proud of me. To never let you down. But you let _me_ down. _You hurt me._ You wouldn’t let me be who I am. You put conditions on the amount of love and support you gave me and that caused me so much pain, and it still does.”

More tears fell as Sam’s voice grew shaky, but he persisted.

“You knew I liked guys,” said Sam as he brought his arms up to his chest and folded them. “You always knew. But you didn’t want to even find understanding or make things easier for me. And I don’t even need to ask why, because no answer you could give is gonna change how low you made me feel. How low you _still_ make me feel.”

“Sam –”

“I’m not finished,” said Sam sternly as he wiped at his eye. “I need you to know that I spent so long bein’ afraid of you. Afraid of disappointing you. Afraid of losin’ you. And the whole time I never once asked myself if you were scared of lettin’ me down and losing me. And I’m not even askin’ you that now ‘cause that doesn’t help me. I won’t allow myself to ask that.

“But I do wonder if you ever saw me, Dad. If you ever really looked at me, saw me, and was happy with what you saw,” said Sam, before his voice grew louder. “Because I just don’t get how you can claim to love someone but still make it conditional! How you can say, ‘I love you _but’_ or ‘I’d love you _if’._ Newsflash, Dad, that’s not how it fucking works: It should be ‘I love you _because.’”_

Sam used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his face before he took another deep breath and continued speaking.

“God is love. You’re the one who taught me that, Dad. And I love how He. Made. Me,” said Sam as he pointed his finger to his chest. “I’m Samuel Thomas Wilson. Named after _your_ grandfather. I’m hardworking and I’m smart. I’m a good friend; a good doctor; a good son; a good boyfriend; and I’m gay.”

Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card that had the acronym PFLAG on it with a sun, heart, and triangle logo. He placed it down on his father’s desk and then backed away. He waited until he was near the door before saying, “Call that number and talk to someone. They might be able to help you. But if this is it for us, Dad, if you never want to speak to me ever again, I want you to know that you should’ve done better. You should’ve _been_ better. You, Paul Wilson, should’ve been a better father to me.”

With that, Sam turned away from his father’s study and left. Despite the tears that had run down his face, and the rapid thumping of his heart, Sam felt a tremendous weight lift from off of his shoulders. If that was going to be the last time he spoke to his father, though it would sadden him, he was glad that he had found his voice and spoken his truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PFLAG is an organisation that helps and supports parents and families of LGBTQ+ youth and adults. You can make donations to them. Their work saves lives!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes care of Sam while George Barnes and Paul Wilson have an honest conversation.

The water from the streaming shower felt like heaven. It rolled over Sam’s tired form and washed away the lethargy of the day; it washed away the aching in his bones; it washed away the tears that had dried on his face. He had done it. He had stood in front of his father, man-to-man, and found his voice.

Still, he felt a little shaky afterward. Bucky was waiting for him in the car outside and drove him back to his place. They held one another in the car before Bucky set into caregiver mode. He walked Sam inside, while holding his hand, and made him a warm cup of green tea. He watched Sam sip on it as he ran his hand up and down Sam’s back in a soothing manner. He pressed kisses to Sam’s shoulder and knuckles and told him he was proud of him. Sam cried a little more from feeling overwhelmed with emotion, but it wasn’t all sad tears: Sam was proud of himself, too.

So, when Bucky said he should have a long shower and rest, Sam did as he was advised to do. After wringing out his washcloth and toweling himself dry, Sam pulled on the sweatpants Bucky had hung on the hook for him, and then made his way into the bedroom. He stopped and smiled when he saw Bucky fluffing the pillows on his bed.

“What’re you doin’ now?” asked Sam with a little smile as he leaned against the doorjamb.

“Makin’ it so you’ll be super comfortable,” Bucky explained as he walked toward Sam. “I got your watchlist and playlists lined up for you. I’m gonna head out for a second and grab dinner. You just wait here and get comfy.”

Bucky ran both hands up and down Sam’s arms and gave him a sweet smile before kissing his forehead and saying, “I won’t be long. My ride will be here soon.”

Sam returned the smile and pulled Bucky in for a kiss. When they broke part, Sam said, “Who’s comin’ to pick you up?”

“My old man,” said Bucky as he breathed in Sam’s scent before kissing the side of his face. “Get in bed and wait for me. Love you.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Love you, too.”

…..

George Barnes smiled at his son as he watched him unpack the food and other things they had procured while out. Bucky picked up one of the items from the CVS bag and studied the container before grabbing the other item and doing the same.

“So, which one should I do first?” asked Bucky of his father.

“Skin first, then hair,” said George with an air of authority.

“And these products are fine? You use these, right?”

“Yeah, son, for the tenth time, these are fine. Sam’s probably got his own, y’know. Could’ve asked him.”

“No, I know, I just wanted to do somethin’ nice for him. Something thoughtful. He’s had a long day.”

“You’re a good man, Buck. Sam’s lucky to have you.”

Bucky smiled at his father and said, “Yeah, I’m actually the lucky one.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“I do, Dad. Don’t even have the words to say how much. I just love him.”

George placed a hand to his son’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze before saying, “Good. Make sure you take care of him.”

“Always,” said Bucky with a nod of his head; he then held up the hair-care product. “So, I just massage this into his hair?”

“Sure. Put a little of it in your hand and then rub it into his scalp with your fingertips.”

“Got it. Thanks for the help,” said Bucky as he placed the items down and went to hug his father.

“What’s this for?” asked George with a little laugh as he embraced his son back.

Bucky held onto him and said, “Some sons don’t get to hug their dads; especially sons like me and Sammy. I’m just glad that I get to hug you, Dad.”

George felt a warmth spread through his chest and tears well in his eyes as he replied, “Me too.”

…..

Frank Ocean’s _Pink + White_ played on the small speaker set atop the bedside table as Sam hummed along to the song with his eyes closed. He felt relaxed from the rub down Bucky had given him moments before, and the current massage was inching him closer to total calm.

The only light in Bucky’s bedroom was coming from the adjoining bathroom. Sam sat between his legs on the bed and let out a honeyed moan as Bucky’s fingers danced over his hair. Bucky placed a kiss to the back of his neck and then asked, “Feels good?”

“Yes,” Sam drawled as he let his head roll to the side while Bucky massaged the sweet almond oil into his boyfriend’s scalp. “It feels great. Thank you, baby. Thank you for taking care of me.”

Bucky smiled, kissed his shoulder, and then thought, _I wanna take care of you forever. I wanna do this forever. I wanna look after you and hold you and love you forever. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you._

“You’re welcome, Sammy,” was all he said instead as he finished the massage and then wrapped his arms around Sam. “God, you smell so good.”

“I feel amazing,” said Sam as he leaned his back against Bucky’s chest. “Just what I needed.”

Bucky kissed Sam’s cheek and then asked, “What d’you need now?”

“I just wanna lay here with you,” said Sam, his voice coming out small and gentle.

“Okay, gimme a sec to get changed and I’ll be right back,” said Bucky as he shifted from behind Sam and went to the bathroom.

Sam inhaled deeply and the fragrance of the sweet, yet nutty oils and lotions filled his nostrils pleasantly. He let out a contented breath, then got under the covers and laid on his side waiting for his boyfriend to return. When Bucky did, he came back wearing pajama bottoms, his hair tied back, and holding a lit scented candle. He turned off the light and then placed the candle to the nightstand.

“You wanna keep the music on?” asked Bucky.

“Yeah, but just turn it down a little.”

Bucky decreased the volume and then climbed into bed with Sam; both men faced one another and proffered bright little beams. Bucky reached his hand over and stroked Sam’s face, taken with how ethereal he looked in the warm glow of candlelight.

“Hey,” said Bucky.

“Hey,” Sam replied.

“You’re so beautiful, Sammy.”

“So are you,” said Sam as he shifted closer and rested his head on his lover’s arm.

Bucky trailed his hand from Sam’s face down the length of his upper body and then entwined their fingers. He kissed Sam’s lips softly and rubbed their noses together before rolling to his back and drawing Sam with him. Sam draped his arm over Bucky’s middle and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

After bringing Sam’s hand to his lips and kissing it, Bucky asked, “You feel better, pretty boy?”

“Yes. So much better. Ugh. I just needed to switch off and be in the moment with you. Not gonna check my phone or anything until tomorrow. I’ll deal with everything else then. Tonight’s just for you and me.”

Bucky hummed happily in reply and said, “Everything’s gonna work out.”

Sam squeezed him tighter, suddenly letting some doubt creep in, and replied, “And what if it doesn’t?”

Bucky drew him closer still, in the soft glow of the candlelight, and offered a whispered promise of, “Then I’ll take care of you.”

…..

George Barnes stepped inside of his living room, about to call out to his wife and tell her how much of a sappy sweetheart their son was, when his gaze fell on Paul Wilson seated on their sofa.

“Pastor,” said George as he stepped forward to shake his hand.

“How are ya, George?” Paul replied as he stood and gave the other man’s hand a firm shake.

“I’m doin’ good. What can I help you with?”

“I was wondering if you had a minute to talk?”

“Of course. Can I get you somethin’ to drink?”

“No, thank you,” said the Pastor. “Your wife’s makin’ me some coffee.”

George nodded and then gestured for Paul to follow him into the kitchen. The two men sat down at the table as Winnie handed Paul a cup, accepted his thanks, and then gave the pair some privacy.

“I – I’m sorry for comin’ by like this so close to dinnertime,” said Paul as he cupped the hot drink in both hands and stared at the rising steam. “But I couldn’t think of anyone else I could talk to.”

“It’s okay,” George replied evenly. “What did you need to talk ‘bout?”

“My son.”

“He’s a good kid.”

“He’s – he is. But he was standing in the middle of a diner holding hands with your son today.”

“I see,” said George with a loud sigh. “And that’s a problem for you?”

“It is. If your son was a daughter, I wouldn’t even blink twice at seeing them together. But he’s not, so here I am, blinking and wondering how to stop it bein’ a problem for me.”

“I appreciate your honesty,” said George, even though his chest felt tight. “And I ain’t here to tell you your kid’s a good kid and list the millions of reasons why you should love him. Because reminding you of how amazing your son is doesn’t change the fact that you’re a homophobe. And I’m not attacking you here, Paul. I’m stating facts. If you see your boy holding hands with _my_ boy and it don’t sit right with you, then it means you’re homophobic. If you got a problem with them bein’ together, then that’s _your_ problem, not theirs.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Then you understand that _you_ have to work on _your_ problem?”

“Yes. But where do I start?”

George ran his hand over his beard and said, “You’ve made a start and that’s a good thing. It’s not easy to unlearn the bullshit we’ve been taught; it’s not gonna be easy for you. And it’s good that you came to talk to me, but I’m not a professional. I drive a truck for a living; you need some stuff delivered, I’m your man. But this other stuff, the changin’ your thought patterns and behaviors? You need a professional for that.”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely,” said George as he leaned back in his chair. “If your marriage was on the rocks, you might see a marriage counselor or talk to another pastor, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, if you want to save your relationship with your kid, then invest in seein’ someone who can help with that. You need to talk to someone who can help you and support your boy through this while you learn to change. Talk to someone who can help you be a better father.”

A beat of silence passed between them.

“I love my son,” said Paul as he met George’s gaze. “I love my son, but he told me that I haven’t been a good father to him. I want to make things right between us.”

George nodded his head and asked, “Do you wanna make things right for him or for you?”

“What d’you mean?”

“You said you haven’t been a good father, and I’m not one to judge, but what does makin’ things right look like for you _and_ Sam? You said _he_ told you. What did he tell you?”

“That I hurt him and made him feel bad.”

“How?”

“Because he’s gay and I don’t accept him. I didn’t accept him. I never tried.”

“So, you makin’ it right now, is that about you feelin’ guilty and looking for forgiveness from him, or is it about makin’ it up to Sam for how you treated him?”

“Both.”

“You’re the parent, here, Paul. How about putting his needs first for once? You can deal with your guilt on your own time. Sam doesn’t need to shoulder that as well.”

Paul was taken aback by the straightforward remark, but he understood, so nodded his head.

“You have to take ownership of the things you said and did,” George added. “Your son didn’t _do_ anything to you, okay? His sexuality isn’t something he’s _doing_ ; it’s one part of who he is. An important part of who he is. Accepting that will go a long way toward makin’ things right.”

“He said he doesn’t want my acceptance.”

“Our kids say a lot of things when they’re hurting,” said George as a contemplative look crossed his face. “Our job is to figure out what they _need_ from us and for us to give it to them. And to me, it seems pretty simple when it comes to what a child needs from a parent: Love, care, and acceptance. The world’s a shitty enough place for them to be in, they don’t need the shit from us as well. You need to work on that stuff inside of you that caused you to hurt your son, and then go ahead and start givin’ him what _he_ needs.”

Paul dipped his head and said, “Thank you, George. Thanks for talkin’ to me and for being straightforward and honest. This isn’t easy for me to be open about, and I have a lot of hang ups and issues, but you’re right when you say I have to work on them. All this time, I was only worried about myself and how people would judge me and my family. I didn’t know how much it was hurting him because I was in denial about everything. And I’ve come to realize that I’m wrong and I’m a bad parent.”

“And those are things you can _change_ , Paul.”

“I see that now,” said Paul in earnest as he let out a shaky breath. “And I want to change because I don’t want to keep hurting my son.”


	15. Chapter 15

The morning was still dark when a sleepy Bucky reached for Sam, drew his body near, and held him close. He placed a gentle kiss to Sam’s shoulder and breathed in his scent.

Sam let out a muffled little sound before whispering, “You’re up early, Barnes.”

“Hmm,” Bucky replied as he gave Sam a squeeze. “I know you gotta go to work soon, so I was gonna watch you sleep for a lil’ while.”

“Creeper,” Sam teased, causing Bucky to laugh. “You wanna fool around?”

Bucky pressed another kiss to Sam’s warm skin, smiling against him, before saying, “I just wanna hold you, pretty boy.”

Sam rolled over so that they were facing one another in the dimness of the early dawn. Sleep was still evident on both of their expressions, though they were each smiling.

“You’re so sweet,” Sam whispered as he ran his fingers through Bucky’s disheveled tresses.

“Yeah, well, you have that effect on me,” said Bucky as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Nuh ah,” said Sam, pulling back with his face scrunched up. “Morning breath. You can have your way with me _after_ you brush your teeth.”

Bucky groaned and threw his head back, though he was not annoyed at all.

“C’mon, then,” said Bucky as he moved to climb out of bed. “Let’s brush together.”

…..

The freshness of spearmint was still present on their lips and tongues as Sam and Bucky kissed one another languidly. Sam’s shift was starting in less than two hours, but he was content to kiss his boyfriend unhurriedly for the time being; he was content to run his hands over his boyfriend’s warm skin; he was content to listen to Bucky’s pleasured humming that sounded like a love song. Sam was so in love with Bucky that it hurt – it hurt in the best way imaginable.

Bucky was happy with their pace; he was happy with the way Sam was touching him; how he was smiling against his lips; how his tongue lapped slowly against Bucky’s. He could kiss Sam like that forever, he mused. He could lay there in the soft morning light and kiss his Sammy for the rest of their lives and not need or want anything else. Bucky was so in love with Sam that he wanted to cry – he wanted to cry tears of complete and utter joy.

…..

After all his years of study, Sam was still not a fan of paperwork. The documents in front of him were almost complete and he was glad of it. He looked over Dr Slobodan’s handwritten notes and made sure each page was signed off; he made sure all of his hours were signed off; he made sure everything was in order. In three weeks, he would be handing the files over and then taking the United States Medical Licensing Exam. He could not wait to be fully certified. He could not wait to see what his future held. He was so happy that Bucky was going to be in it, but sad that his father may not.

Sam had not heard from his father since he had come out to him. He had spoken with his mother, who said Paul was scarcely around after he had told his wife about their conversation. Sam questioned whether or not it had put a strain on Darlene and Paul’s relationship, and she assured her son that it had not. His father had just been quiet and contemplative in the wake of Sam’s revelation. Darlene said she thought he was giving Sam some space. Sam was honestly grateful because he needed it, but a week without any word was worrisome.

Sam was drawn from his thoughts by his phone vibrating on the desk. He smiled when he saw it was Bucky calling.

“Hey, babe,” said Sam.

“Hey, Sammy. You busy?” asked Bucky.

“Just triple-checking the paperwork before we send it off.”

“How exciting,” said Bucky earnestly; he knew how hard Sam had worked. “Not the paperwork, but what comes after.”

“Yeah, I’ve been feelin’ a little excited all day. It’s this, and then the USMLE, then I’ll be certified.”

“I’m so proud of you, baby,” said Bucky, and Sam could hear the smile in his voice.

“Aww, thanks, Buck.”

“All good. Hey, what’re you doin’ for lunch today?”

“Umm, honestly? Probably eating a sandwich while trying not to drop any of it on the papers,” said Sam with a frown. “Why?”

“I wanted to take you on a lunch date,” Bucky explained. “I still owe you an official first date.”

“Yeah, you do,” Sam teased. “But I can’t today. And I got another shift tonight.”

“Fuck,” said Bucky. “Are you gonna be this busy after you’re certified?”

“Yep. Probably even more.”

“So, I gotta go study for the next few years and become a doctor so we can spend more time together, uh?”

“You can do anything you put your mind to, Buck,” said Sam with a grin. “I believe in you.”

“Goddamn it, Wilson,” he said with a fluttering in his chest. “I wanna kiss you so bad right now.”

“Soon, babe. Soon.”

“Soon is still too long of a wait.”

“God, I love you,” said Sam sincerely. “Let’s make a date right now. Lemme just bring this calendar up – and, here we go. Right. So, my schedule says I have Sunday night free. Are you free, sir?”

“Yes,” said Bucky too quickly, causing Sam to chuckle.

“You didn’t check your schedule.”

“Don’t need to,” Bucky replied confidently. “Wherever you are is where I’ll be.”

xXxXx

Steve was just about to cut into his short stack of ornately garnished pancakes when Sam held out his hand and said, almost frantically, “Wait!”

“What?” asked Steve as he froze.

“These look so good,” Sam replied as he lifted his phone and opened the camera app. “I wanna take a picture to send to Bucky. Show him what he’s missing.”

Steve laughed a little and then pushed his plate forward so Sam could get a good shot.

“Where is he anyways?” Steve asked. “Also, it’s Sunday morning and you’re not at church. What’s goin’ on? I go on a technology cleanse for two weeks and I feel like I don’t even know anyone anymore.”

“Yeah, Rogers, don’t that again.” Steve nodded as Sam continued. “Firstly, Bucky was working late last night, and you know what the Saturday night crowds are like. Apparently, some dude hit some other dude over the head with a glass or a bottle, a fight broke out, cops were called. Bucky had to stick around and answer questions. I think he got a fine as well.”

“Crap. Is he okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. Didn’t have the heart to wake him this morning.”

“I worry about him working there. Rough crowds sometimes.”

“Same, but he’s a punk rocker at heart, so he fits right in,” said Sam with a smile. “Oh, and secondly, the reason I’m not at church is because I came out to my father.”

“What? Sam, why didn’t you lead with that instead of the random bar fight? This is a huge deal. Oh my god, what did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything,” said Sam as he leaned forward slightly. “But let me start from the start. So, yeah. He saw me and Bucky holding hands and I freaked the fuck out.”

“Are you okay, Sammy?”

“Yeah, I am now,” Sam explained. “I just needed to freak out, and then regroup. So, after I calmed down, I went home and told him he needed to listen to me while I spoke, and he did, which surprised me. I came out and told him about how he was a shitty father to me because he always made me deny who I was. Gave him a card to one of the PFLAG chapters, told him to get help, and left.”

“Sam, wow. I’m so proud of you,” said Steve as tears welled in his eyes. “I’m just really, really proud of you. I love you, buddy.”

“Aww, Steve, I love you too, man, but c’mon dude, don’t cry.”

xXxXx

Bucky was mindful of the time as he rummaged through the closet in his old bedroom at his parents’ house. His date with Sam was happening in a little over an hour, but he needed to grab something first. He found what he was looking for in a shoebox at the top of the closet. He placed the box inside of his backpack, pulled the backpack on, and then headed downstairs. Upon reaching the bottom, he heard a man’s voice coming from the kitchen. A man who wasn’t his father. When he listened more carefully, he realized it was Sam’s father, Paul. Bucky froze and quietly listened to their conversation.

“You sure you don’t want somethin’ to drink?” George asked.

“No, thank you,” Paul replied. “I can’t stay long, I just wanted to let you know I’m grateful for the help. For the counsel you’ve given me this past week.”

“Have you spoken to Sam yet?”

Bucky took a seat on the bottom step and listened more intently. He had no business to be eavesdropping, but Sam was his business.

“Not yet,” said Paul. “I wanted to give him some time and space. I needed some time to get this right. Mrs. Preston from PFLAG has been talking me through what I should do. I don’t want to screw this up. I want to make amends with my son.”

That was when Bucky decided he needed to stop listening in. He stood and rushed by the kitchen, calling out to his father as if he didn’t know his father had company.

“Dad? I’m ready. Are you ready?”

Paul and George turned to look at Bucky and the former seemed somewhat bashful.

“Oh, sorry,” said Bucky to his father. “I didn’t realize you had a visitor. Hello, Pastor Wilson.”

Paul nodded to Bucky and said, “Hello, James. My Sam, is he well?”

Bucky hooked his thumbs in the straps of his backpack, dipped his head a moment before lifting it, and then said, “Yes, sir. He’s okay. I was just on my way to meet him.”

“Is he staying with you or Steven?” asked Paul as he regarded the young man before him. “I haven’t seen him in days. I wasn’t too sure where he was.”

“He’s with me,” Bucky replied somewhat awkwardly.

“And he’s alright?”

“Yeah, just really busy,” Bucky proffered, before adding, with a smile, “So I’ve organized date night.”

“That sounds – _nice_ ,” Paul said in earnest. “Sam deserves a break.”

“Yeah, we’re goin’ to dinner and then go stargazing,” said Bucky with a smile.

“Stargazing?” asked George. “Never knew stargazing was a hobby of yours, son.”

“It isn’t really a hobby, it’s just when you’re in the city, you can’t really see them that well because of the glare of the city lights,” Bucky explained. “But out here, they go on forever. I don’t know if Sammy’s had a minute to stop and look at the sky, he’s been so busy, so I wanna give him a night off.”

“That sounds really lovely,” George said with a smile; Paul offered a small smile of his own and nodded his head.

“But I won’t make it if I don’t get goin’,” Bucky said as he ran his hand over his hair.

“Sorry I gotta cut this short, Paul,” George said with an apologetic look as Bucky regarded both men; he wondered if and when they had become friends. “Bucky doesn’t drive, so I’ve gotta give him a lift home.”

“I can take him,” Paul offered, surprising everyone in the room, including himself.

Bucky’s eyes went wide a moment as Paul added, “If that’s alright?”

The youngest man looked at his father, then at his boyfriend’s father, and said, “Yes, thank you, Pastor Wilson. That’d be great.”

…..

The short drive to Bucky’s house was awkward. The radio played softly ensuring there was not complete silence in the small sedan. Bucky didn’t mind the silence, but he also had a few questions. Before he could speak, however, Paul cleared his throat and began to talk.

“James, I guess Samuel told you what happened?”

A moment passed before the younger man answered.

“He said he came out to you,” Bucky replied, staring straight ahead. “And if you offerin’ me a lift home is your way of gettin’ information on him, I’m sorry to disappoint, but any questions you have need to come from your mouth and be directed at Sammy. I’m not gonna be the go-between.”

“I assure you, I’m not givin’ you a lift to persuade you to be a go-between for me and my son,” Paul said honestly. “I’m trying to make amends, but not only with him. You see, I wasn’t talking about the other day, I was referring to how I kept the two of you apart when you were younger. He told you about it?”

“Oh,” said Bucky, turning his head to face Paul. “Yeah, he told me.”

“I wanted to apologize to you for my actions. I was the adult. I should have behaved like one.”

“Pastor Wilson, I appreciate you saying sorry an’ all, I really do, but don’t you think you should be sayin’ all of this to Sam?”

Paul let out a loud sigh as he turned onto Bucky’s street and was directed to his house. He stopped the car outside and then turned to face his passenger.

“You’re exactly right,” he supplied while running his hand over his brow. “I need to talk to my son. I just don’t know if he’ll want to talk to me.”

“I won’t speak for Sam, but I’ll offer you some advice: Reach out to him and see what happens. Sam Wilson is the kindest, most understanding and compassionate man I know. He deserves nothing but the best; he deserves to have a father who loves and supports him. I won’t speak for him, Sammy’s got his own voice, but I know what he deserves. If you truly want to make things right between the two of you, then do it. Reach out to him and start that process.”

Paul Wilson stared at Bucky Barnes a beat as he nodded his head.

“Just not tonight, please,” Bucky added in a lighter tone. “It’s date night, remember?”

Both men smiled and then Paul said, “Noted. And thank you.”

“For what?” asked Bucky.

“For being there for my son,” he said candidly. “For being a good friend. A good _boyfriend._ You really care about him, don’t you?”

Bucky smiled and felt wave of emotion wash over him as tears filled his eyes.

“Care about him doesn’t even begin to explain it,” said Bucky as he shook his head and let out a deep breath. “Sir, I’ve been in love with your son since we were kids. I loved Sam before I even realized what love was. He means everything to me. He owns my whole entire heart. Lovin’ him is the easiest thing in the world, because how could I _not_ be in love with him? And by some miracle, he actually loves me back? Sounds almost ridiculous. I dunno. He’s just – he’s amazing. He makes everything better. Makes you want to _be_ better, y’know what I mean?”

Paul Wilson felt his chest clench at the young man’s sincere words; he could hear the conviction in Bucky’s voice; he could see the love in his eyes. It was admirable and true; pure and powerful. And it tugged at Paul’s heart to know Sam was that loved; that Sam knew and was surrounded by love. He nodded his head and said, “Yes, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this. 
> 
> Next Chappie: Sam and Paul have a conversation (and hopefully Sam and Bucky will get their first official date - Bucky puts out on first dates, remember hehehe). 
> 
> Hope you're all safe and well x


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Things have not been great and I pushed this update aside, but I'm back. Thanks to those who left me feedback on the last chapter: RickandtheGang; MississippiFanGirl; Queenofcolors; jemgirl; Mikey; and honestlyfrance. If it wasn't for your kind words, I may not have even finished this chapter.
> 
> Picking up where we left off...

“Buck? That you?” Sam called out from the bathroom.

“Yeah, babe,” Bucky replied as he hid his backpack away in the bedroom closet.

He then made his way into the bathroom where Sam was standing in front of the mirror checking himself over.

“You look great,” said Bucky as he leaned against the doorjamb and took in his boyfriend’s appearance. “Then again, you always look good. It’s the best and most annoying thing about you, to be honest.”

Sam raised an eyebrow and turned to face Bucky.

“Oh, so I’m annoying?” he queried playfully.

“No, baby. Never,” Bucky replied as he shifted from where he was leaning and inched toward Sam. “It’s just annoying how good you always look.”

Bucky placed both hands to Sam’s upper arms and then let them slide down until he was holding his hands.

“My looks bother you, uh?” Sam teased, as he took Bucky’s arms and wrapped them around himself; he then draped his own arms over his boyfriend’s shoulders.

“Yes, but in a good way,” said Bucky as he brought his lips to Sam’s neck and kissed him there before whispering in his ear, “You get me all hot and bothered.”

“God, Buck,” Sam breathed as he threaded his fingers into Bucky’s hair while Bucky nipped at his sensitive skin. “We don’t have time to fool around.”

“Really? ‘Cause you know for a fact I can get you off in no time; I can suck you off nice and quick, baby.”

“Ugh,” Sam’s body was responding to Bucky’s advances, even though they would be late for dinner. “Damn it. Sorry, Barnes. Maybe after our date? You still put out on the first date, right?”

Bucky laughed heartily and said, “For you? Absolutely.”

“Good,” Sam said with a smile. “Now tell me somethin’ to kill the mood or we’ll never get outta here.”

Bucky groaned and leaned his weight against Sam. He would be content to stay home and make love to him all night, but his Sammy deserved to be wined and dined.

“Okay, well, here’s a real buzzkill,” Bucky started, as he stepped away slightly, but still held Sam’s hand. “Guess who just gave me a lift home?”

Sam looked at him with a curious expression and said, “Who?”

“Pastor Paul Wilson.”

“Fuck off,” said Sam, with his mouth agape and his eyes wide. He let go of Bucky’s hand and inched backwards until he was leaning against the sink.

“It’s true, Sammy. Your dad was with my dad, I think they’ve been talkin’ like they’re friends or somethin’, anyways, Pastor Wilson came by to see my dad while I was there.”

“What did he want? What was he doin’ there?” asked Sam as he folded his arms across his chest in a self-soothing manner.

“I don’t know, babe. They were just talkin’.”

“About what?” asked Sam, and Bucky could sense the mood shift; Sam was upset.

Bucky stayed quiet a moment. He shouldn’t have said anything. But then again, he didn’t want to keep things from Sam.

“And you asked my father to give you a ride home?” asked Sam, incredulously.

“No, Sammy. I didn’t ask him. Shit, listen, he was there talking to my old man and offered a lift –”

“Okay, but what did he say, Bucky? What was he doing there and what did he talk about?”

Bucky wiped his hands on his jeans and then stepped forward slightly.

“He was there talkin’ about you,” Bucky admitted. “God, I don’t like tellin’ his business like this.”

“Since when did the two of you become besties?” asked Sam with a snort.

“We’re not, it’s just that he really seems to want to make things right between the two of you,” Bucky explained. “I overheard him and my dad, and your dad said he was talking to Mrs. Preston from PFLAG and that – _shit_ , I shouldn’t be tellin’ you what he said. I told him the same thing: Anything he wants to say needs to be said to you. I’m not the go between.”

Sam stood there processing the information he had just received. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then said, “Date night’s off.”

“What?” said Bucky as he knit his brow. “You’re upset at me?”

“No. Look, I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now I just. I don’t know,” said Sam earnestly as he stepped around Bucky and walked out of the bathroom; Bucky followed.

“Sammy, please –”

“I’m sorry, Buck. I just, I need to go, okay?”

“Sam.”

“I gotta go. I’m sorry.”

Sam walked out of the bedroom, with Bucky in tow. He grabbed his keys and made his way to the front door.

“Sammy,” said Bucky as he caught hold of his arm gently, causing him to pause. “Please, baby, stay. We can still go on our date. I didn’t want to upset you. I just – I – _shit,_ please don’t go.”

Sam gave him an apologetic look before reaching up and cupping his face.

“Hey, it’s okay, Buck,” he whispered, caressing him softly. “I’m not upset with you, alright? I just need to go.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief and leaned into Sam’s touch.

“Where’re you goin’?”

“To talk to my father.”

…..

The light from inside of the church hall could be seen through the high windows. Sam knew his father was inside even before he saw the lights and then his car. After taking a deep breath, Sam exited his vehicle and made his way toward the door. It was unlocked. Paul Wilson always left it unlocked when he was there so if someone from his congregation needed help, they could wander in and find him.

Sam found him wiping down a few of the chairs and restacking them. Paul did not notice his son at first, until Sam said, “You need some help with those?”

Paul froze in place and then turned to look at Sam.

“Son, what’re you doing here?” he asked, a little taken aback.

Awkwardness filled the space between them as Sam shrugged and said, “I came to talk to you.”

“James told you we spoke?”

Sam nodded his head and stayed in place.

“Did he tell you I’m sorry, Samuel? Because I am, son. I am truly sorry for all of the pain I put you through,” Paul admitted as he dusted off another chair and gestured for Sam to sit.

Sam let out a shaky, thankful breath, cleared his throat, and stepped forward. He took up a seat in front of his father, who had also sat down. They were several feet apart, but close enough to see the expression written across one another’s features. Paul looked regretful and pained, Sam looked somewhat apprehensive, but relieved. They both looked scared.

“I was a bad parent, I _am_ a bad parent,” Paul continued. “And that’s something I need to work on because I don’t want to cause you any more pain and grief than I already have. I was a selfish, arrogant man. I cared more about what people would think than I did about the wellbeing of my own flesh and blood. Nothing I can say will make it up to you, son. But I want you to know I do want to make things right.”

Sam felt his eyes fill with tears as he saw the sincerity in his father’s.

“You hurt me, Dad,” Sam proffered. “My whole life you made me believe that if I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be, then I didn’t deserve your love.”

An intense beat passed as Sam took a deep breath and said, “I just don’t understand what I did to make you hate me.”

“I never hated you, honey. You’re my child. My flesh and blood. I could never hate you. The way I treated you was because of my failures as a father, a man, and a human being. The way I treated you was on me, not you. You did nothing wrong. To make you think you didn’t deserve love –”

Paul’s voice cracked as he saw a tear streaming down Sam’s face.

“I know, that was cruel of me,” Paul admitted. “It was cruel and selfish. It was my own bigotry. It wasn’t anything that you did wrong, Sam. I was the parent. I was the adult. I should have been better to you. I know this, and I am so sorry. I love you –”

“You love me, _but_?”

“No, Sammy. I love you _and;_ no ifs, no buts. I love you, and I am going to do whatever it takes to rebuild our relationship, if that’s something you would like, as well.”

Sam wiped at his eye with his thumb, looked up at his father, and said, “Yes, Dad. I’d like that, too.”

Paul smiled and then stood up. Sam mirrored him and then waited. Paul reached into his pocket and removed his personalized handkerchief. He passed it to his son so that he could wipe his eyes. Paul then said, “Thank you, Sam.”

Sam gave him a weak smile and went to pass the cloth back.

“No, you hold onto it,” said Paul. “Give it back to me when I see you again.”

“Okay, did you want me to leave now or?”

“No, not at all. I want you to stay,” Paul admitted. “We can talk some more, or finish getting the hall ready for the Ladies’ Group tomorrow. I can make some tea, or we can get some food. Whatever you wanted to do, honey. We can do it. Or you can go, I know you must be feelin’ overwhelmed. Whatever you like, son. You have a date with James, don’t you? If you need to go, I don’t mind.”

Sam placed the handkerchief in his pocket, lifted his head, and said, “I’d, uh, I’d like to stay and talk to you, if that’s cool?”

Paul smiled, and then placed his hand to Sam’s shoulder before replying, “That’s cool.”

…..

Sam and Paul’s conversation was not easy, but it was honest. Sam told his father about the counselling he had sought to process everything that came with being a young, then-closeted Black man from a small town, Paul told his son about the help he was receiving from PFLAG. Sam told Paul there was a PFLAG chapter in the next town over, Paul told Sam he had already asked and was going to go to a meeting soon. It was early days, but he was genuine in trying to deal with his issues and get help. That made Sam feel better.

Sam asked about what Paul was doing at George Barnes’ house, Paul told him he had gone there for advice. He told Sam that they both had a lot more in common than one would have thought. Sam told his father he was glad that he had found common ground with the other man, and that he was happy Paul had someone to talk to.

Paul asked about Bucky and Sam couldn’t help but smile while he spoke about him. Sam told his father how they had reconnected almost immediately when Sam had returned home. Sam told Paul that Bucky had been his first boyfriend while they were teenagers, and that he always treated him well back then, and that he still treated Sam well in the present time. That he was caring, understanding, and patient. Paul told Sam he could see how much Bucky loved him. He told Sam he was glad that he had found happiness and love.

They spoke long into the night. The conversation was honest, blunt, and at times, tearful, but Sam came away feeling a sense of hope he had not felt in a long time. He had hope that he and Paul could mend their fractured relationship.

xXxXx

It was the middle of the night by the time Sam had let himself inside of Bucky’s home. He and his father’s conversation had kept both of them until the hour grew late. He found his boyfriend asleep on the sofa. Sam smiled down at him, noting how peaceful he looked. He inched closer and took up a seat at Bucky’s feet. The other man stirred and then lifted his head, sleepily gazing around.

“Sam?” he said, his voice deep from slumber. “What time is it?”

“It’s late, sorry to wake you.”

Bucky sat up and said, “It’s fine, Sammy. Are you okay? Everything okay with your dad?”

Sam gave a gentle smile and said, “Yeah, I think everything’s gonna be alright. C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

…..

Sam lay with his head resting on Bucky’s chest and their fingers entwined.

“I’m sorry,” Sam whispered. “About messing up our first official date.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky replied before kissing the top of his head. “We can do somethin’ tomorrow, or throughout the week. It was important that you and your old man had a conversation. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” said Sam with a warm smile. 

“We should still go on our date, though,” said Bucky. “You deserve to have a first date.

“It doesn’t have to be some big huge thing, y’know, as long as I’m with you. “

That caused Bucky’s heart to swell. He kissed Sam’s head once more.

“I owe you some stargazing,” said Bucky. “Kind of wanted to go all romantic with you.”

Sam let out a little laugh, then sat up and drew himself out of his boyfriend’s embrace. He shifted and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Where you goin’?” asked Bucky as he mirrored him, sitting up himself.

“To the balcony so we can look at the stars,” said Sam as he took hold of Bucky’s hand and dragged him to his feet.

They made their way outside, hand-in-hand, and took up a seat beside one another. The stars looked brighter in the dead stillness of the night. Bucky reached for Sam’s hand and interlaced their fingers.

“It’s so pretty,” said Sam as he glanced out across the expanse of the sky. “Sometimes, I forget how pretty it is. I’m always on the go. Always working or studying. That’s been my life, y’know, these past few years.”

Bucky listened intently to his boyfriend as he gave his hand a squeeze.

“Always on the move. Always looking to what’s next,” Sam explained. “I never really stopped to just be in the moment. To do something as simple as look up at the stars in the sky and appreciate them, know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky. “But you’ve always been like that, Sammy. Even when we were kids. Always so focused on what you needed to do to get to where you needed to be. You always had a plan. I admire that about you.”

Sam ran his thumb over Bucky’s and said, “You never worried too much about having a plan, even when we were kids. You never got weighed down by worrying about the future, you just followed your heart wherever it led you. I admire that about you.”

They each smiled at the other’s words.

“Y’know, sometimes I wish I was more like you,” Bucky admitted, causing Sam to turn his head to look at his lover’s profile. “Sometimes I wished that I had more of a plan like you did.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s funny because I wished I was more like you,” said Sam in earnest. “I wished that I could be who I was and love who I wanted. You were such a free-spirit, and that’s probably a really corny thing to say, but you were. Even in our circle of friends you stood out and still do. I mean, Steve’s the straight-laced responsible one; Rhodey’s the actual genius; and I’m the one with the plan, you know, the boring one.”

“You’re anything _but_ boring, Sammy.”

“You’re just sayin’ that because you’ve got a crush on me,” Sam teased.

“I got more than a crush on you, pretty boy,” said Bucky as he glanced over, causing Sam to smile. “And having a plan doesn’t make you boring, it makes you smart. Look at how much you’ve accomplished. Three weeks from now you’ll be ready for the next part of your journey. Everything you’ve worked for will be worth it in a few short weeks, baby. Then you can take a fuckin’ break and stop to enjoy bein’ in the moment.”

“And you’ll be there with me?” Sam asked, almost shyly.

Bucky turned to face Sam and said, “I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lack of feedback has been really discouraging, so if you liked it, you gotta let me know.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely feedback on the previous chappie. I hope you enjoy this one, too.

Time felt like it was passing by quickly the closer it came for Sam to return to DC. He was still staying with Bucky, but made sure to visit with his parents when he had the time to spare. It had been a few days since he and his father had cleared the air. Everything was going well; they slipped back into a familiarity around one another. The strain from before had gradually lifted and Sam and Paul were much more relaxed in the presence of the other. It was nice. Sam was happy.

He had just finished an overnight shift and walked tiredly to his car. He checked his phone and remembered to call Rhodey back. He waited for his friend to answer as he started his engine and let the AC liven him up.

“Hey, Sammy.”

“Hey, Rhodey. What’s goin’ on?”

“Not a lot. You doin’ alright?”

“Yeah, man. Can’t complain.”

“That’s good, Wilson. Listen, I’m just double-checking to see if you’ll be back in DC in a couple o’ weeks? We’re still on for catching up, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Cool, that’s good. Barnes gonna leave with you or?”

“You mean for this trip or for good?” asked Sam with a little sigh; it really had been in the back of his mind lately.

“Both?”

“Um, I’m not too sure, dude,” said Sam in earnest. “There’s been a lot goin’ on, and honestly, we haven’t had the chance to talk about it properly. I mean, he _is_ gonna come while I do the USMLE, but after that, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I can’t ask him to just uproot himself for me.”

There was an amused little chuckle on the other end of the line.

“Sammy, come on now. You know that boy would follow you anywhere if you asked him to.”

“Yeah, but he has a life and a business here,” said Sam a little mournfully. “He’s doin’ so well. If I can’t get work here, I’ll have to leave. We’ll talk about it, sure, and I’ll do the distance thing with him, but I couldn’t ask him to leave everything behind. He loves it here.”

Rhodey chuckled once again and said, “You know he’s not married to the town, right Sammy? You know he doesn’t really love it _that_ much?”

“What’re you talkin’ about? He loves this place more than any of us,” Sam replied, slightly confused. “He stayed here when we all left.”

“You do know some musician dude asked Buck to go on the road with his band, right?”

“You mean the guy who was playin’ guitar for his house band? Who he dated for a minute?”

“Yeah, he played guitar with the guys, but he had his own band and wanted Barnes to go on tour as an opening act, not just for a road trip.”

“Oh. Okay, I didn’t know that. He didn’t go into detail.”

“It was a huge opportunity for him. Would’ve played the summer festival circuit.”

“Okay, wow. What happened? Why didn’t he go?”

“You really wanna know?”

“Yes, James. I really wanna know.”

“You.”

“Me? What about me?”

“He _stayed_ ‘cause he thought you’d be back.”

“What?”

“Bucky didn’t go because he thought you’d be back that summer. Your mama might have mentioned it to him in passing. I don’t know. I can’t remember how he got the idea in his head, but he thought you’d be back in town, so he stayed.”

“Shit. So, he wanted to see me? Patch things up?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t get it then, but I get it now,” Rhodey proffered. “He probably just wanted to see you. We all got to travel and catch-up with one another after high school, Barnes didn’t. I guess he didn’t want to miss the chance of catchin’ up with you since you _never_ _ever_ came home.”

“I feel so awful.”

“Sorry, Sammy. I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad, I just meant whatever y’all choose to do goin’ forward, Barnes is gonna either follow you or wait for you, man. Time’s ticking, you need to talk it through.”

…..

The water from the shower could be heard as Bucky stepped inside of his home. He had just come from a walk to pick up some food in case Sam wanted to eat before he rested. Both of their hours had been erratic the last couple of days, and they still didn’t get the chance to go on a date.

Bucky missed his Sammy the night before. It was only one night, and he missed him like crazy. The thought crossed his mind about how he would cope if Sam had to stay in DC and find work there. He knew the time was fast approaching for Sam to possibly leave. He just wasn’t ready.

After letting out a sigh, Bucky placed the food on the table and then made his way toward the bathroom. He called out first, and then stepped through the door.

Sam greeted him. His voice muffled from the sound of the water. He replied, and then began to strip his clothing off. He opened the glass door and smiled at his boyfriend.

“Hey,” said Sam, as he made room for Bucky to step inside.

“Hey, baby,” said Bucky as he wrapped his arms around Sam and kissed his mouth.

They stayed in their embrace as the water washed over them, kissing languidly and pressed their wet, naked forms together. Bucky brought his swollen lips to Sam’s elegant neck and licked his sensitive skin before sucking and kissing him there.

“Fuck, I missed you,” said Bucky close to Sam’s ear.

Sam let out a laugh and said, “It was only a night shift, babe.”

“I know, but I still missed you,” said Bucky before he sucked Sam’s earlobe into his mouth.

Sam felt a shiver snake up his spine as his body started to respond to his boyfriend’s attentions. He placed a hand to Bucky’s upper arm and gripped him tightly. Bucky’s hand slipped down to cup Sam’s ass. He massaged him a moment before giving his backside a squeeze. Their lips came together once again as Sam thrust his hips forward, causing his stiffening sex to brush against Bucky’s growing arousal.

“Hmm,” said Bucky, before bringing his hand between his and Sam’s bodies to take hold of Sam’s dick. “Feels like you missed me, too.”

Bucky palmed at Sam’s shaft, stroking him until he was completely hard. Sam moaned and then leaned his head forward so that he could bite down on the other man’s shoulder. Sam tried to reach for Bucky’s stiffness, but was caught gently by his wrist.

“It’s okay, baby,” said Bucky as he took hold of his own cock, pressed it against Sam’s and strummed both of their hardened lengths together. “You relax. Let me do all the work.”

They shared another kiss before Sam buried his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck and lapped at his skin. Bucky continued to rub their dicks against one another as he listened to Sam’s needy moans. The water cascading over their skin did little the temper the fire that was igniting their flesh. Bucky pressed Sam’s back against the cool tiles of the wall and caught his mouth with his. He relinquished his hold on their erections and took hold of Sam’s hips.

“Open your legs a little for me, Sammy,” Bucky said, his voice sounding deeper from his arousal.

Sam did as he was asked, and Bucky pressed their chests flush together a moment, wanting to be as close to his lover as he could. Sam draped his arms over Bucky shoulders as Bucky proceeded hold Sam in place by his hips and thrust his straining, aching cock against Sam’s pulsing sex.

“Hmmm, Buck,” Sam whined, encouraging Bucky to set a steady rhythm grinding against him. Sam rolled his hips a little to feel more of Bucky.

Their wet skin was slick. They moved together beautifully. Each trust causing the engorged veiny ridges of Bucky’s hardness to rub deliciously over Sam’s, eliciting little whimpers from the both of them.

They clung to one another and moved in a perfect rhythm that brought them each closer to the apex of their pleasure. Bucky rolled his hips expertly and ardently as Sam held onto him. His grasp on Bucky’s strong shoulders and the bathroom wall at his back were the only things stopping Sam’s weakening, shaky legs from betraying him as his climax approached quickly.

“ _Shit, Buck_ ,” Sam called out, and it urged Bucky to thrust against him with more fervor.

A moment later, both men had found their release. Bucky cursed out loud as his cock quivered and came a second or so before Sam’s did. Both lovers stood there panting. They held onto one another as their orgasms rippled through them and the warmth of their seed coated their skin briefly before being washed away by the water.

…..

It was early afternoon when Sam and Bucky got around to eating the sandwiches the latter had got for them. They were still basking in the warmth of their shower tryst. Sam had a dopey grin on his face and Bucky was humming some tune to himself. Neither were speaking, just happy to sit there with the other. After a while, Sam broke the silence.

“Hey, Buck, did you want to have our date today?”

Bucky lifted his head, gave Sam a crooked smile and said, “Hmm, I dunno. I already got some from you, so – ”

Sam placed his hand to his chest and pretended to be shocked and insulted before picking up a piece of lettuce and throwing it at his boyfriend while saying, “Asshole.”

There was no malice behind the word and Bucky threw an amused grin back at Sam.

“Aww, baby I’m just playin’,” said Bucky as he picked up the lettuce leaf and ate it. “You know I’d love to, but I didn’t plan anything. Didn’t think you’d wanna do much of anything after an all-nighter.”

“I’m fine, really. I caught a decent half hour in the on-call room. I’m good, Buck,” Sam reassured. “And I feel kinda bad that it was all left to you to plan.”

“Sammy, I don’t mind.”

“No, I get that, I just meant you’ve been so amazing with me these last few weeks,” Sam admitted. “With everything goin’ on with my family, and my placement. You’ve been great, Buck. Just bein’ there and takin’ care of me. I should be the one planning a date for us. A proper official date. I just –”

“Sammy, you’ve had a lot on your plate,” Bucky interjected, with a gentle look on his face. “You’ve still got a lot goin’ on. I don’t mind takin’ care of you, baby. I love takin’ care of you. I still want to plan our date.”

“It doesn’t have to be something extravagant, Buck. Honestly. There’s not a whole lotta places to go or things to do here, remember.”

“Well, what would you like to do?”

Sam grew contemplative a moment, and then smiled at his boyfriend before replying, “I’d like to do something I never got the chance to do with you when we were kids.”

“We just did it, in the shower, remember?” Bucky teased, earning another piece of lettuce being tossed in his direction.

“Buck,” Sam chastised.

“Sorry,” said Bucky with a pouty face. “Something we never got to do when we were kids?”

“Yeah,” said Sam with a wide smile. “Something a lot of people take for granted.”

…..

The late afternoon sunshine felt warm and comforting on Sam’s face as he and Bucky walked hand-in-hand down Main Street eating their ice-cream cones. There was a quiet happiness radiating from Bucky. Sam knew how much the simple gesture meant to him. Hell, it meant so much to Sam, to go and get ice-cream with the person he loved, and be able to hold their hand as they made their way to the Civic Park.

That was something they could never do as teenagers. It was something that was still looked at with curiosity and disdain by strangers, seeing two men on a leisurely daytime date with one another. Smiling, laughing, walking languidly, totally enraptured with one another.

Sam and Bucky found a nice piece of lawn in the Park, and took up a seat there, finishing off their ice-cream. A few people were walking their dogs; some small children were playing nearby; birds were singing in the trees above them. Sam was smiling and Bucky’s heart felt so full.

Sam sat watching Bucky as he laid on the grass on his side and grinned at his boyfriend.

“Great first date, Wilson,” he supplied happily.

“Yeah,” Sam replied, his insides feeling all gooey. “It is. Y’know, I never thought in a million years I’d be walkin’ down the street in my hometown on a date with another guy.”

Bucky gave Sam a soft smile.

“I especially never thought it’d be you,” he added in earnest.

Bucky knit his brow a second as Sam added, “I always wanted it to be you, I just never thought it would ever happen, know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do,” said Bucky with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Did you ever want it to happen between us after you left? Did you ever think of it happening if you came home? Did you think of me? Of us?”

Sam felt his chest tighten at the hint of sadness behind Bucky’s eyes.

“Of course,” said Sam with a nostalgic smile that soothed Bucky. “I mean, I’m not much of a dreamer or anything like that, but I did think about you and what we had. What coulda been. Days like this. Dates in the park. Holding your hand and kissing on you in public. I thought about it all the time.”

A cool breeze swept up around them and was gone as a silence settled around them. Both men held each other’s gazes and proffered soft looks.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Bucky finally said.

“Anything.”

“When you were deciding on where to do your final residency, why here? I mean, besides gettin’ to see your family and Stevie and all o’ that. You knew I was still here. Did me bein’ here factor into your decision at all?” asked Bucky, and Sam could see the hint of hope behind his stare.

“Honestly?”

“Yeah, honestly.”

“Yes,” said Sam with a little shrug of his shoulders. “I mean, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of you when I made my choice to come home. I was scared because of what happened, but, I guess I was sorta hopeful, too. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

“I was hoping that we could at least be friends again,” said Sam with a small grin that Bucky mirrored. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Did you ever think of me and us and what could’ve been?’

“Every single day,” Bucky admitted with a raise of his eyebrows and a little coy smile.

“You had the chance to leave,” said Sam, thinking back to his phone call with Rhodey. “You had the chance to go on the road and do music. Did you deciding not to and staying here have anything to do with the possibility of me coming home?”

Bucky let out a sigh, sat up, and ran his hand through his hair. He dipped his gaze before lifting it and looking at Sam.

“It did, but I don’t regret it, okay?”

“Bucky, come on.”

He just shrugged and said, “What d’you want me to say, Sammy? It’s a small town. Your ma said you might’ve been comin’ back to do one of your internships. I chose to stay because I wanted to see you.”

“That was a huge opportunity you passed up.”

“I know.”

“And you honestly don’t regret it?”

“Honestly, I did when you never came back. But I don’t regret it now. I don’t. Clean slate, remember?”

Sam gave him a plaintive smile.

“Besides, I just wasn’t over you, plain and simple,” Bucky admitted as he picked at a blade of grass. “And if there was a chance of you comin’ home, I had to be here to at least say sorry for what happened between us.”

A silence pervaded before Sam asked, “Do you ever feel like you made the wrong choice?”

Bucky laughed a little and said, “I feel like my life has been one wrong choice after the other. And do I regret most of those choices? Fuck yes. But bein’ with you back then, and now? I don’t regret it one bit.”

Bucky shifted so that he was sitting directly in front of Sam. They held hands as Bucky said, “Tell me, Sammy, what’s all o’ this about?”

Sam took a deep breath and said, “After I take the USMLE and look for work, if I don’t find work here, what will you do? What do you want to do?”

“I wanna be with you, baby.”

“I know, and that’s what I want, too,” said Sam as he squeezed Bucky’s hand. “But we’ve gotta be realistic here. You have your work and a life you built here without me. I want to practice medicine and if I can’t do it here, I have to leave. What do you want to do if I have to leave?”

“I wanna be with you,” Bucky said plainly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I want to be wherever you are. If that means I have to find someone to manage the bar, then I’ll do it. I’m with you, Sammy. I’m all in with you.”

Sam felt tears well in his eyes as he smiled at Bucky.

“I just don’t want you to put your life on hold for me.”

Bucky reached over and stroked Sam’s face.

“That’s not what I’d be doin’, Sam,” said Bucky in earnest. “My life is _with_ you now. I’d be there to support to. To take care of you. To blow your back out.”

Sam laughed at that and Bucky’s heart sang before he continued.

“You make me happy, pretty boy. Always have. If you have to leave, then I’m goin’ with you. I love you too much.”

The tear Sam was trying to hold back rolled down his cheek and Bucky wiped it away with his thumb.

“I love you, too.”

“So, it’s settled, then?” asked Bucky. “If you move back to DC, I’m movin’ with you?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied with a smile, feeling giddy. “It’s settled.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky travel to DC for Sam to take the United States Medical Licensing Exam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little filler chapter. Enjoy!

Their trip to DC was good; smooth with no hiccups along the way. Sam drove and Bucky was in charge of the music. His fast-paced punk music kept Sam awake even though Sam complained about the selections. Bucky played Sam’s songs as they got closer.

When they reached Sam’s place, Sam had to make a quick call to let the tenants know they were there. He had sublet his place to a young couple, Elena and Phil. There were two bedrooms in the small townhouse. Elena and Phil slept in one bedroom while Sam’s room remained locked while he was away. They all were to share the living space and bathroom. Sam explained it to Bucky before they left so there would be no awkward surprises. Said it was more like having housemates than it was having tenants.

When Sam and Bucky arrived, it was slightly awkward for everyone. Sam felt odd being back in the house. With all of his things locked away in his bedroom, the living room looked like it belonged to someone else. He had told Elena and Phil that they could do what they liked with the common space while they were paying rent. They mostly had their books on the shelves and pictures of their family on the walls.

They were all introduced in the living room. Bucky really felt odd. Sam wasn’t looking forward to the conversation that they would have to have; that he would have to have. The one where he would have to tell them that the place was too small for four people and he really wanted Bucky to be comfortable. He would give Elena and Phil a stellar reference and their security deposit back, but he had to let them know he needed the house back. He felt like that was a conversation that needed to happen face-to-face and not over the phone.

He didn’t get time to right away as Elena and Phil had made themselves scarce. They went out for dinner and a movie, giving Sam and Bucky the house to themselves.

“Does this feel weird to you?” asked Sam as he and Bucky ate their Thai food on the sofa, surrounded by photographs of strangers.

“I think it feels more weird for your housemates,” Bucky replied.

“Not really housemates. Not that it makes this any easier,” Sam reminded himself. “So, yeah; I guess it is weirder for them. I mean, I could’ve booked us in at a hotel.”

“No way,” said Bucky with a shake of his head. “This is your place.”

“But it’s weird.”

“Only if they were here,” Bucky said with a laugh. “And we’ll be in your bedroom before they get back.”

“True,” said Sam, biting his lip. “I think they know I’m gonna have the talk with them.”

“What talk? The if-there’s-a-sock-on-the-doorknob talk?”

Bucky waggled his eyebrows in a ridiculous way that caused Sam to snort.

“No, Buck. The y’all-gotta-find-somewhere-else-to-live talk.”

“Oh yeah, that talk.”

“I mean, they knew it would come to this, me coming back, and maybe it could’ve worked out if we did try the whole housemate thing. But we thought there’d be more space then. I wasn’t counting on you coming back with me. I’m glad you did, though.”

“Me, too,” said Bucky with a warm smile. “And about this talk, can you wait until I’m in your bedroom with the TV on and turned up real loud before you have the talk with ‘em? I don’t wanna hear the awkwardness.”

xXxXx

Sam found Bucky later sprawled out on his freshly-made bed wearing a pair of Sam’s sweatpants and a band t-shirt that had a lady with half a skull face on it and the words ‘Psycho Bitches’ underneath said face. He gave Sam a cute smile and raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“How’d the talk go?” Bucky queried as he tied his hair back into a low bun.

“Better than I thought,” said Sam as he flopped down next to Bucky, who now sat up cross-legged. “They started looking for other places a couple of weeks ago when I sent the text to say I’d be back for the USMLE. Said they get it. They need more space. too. Said this was just a stopover while they found something more permanent. Worked out well for all of us.”

Bucky smiled sweetly at Sam and said, “Good. I’m happy. So, they’re stayin’ tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Damnit.”

“What?” asked Sam with a little chuckle.

Bucky shrugged and gave his most sincerely pouty expression before saying, quite sweetly, “Nah, nothin’. Just kinda wanted to rail you tonight. Y’know, since it’s your first night back in the city. Our first night in your bed together.”

Sam laughed some more and then leaned over to capture Bucky’s lips with his own. They shared a warm, languid kiss before Sam said, “You can do whatever you want to me. They’re not gonna hear us. I swear, I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good.”

Sam’s last words sent a delighted little quiver through Bucky’s core.

“I dunno,” Bucky teased with a crooked smile. “You look like you could be a little shit,”

“Scout’s honor, I’m not,” said Sam as he shifted so that he was now straddling Bucky’s lap.

…..

Samuel Thomas Wilson was, indeed, a little shit, Bucky vaguely mused, because he moaned way too loudly as Bucky entered him from behind. They each lay on their side as Sam rested on Bucky’s arm with his back pressed closely to Bucky’s chest. Bucky’s free arm held Sam in place as he slid his length in and out of Sam’s warmth. Each thrust drew a vocal whimper from Sam even though he said he’d be quiet; said he’d be good. _Fuck was he_ _good_. Bucky kissed his neck and sucked at the skin until he was sure it would mark. He licked along Sam’s neck until his mouth was close to Sam’s ear.

“Shit, Sammy. You said you’d be quiet, baby,” Bucky breathed, his voice hoarse and heavy. “They’re gonna hear us.”

“Hmmmm, I don’t care,” said Sam, his voice filled with desire. He covered Bucky’s hand with his own, and then guided Bucky’s hand to his straining cock. “Don’t fuckin’ care. Just wanna come with you. Make me come with you.”

Bucky’s own dick trembled at Sam’s words. He strummed his hand up and down Sam’s shaft and thrust with more fervor. He bit down on Sam’s shoulder to stifle his own moans while they chased their release. Sam kept urging him forward with each murmur of his name. Sam’s tight heat drew Bucky’s orgasm from him, but he did not stop his movements. He did not cease his thrusts and strokes until Sam came with a loud cry and a shudder coursing delightfully through his sweat-covered form. Bucky stayed rooted inside of Sam as he moved his head so that they could kiss, hot and breathless and messy. If the housemates heard, neither Sam nor Bucky cared in that moment. They were each too busy with being completely enamored by one another in their saccharine afterglow.

xXxXx

The absence of warmth beside him caused Bucky to wake during the night. He reached over to find that Sam was not there. Sighing, Bucky searched in the darkness for his phone. He squinted as the too bright light assaulted his eyes. The time read 2:37 AM. He cleared his throat and then clambered out of bed.

Sam’s house was unfamiliar to him, yet he made his way into the short corridor and saw light coming from the kitchen. There he found his boyfriend with his laptop and some medical books spread out on the small table.

“Sammy?” Bucky whispered, not wanting to wake their housemates. “Baby, what’re you doin’?”

“Studying,” Sam replied, sounding tired.

“You got all day tomorrow to study,” said Bucky as he took a seat at the table. Sam looked really exhausted. His eyes were reddish and puffy. His skin wasn’t glowing like usual. “Come back to bed.”

“I’m worried about the exam.”

“You don’t gotta be,” said Bucky reassuringly. “You’re gonna ace it, Wilson. And if you don’t, then, you go back and sit it again.”

“It costs nearly seven-hundred-dollars to sit it.”

“What the fuck?” said Bucky loudly, before covering his mouth; Sam mirrored him, mirth in both of their eyes as they held back sleepy giggles. Bucky looked to the door that led to Elena and Phil’s room, then back at his boyfriend before he mouthed, “What the fuck?”

Sam nodded exaggeratedly before saying quietly, “Help me with this stuff, please?”

They gathered up Sam’s study materials, turned off the kitchen light, and went back to the bedroom. Bucky used his phone to light their way. Sam packed his stuff away on the little computer desk and then jumped back into bed with Bucky. The pair snuggled close to one another as Sam rested his head on Bucky’s chest and draped his arm over his middle. Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of Sam’s head and ran a soothing hand up and down Sam’s arm.

“You should be resting before the exam,” Bucky said softly.

“I know, I just don’t want to fail,” Sam replied.

“You’re not gonna fail,” Bucky proffered. “You’re the smartest guy I know. You’ll be fine. I mean, you gotta; that seven-hundred-dollar fee is some pretty good motivation. Fuck me, that’s a lot. I wouldn’t wanna hand over that much money and then totally fuck up on the exam.”

“Not helping, Barnes,” said Sam with a little nervous laugh.

“Sorry, baby,” said Bucky as he squeezed Sam tighter and kissed him again. “Like I was sayin’, you’re the smartest. The hardest worker. You got this. I’ll be waiting right outside the door of the testing center for you.”

“It’s an eight hour exam, Buck.”

“What the fuck?” Bucky exclaimed, causing Sam to chuckle once more. “Sammy? Eight hours?”

“Yeah, babe. Eight hours.”

“Shit,” said Bucky, shaking his head. “You’re amazing, you know that right?”

Sam let out a little disbelieving huff.

“You really are,” Bucky continued as he gently rocked Sam side-to-side. “I’ve never known anyone who’s worked as hard as you or studied as long as you. When I say you got this, it’s not just me bein’ a good boyfriend –”

“Correction: You’re the _best_ boyfriend,” Sam said sleepily, causing Bucky to feel warm.

“Thank you, but seriously. You got this because you’ve worked so hard for this. You studied hard for this. You’ve wanted this more than you’ve ever wanted _anything_ in your whole life.”

Sam smiled and shifted so that he was looking down at Bucky in the dimly lit room.

“That’s only half true,” said Sam, before pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’ lips. “Yes, I have worked hard. Yes, I’ve wanted this forever. But it’s not what I wanted more than anything else.”

“Oh yeah?” asked Bucky, the warmth spreading through his chest. “What’s the thing you wanted more than anything?”

“You.”

“God, you’re sappy,” Bucky teased as Sam feigned offense and tried to pull away from him; Bucky held him tighter.

“God, you’re an asshole,” Sam retorted, with no real heat behind his words.

“I’m kidding, pretty boy,” said Bucky as he drew Sam back to his chest. “You’re what I’ve wanted more than anything else. _Longer_ than anything else. And I’m gonna support the fuck outta you, so believe me when I say you got this.”

Sam lifted his head again and pecked at Bucky’s lips before saying, “Thank you, Buck. Thanks for coming with me. For the pep talk and support. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, Sammy,” Bucky replied while tightening his grip. “Now go to sleep. I love you, you sap.”

Sam closed his eyes, let out a yawn and said, “I love you, too, asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extended wait. Did you miss our favourite Boys?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets Sam's friends from DC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making you all wait. There's a conversation Bucky has with Phil where he refers to something that happened when he and Sam were kids. FYI it is the first flashback in chapter one, in case you needed to refresh your memory.

It was still relatively dark in Sam’s bedroom when he rose from his slumber. Bucky was sleeping next to him in his bed and everything felt good. Sam was happy to be back in DC getting ready for the next leg of his journey. He was happier that Bucky was there with him.

Sam smiled as he watched his boyfriend lying flat on his back. His hair was mussed, and his slightly parted lips looked soft and kissable. He really was gorgeous. Sam still remembered the first time he started to have a crush on Bucky when they were kids. The other boy was pretty cool in a teenage rebel sort of way, and Lord did Sam think he was good-looking. Back then, Sam was not completely sure if he was drawn to Bucky because he wanted to be as cool and carefree as he was, or if he wanted to _be_ with Bucky. He smiled to himself once more knowing that it was the latter. He leaned over and kissed Bucky’s face when he remembered the first time he realized that Bucky wanted him back.

The other man stirred in his sleep and then opened his eyes.

“Sorry,” Sam whispered, as he shifted closer and rested his head on Bucky’s chest. “Just wanted to kiss you. Didn’t mean to wake you. You should go back to sleep.”

Bucky moved his arm so that he was able to hold Sam before he placed a sleepy kiss to the top of Sam’s head. He rubbed Sam’s back lazily and said, “Nah, I’m up now. You needed somethin’?”

Sam could hear it in his voice, even though his tone was throaty from his slumber, the teasing was there. The desire and lust was there. Bucky always wanted him. _Always_. He made Sam feel so special. Made him feel cherished.

Sam lifted his head and then brought his hand up under the covers to press to Bucky’s chest. He ran his palm over Bucky’s nipples, and then down to his firm abs before peppering kisses to his pecs and asking, “Do you need something?”

“I need you, pretty boy,” said Bucky, growing aroused from Sam’s early morning attentions.

The pair of lovers shared a slow, wet kiss as Sam’s hand snaked down Bucky’s body and took hold of his cock. Bucky moaned into Sam’s mouth, urging Sam to stroke his length more ardently, until he began to grow hard. Sam kissed along Bucky’s jawline and then settled his lips against Bucky’s neck. Sam nipped at his sensitive skin, licking and sucking while strumming his dick and eliciting deep moans from him.

“Fuck, Sammy,” Bucky breathed while Sam kissed his way down the expanse of his boyfriend’s body and dipped his head under the covers. He held Bucky’s shaft in his hand while licking his wet tongue over the crown of his cock. “Oh, _baby_.”

Bucky drew the covers back so that he could watch Sam in the dim light. Sam continued to strum his length before looking up at Bucky, smiling at him, and placing a quick little kiss to his bellybutton.

“I love you, baby,” Bucky whispered, as he ran his fingers against the back of Sam’s neck.

“I love you, too,” Sam replied, before taking Bucky’s hardness into the soft warmth of his mouth.

…..

The boys decided to go to lunch so that Sam could catch up with a few of his friends he had not seen in months. They knew he was back in town and wanted to see him. Sam told Bucky they could just stay in bed all day and didn’t have to go anywhere; Bucky told Sam it would be good for them to get out and about before Sam got busy with exam preparations. So, they went and met Sam’s friends at this swanky eatery and Bucky felt slightly awkward and out of place.

There was Luke and Claire who were a couple, and Carol and Maria, also a couple. They all seemed a little surprised when Sam introduced Bucky as his boyfriend.

“Yeah, okay, so the social media pictures don’t do you justice,” Maria insisted with an amicable smile. Bucky smiled back, albeit bashfully, but couldn’t help but wonder if their apparent surprise was because he was dressed in a band shirt and jeans with a hickey from Sam quite visible, while everyone else wore smart casual.

“He’s cute right?” asked Sam as he reached over and took hold of Bucky’s hand.

“Absolutely,” Maria replied. “Y’all make a cute couple.”

Bucky glanced at Sam and the pair shared a happy smile.

“So, you grew up together?” asked Claire.

“Yeah, same group of besties,” Sam proffered jovially. “All went our separate ways after high school, and then Buck and I reconnected when I went home. Actually, we used to see one another when we were kids.”

“That’s actually so sweet,” Claire replied as Maria and Carol offered smiles and nods of their heads.

“You had the small-town, gay high school romance most of us never had, Wilson?” asked Carol with an impressed look on her face. “That’s very cool. We’re happy for you both.”

“Thanks,” Sam and Bucky said at the same time before Bucky lifted his boyfriend’s hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to his knuckles.

After a little while, Bucky relaxed and actually enjoyed their lunch with Sam’s friends. They were all very nice and obviously adored his Sammy. It made him feel happy that Sam had good, decent people around him while he was away from their hometown. It made him pleased that Sam had a good life there in the city.

…..

After lunch, the pair took a leisurely stroll down 17th Street in Dupont Circle and did some window shopping. Bucky felt an overwhelming sense of contentment as he and Sam walked hand-in-hand down the busy avenue and passed by other couples, young men like themselves, also walking hand-in-hand. And no one said anything mean and hurtful to them. No one called them names. Bucky didn’t have to fight. It was nice. It was real fucking nice.

Bucky thought back to the night when he first asked Sam to be his boyfriend. How he walked him home and avoided the streetlights so that no one would see them; so that he would not have to let go of Sam’s hand. He let out a loud sigh that got Sam’s attention.

“Babe? You okay?” Sam asked, stopping on the sidewalk so that he could look at Bucky.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Bucky replied with a genuine smile. “I’m great, actually.”

Sam’s lips turned up at the corners as he gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze and led him along past the shopfronts.

“You had a good day?”

“Sure did,” Bucky replied, as he let go of Sam’s hand and placed his arm around Sam’s back, drawing him close. “Your friends are nice. I like them.”

“Aww, baby, I’m so glad you all got on,” Sam admitted. “They’ll be your friends soon, too. It’ll take four or five weeks before I get the USMLE results back, so I want you to settle in here and make friends.”

“I’m already halfway there, Sammy,” said Bucky before pressing a kiss to Sam’s temple. “But, speaking of your exam: Should we get back to your place so you can study? I don’t want you stayin’ up half the night cramming when you’ll be at the testing center all goddamn day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We should get back,” Sam agreed as Bucky slid his hand back into Sam’s. “Hey, did you figure out what you’re gonna do tomorrow while I sit the exam?”

“Waitin’ for Rhodey to get back to me,” said Bucky with a grin. “We might get some day drinkin’ in.”

“Rhodey’s gonna take a day off work to day drink with you?” Sam asked with a raise of his eyebrow and a dubious look on his face.

Bucky laughed and said, “Probably not since he’s a big shot engineer with a busy schedule, but I’m hopin’ we can catch-up for lunch if he’s got the time.”

Just then, Bucky’s phone vibrated. He stopped, took it out, and answered, “Hey, man. Was just talkin’ about you. I’m with Sam.”

Bucky put the phone on speaker and Rhodey greeted Sam, too.

“I can meet you tomorrow to do that thing,” Rhodey said, and Bucky took the phone off speaker and put it to his ear. Sam gave him a questioning look before walking over to peer into the window of one of the bookstores. 

“Yeah, yeah. Lunch sounds good,” said Bucky, letting his friend know that he didn’t want Sam to know what they were doing. “You’ll pick me up?”

“Yeah, dude. I’ll come get you,” Rhodey replied. “And I take it Wilson doesn’t know where we’re going?”

“Nope.”

“Alright then,” said Rhodey with a little laugh. “See you tomorrow, Buck.”

“Thanks, man,” Bucky replied before ending the call and walking over to Sam and placing his hand to the small of Sam’s back and saying, “Come on, pretty boy. Let’s get you home so you can study.”

…..

The house was quiet save for the sound of Sam’s fingers tapping against his laptop keyboard and the occasional frustrated sigh escaping his lips. He had his textbooks and other study materials covering the coffee table and most of the floor where he was sitting. Bucky reclined on the sofa reading his own book. He would glance over at Sam every so often and find himself smiling. Sam was so focused on what he needed to do he didn’t notice his boyfriend looking at him with an adoring expression. Bucky was about to say something, when the front door opened and Elena and Phil came in.

The two couples greeted one another amicably, and Elena apologized for interrupting Sam’s studying.

“It’s okay,” Sam replied, stretching out and groaning a little. “Was probably time to take a break anyways.”

“Well, we got Thai,” said Phil holding up some bags of take-out. “Got more than enough. Did y’all wanna eat with us?”

“Sure,” said Sam. “Sounds great.”

…..

After their meal, the couples sat at the table chatting. Sam hadn’t really gotten to know his tenants very well, but they were really nice people. Sam and Bucky found out they were engaged and were trying to save to buy their own place.

“We’re ready to sign the lease on another place,” said Phil. “Just waiting until the end of the month to have enough for the bond.”

“Why don’t you use the month’s rent you wouldn’t paid me and use it for the new place?” asked Sam.

“Are you for real?”

“Yeah, I mean, Bucky and I showed up and forced you to share this space. It’s inconvenient for you. That’s at least a discount, right? I don’t need the rent money, y’all do for your next place. So, don’t even worry about payin’ for this month.”

“Sam, that’s – wow, that’s actually so generous of you,” said Elena with a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

Sam returned her smile and said, “You’re welcome.”

“Yes, thank you,” Phil added, as he took hold of his fiancé’s hand. “That’s so helpful. We don’t wanna take up space here that you need for any longer than we have to. This means we’ll be able to leave this week. Thank you, Sam. We appreciate it.”

“Don’t even mention it,” said Sam. “And if you need help with packing, we’re here and more than happy to help out.”

…..

Later, Bucky washed the dishes and Phil dried them. Sam had gone back to studying, and Elena was in hers and Phil’s bedroom.

“How long have you been together?” asked Bucky, happy to make small talk to pass the time.

“Two years this December,” Phil replied. “Been engaged for six months.”

Bucky nodded his head and ran a dishcloth over a plate before handing it to the other man.

“What about you and Sam? How long have the two of you been a couple?”

“I don’t know.”

Phil’s eyes went wide.

“You don’t know?”

“No, I mean, I know, obviously,” Bucky amended. “But it’s just so funny with the two of us.”

“How so?”

“Well, we’ve been together officially for a few months now,” Bucky explained. “But we dated in secret the whole summer before we graduated high school.”

“Oh, wow, so you’ve known one another since senior year?”

“Nah, longer than that,” said Bucky, with a nostalgic smile on his face. “We grew up together. Best friends and all o’ that. Sammy was the first boy I ever had a crush on.”

“Aww,” said Phil, smiling at Bucky’s sappy smile.

“But I didn’t know if it was actually a crush ‘cause I was still young and figuring things out,” Bucky proffered. “At first, I brushed it off because we were buddies, y’know? Our group of friends is me and Sam, and our best friends Steve and Rhodey. I liked hangin’ out with Sam more, for some reason. Always found myself hangin’ on his every word, or just tryin’ to impress him. And I always thought he was pretty. Like, so fuckin’ pretty. And smart. Shit, he’s so smart it makes my head spin. And in my confused way, I didn’t know if it was ‘cause I wanted to be like Sam or if I wanted to be _with_ Sam.”

“How’d you figure out that you liked him more than a friend?” asked Phil, now with the dishcloth slung over his shoulder, totally enthralled by the other man’s story.

Bucky’s smile widened as he let out an audible breath.

“He’s always been a good friend,” Bucky recalled as he leaned against the sink and folded his arms. “And I was always a little shit. This one time, I don’t know, we must’ve been thirteen or fourteen at the time, but I stole some cigarettes from my Ma’s purse, and took ‘em to school for my friends to try. My buddy Steve, who’s as straight-laced as they come, said he wouldn’t try one unless Sammy did, so the three of us ended up under the bleachers coughin’ our asses off. We got caught and sent to the principal’s office. I admitted it was my idea, and the boys didn’t get into trouble. I got detention for two weeks. Sam’s old man was strict. Thought I was a bad influence. Told Sam to stay away from me. But he didn’t.”

Bucky let out an amused little chuckle.

“How long before he broke his father’s rules?”

“The very next day,” said Bucky with a fond smile. “He waited out front for me after detention. I still remember him, sittin’ on the front steps of the school huggin’ his little red backpack. So, I came down the steps and sat beside him. He asked if I was okay. I asked if he was grounded. He said he was, and that he probably should’ve went straight home, but he had to give me somethin’.”

“What was it?” asked Phil with wide eyes.

“He reached into his backpack and took out one of those ‘dangers of teen smoking’ pamphlets,” said Bucky as both he and Phil let out a laugh. “He actually went to the Nurse’s Office and asked for one so he could give to me, the little nerd. God. I was so gone on him from that minute. Like, everyone was always tellin’ me how much of a screw up I was, but Sam was worried about my health. He was worried about me. And I knew he was smart and kind and would do anything for anyone, but the fact he did that for me, simple as it was, I just – I just wanted to kiss him. And I figured that guys didn’t normally want to kiss their buddies, so that ended my confusion. I knew I was gay for sure sittin’ on that damn school step with Sam Wilson because he gave me butterflies and made my heart beat fast and made my skin feel warm and I just knew. God, I sound like such a sap.”

Bucky knew his eyes were glazing over, but so were Phil’s.

“Nah, man,” Phil replied as he clapped a hand to Bucky’s shoulder. “It’s sweet and epic. You’re probably gonna get married or something, someday.”

Bucky let out a little laugh, “We haven’t even been dating for a year yet.”

“So? You’ve obviously loved him since you were kids,” Phil reminded Bucky. “And he obviously loves you, too. You already _know_ one another. Already know you’re good together.”

Bucky nodded his head and let a small grin tug at his lips.

“Just make sure Elena and I get an invite to the wedding, please and thank you.”

xXxXx

Sam was nervous the entire drive over to the testing center; the whole walk to the front of the building; and inside when he registered. Bucky was right there with him, holding his hand and telling him he was going to do fine.

“Will you be okay?” Sam asked, concerned for Bucky even though he was the one about to take a test that would change his life. “You know, on your own for the day?”

“Of course, baby,” Bucky replied, drawing him into a hug. “I’m gonna go do the tourist thing for a bit, then catch up with Rhodey, then spend some money shopping. I’ll be fine and I’ll be back here waiting for you when you’re finished. You focus on killin’ it today, okay?”

Sam squeezed Bucky and said, “Okay.”

“You got this, Sammy.”

“Thank you, Buck.”

…..

After making his way out of the testing center, Bucky checked his phone to see how far away his ride was. He placed the phone back in his left pocket, before removing his backpack and unzipping it. He fished inside until he found the small velvet giftbox he had taken from his old bedroom the night he and Sam were meant to have their first official date. He retrieved it and opened it. The silver item inside of the box glistened prettily in the mid-morning sunlight. Bucky closed it and then smiled to himself before tucking the box away safely once more. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky are feeling more at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last update of 2020! Thank you to everyone who has stuck by me and supported me with this fic. You have no idea how much it has meant to me. All of my Dear Readers have been incredible. You put wind in my sails and kept me going when I didn't think I could. Thank you. Enjoy!

“So, what’d you do this morning?” asked Rhodey as he twirled the spaghetti around his fork. “How d’you like the city, man?”

“It’s cool,” Bucky replied, as he dug his silverware into the cacciatore in front of him. “Did a little shopping; grabbed some things for my folks and Becca. Walked around a bit. It’s different from when we came here for that school trip in sixth grade.”

“Yeah,” said Rhodey with a little chuckle and a smile. “Sure is. But you’re settling in okay?”

“I mean, it’s weird havin’ other people in Sam’s house, but they’re actually cool plus they’ll be moving pretty soon. And then it’ll just be the two of us.”

“Wow,” said Rhodey, placing his fork down and wiping his mouth with the napkin. “This is crazy, right? You living here with Wilson. I can’t believe it. I couldn’t even get you to come here for a visit.”

Bucky smiled and let out a little puff of air before saying, “I know. I know. These past few months’ve been crazy. Not in a wild kind of way, but in an unbelievable sorta way, know what I mean?”

Rhodey nodded his head.

“I never even thought I’d see Sam again, and here we are, shacked up in his house in DC, thinkin’ about our future together.”

There was such joy behind Bucky’s eyes that Rhodey beamed, too; his friend’s contentment was contagious.

“I’m really happy for you, Barnes,” he said in earnest. “For you and Sammy. For real. You both deserve this chance.”

“Thanks, man,” said Bucky with a fond smile. “What about you? You seein’ anyone?”

“Nah, no time to date,” said Rhodey.

“You better have time on the weekend to hang out with the both of us,” Bucky said. “I know Sam wants to see you.”

“I’ll be there. I wanna see him, too. Can’t wait to grill his ass about the two of you,” said Rhodey with a blinding smile. “Assholes keepin’ it from me, and then tellin’ that big blonde baby before me. I hope Rogers don’t think he’s gonna be best man at the wedding.”

Rhodey laughed and Bucky let out a nervous little chortle. A beat of silence passed between them as Rhodey studied Bucky’s face.

“Barnes? Seriously?”

“What?”

“You’re thinkin’ about it, aren’t you?”

“About what?” asked Bucky, as he started to play with his food.

“Uh, gee, I dunno,” said Rhodey sarcastically. “Maybe poppin’ the question to Wilson.”

Bucky placed his fork down, sighed, and leaned back in his seat. He smoothed his hair back with both hands before looking at his friend once more and shrugging.

“So? So what if I am?” asked Bucky. “Been thinkin’ about it on-and-off, one way or another, since I was sixteen years old. I’m not hurtin’ anyone by just thinkin’ about it.”

“Yeah, except yourself.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes and gave Rhodey a questioning look.

“You think he’d say _no_ if I asked?”

Bucky looked pained, and it hurt Rhodey to see him look like that, especially since he knew how much Bucky loved Sam. He chose his next words carefully.

“Buck, that’s not what I’m saying at all, okay?” said Rhodey softly. “I’m just sayin’ you know how Wilson is. He has a plan for everything.”

“You don’t think I’m in his plans for the future?” asked Bucky, almost on the brink of tears. “Has he said somethin’ to you, or?”

“No, no. Buck. He hasn’t said anything. I’m just reminding you that he has plans for how he wants his life to be,” said Rhodey. “I’m actually givin’ you advice, man. I’m rooting for the both of you. You’re here with Sammy right now. He never planned to reconnect with you. He sure as hell didn’t plan to end up with you, or bringing you here with him. But he did, so that means he _wants_ you in his life.”

Bucky nodded his head, feeling the insecurity wash away.

“If you ask him to marry you; _when_ you ask him to marry you, you gotta make sure all of his plans are working out how he wants them to. You gotta make sure he’s done with the exams; that he’s found somewhere to work that he likes and that’s secure. All of that stuff is important to him. Sammy’s always needed a clear picture. He loves you, man. And I know he’ll wanna be your husband as much as you wanna be his. You just gotta ask him at the right time. You know what I mean?”

Bucky took on what his friend was saying, and nodded his head before holding out his hand to slap against Rhodey’s and saying, “Yeah, dude. I know. And you’re right. Gotta ask him when the time’s right.”

Rhodey winked at Bucky and then said, “But I better be best man.”

“Course, man. You look better in a tux than Rogers does.”

“Oh, you _know_ I do,” said Rhodey with a grin. “Remember Prom?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky with a bit of a grimace. “Had to watch Sam slow dance with Misty all night.”

“Aww cheer up, buddy. You’re the one who gets to dance with him now.”

“Yeah,” Bucky proffered with a bright beam. “Me and only me.”

“Ah, I _will_ be getting a dance from Wilson on the weekend, though,” said Rhodey before sipping from his water. “We _are_ goin’ out, right? Please tell me we’re goin’ out to dance and get shitfaced.”

“Yeah, man. We are. I mean, Sammy chose the spot, but he said there’s music and drinks, so I assume we’ll get to party.”

“Good to know,” Rhodey replied. “And Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“He’s gonna say yes, y’know? When you finally ask him. Sammy’s gonna say yes.”

…..

On the way back from the testing center, Sam and Bucky spoke about how Sam thought he had fared during the examination. Sam had said he felt glad it was over, but was not so confident in how he had done. He spoke about how much this meant to him; how he had planned for this for as long as he could remember. He talked about how he was tired, but was going to find it difficult to relax until the results came in.

Bucky reminded him how confident he was in Sam’s knowledge and abilities. He spoke about how Sam had worked harder than anyone else he knew. He talked about how he had so much faith in Sam and how he knew he would have aced the test. Sam smiled at Bucky and thanked him; Bucky held his hand all the way home.

…

As they walked through the front door, Bucky checked his phone.

“Babe,” he said, as Sam was kicking off his shoes and stretching. “Phil just texted. Said they’re gonna be out a little late tonight. We’ll have the house to ourselves for dinner. What’d you wanna do?”

Sam let out a loud yawn, pressed his hand to Bucky’s chest in passing, and then flopped onto the sofa.

“I’m beat,” said Sam, yawning once more. “Let’s just get take-out or something and eat in bed, babe. I don’t have the energy to do much else.”

Bucky moved toward Sam, crouched down beside him, and stroked his face, before saying, “I’m gonna run a bath for you and sort somethin’ out for dinner. We’ll eat in bed and watch old episodes of _Fresh Prince_. How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect,” said Sam as he turned his head to smile lazily at his boyfriend. “Now, gimme a kiss.”

Bucky beamed at Sam and then obliged him by leaning down and pressing their lips together. He could see himself doing that for the rest of their lives: Kissing his beautiful Sammy after a long day, before taking care of him well into the night.

…..

By the time the weekend rolled around, Sam was not so exhausted and was ready for a night out. There was a cool breeze that whipped around Sam and Bucky as they got out of their ride and stepped onto the pavement. There were a few people milling around; some heading to get dinner and drinks while others had finished up wherever they had been. Sam took hold of Bucky’s hand and they began to walk past a few eateries and bars as Sam checked his phone again.

“Rhodey’s already there,” said Sam cheerfully. “Got us a table and ordered drinks.”

“Awesome,” Bucky replied jovially. “What kind of bar is this again?”

Bucky wasn’t feeling particularly under-or-overdressed, opting to wear something new that he had purchased while out shopping. He was just curious, as a bar owner himself.

“You’ll love it,” said Sam, leaning over to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “I promise.”

…..

It was a nice bar, Bucky thought, as he and Sam made their way through the gathered crowd to where Rhodey was sitting. The friends all exchanged wide smiles and Sam and Rhodey fell into an embrace. Bucky and Rhodey hugged next.

“It’s so good to see you,” said Sam, placing his arm around Rhodey’s shoulder. “It’s been too long.”

“I know, right?” Rhodey replied. “Missed your face, Wilson.”

“Missed you, too. Now, what’d you order?”

“I got the house special cocktail,” said Rhodey, gesturing to the drinks on the table.

“What’s in it?” asked Sam, eyeing the drink suspiciously as Bucky lifted the glass and sniffed it.

“I don’t know,” Rhodey replied, as Bucky took a sip. “But the waitress is bringing us beers to chase it with. And I’m gonna need a few if I’m gettin’ my ass up on stage.”

“You’re doin’ no such thing, Jim,” said Sam with a shake of his head. “You know you can’t carry a tune.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes and glanced around the room before asking, “Karaoke bar?”

“Nah,” said Sam, as he sidled up next to Bucky and looped their arms together. “Open Mic Night.”

“For real?” asked Bucky with a crooked smile.

“Yeah, I mean, I know it’s not your bar back home,” said Sam as he leaned his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “But if you wanted to sign-up to do a song or two, you can. Only if you want to.”

He knew what Sam was doing. He knew Sam wanted him to feel more at ease and at home in the city. He knew that Sam knew that it wasn’t exactly like their hometown, and the upmarket bar was not like Bucky’s establishment, but it warmed Bucky’s heart to know Sam was trying. He was trying to show Bucky a good time in a new place; he wanted to give him some semblance of familiarity. And Bucky loved Sam even more for the thoughtful gesture. 

Bucky kissed the top of Sam’s head as the waitress approached with the beers.

“Excuse me,” said Bucky politely. “Where do I sign-up for the Open Mic?”

…..

After having a couple more of the house specials, Sam, Bucky, and Rhodey were relaxed and enjoying the entertainment. Everyone who had got up to perform was exceptional. The trio were having a great time. Rhodey kept wondering when it was going to be Bucky’s turn to get up and sing; Sam asked Rhodey when he had grown so impatient. They laughed, danced, and sang along when they recognized the songs. It was good to spend time together again. Sam’s heart was so full; Rhodey’s face hurt from smiling; and Bucky was practically effervescent.

After the next performer finished their rendition of Johnny Cash’s _Big River,_ the MC got on the roaming microphone and said, “That was great. Please give it up for Jaleel.”

The crowd applauded as the young woman smiled, removed the guitar, and stepped from the small stage.

“Next up, we’ve got Bucky,” the MC said looking down at his tablet. “Bucky, you’re up.”

Sam grinned widely and Rhodey let out a loud cheer as others gave encouraging claps. Bucky downed his beer, kissed Sam, and then made his way up to the stage. He spoke with the two-piece backing band a moment, then picked one of the acoustic guitars from the rack as the musicians read their sheet music on their devices. After slipping the strap over his shoulder Bucky took up a seat on the stool in the center of the stage, and then fixed the mic so that it was near his mouth.

“Hey,” he said into the mic a little nervously. “This is a cool set-up. It’s my first time here. So, yeah. I’m from outta town. My boyfriend brought me along tonight.”

There were a couple of cheers and whistles from the crowd; Bucky suspected it was Rhodey.

“And he, uh, he didn’t have to – but I know why,” Bucky explained as he tuned the guitar and the backing band familiarized themselves with his chosen song. “I moved here with him, and this is the type of thing I do back home – y’know, singin’ in front of strangers. He wants me to feel like this can be like home, too – he’s sweet like that.”

Bucky squinted under the lights so he could see Sam smiling from their table.

“He’s the good-lookin’ guy at the table over there,” said Bucky as he pointed to where Sam and Rhodey were seated. Sam smiled shyly while Rhodey pointed him out. “Sammy, this one’s for you. It's actually one of my Ma’s favorite songs. She used to play it all the time, and now I wanna sing it for you.”

He pulled away from the mic, cleared his throat, and then turned to nod at the band. The piano intro started, and Bucky closed his eyes as the people watching him clapped their hands; Rhodey took out his phone and started recording.

“Something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself. Makes me want to lose myself – in your arms,” Bucky began as he stared at a smiling Sam. “There's something in your voice – makes my heart beat fast. Hope this feeling lasts the rest of my life.”

Sam felt tears well in his eyes as he watched and listened to Bucky.  
  
“If you knew how lonely my life has been,” Bucky continued, as he began to strum the guitar in time with the keyboardist and drummer. “And how long I've felt so low. If you knew how I wanted someone to come along. And change my life the way you've done.”

Sam placed both of his hands over his heart and smiled at his boyfriend. Bucky blew a quick kiss in Sam’s direction, before singing the chorus of the song.  
  
“Feels like home to me. Feels like home to me. Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from. Feels like home to me. Feels like home to me. Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.”

Smiling, Bucky played a short riff on the guitar and then continued crooning for Sam.  
  
“A window breaks down a long dark street. And a siren wails in the night. But I'm alright ‘cause I have you here with me. And I can almost see through the dark there's light.”

Tears fell from Sam’s eyes and Bucky’s strong, smooth voice broke a little before he kept singing, “If you knew how much this moment means to me. And how long I've waited for your touch. If you knew how happy you are making me. I've never thought I'd love anyone _so_ much.”

Sam's heart was so full. He felt as if he was going to melt right then, right there, as Bucky sang those words with such conviction and passion and honesty.

“Feels like home to me. Feels like _home_ to me. Feels like I'm _all_ the way back where I come from. Feels like home to me. Feels like _home_ to me. Feels like I'm _all_ the way back where I belong.”

The music died down, Bucky stopped playing along, and then gripped the mic, as he brought the song to its coda by singing, _a cappella_ , across the otherwise silent barroom, “Feels like I'm _all_ the way back where I - _belong_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Bucky sang to Sam is "Feels Like Home' by Linda Ronstadt.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets some surprising news and a few tears are shed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nearly done. Can you believe it? I'm so sad.

“Well?” asked Bucky, as he stood in the doorway of his and Sam’s bedroom, chewing nervously on his thumbnail.

Sam, with his heart in his throat, let his eyes scan the computer screen until he found what he was looking for. He almost felt as if he was going to pass out from the sheer terror and anticipation of reading his USMLE results.

“Sammy?”

“ _Shit_.”

“Baby? Talk to me.”

Tears filled Sam’s eyes as he turned to look at his boyfriend, who was now moving toward him.

“I passed!” he said, before standing and crashing into Bucky’s solid embrace. “I fucking passed!”

* * *

The second part of the USMLE came around quickly and was easier for Sam: Clinical practicum examination.

He was much more certain putting knowledge into practice; far more confident in his ability as a physician. When he learned that he had passed that exam, too, Bucky was right there beside him. They made love long into the night to celebrate. Sam called his parents first thing in the morning.

“We knew you would do it, baby,” said Darlene, trying to hold back her tears of complete joy. “We had no doubt whatsoever.”

“Congratulations, son,” said Paul, a wide smile plastered across his face. “We’re so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mama. Thanks, Dad,” Sam replied, feeling their encouraging words and pride course through him. “Just glad it’s all over and done with. I can focus on getting everything sent off for certification and finally send out job applications.”

“You’re going to do well, Sam,” said Paul. “You’ll do better than well. We have every faith in you.”

“Thanks,” said Sam, feeling his chest swell with pride and joy. “But enough about me. How’ve y’all been doing? Is it nearly time for the canned food drive? How’s planning goin’?”

“We’re all set,” Darlene replied, before looking at her husband as they sat together at the kitchen table.

“Good,” said Sam. “I’ll make a Facebook post to remind people, too.”

“You’re a good boy,” said Darlene. “Also, you Daddy has some extra good news.”

“Really?” asked Sam, feeling another spike of excitement deep inside.

“Yes, baby,” Darlene replied, as she slid the phone across the table so that it was closer to Paul.

“Sam?”

“Yes, Dad?”

“Your Mama’s right. I _do_ have some good news, in addition to your great news. It’s not as exciting as yours, but it has a lot to do with you ‘cause you inspired me.”

Sam felt his tummy flip.

“What is it, Dad?”

Paul looked at Darlene and they shared a warm smile as she placed her hand on his.

“You know how I’ve been to a few PFLAG Chapter meetings and keeping in contact with Mrs. Preston?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, we’re lookin’ at hosting some of the FPLAG meetings here Having a safe, private place at the Church Hall.”

“Daddy? Are you for real?”

“Yes, son. You Mama and I, along with George and Winnie and a couple of other families put our heads together and figured it’s definitely needed here. A few meetings spread out over the year. We wanna kick it off with a cookout. Maybe work up to a bigger annual event. A Family Fun Day or something like that. Hosted at the Church Hall or maybe at the High School.”

“Oh my goodness,” said Sam, as he held his hand to his heart. “Mama. Daddy. This is – this is. Wow. It’s huge. Thank you. Thank you both so, so much. It’s so needed and so important. Do you know what this will mean for the town? For the community? I can’t wait to tell Bucky. Wow. I don’t even know what to say right now. Thank you.”

“No, Sammy, thank you for bein’ you,” said Darlene.

It filled her heart with happiness to hear the utter joy in her son’s voice.

“Yes, honey, thank you,” said Paul to Sam. “I’m just sorry that there wasn’t anything like this for you and James in our when you were growing up. I’m sorry that _I_ wasn’t there for _you_ when you were growing up.”

Sam felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“Thank you,” said Sam to his father. “That means everything to me, now.”

There was a silence on the line as Sam and his parents relished in all of the overwhelmingly joyous news.

“I really can’t wait to tell Bucky. We’re gonna have to be there for the cookout. When is it?”

“A couple of weeks,” Darlene replied. “But you’ll be busy with getting ready for certification and sending out your applications. You won’t have time, sweetheart.”

“No, we can be there. We _have_ to be there,” said Sam with a bright smile. “We’ll be there.”

* * *

Sam told Bucky about their hometown finally having somewhere to support members of their LGBTQ+ community and families. Bucky hugged him and then sat quietly and contemplatively while wearing a soft, happy smile. Sam continued to contact his loved ones to inform them of all of the good news.

* * *

Sarah screamed for three minutes straight before Sam could get another word in.

* * *

Rhodey gave his congratulations and promised to see Sam and Bucky before they left to visit their hometown.

* * *

Steve cried.

* * *

The dim light from the bedside lamp washed over their glistening skin as Sam and Bucky lay tangled in their sheets.

“Goddamn,” said Sam, still trying to catch his breath fully.

“You okay, Wilson?”

“Three times, Buck? Really?”

Bucky smiled, kissed Sam’s head, and held him close before saying, “You deserved it.”

“Thank you, baby. Ugh. Still so much to organize before certification and then goin’ home for the PFLAG Cookout. Still can’t believe it. Still can’t believe I’m here. That _we’re_ here.”

“Yeah,” Bucky agreed as he stroked his hand up and down Sam’s back. “I’m so proud of you, Sammy. So proud. And I’m beyond happy that I’m here with you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you here.”

Bucky laughed a little, squeezed Sam, and said, “Yes you could. You would have. It’s just who you are. You don’t need me.”

He was teasing with the last part, of course, but Sam’s face grew serious.

“I _do_ need you,” said Sam, as he lifted his head so that he could gaze down at his boyfriend. “I love you so much, Buck. These past months with you have been the best of my life.”

  
Bucky felt a lump form in his throat.

“Same here, pretty boy,” he whispered.

The pair shared a soft, languid kiss before Bucky pulled back and rubbed his nose against Sam’s, “I meant: _Doctor_ Pretty Boy.”

They both laughed, kissed again, and then clung to one another tightly, love-drunk and happier than they had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the previous chapter wasn't the best, but I'd still like to hear your thoughts, Dear Readers. Anyhoo, I hope you liked this.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Bucky just keep winning at life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite chapter yet.

The harsh light of the bathroom did nothing to detract from just how handsome Bucky Barnes looked. Sam stood leaning against the doorjamb watching as his boyfriend checked his appearance over in the mirror. He looked nice in a suit, black on black, with his hair cascading around his face.

Sam let his eyes roam over the man standing before him: He truly was gorgeous. Sam let out a contended sigh, getting Bucky’s attention.

“Hey, baby,” Barnes greeted. “I’m almost ready.”

“You look great, Buck,” said Sam, as he pushed off the door and walked toward Bucky.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he replied with a smile as Sam rested his hands on the lapels of Bucky’s jacket. “But look at you.”

Bucky covered Sam’s hands, held them, and stepped back to get a better view, before giving him a little twirl and letting out an appreciative whistle.

“You’re gorgeous,” he added. “Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?”

Sam smiled and placed Bucky’s hands to his hips.

“Mmm, just about every single day,” said Sam as he fixed Bucky’s sleek tie and then pressed his hands to his chest.

“It’s true every single day,” Bucky replied before kissing Sam’s cheek.

“Smooth.”

“Only for you,” Bucky said, and then kissed Sam’s lips briefly. “But we gotta get goin’ ‘cause we’ve got reservations.”

…..

The happy couple held hands while they waited for their orders to arrive. The restaurant was a quaint but very nice French eatery. Bucky couldn’t pronounce half of the food on the menu, but he gave it a go. Sam just smiled at him and squeezed his hand, and then mispronounced his own order, even though he took French as an elective in high school.

“This is so nice, Bucky. Thank you.”

“Don’t gotta thank me, baby. This is to celebrate you bein’ certified. How does it feel?”

“Like a relief,” said Sam smiling once more. “Just glad it’s done with. Can focus on finding work now.”

Bucky nodded his head and said, “Y’know, you can go anywhere you want to in the world, right? You don’t have to feel obligated to apply for a job back home. Wherever you want to try for, I’m with you one hundred percent.”

“I know, I just – you’ve been so supportive and accommodating of me.”

“Because I love you and I want us to work,” said Bucky, reaching up to stroke Sam’s face. “I wanna be with you. Doesn’t matter where we are. As long as I’m with you.”

“Aww, I love you, too, babe,” said Sam, feeling overcome with emotion. “And I appreciate you movin’ here with me even though you’ve got your own stuff back home.”

“None of it matters if I don’t have you,” said Bucky, looking at Sam with total adoration in his eyes.

“It matters because it’s important to you,” said Sam, with the same look in his eyes.

“ _You_ are the most important thing in my life, Sammy,” said Bucky as he shifted closer. “I can always rent my place out and sell the bar. It’s not like there aren’t any bars here I could look at buyin’. Have a set-up like that spot we went to with Rhodey. I can still do things that’re important to me. I just wanna do them with _you_ in my life.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Yeah, I get that. I feel the same.”

“We can _both_ take opportunities given to us. We can both choose what we want. I just don’t want to miss any more time with you.”

Sam gave Bucky a sweet smile as they shared a kiss. Then, Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out the small, velvet box.

“I’ve been holding onto this for a little while now.”

“What?”

Bucky slid the box over to Sam, who picked it up and opened it. A wide smile graced his beautiful face as he eyed the shiny silver and said, “Bucky, it’s gorgeous.”

“Was gonna give it to you the night of graduation,” Bucky added. “But, well, you know how that went.”

_8 years ago_

_The lively music was blaring through the speakers in Scott Lang’s living room. Everyone from their graduating class was there. It was the last house party most of them would be attending in their hometown because, soon, those who had gotten into schools far and wide would be leaving to attend classes in the Fall. Sam, Rhodey, and Steve would be leaving, and Bucky would be staying._

_Bucky took a sip from his drink. It was too sweet and whoever mixed it put too much vodka in it. He didn’t care. It was making him feel relaxed. Light and breezy. He stood off to the side waiting for Steve and his cousin Reggie to return. Even though he was waiting for them, he was scanning the room for one person in particular: Sam Wilson._

_Steve finally made his way back with his cousin in tow. Bucky wasn’t really that into Reggie, but he was offering weed and dick, so why not?_

_“Havin’ fun?” asked Steve, as he sidled up to Bucky. Reggie was selling to a few people around the party. Bucky didn’t care._

_“Yeah, sure. It’s awesome, man,” Bucky replied sarcastically. “Where’s Rhodey?”_

_“Playin’ poker and taking everyone’s parents’ hard earned money.”_

_Bucky sipped from his drink and nodded._

_“He’s comin’, ya know that, right?”_

_“Who?”_

_“Sam.”_

_“So what?”_

_“So, he’ll be leavin’ soon, like the rest of us,” said Steve with a concerned look on his face. “You need to talk to him. Fix things. I don’t know what’s been goin’ on with the two of you, but you can’t let some silly rumors ruin your friendship for good. You just can’t.”_

_Bucky sighed and placed the drink down. He went to speak, but Reggie came over and basically groped him in front of Steve, before saying he was going to wait at his car._

_“Stop lookin’ at me like that,” said Bucky. “And stop tellin’ me what to do. I am gonna talk to Wilson tonight, okay? Just waitin’ for the right time. I’ll talk to him. I promise. If you see him, let him know to come find me. I’ll fix this.”_

_Steve gave him a sad smile and then pulled him into a hug._

_“Okay, I’m gonna go see if Rhodey’s cleaned ‘em all out yet,” said Steve as he clapped his hand to Bucky’s shoulder. “When I come back, you and Sam better be best friends again.”_

_Bucky let out a little laugh, nodded, and placed his hand over his pocket to check if the little box was still there. He took it out and smiled at it._

_Then, he glanced up at Steve and said, “I’ll talk to him.”_

_“What’s that?” asked Steve, pointing at the box._

_“Nothin’. Just a graduation gift for Sam.”_

_“Where’s mine, asshole?”_

_“I had this picked out forever ago, and it cost all of my allowance, so I couldn’t afford anything for you or Rhodey,” said Bucky. “Ain’t like you got me anything, jerk.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, punk,” said Steve with a smile as he walked away._

_Bucky smiled after him, and then placed the box back in his pocket. He was going to talk to Sam. He was going to make things right. He was going to give him the gift, and not expect it to fix things between them, but because he had gotten it for Sam well before they got together and broke up. He just wanted Sam in his life, in whichever way Sam would have him. The gift wasn’t to bribe him. It was because Sam deserved it._

_….._

_Bucky was buzzed by the time Sam finally showed up. He walked into the party, wearing a bright smile, and it made Bucky’s heart clench in his chest. He wanted to go to Sam, to give him the gift, and tell him he was sorry, but there were so many classmates of theirs crowded around Sam. He shook hands with and hugged a lot of them. Many thanking him for the help he had given them over the years; many wishing him well. Sam was like a bright beacon in a sea of smiling teenagers: Everyone was drawn to him. Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. They caught one another’s gaze briefly, and Sam offered a sad smile; Bucky returned it and then averted his gaze._

_You can do this, he told himself. It’s just Sammy. Go talk to him._

_The sweet vodka concoction was wreaking havoc on his bladder. He decided he would relieve himself and then return to talk to Sam._

_….._

_Sam had never really gone to many high school parties. Wasn’t allowed to. The party he was currently attending was really fun. He got to talk to people who would be leaving for college; those who were staying; and those who had already found jobs. It was exciting and interesting to figure out what everyone was doing. It was a little sad to be saying goodbye to everyone at the party, but still exciting._

_It was the right time, Sam figured. The right time for him to talk to Bucky and clear the air. To explain to Bucky why he did what he did. Why he broken up with him; why he started going out with Misty. The whole lot. Sam was going to tell him. He just needed to get him alone so that they could talk. That wasn’t going to happen soon because a lively song came on and Misty dragged Sam to the makeshift dancefloor in Scott’s parents’ living room._

_Everyone looked so happy, moving to the music; dancing around Sam. He could not help but be drawn into their revelry. He smiled and danced, too, while keeping an eye out for Bucky to return._

_….._

_The spot near the wall that Bucky was occupying was now taken by a couple who were making-out. He shuffled past them and found another spot with a good view of Sam. God, he was stunning, Bucky mused as he watched Sam laughing, dancing, and smiling. He was with Misty, of course, but they just looked like two friends having a good time. Deep down, Bucky hoped that they had split up on amicable terms considering Sam was going to DC and Misty was off to one of the Police Academies in Georgia. He hoped that meant he still had a chance with Sam. Just then, the fast-paced song changed to a slow one, and Bucky watched as Sam drew Misty into his arms and began to sway with her._

_….._

_“I’m gonna tell him tonight,” said Sam, close to Misty’s ear._

_“What?” she replied._

_“Bucky. He’s here tonight. And it’s the right time. I’m gonna tell him everything,” said Sam, as he and Misty held one another close and moved to the slow music. “I’m gonna come clean and I hope he forgives me. I hope we can get back together.”_

_Misty stopped and pulled back from Sam. She placed both hands to his face and gifted him with the brightest smile._

_“I’m so proud of you, Sam Wilson,” she said. “You’re so brave. And you deserve to be happy. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”_

_Sam felt his chest swell with adoration for his friend._

_“Thank you, too,” he said, before drawing Misty in for a hug and pressing a chaste, friendly kiss to her lips._

_….._

_Bucky felt his heart drop to the floor when he saw Sam kiss Misty. There was no use. No use in trying to talk to Sam; no use in giving him the gift. Sam didn’t want him anymore. Sam didn’t love him. He needed to let him go and the revelation ripped Bucky’s heart in two. He wanted Sam to be happy. Sam deserved to be happy. He realized it just wasn’t going to be with him. He looked at them one more time, and then walked out._

_….._

_Sam felt excited. So happy. High school was done. It was the right time to tell Bucky. Hopefully Bucky would forgive him. If the plaintive stares all night meant something, then Bucky still felt the same about Sam as he did about Bucky._

_Sam fixed his clothing and went out to the backyard where he knew Steve and Rhodey were._

_“Has anyone seen Bucky?” he asked as he walked up to his friends._

_“Out front,” said Tony. “I passed him not too long ago.”_

_“Thanks,” was all Sam said as he walked quickly around the side of the Lang residence and headed out to the front yard. Sam pushed down the butterflies as he walked out there; he retrieved the small, wrapped graduation gift for Bucky from his pocket. He was going to give it to him, apologize, and tell Bucky how much he still loved him. They could make it work. Sam would be off to college, but they could make it work. Bucky could visit. They could be together. They could –_

_When Sam finally saw Bucky, it was hard to breathe. His heart sank. The little gift felt heavy in his hand and Sam froze in place. He watched as Steve’s cousin, Reggie, pushed Bucky up against his shitty Honda Civic and kissed him._

_Bucky was kissing Reggie back. And it was all Sam’s fault for not talking to Bucky sooner. It was his fault. He felt like he was going to be sick. He placed the gift back in his pocket, wiped at his eye, and then turned his back, walking slowly back to the party._

_He didn’t notice that Bucky watched him walk away._

_Present Day_

“You’ve been holding on to it this whole time?” asked Sam as he took the delicate silver chain out of the box and examined the small, silver pendant: It was a little stethoscope charm looped to look like a love-heart. It was the most precious thing Sam had ever seen.

“Yep,” said Bucky with a dopey grin. “Do you like it?”

“I love it, Buck.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

“You held onto it since senior year?”

“Since junior year, actually.”

“How? How’d you know I was gonna even be a doctor?” asked Sam with his eyes all wide and pretty; the sight made Bucky’s heart flutter.

“I dunno,” Bucky shrugged. “Just knew that’s what you wanted to do, so I knew you’d do it. You sure you like it, though? I mean, I was a kid when I got it. It’s real, too.”

“Buck, it’s perfect. How’d you afford it?”

“Got my Dad to pay for it, and I missed like five allowances to pay him back.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile.

“But only for the pendant,” Bucky added, looking nostalgic. “The chain that came with it was one of those display case ones that turn green and shit. I got the chain on the day you went to do the first part of the USMLE.”

“Babe, it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever gotten me,” said Sam as he looked at the necklace once again, and then cupped his boyfriend’s face. “Thank you. I love you.”

Bucky grinned and then leaned into kiss Sam’s lips, before saying, “You’re welcome, Sammy. I love you, too.”

…..

“We looked so mismatched,” said Bucky as he and Sam made their way through Sibley Memorial.

“Uh?” asked Sam, a little distracted by the fact the he was going to a job interview that could set the next few years of his life in stone.

“Me and you,” Bucky replied, as he gestured to their outfits; Sam in a suit and Bucky in jeans and a t-shirt. “We look mismatched.”

Sam squeezed his boyfriend’s hand and then said, “Nah, I think you’re my perfect match.”

…..

The gathering was small, but the atmosphere was pleasant. Inside the Church Hall there was a central table set up with assorted food that Darlene, Winnie, and a few other people prepared. There were chairs set up around the space inside and out in the churchyard, and a few families were there, both indoors and out. Music played on a small PA system that Bucky had set up inside. Becca Barnes had inflated a number of balloons and placed small, plastic pride flags around the place. Steve did a lot of the heavy lifting. Paul Wilson set aside some PFLAG pamphlets on a table near the door. George Barnes was cooking on the grill outside. Sam was over in the corner on his phone.

“He okay?” asked Darlene as Bucky helped her carry the potato salad outside.

“Yeah, I hope so,” said Bucky as they both stared at Sam wearing a serious expression. “It’s Sibley.”

“Oh, so it’s _the_ call he’s been waitin’ for?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Bucky replied. “He’s got it in the bag, I just know it.”

Darlene smiled, placed her hand to Bucky’s arm and said, “I think you’re right.”

…..

The sun hung languidly in the late afternoon sky as the gathered folks, their friends, families, and allies finished off their food and chatted amicably. The day had been a success, and while numbers were small, they were certain more people would attend support meetings and the Family Fun Day event planned for summer.

“Hey, Sammy, sorry I’m late,” said a voice behind Sam.

He turned to see Misty Knight standing there wearing a Pride pin and a wide smile. The pair fell into a hug.

“Oh my god,” said Sam. “I thought you weren’t gonna make it.”

“The first ever Pride event in our little town?” she asked, drawing away slightly. “How could I miss it? Brought my mom and dad, too.”

Sam looked over at Misty’s parents and gave them a friendly wave.

“This is awesome,” she said, gesturing around the churchyard. “Can you believe it? Me and you sat on that very wall wishing we could have somethin’ like this. Somewhere we could just, I dunno, be ourselves with the people we love.”

“I know, right. And to think my Dad, of all people, pushed to make this happen,” said Sam with a teary sort of smile.

“It’s great, Sam. It’s a start.”

Just then, Bucky approached Sam and Misty holding a can of soda for his boyfriend. He gave Sam the drink, tucked a stray hair behind his ear, and gave Misty a tentative smile.

“Hey,” he said, holding his hand out for Misty to shake.

“Hey, Bucky,” she replied, shaking his hand. “Good turn out.”

“Yeah, well, it ain’t a Saturday night at my bar, but it’s a decent crowd.”

The three of them laughed before Bucky kept speaking.

“So, did Sammy tell you the good news?”

“No,” said Misty. “What, are the two of you engaged?”

Bucky let out a little chortle and blushed before saying, “Nah, still waitin’ on him to make an honest man outta me.”

Now Sam felt his face grow warm.

“But seriously, he has some pretty awesome news, but I’ll shut up and let him tell it.”

Sam looped his arm with Bucky’s, smiled, and then said, “I got a job at Sibley Memorial.”

“For real?” asked Misty as she drew Sam into another embrace. “That’s like, one of the best hospitals in the country.”

“I know,” said Sam, as they drew apart. “And I’m starting there in the next couple of weeks.”

“Congratulations,” said Misty with a genuinely happy smile. “This is so great. So, you’re movin’ back to DC for good?”

“Yeah, well, for now,” said Sam, as he slipped his hand into Bucky’s. “It’s gonna be a lot of hard work, but I got Bucky with me, so I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Besides, I asked Administration straight up for one week off in June.”

“Why one week?”

“To come home to all of this,” said Sam as he gestured around. “Each year’s gonna be bigger and better, and I wanna be here for it instead of sweatin’ my ass off at Capital Pride like I’ve done for the past few years.”

Misty gave Sam an adoring smile before saying jokingly, “I dunno, Wilson. I’d pay good money to see you in a leather thong covered in glitter.”

The three of them burst out laughing as Bucky said, “Yeah, he’d be a sight for sore eyes.”

Just then, Bucky saw his mother and Sam’s father clearing away some of the empty food containers.

“Excuse me a sec,” said Bucky, pressing a kiss to Sam’s head and making his way over to help clean up.

“Well, Sammy, I’m so happy for you,” said Misty, as she hooked their arms together and watched Bucky smiling and laughing with Paul Wilson. “You’re winning at life.”

Sam glanced sideways at his friend, and noticed her gaze lingering on Colleen Wing, who was standing over with some of the older church ladies.

“What about you?” asked Sam, gesturing toward Colleen.

Misty leaned her head on Sam’s shoulder and said, “I’m doin’ okay.”

…..

Darlene and Paul Wilson sat side-by-side on their sofa and watched the nightly news report as Sam and Bucky finished washing the Tupperware and trays from the cookout. They packed everything away and then Sam went to his parents.

“We’re done,” said Sam. “Was there anything else y’all needed?”

“Thanks, baby,” said Darlene. “But we’re fine. You and Bucky heading off for your walk, now?”

“Soon,” said Sam with a gentle smile. “I just wanted to say thanks again.”

“Honey, it’s fine,” said Paul with a warm grin. “We’re glad everything went well. Now, off you go. We’ll leave the light on out front.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “I love you, both.”

“We love you, too, sweetheart,” said Darlene.

Paul nodded and said, “We love you so much.”

…..

“So,” said Bucky as he and Sam walked through their old neighborhood hand-in-hand. “Did you ever wear a leather thong to Capital Pride?”

“What? Of course not,” said Sam with a laugh. “More power to anyone who does, but can you really see me walkin’ around DC with my ass out?”

“Mmmm, I would like to see it,” said Bucky as they both let out a little chuckle.

Silence settled around them as they made their way down one of the familiar streets. Sam gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze before saying, “Hey, do you know where we are?”

The pair stopped and Bucky looked around before answering, “Yeah, course. It’s where I asked you to be my boyfriend, the first time, and you said yes.”

Sam grinned and took hold of both of Bucky’s hands.

“I still remember how happy I was that night,” said Sam, as he brought Bucky’s hands to his waist and then draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders.

“Me, too,” Bucky replied. “I was so fuckin’ nervous. Already had a shitty day. If you woulda turned me down, I think I would’ve died.”

Sam shook his head, “Dramatic ass.”

They shared a soft kiss.

“I remember thinkin’ I had to keep dodging all of the streetlights ‘cause you’d let go of my hand if we walked under ‘em,” Bucky explained. “And all I wanted to do was hold my boyfriend’s hand, even if it meant we had to hide away.”

Sam pecked at Bucky’s lips, took his hand, and led him to the nearest streetlight. They stood under the harsh, unflattering light and Bucky couldn’t help but notice that Sam still looked as beautiful as he did that night all those years ago.

They stood staring at one another a beat before Sam said, “I don’t want us to hide away ever again.”

“Same,” said Bucky, as he reached up to palm the side of Sam’s face. They shared another kiss, deeper this time, before holding one another. When they drew apart, it was to drink in the other’s appearance.

“God, you’re beautiful, Buck,” Sam whispered as they swayed together slightly.

Bucky bit his lip and replied, “So are you, Sammy. So are you.”

Their lips came together once more as a wash of emotions enveloped them. Both breathless yet calm; excited but contented. Sam grew serious as Bucky stared into his eyes.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, pretty boy?”

“I’m your best friend, right?”

Bucky smiled and said, “Yes. You’re that and so much more.”

“Well,” said Sam, unable to keep the beam from his handsome face. “I was thinking, on account of all o’ the make-out sessions, and you holding my hand, and bein’ the best, sweetest guy I know, if you kinda sorta wanted to be my husband?”

“What?” asked Bucky, blinking a few times and wondering if he had heard Sam correctly. “What’d you – Sammy? What’d you say?”

“I’m asking you to marry me,” said Sam, as he reached into his pocket and took out the small box that housed a sleek, platinum engagement ring. He opened the box and handed it to Bucky, who was just standing there staring at the ring. “Buck?”

“Uh?” asked Bucky, lifting his gaze so he could look at Sam.

“Will you marry me?”

Shaken from his reverie, Bucky took a deep breath as his eyes filled with tears while he answered seriously and earnestly, “Yes, Sammy, I’ll marry you. Yes. Fuck yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go! I'm so sad!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the end of this journey. I am crying. I just wanted to thank everyone who supported me with this story. It has been one of the most fulfilling things I have ever worked on. I’m so happy it has meant something to a lot of you. Alright, let’s check in with the boys one last time. Enjoy!

“Damn,” said Sam as he stepped into his and Bucky’s townhouse and dropped his bags to the floor. “I’m beat. Did you wanna order in, babe? I love my Mama’s mac ‘n’ cheese, but something a little lighter would be –”

Before Sam could finish his sentence, Bucky was on him. Bucky’s hands were on him; his lips were on him. He had Sam pinned to the door, trailing wet, hot kisses down his neck and tugging at the waistband of his pants.

Sam let out a giggle, that was soon abandoned for a moan.

“Buck,” he managed, as he draped his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and brought their bodies closer. “ _Baby_.”

“Need you,” Bucky whispered in between lapping and nipping at Sam’s soft, warm skin. “Missed you.”

His hand snaked up under Sam’s shirt, palming at his chest, and then pinching at his nipple. Sam all but melted against him.

“It’s only – _shit –_ it’s only been three days, Barnes,” said Sam as he let out a little laugh.

Bucky silenced him with a kiss to his mouth. It was desperate and searing; claiming and soothing. Bucky kissed Sam with such passion it left both of them breathless. They rested their foreheads together after breaking the kiss.

Bucky stole another quick peck before saying, “Three days was too long, baby. I missed you.”

“I was right there,” Sam said with a smile.

“You know what I mean,” Bucky replied, pushing his hips forward so that Sam could feel his arousal. “I missed _bein’_ with you.”

He brought his lips back to Sam’s neck, biting and licking, trying to leave a mark. Sam giggled again, tilting his head to the side to afford Bucky better access.

“My Dad’s cool with us, now,” said Sam as he tangled his fingers in Bucky’s hair. “But there’s no way I was gonna fool around with you under his roof.”

“But, baby,” Bucky whined, as he stroked Sam’s face. “I’m your fiancé.”

Sam smiled widely, mirroring Bucky’s joy.

“Fuck. I’m _your_ fiancé,” Bucky added. “You’re _my_ fiancé. How did this even happen?”

Sam bit his lip and ran his fingers through his _fiancé’s_ hair.

“Well, I bought a ring, asked you, and you said yes,” Sam said playfully. “That’s how.”

Bucky laughed and tickled Sam’s side, before saying, “Yeah, I know that. I meant how did we get here? And why? It’s surreal, Sammy. _Why_ do you want this with me _?”_

“Because I want to be your husband and I love you so, so much.”

Bucky smiled and said, “I love you, too.”

The two men stood staring at one another, with nothing but happiness behind their eyes. They brought their lips together once more before making their way to the bedroom.

…..

The space was quiet, save for the steady breathing of the entangled, naked lovers. Bucky’s left hand caressed Sam’s cheek gently, softly, as the pair laid together staring at one another. The light from their bedroom glinted in the engagement band Sam had given to Bucky; it shimmered in the chain and pendant Bucky had given to Sam. They had never been so happy and contented. Sam smiled as a thought, more like a memory, flashed in his mind.

“What is it?” asked Bucky, pressing his thumb to Sam’s lower lip.

An almost bashful look washed over Sam’s handsome features as he said, “Remember what you told me about how you used to write _BB hearts SW_ in your schoolbooks?”

Bucky smiled and his eyes crinkled in the corners.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Did you ever used to write, like, _Bucky Wilson_ or anything like that?”

The older of the pair smiled more widely and asked, “Why, pretty boy? Did you used to do that, eh? Did you used to practice writing _Samuel Barnes_ in your diary?”

Sam started to laugh and said, “I didn’t have a diary, asshole.”

Bucky stole a quick kiss and pulled Sam nearer to him so that Sam’s head was resting on his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down Sam’s back before speaking once more.

“Honestly? I did used to practice writing our names like that,” Bucky admitted as he and Sam beamed jovially.

“Yeah,” said Sam as he wrapped an arm around Bucky. “Me, too.”

“What’re we gonna go with?”

“Uh?”

“After we’re married,” said Bucky, feeling the goose-bumps rise up on Sam’s smooth skin. “Am I takin’ your name, or are you takin’ mine? Or are we keeping our names? What did you used to write, y’know, when we were kids?”

Sam smiled and then squeezed Bucky’s waist, before replying, “ _Samuel Thomas Wilson-Barnes._ ”

“I love it,” said Bucky as he tightened his hold on Sam. “ _James Buchanan Bucky Wilson-Barnes.”_

There was a beat of silence before the two men burst out in uproarious laughter. 

“That’s way too many names,” said Sam, as tears pooled in his eyes and his stomach hurt from laughing.

“It’s only one more than yours,” Bucky replied, just as amused as Sam was.

“True. So, it’s Mr. and Mr. Wilson-Barnes, then?”

“ _Doctor_ and Mr. Wilson-Barnes,” Bucky replied as he kissed Sam on top of his head.

“Bucky Wilson-Barnes hearts Sam Wilson-Barnes,” said Sam as he traced their names onto Bucky’s skin with his finger.

“Forever, baby,” Bucky replied.

…..

The weather was generally mild and lovely in Spring. A soft breeze that smelled of freshly cut grass and a hint of flowered delight wafted through the open window of Sam’s old bedroom in his parents’ house. He sat on his bed looking slightly nervous as Sarah checked herself over in the mirror once more. Her red strapless dress looked striking against her dark skin. She pressed a hand to her neat chignon and then turned to look at her big brother.

“Sam-Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“You ready?” she asked, stepping towards him and holding out her hands.

Sam took them, knowing that his were shaking slightly, before standing, offering her a little smile and saying, “Yeah, I’m ready. I’m just nervous.”

The pair hugged and then Sarah said, “It’s okay. Everyone is nervous on their wedding day. Come on. Let’s go get you hitched.”

…..

From inside the small room adjoining the Church atrium, Sam could hear the chattering of the guests of his and Bucky’s wedding from inside the Church. Once he heard the main doors close, and the tapping of one of the ushers, Sam took a deep breath and stepped out into the small entrance. Bucky was standing there smiling at him. Sam returned his bright beam and then moved forward. They took hold of one another’s hand. They said nothing as they heard the soft instrumental music begin from inside the Church as the interior doors opened and all of the guests who were standing turned their heads to look at the pair of grooms. Bucky glanced over at Sam, they smiled once more, squeezed their hands together, and began to walk down the aisle.

Sam kept his eyes to the front of the Church where he had spent many Sundays watching his father deliver sermons. He thought if he looked at all of his family and friends, he just might trip over. He did smile at his mother as he got closer.

Bucky was smiling at everyone as he held Sam’s hand tightly. He gave his teary-eyed parents an extra wide grin as he led the love of his life up to where they would exchange vows. The guests were instructed to take their seats as the music died down.

Sam stood to the left with his best man Steve, and his sister Sarah. Bucky stood to the right with his best man Rhodey, and his sister Becca. Sam wore a white jacket with black lapels, a black dress shirt with a white bowtie and matching shoes. Bucky wore black on black. His hair was out, framing his face. They each wore a red rose boutonnière on their lapels and giddy smiles. Sam had to bite his lip, Bucky let out a little laugh, and the ceremony was underway.

“Friends and family, we have been invited here today to share in the coming together, in matrimony, of Samuel Thomas Wilson and James Buchanan Barnes,” Pastor Paul Wilson started, as he began to officiate. “Today is a very special day for them, and they are pleased to see so many of their loved ones here. Today is about love and commitment. It’s about two men who want to attest their love here, for all to see. But most importantly, to attest their love to one another.

“The Bible says a lot about love. And as a man of God and a servant of this community, I have stood before many, many loving couples who have taken this leap of faith and committed to one another before their loved ones, before the church, and before this town. I can proudly say that I have yet to see a love as enduring as that of my son Samuel and his best friend, James. They are two young men who are standing here before us and making a promise. Giving their word that they will love and care for one another now and in the hereafter. They are inspirational; they are aspirational. They are brave.

“John Chapter four, verse eighteen tells us, ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.’ Sam and James are fearless and steadfast in their love, and therefore it is perfect.”

Sam gave his father a tearful smile and then looked over at Bucky to see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Now, the grooms have written their own vows and would like to share them with one another today. James, would you like to start?”

“Yes. Thank you, Pastor Wilson,” said Bucky as he wiped at his eye. “Wow. This is a lot, but in the best kind of way. I promised I wasn’t gonna cuss today, but I want to so bad.”

There were several chuckles from around the church.

“Sammy, I love you. Have since we were kids. I told your dad once that I loved you even before I knew what love was. I can remember how many times I realized I have loved you. Like when we were kids when you kicked your foot against mine in the principal’s office that one time; when you sat on the steps of the school waiting for me after detention; every time you smiled at me for no reason; when you trusted me enough to let me kiss you the first time in that tent; when you held my hand; when you made me smile for no reason; when you loved me back. Those are the times I fell in love with you over and over and over. And that’s never gonna stop. A few days ago on the drive here when you pointed at the horse in the field and said, ‘Look, a horsey’; yesterday when you made that lame joke; last night when you were the little spoon; today, as you’re standin’ in front of me holding my shaky effin’ hand lookin’ like the most gorgeous guy I have ever laid my eyes on. These are the times I’m falling in love with you over and over and over. You make me so happy, pretty boy. I want to spend forever returning the favor. I love you.”

A tear rolled down Sam’s cheek as he smiled adoringly at Bucky and mouthed, “I love you, too.”

“Samuel,” said Pastor Wilson. “Please share your vows.”

“Thanks, Dad. Thank you, Buck. You’re always a tough act to follow,” said a tearful, happy Sam before turning to the gathered crowd and saying, “Literally. He’s the most talented person I know. He can sing and play all of these instruments and he wakes up lookin’ like _that._ Yeah, so, so talented.”

Sam turned back to face Bucky, giving him a gentle smile.

“And he’s funny and smart. Brave and kind. Bucky has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Once he loves you, it’s a forever kind of love. For us it certainly is. Bucky, you made me feel safe and loved and valid at a time in my life when I was figuring out who I was; who I _am_. You still make me feel safe and loved and valid, even now. Y’know how you read those articles and the person always says they got to marry their best friend? I’m always a bit sceptical and think they just say that because it’s a thing people say, to solidify their bond for the readers or whatever.”

There are a few laughs from the room.

“But I am _literally_ marrying my best friend. The guy who I grew up with. Who I shared candy and soda with; helped with his homework; wasted days and nights just hangin’ out. The guy I got into trouble with. Laughed with. Cried with. Spent countless summers with. My best friend. My best everything. Bucky, thank you for always protecting me and being patient with me. I love you more than I have the words to say.”

Bucky wiped his eyes and lifted Sam’s hand so that he could kiss his knuckles, before mouthing, “Thank you.”

Paul Wilson smiled at the pair and then spoke once more.

“Samuel and James will now exchange their rings and their promises to one another,” said Pastor Wilson as he gestured to Sarah and Becca. “Ladies, the rings, please.”

Sarah and Becca stepped toward their brothers, respectively, as Bucky held Sam’s left hand in his and tried to remember the words he needed to say. He took the small band from his sister, placed the ring just over Sam’s fingernail, and began to speak.

“Sammy, this ring is a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you. I’m giving it to you today as a promise of my commitment to you, and to our marriage. I offer you this ring as I offer you myself and all that I am.”

Shakily, he slipped the ring onto Sam’s finger, then kissed Sam’s hand again.

“I accept this ring and your promise,” Sam proffered in response. He took a deep breath, received the band from his sister, and then held Bucky’s left hand in his.

“Bucky, this ring is a symbol of my love and faithfulness to you,” said Sam. “I’m giving it to you today as a promise of my commitment to you, and to our marriage. I offer you this ring as I offer you myself and all that I am.”

Sam slipped the ring on Bucky’s finger as Bucky replied, “I accept this ring and your promise, baby.”

They stood staring at one another, unable to stop the tears and the smiles.

“Thank you, Samuel and James,” said the Pastor, as he nodded and grinned at them. “By the powers vested in me by the state of Virginia, I now pronounce you to be married. Gentlemen, if you would like to share your first kiss as husband and husband, please go ahead.”

Bucky closed his eyes a moment as Sam smiled so brightly. Bucky then cupped Sam’s face as he leaned in to kiss him. Their family and friends erupted in applause as Pastor Wilson said, “I present to you Dr. and Mr. Wilson-Barnes.”

…..

The celebrations were well underway. The food had been eaten, the cake had been cut, and the drinks were flowing. Bucky looked around the ballroom of the Grand Hotel to see the happy faces of their family and friends. Everyone was having a great time. Stevie Wonder’s ‘Signed, Sealed, Delivered’ blared out of the speakers and the dancefloor was packed. Bucky sat at his and Sam’s table watching Sam, Steve, and Rhodey dance and sing along.

Bucky smiled each time his husband would glance in his direction and mouth the words to him. He had never been so happy in his whole life. Just then, George Barnes took up a seat next to his son and sipped from his champagne.

“Sam’s havin’ a great time,” George said as he watched the three friends laughing and dancing. “Why aren’t you out there dancin’?”

Bucky chuckled and said, “You know I got two left feet.”

“You did alright for your first dance.”

“Yeah, only ‘cause Sammy took the lead,” said Bucky with a smile as he sipped from his drink. “Besides, I like sittin’ here watchin’ him have a good time.”

George nodded his head and smiled at his son. They did not speak for a moment, content to watch the revelry surrounding them. A slow song came on and Sam approached his mother, Darlene, holding his hand out for her to take. Bucky watched as the two of them danced and beamed at one another. His heart swelled. All he ever wanted to see was Sam happy in his own skin. He felt tears well once more.

“You okay, son?” asked George.

“Yeah, just an emotional day,” Bucky replied, taking another swig. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Of course.”

“How’d you and Mom make it work?” asked Bucky almost shyly. “Y’know, your marriage. How are you such a good husband, and how can I be a good husband to Sam?”

George smiled gently at Bucky and then placed a firm hand to his shoulder.

“Always treat him right,” said George. “Even when you’re havin’ a disagreement. You always respect him, right or wrong.”

Bucky nodded his head as George continued.

“And communication is key to everything. You tell him when you’re upset, and you listen to him when he has somethin’ to say. A marriage is like anything else: You want it to be the best it can be, then you put in the time and energy to make it work.”

“Thanks, Dad,” said Bucky. “Thank you for everything.”

“Thank you for bein’ a great kid,” said George as he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s temple. “You’re gonna be a great husband, Buck. I know it.”

…..

The hour was late and the party was still going. Some fast-paced song was playing and Sam was dancing and laughing with Sarah. He felt strong arms wrap around his waist and a kiss press against his neck. He smiled and turned around.

“Hey, baby,” said Bucky, placing his hands to Sam’s hips.

“Hey,” Sam replied. “You finally gonna dance with me again?”

They swayed side-to-side, too slow for the music, and smiled at one another.

“Just wanna hold you,” said Bucky, as Sam draped his arms over his shoulders.

They shared a chaste kiss and then kept swaying, holding one another’s gaze.

“You think it’s time to sneak off?” asked Bucky.

“Babe, we don’t have to sneak off,” said Sam with a grin. “The MC actually _tells_ everyone we’re heading out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well, tell her then, because as much as I love seein’ you all dolled up for me, I really wanna get you outta that suit.”

Sam let out a little laugh and then kissed Bucky once more.

“Alright, husband, let’s get outta here.”

…..

After leaving the reception, the newlyweds ended up tangled together in the bed of the hotel. Bucky had made quick work of getting Sam out of his suit, and promptly got to work making love to his husband. They would be flying out to Fiji in the morning for their honeymoon, so didn’t strain themselves too much.

Then, after finding their release, they laid on their sides still trying to catch their breaths. Bucky was the little spoon, his back firmly against Sam’s chest. Sam moved his hair out of the way and kissed his neck and shoulder. It didn’t matter how many times Sam kissed Bucky, it always set his senses alight. They were sated and still basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking as Bucky entwined their fingers. A smile settled on his lips as he focussed on Sam’s warm breath blowing softly against his skin.

“Sammy?”

“Mmm?”

“I love you.”

“Aww, Buck. I love you, too.”

“Thank you,” Bucky added, giving Sam’s hand a little squeeze before rolling over and facing him. “Thank you for lovin’ me back.”

“Baby,” Sam whispered, bringing his hand up to stroke Bucky’s face as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. “Always.”

…..

_Some time in the not too distant future…_

Hospitals sounded weird, Sam always thought. The sterile, minimalist surrounds allowed for all manner of sounds to carry through corridors and into rooms. There was always a beeping, pained cries, muffled voices, and or scurrying. Sam supposed he should be used to the odd noises by now. He had been at Sibley for some time. He worked hard and did right by his patients. But now he was ready to take a week off, like he did every summer, to return to his hometown. His parents still ran the PFLAG Family Fun Day, and it was one of the most anticipated events on their local calendar. Even though Sam would be making the trip on his own this year, he was still looking forward to being back in his hometown. He was drawn from his thoughts by his medical receptionist, Craig.

“Sorry to bother you, Dr. Wilson. Those files have been added to the system.”

“Thank you,” said Sam with a tired smile.

“I know you’re traveling tomorrow, so if you wanted me to finish up anything else for you, I’m happy to do it.”

Sam nodded his head and said, “Yeah, that’d be great, if you wouldn’t mind. I got a bit of a drive ahead of me.”

With that, he gathered up his bag, phone, and keys, and made his way home to his empty house.

…..

Sam’s family were already at the Fun Day event when he rolled into town. He went to his parents’ house to freshen up, and then rushed over to the Church Hall where the event was underway. He met his mother first, as he stepped into the Hall. Her face lit up when she saw him.

“Sammy!” she cried, as he rushed toward her and wrapped her in a hug.

“Mama, I’m sorry I’m late,” he said, as he kissed her cheek.

“Don’t be silly,” she replied, taking hold of his hand. “No need to say sorry. We know how busy you are. Just happy you’re here now. I got a few things to take care of. Everyone’s out back. I’ll come find you as soon as I got everything sorted out here.”

“Okay, Mama,” said Sam, kissing her once more.

He made his way through the Hall, smiling and greeting people as he passed. The smell of food wafted through the area, and Sam realized he was quite hungry. There was soft music coming from outside as he reached the door. He stopped and scanned the yard. He saw some familiar faces, but he smiled when his gaze landed on his father and a group of children hanging decorations.

“It looks a bit crooked!” Sam called out across the yard, getting their attention.

Paul gave his son a bright smile as a small boy came bolting from the group. He ran up to Sam as Sam squatted down and caught the child as he fell into his embrace.

“Daddy!” he said, as Sam lifted him and spun around. “You’re here.”

Sam kissed his son, Isaiah’s face and said, “Of course, honey. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He squeezed Isaiah and then placed the seven-year-old down to the grass before running his hand over the boy’s head.

“Where’s your Dad?” asked Sam, as he looked around for Bucky.

Isaiah shrugged, looked around, then pointed behind Sam and said, “There.”

Sam turned to see Bucky walking toward him. They shared a smile as Sam took hold of their son’s hand and met Bucky half-way. Bucky wrapped an arm around Sam’s waist and pulled him in for a kiss.

Isaiah scrunched up his face at his father’s public displays of affection and said, “Can I go play now?”

Sam pulled out of the kiss and said, “Yes.”

“But stay where we can see you, baby,” Bucky added.

Isaiah skipped off and Sam turned to face Bucky who was smiling dopily at him.

“You took your fuckin’ time,” said Bucky with a crooked smile.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to bring the kids earlier,” said Sam as he pecked at Bucky’s lips. “By the way, where’s my baby girl?”

“Helpin’ her Auntie Misty,” Bucky replied, as he took hold of Sam’s hand and led him around the corner to the face-painting station.

“Daddy!” said nine-year-old Aurora, as she all but leapt into Sam’s embrace.

Sam peppered her face with kisses and spun her around in a circle, causing her to giggle.

“Hey, baby,” he said happily, before placing her down. “I heard you were bein’ a good helper today?”

“Yep,” she said with a wide grin as Bucky nodded, wrapped his arm over her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

“That’s good,” Sam replied. “I better go help your Granddaddy with the decorations. But I’ll be back so you can paint my face, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” the little girl replied, smiling at her fathers as they walked away hand-in-hand.

…..

The sun had begun to fall, and the Family Fun Day had finished. As usual, it was a success. More and more people had shown up, and the atmosphere was fun and relaxed. Sam was helping his father clear away some of the chairs that lined the churchyard. He stepped outside and glanced around. His eyes fell on his little family sitting together on a picnic blanket.

Aurora was lying down with her head resting in Bucky’s lap, as Isaiah stood behind Bucky and played with his hair before wrapping his little arms around his father’s neck. Sam’s heart felt so full as he took in the sight. Bucky lifted his gaze and smiled at his husband.

“I got this,” said Paul as he sidled up next to his son. “Go relax with them.”

“You sure?”

“Go,” said Paul with a soft smile, which Sam returned, before sauntering over to where Bucky and the kids were.

“Aaah,” said Sam as he laid down on the picnic blanket. “Who’s tired? I’m tired.”

Bucky winked at him and Aurora shuffled over so that she was resting her head on Sam’s tummy.

“I’m not tired,” Isaiah proffered, even though he let out a loud yawn.

“Oh, really, little man? I think you are if that yawn means anything,” said Bucky, as he took hold of their son and pulled him into his lap, tickling his sides and causing him to laugh.

“Well, damn, Buck. He’s not gonna be tired now, is he?” Sam teased his husband; Bucky rolled his eyes and then hugged Isaiah to his chest, kissing his head and rocking him back and forth.

“I know how to put my baby boy to sleep,” said Bucky as he continued to rock the small child and hum a song.

Sam smiled at his two favorite boys. Aurora yawned and Sam rubbed her back, before saying, “You tired, too, baby girl?”

“Yep,” she replied, closing her eyes. “Can we sleep outside tonight?”

“Aww, not tonight, honey. Daddy had to drive and needs a bed to sleep in,” Sam replied. “But we got all week. Maybe we’ll go camping.”

Aurora yawned again, snuggled closer to her father, and said, “Yes.”

Bucky yawned, and then offered Sam a smile.

“Y’all really are tired, uh?” Sam asked his family.

“Yeah, big day,” Bucky replied, still rocking a dozing Isaiah in his arms.

“I can’t carry all of you to the car,” said Sam, as he shifted. “C’mon, I think it’s time to head on back to the house.”

…..

“He’s asleep,” said Sam as he leaned against the doorjamb of the bathroom.

Bucky smiled and squeezed some more moisturizer into the palm of his hand.

“How many stories did you have to tell him?” asked Bucky, as he massaged the moisturizer into Aurora’s hair while she brushed her teeth.

“Only took one story tonight,” Sam replied as he watched his husband detangle their daughter’s hair.

“Aww, well he had a big day,” Bucky replied, tying her hair into a ponytail and popping her bonnet on. “So, I’m not even surprised. All done, baby girl.”

Aurora rinsed her mouth out and placed her toothbrush back in its holder.

“Show me that smile,” said Sam, as she turned and grinned at him. “Beautiful.”

Aurora beamed once more and then hugged Sam around his waist.

“Did you need a story tonight, honey?” asked Sam.

“Nope,” she replied.

“Okay, off to bed then,” Sam replied, as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, baby,” said Bucky as Aurora hugged and kissed him, too.

“G’night,” she said, as she made her way to Sarah’s old bedroom.

When Sam heard her close the door, he stepped into the bathroom and did the same, shutting the door behind him.

“C’mere,” said Bucky as he gestured for Sam to step closer.

He then smoothed the remaining moisturizer over Sam’s short hair before pulling him in for a kiss. They broke apart and Sam cupped Bucky’s face. He smiled at his husband.

“What?” asked Bucky as he hooked his fingers in Sam’s belt loops.

“Your face paint,” Sam replied, while wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“An anarchist symbol? Really, Buck?”

Bucky laughed and then said, “What can I say? Bein’ back home really brings it out in me.”

They shared a quick peck before Bucky added, “And don’t judge me. Your flower is all smudged.”

He ran his fingers over Sam’s messy face paint.

“We should definitely wash these off, together, in the shower,” said Sam with a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Definitely,” Bucky replied, as he pressed his lips to Sam’s neck.

…..

The glow of the streetlight poured through the open window as Sam and Bucky laid next to one another on the bed. Sam’s old bedroom was turned into a guest bedroom a while ago, and the pair had spent many a summer and Christmas there trying to be quiet under the sheets.

“How was work?” Bucky finally asked as Sam rested his head on Bucky’s chest.

“Good. Don’t have to think about it for the rest of the week, though,” Sam replied. “Did you go by the bar?”

“Nah, maybe tomorrow,” Bucky replied. “Sorry you had to drive on your own.”

“Sorry about work stuff.”

“You’re the Head of Paediatrics,” said Bucky, proudly. “You’re busy. We’re just glad you made it here.”

“Me, too,” said Sam, as he shifted so that he could kiss Bucky’s lips.

Bucky was about to deepen the kiss when they both heard the bedroom door creak open. Light from the hallway spilled in and Sam rolled off of Bucky to see who was there. There were no surprises when Aurora and Isaiah stood hand-in-hand in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” asked Bucky, as he sat up.

“Daddy, can we sleep in here?” asked Aurora.

“Of course, my babies,” Bucky replied, before Sam could get a word in, the two children smiled, closed the door, and made their way to the bed.

The kids climbed over Sam, accidentally kneeing and elbowing him in the process. Aurora snuggled up next to Bucky, and Isaiah, as small as he was, took up all the space on Sam’s side of the bed. Bucky kissed Aurora’s cheek, and Isaiah flung his legs over Sam as they all whispered their _love yous_ and _goodnights_. After a moment, the children’s breathing evened out and they were sleeping soundly, pressed between their fathers.

“Buck?”

“Yeah, Sammy?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, pretty boy.”

“Always?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a grin, as he reached over their sleeping children and took hold of Sam’s hand. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I'm crying in the corner. Thank you all for the support and love on this one. It means so much to me.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Bucky is singing at the bar is Don Henley's 'The Boys of Summer', but The Ataris version.  
> The song Bucky is mouthing at Steve's is 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails.
> 
> Want to find out more about their past, and how they will navigate their present? Let me know!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: @siancore


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